Authors: Lisa Lutz
Rae was talking to a couple of prostitutes when I pulled up outside the Mitchell Brothers O’Farrell Theatre. She said good-bye to Tiffani and Dawn when she got into the car. I sent Rae into a liquor store and let her stock up on candy for our stakeout. We ate bridge mix, licorice, and cheese puffs as we watched men of varying ages, sizes, and colors enter and exit the establishment, like waves lapping against the sand.
“The cheese puffs are too messy for the car, Rae.”
“But we needed some substantial food.”
“There is nothing substantial about a cheese puff,” I said as I tossed a chocolate-covered filbert out the window.
“That’s so wasteful, Isabel.”
“Nobody eats the filberts.”
“I would.”
“When?”
“In an emergency.”
“What kind of emergency are you talking about?”
“The kind where you run out of the almonds and the cashews and the peanuts and everything but the filberts.”
“And how would that happen?”
“Uncle Ray moves in and eats everything but the filberts.”
“Wouldn’t you prefer that he just eat the whole bridge mix rather than everything but the filberts? I mean, the filberts sitting there alone, don’t they just remind you of what you’re missing?”
“No. I’d still want the filberts for an emergency.”
“What planet are you from?”
“Earth.”
“That was a rhetorical question, Rae.”
“So what?”
“So you’re not supposed to answer them.”
“No. You don’t
have
to answer them, but you can if you want.”
This argument could have gone on indefinitely, but the subject was moving, and so were we.
That evening Rae and I worked on the surveillance report together, demolishing the entire bag of bridge mix (filberts included). Our mother phoned Mrs. Peters and explained to her that Mr. Peters was definitely of the heterosexual persuasion and suggested couples counseling. I remained in the office until midnight, finishing some paperwork.
I told myself I wasn’t going to do it, but I did. Daniel Castillo is a fairly common name, but not so common when you can tie him to a dental practice. By 1:00
A.M
., I had a Social Security number, date of birth, marital status (single), as well as his business and home addresses. I promised myself that this was a thing of the past. This thing I did. This thing my mother did to me. But I had to know more about Daniel Castillo and learning about him the ordinary way was both unreliable and time-consuming.
Petra was giving me one of her quarterly
I can no longer be seen in public with you
haircuts when I asked the question I was planning on asking her all week.
“When’s the last time you went to the dentist?”
“I don’t know. About a year, maybe.”
“Don’t you think it’s time you had your teeth cleaned?”
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I can’t go to this dentist.”
“What are we talking about here?”
“I met a dentist,” I blurted out before I was really ready to say it.
“A dentist? Are you crazy?”
“I like him. I just have to make sure he’s worth it.”
Staged Dental Appointment #1
Petra made a 3:00
P.M
. appointment for the following Monday at the offices of Daniel Castillo, DDS. The deal was that I would pay for the cleaning and she would carefully integrate nine previously prepared questions into casual conversation. The criterion for my questions was to cover ground that I could not uncover through background research and short-term surveillance. I expected some protest when I handed her the neatly typed sheet of paper, but Petra didn’t balk. She memorized the nine questions, then headed inside.
Two hours later, we met at the Philosopher’s Club and ordered drinks. I had insisted Petra bring a recorder into the examination room, so I could listen to the proceedings without the filter of her shoddy memory.
“Are you ready?” she said, one eyebrow held aloft in wicked anticipation. She turned on the tape recorder.
[click of recorder]
P. CLARK
: This is Petra Clark speaking. It is a foggy Thursday afternoon and I am about to visit the offices of Daniel Castillo, DDS, for the purposes of spying on him for one Isabel Spellman.
DR. CASTILLO
: Hello, Ms. Clark. I am Dr. Castillo.
P. CLARK
: Nice to meet you, Doctor.
DR. CASTILLO
: This is your first time here, I see. Can I ask how you were referred?
P. CLARK
: Who remembers those things?
DR. CASTILLO
: Okay. How is your memory on your last cleaning?
P. CLARK
: I’ve had better.
DR. CASTILLO
: I meant, do you recall when you had your last cleaning?
P. CLARK
: About a year ago. I remember because it was right after my divorce. Have you been divorced, Doctor? [Question #3]
DR. CASTILLO
: (clearing his throat) Um, no. I have not. Shall we get started?
P. CLARK
: Are you married? [Question #2—single status already established, question asked to gauge reaction.]
DR. CASTILLO
: No. Please open wide.
[Dr. Castillo puts on a pair of latex gloves and examines patient’s mouth.]
P. CLARK
: [indistinguishable grunting noises]
DR. CASTILLO
: Did you say something?
P. CLARK
: Do you prefer local or general anesthesia? [Question #5]
DR. CASTILLO
: Ms. Clark—
P. CLARK
: I insist you call me Petra.
DR. CASTILLO
: Petra, no anesthesia should be necessary for this procedure.
P. CLARK
: Oh, I know. I just mean, generally speaking, which do you prefer?
