Live By The Team (Team Fear Book 1) (24 page)

“
One of the teams—Team Echo—snapped. Every last man.” Ryder’s throat convulsed as he swallowed. “They shut down the program. Eliminated Team Echo. Kept the rest of us in a hospital overseas for two months while we detoxed. Once they were sure we weren’t ready to go off the rails, after they debriefed us, they flew us home on a C-17. The barracks were cleaned out. We got our walking papers.”

“
The last deployment.” She’d been so happy he’d come home early. Tears stung, but refused to fall. Ryder’s eyes had been so desolate. She cleared her throat. “The medicine?”

“
They stopped it immediately. Didn’t let us come back stateside until the blood work showed it was fully out of our system.”

“
Withdrawals?”

He snorted an unhappy laugh. “Felt like someone stabbing my brain with an ice pick. For days. Madigan nearly scratched his eyes out. Death would have been preferable. Most of us had to be strapped down to keep from killing ourselves.”

Lauren gasped.

“
Maybe they should have let us.”

“
That is—” She stumbled on words for her outrage. “Complete bullshit. Ryder, they had no right to experiment on you.”

“
We all signed the contract. All volunteered.”

“
That doesn’t make it right.” She thought of all the experiments done in the name of war. “Ryder, we have to—”

“
Keep our mouths shut and our heads down. If they think for an instant we’re a threat, that our behavior will divulge what they’ve done, they will eliminate us. They won’t let us expose a classified program. I shouldn’t even tell you except...”

Lauren stood, no longer able to sit still. She tripped on the steps, but kept on, pacing to the driveway and back. “We are way past you stopping. No more half-sentences. No more hiding. I want it all. The truth and nothing but.”

“
You need to know I’m a risk. What happened with Madigan could happen with me. We don’t know the long-term side effects. Paranoia is pretty high on the list. We don’t know that the company won’t decide to eliminate me. I’m okay with that.” He shrugged. “But I can’t live believing you’ll be collateral damage, an acceptable loss to the people who did this.”

What did he think, that her love for him was shallow? That she’d let him shrug off his own death? “That’s not fearlessness. That’s plain stupid. You’re not an acceptable loss either, butthead.”

“
Butthead?”

“
I’m not letting you go, and I’m through letting you hide.”

“
Right now, I’m here with you.”

“
I married you for forever, Ry.” She hadn’t realized what that meant when she made the vows, but she understood after enduring his absence.

“
Forever may not be long for me. I’m a bad bet.”

The soft words cut through her anger. She loved Ryder with everything she had, and he was hurting as much as she was, but in his own way. Which usually involved running the hell into danger. He would rather wage war than talk. Lauren stopped pacing and sat primly at his side. She folded her hands to in her lap so her wild gestures didn’t detract from what she was trying to say. “All my life, I’ve wanted an out of control love that was all mine.”

“
Baby.” He winked. “What went down in the shower was off the hook, out of control, top of the line—”

“
Stop trying to lighten the subject.”

“
Sex isn’t light if you do it right.”

Lauren squeezed her hands together. “That’s the thing. It’s not about the sex. I need a man who wants me so bad he can’t leave me.”

The silence stretched. He rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. “Baby, I didn’t have a choice.”

“
I swear to God, Ryder, if you call me baby again I will gut you and filet you for dinner. You don’t get to call me sweet nicknames while telling me you have to leave.” He honestly believed she was better off without him, but he didn’t know the real her. Neither had she until his departure made her face her biggest fear. She’d fight for him harder than he’d fight to leave.

He’d said his piece, now it was her turn. “My mother loved my father completely. Losing him killed her. Slowly. And I blamed her for not loving me enough to heal. I thought she chose to be miserable; that she chose not to get over him and move on.” She cleared her throat, feeling the tightness all the way to her soul. “I never understood, not really, until you left.” A childish understanding of her mother’s grief had skewed her view of love. “I wasn’t willing to give more to a man than he gave to me. Even you. So when you left, I went to the lawyer, determined not to become my mother, and then I...” Her voice trailed off. She’d gone deeper than she intended, spilling things she was still working out in her head. She had an entire life history to rewrite.

“
I can see why the aborted sentences bother you.”

She choked out a laugh. “Maybe the women in my family are wired differently. Maybe this is the way love is for everyone, but I couldn’t get over you. Trust me, I tried, but I love you completely. I missed your socks on the floor and your razor on the sink. I missed your dirty limericks and your romantic poetry. I wake every morning at five because that’s when your alarm went off, and that empty pillow killed me every time. I can’t find a single thing to hate except that you left me.” Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t hold them back. “I want a lifetime, not a few stolen moments. If that’s not what you want, too damn bad.”

He lifted her across his lap, so close his breath brushed her cheek. “When I’m around you, I can’t breathe. You’re everything.” He squinted his eyes closed. “But if I go off the rails, I could hurt you like Madigan hurt Maggie.”

“
There are no guarantees. My father’s death was proof of that.” All her life, Lauren had wanted her mother to be better prepared for the loss that had devastated her, maybe to shield herself and love him less, but the joke was on Lauren, because you couldn’t shield from something so encompassing. She wanted Ryder, risks and all. “We’re—”

“
Everybody decent?” Rose pushed the screen open and stepped onto the porch. “Craft has a lead on the bank. Fowler is a half a day out, but on his way. Let’s get moving.”

Ryder nodded. “Give me two minutes.” When Rose left with a dark look, Ryder turned his attention back to Lauren, nuzzling along her throat. “As long as I live, I will remember every word you just said to me, but you need time to process. The protocol might affect any children we could have, if I even live long enough to—” He cleared his throat. “I could lose it like Madigan. The company could end me. I left you to protect you from all that, and now that you know the truth, you should seriously considering leaving. You’re safer without me.”