DR. CASTILLO
: It depends on the individual situation. However, I prefer to use a local whenever possible. I can’t clean your teeth unless you open your mouth.
[thirty seconds of teeth cleaning]
DR. CASTILLO
: Please rinse.
[sound of spitting]
P. CLARK
: But isn’t there something to be said for having a patient totally knocked out? [follow-up to Question #5]
DR. CASTILLO
: Yes, there is.
P. CLARK
: Have you always lived in the Bay Area, Doctor? [variation on Question #6—Where are you from?]
DR. CASTILLO
: I was born in Guatemala. My parents and I moved here when I was nine. I need you to open your mouth again.
[thirty seconds of teeth cleaning]
DR. CASTILLO
: Please rinse.
[sound of spitting]
P. CLARK
: So you’re bilingual? [Petra Question #1]
DR. CASTILLO
: Yes. Tell me about your flossing regime.
P. CLARK
: Often.
DR. CASTILLO
: Is that every day?
P. CLARK
: No. But it seems like it. Are you depressed? [Petra Question #2]
DR. CASTILLO
: No. Why do you ask?
P. CLARK
: I heard dentists have emotional problems.
DR. CASTILLO
: I’m fine, thanks. But I appreciate your concern.
P. CLARK
: It was my pleasure.
[sound of teeth cleaning]
DR. CASTILLO
: Please rinse.
[sound of spitting]
P. CLARK
: Have you ever had a problem with drugs or alcohol? [Question #7]
DR. CASTILLO
: Do you work for the
Chronicle
or something?
P. CLARK
: No. I’m a hairstylist. Here’s my card. So—drugs, alcohol?
DR. CASTILLO
: No thank you. I’m good for now, Ms. Clark. You know, this would go a lot faster if I didn’t have to keep telling you to open your mouth.
[sound of cleaning]
DR. CASTILLO
: Please rinse.
[sound of spitting]
P. CLARK
: So, Doctor, what do you do for fun? [Question #4]
[sound of sighing]
DR. CASTILLO
: I play tennis.
P. CLARK
: Other than tennis?
DR. CASTILLO
: I’m a dentist. What more fun do I need?
P. CLARK
: So you like inflicting pain? [Petra Question #3]
DR. CASTILLO
: Your questions are making me uncomfortable.
P. CLARK
: Forgive me, Doctor, I’m just a very curious person. Are you Catholic?
[variation on Question #9—Religious orientation]
DR. CASTILLO
: Yes.
P. CLARK
: Do you believe in a woman’s right to choose? [Petra Question #4]
DR. CASTILLO
: I beg of you, please open your mouth.
P. CLARK
: That sounded a little naughty, don’t you think?
[sound of sighing]
DR. CASTILLO
: Do you want to have your teeth cleaned or not?
P. CLARK
: Why else would I be here?
DR. CASTILLO
: Frankly, I don’t know.
[long pause]
DR. CASTILLO
: Are you going to keep it open?
[inaudible grunting noises; sound of teeth cleaning]
DR. CASTILLO
: Please rinse and don’t speak afterward.
[sound of spitting]
P. CLARK
: So are you aggressive or conservative?
DR. CASTILLO
: Excuse me?
P. CLARK
: With your taxes. Do you file aggressively or conservatively?
[Question #8]
DR. CASTILLO
: [flat-out annoyed tone] I don’t see how that is any of your concern.
P. CLARK
: You’ve had your fingers in my mouth for the last twenty minutes. I think I’m entitled to a little bit of personal information.
DR. CASTILLO
: I’m conservative. We’re in the final stretch here, Ms. Clark.
Open wide.
[sound of teeth cleaning]
DR. CASTILLO
: Rinse.
[sound of spitting]
MS. CLARK
: Do you ever date your patients? [Question #1]
DR. CASTILLO
: No. Absolutely not. Never. [long pause] Don’t make me tell you again.
[inaudible grunting noises, indicating that patient has opened her mouth and will keep it open; sound of teeth cleaning]
DR. CASTILLO
: Rinse.
P. CLARK
: You seem tense, Doctor.
DR. CASTILLO
: It’s been a long day.
P. CLARK
: Some people use porn to unwind. [noninterrogative version of scrapped Question #10: Do you like porn?]
DR. CASTILLO
: Thank you for coming in, Ms. Clark. Please check out at the front desk with Mrs. Sanchez.
[sound of door opening and closing]
P. CLARK
: This is Petra Clark signing off from the offices of Daniel Castillo, DDS.
[end of tape]
“I thought we decided not to ask about the porn?”
“It felt right, so I thought I’d go for it.”
“It didn’t sound right.”
“He is so out of your league,” Petra said, popping another pretzel.
“I know,” I replied, without taking any offense. I’ve never been the kind of girl to let that sort of thing get in the way. I credit my years of rejection to hardening me to the word “no.” I just don’t hear it the way other women do.
“You’re going to have to try to act normal,” she said.
“Already working on it.”
“Any relationship you had with him would be based on a lie.”
“But other than that, it could work out, right?”