“
I don’t want safe. I want you.”

He peered deep into her soul; his dark eyes a deep mossy green that hid so many emotions. “It’s easy to say those words sitting here in the sunshine. I won’t accept an answer now. While we work on fixing things with Smythe, you need to consider protecting yourself from the risk I pose.” He rubbed his hands over her jean-clad thighs. “I’ll accept it if you decide to leave.” He lifted her off his lap and set her back on the stoop. “Now I need to get to work.”

He returned to the house without looking back.

“
I’m not leaving and neither are you.” She whispered the words to his retreating back. “I control my future and you’re in it.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Debi set a serving bowl of scrambled eggs onto the already packed kitchen island as Ryder joined the meeting. The smell of bacon had his stomach growling.

Rose stood from his seat at the nearby table and moved to Debi’s side. “Need help?”

“
Ha. Now you ask, Rosie, after the cooking is all finished. Great planning on your part.”

His face went red. “Sorry, I was—”

“
Sit. Eat. You boys can be on KP afterwards.”

Ryder poured a cup of coffee while the two went at it. He added a teaspoon of sugar and handed it to Lauren when she followed him in. While he poured another cup, she retrieved plates from a cupboard. Debi grabbed silverware and set it on the table. “Eat while it’s hot or you’ll insult me.”

Rose shot back out of his seat and half-filled a plate with the eggs. He added cheese and salsa before setting it in the microwave to melt the cheese. Everyone else served themselves off of Debi’s buffet. The food hit a spot that went beyond hunger. He hadn’t eaten this well in months. He and Rose went back for seconds while Craft pulled out a laptop.

When he sat back down with another full plate, Lauren lifted her brows. “Hungry?”

He leaned over to whisper in her ear. “Worked up an appetite earlier.” The little goose bumps on her neck where his breath brushed made him smile. He shoveled another bite of eggs into his mouth. “What did you find?” he asked Craft.

“
I found out that you’re an idiot.” Craft’s big hands fumbled across the keyboard. “Your mortgage company is Sun City Freedom Mortgage.”

“
I am aware.”

“
Your payments were deposited to Sun City Freedom LLC.”

Ryder swallowed a mouthful of eggs. “And?”

“
They’re not the same thing, shithead.”

Ryder dropped his fork to his plate. “Excuse me?”

Craft’s smile was nearly feral as he leaned back and took a sip of coffee. “Instead of posting your bill pay check to the mortgage company account, someone posted it to one with a similar sounding name. Smart move, since you didn’t catch it. Lauren didn’t question it.” He gave her a slight smile. “Sorry.”

“
Not your fault.” She rose to rinse off her plate and set it in the dishwasher. “Can you tell which teller made the switch?”

“
No. I have a teller number, but no name.”

“
Can you compare it to the bank’s HR records?” Debi asked. She’d eaten in silence, surrounded by strangers for the most part.

“
I like the way you think.” Craft clinked his coffee cup against hers. “And yes, I am that good; however, Ryder’s mortgage check isn’t the only one going into this bogus account. I need to do some forensic accounting to figure out the other accounts affected.”

Rose pushed his plate back. “Do we care?”

“
You’re all heart, Rosie.” Debi stood and grabbed an empty plate with a frown. “There are other people being scammed. Of course we care.”

Lauren stood to help clear the table. “Rose has a point. We’ll nail Smythe either way, right?”

The men nodded, but Rose’s color was high as he made notes in his ever present notebook. Craft typed away at the laptop. “While I would typically agree with Rose, this time, we need corroborating evidence. The account is the way to track the scam back to the lawyer as well.”

Lauren tripped over her feet and dropped the plate she was carrying. “There’s a lawyer involved?”

“
Right.
The
lawyer,” Ryder emphasized. Still pissed him off for no damn good reason.

Craft didn’t look up from his computer. “William Muehlberger, esquire.” The women clearing the table froze, the silence destroying the calm. Craft looked up. “What? I assume everybody knows that’s how the realtor found his victims.”

Including his wife. She refused to meet his gaze but turned to put another plate in the sink. Debi bent to sweep up the broken pieces. Rose knelt to hold the dustpan for Debi, but she brushed his hands away. “We got it, Rosebud. But you boys are responsible for dinner. That is, if you’re staying.”

They all turned to Ryder. He expelled the breath he’d held since the first mention of the lawyer. “The dirtbag and his henchmen know about this place. We need to keep an eye on you ladies until Smythe and company are out of commission.”

Rose took the broom from Debi’s hands much the way he had the rifle the night before. “Craft’s the best cook, and if he’s sitting on his ass all day, he has the most time.”

“
Chili and cornbread. It can simmer while I work. That leaves you two with the job of following Smythe as well as recon on the bank teller.”

“
Ryder blew his cover with Smythe.”

“
How?” Craft took a sip of orange juice.

“
Dumbass walked right up to him. If Smythe was a skunk, he’d have sprayed him.”

Craft set his OJ on the table. “You have lost your fucking focus, brother.”

“
It was the right thing to do.” Knowing Smythe was putting the moves on yet another female had been unbearable. Ryder brushed toast crumbs across the table. “I’ll take the bank while you follow Smythe,” he told Rose.

“
Why do we even have to follow Smythe?” Lauren wiped the table down with a dishcloth. “We know he’s in on it, we know where he works and where he lives.”

“
We need to find a connection to those men last night.”

She rinsed the dishcloth in the sink, but raised her voice over the running water. “They’re not going to make it easy on us and show up at his office. Seems like a waste of time.”