Live-In Position (30 page)

“Christ, Sophia!” he rumbled and reached his end.

My fingers ached from the tight grip I held on the sheets. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. Soreness already crept into my muscles. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to walk in the morning.

As my thigh muscles twitched in objection to our position, Dr. Bishop moved over to my side and pulled me toward him. We both lay there, gasping for breath.

Moments passed before the voice of regret reared its ugly realization into my bliss. I could feel the shameful groan about to leave my mouth. The groan became a gasp when Dr. Bishop pulled me closer to his chest and settled in next to my half naked body, his breath against the left side of my face. I knew my mind wouldn’t settle down until I voiced my concerns, but I didn’t know where to begin.

“Good night, Sophia.” Dr. Bishop’s words were soft and gentle. I had to glance over my shoulder to make sure it was still the same man. There was a fire burning in the depth of his eyes. I couldn’t take my eyes from them.

“Good night…Dr. Bishop,” I whispered.

“I think we are beyond that formality at the particular moment. Don’t you agree?” The softness wasn’t there like before, but the fire in his eyes was threatening to consume both of us. Again.

“Uh…”

His brow furrowed and the flame dimmed.
Oh shit
.

“Do you not want…this?” His apprehension caught me by surprise. He’d been so sure and dominating moments ago.

His body twitched from the tension rippling through his muscles. My hesitation in responding was clearly not helping the situation.

“I didn’t intend on forcing you into something –”

I didn’t want him to think for one moment that he’d forced me to do anything. While I was still unsure of the situation, I knew I wanted him and could have sworn he could tell by my reaction to him just moments earlier. I placed one finger over his lips and smiled sympathetically.

“You didn’t force me to do anything.”

“Yet…you regret it?” His hardened eyes bore into me like icicles. It was the same look and tone that earned him the title of the Antichrist in the first place. My initial reaction to the way he spoke and glared was to flinch away from him.

“You’re pulling away from me.” His conservative and cool nature only made me draw further from him. His body started to go slack around me. He closed his eyes with a sigh.

“It’s just that…” His eyelids shot open and he searched my face. “I mean, I never…”

Crap, where do I begin? Thanks for the sex, is there anything else I can do for you sir? Does this mean I get a raise? Ugh!

“Neither of us intended for this to happen.” The factual quality of his voice swirled around my head. “I have fought this for some time, but there is only so much strength I possess. You are too tempting.”

Creasing my brow, I bunched my lips up into the corner of my mouth.

“Would you like me to leave?”

I bit my lip as multiple emotions flitted through my body. Rational Sophia straightened her spine, scowled at me, and nodded firmly for him to go. My heart skipped a beat at the thought of him leaving me, especially after what had just happened.
Did he want to leave? Was this just for the physical pleasure and he could walk away whenever he liked?

“No,” I choked out.

“Good, I don’t want to leave.”

His words were unbelievably relieving. My hand twitched at my side, wanting to trace the lean muscle of his arm. I couldn’t help but hesitate. I didn’t know what I should do. Part of me felt like I had just sold my soul. I closed my eyes and tried to resolve my feelings, but I knew it would be a futile attempt. Sated, I fell asleep in his arms.

In the morning, we woke in the same position we’d fallen asleep in. Stretching, he caught my leg and pulled me closer.

“I want you again.” His mouth pressed on my neck, and my fingers were magnetically drawn to his hair. He growled and ran his hands over my body before joining our bodies. His slow determined motions built a fire inside me.

“Sophia?” Victoria’s shout broke through my lusty haze.

“Oh shit,” I panicked.

He faltered for just a moment but didn’t stop.

“Oh shit!” I growled into his shoulder and bit to stop my scream.

“Sophia?” Victoria was growing impatient.

“I’m coming,” I shouted, just as my body erupted. “Oh god…I’m coming!”

Dr. Bishop’s face buried deep into my neck. “Christ,” he groaned against my skin.

My doorknob jiggled. I tensed. Shoving him away from me, I hurried out of bed and into my bathroom.

“Sophia, why is your door locked?”
Thank God he thought to lock it.

“I’m in the bathroom. I’ll be out in a second,” I shouted to her and pushed my bathroom door closed. I gave myself a few human moments.

Stepping back into my bedroom, I was met with the sight of Dr. Bishop standing beside my bed in only boxer briefs.

Oh, dear me. Did I really sleep next to that last night? Go me, go me.

I mentally slapped the inner live-in whore and rushed to get some clothes from my dresser.

“You need to hide,” I whispered.

“Hide? I’m supposed to hide in my own house?”

“Yes, you are supposed to hide,” I hissed. “She can’t see you in here.” I looked over his half-dressed form once again. “Especially like that,” I motioned to his lack of clothing.

“I suppose you’re right.” His brow furrowed.

“The bathroom.” I pointed. “Hide in there.”

He stepped toward me and grabbed me by the back of my neck. My eyes widened. He captured my mouth in a ferocious lip lock.

“Sophia, come on!” Victoria whined through my door.

I pushed him away.

“Stop,” I scolded and pointed to the bathroom. He chuckled and walked through the door, closing it behind him. I sighed, rubbed my face, and stepped to the bedroom door. Victoria was standing with her arms crossed on the other side.

“Who were you talking to?” She swiveled her head, trying to peek into my room.

“No one,” I shrugged. “What would you like for breakfast?” I ushered her away from my bedroom and down to the kitchen.

The entire way I had to field questions: “Why was your door locked? It’s never locked. What took you so long to answer the door? Why were you talking to yourself?” I silently groaned as I tried to deter her inquisitive mind. Finally, she gave up and we silently ate breakfast together. Once we finished eating, we both cleaned up our spots and headed upstairs.

“Let’s get dressed and then we can head out to start your school shopping, okay?”

She nodded and headed to her room. I got to my room and shut the door behind me, releasing a large breath.

What the hell am I doing? This is insane and just…well it’s such a damn cliché. I had become that nanny. Hello, my name is Sophia Ashwood, and I’m a total nanny cliché.

C
hapter
E
ighteen

After an exhausting day of school shopping with Victoria, I trudged up to my room and found Dr. Bishop lying on my bed with his laptop. He glanced up at me and grinned.

“I was wondering if you were ever going to come to bed.”

Him waiting for me in my bed both excited and worried me.
Did he expect to come here every night and have sex? Is this what part of my job was now?

The thud of his feet onto the carpeted floor snapped me out of my worries. When I looked up, he was standing in front of me.

“I assume you got my note?” he asked, referring to the invitation he left on my bed this morning requesting I accompany him to lunch this upcoming Saturday. He eyed me closely and cupped my face in his hand. I gave a half smile and nodded.

“Good.” His hand slid smoothly from my cheek to my neck, and he pulled me against him. “I figure you could go with me to take Victoria to –”

I pulled back a bit from him when he spoke about Victoria going to visit Grace. His hand returned to my face and tilted it up to so he could look into my eyes.

“Or perhaps you would rather not go?”

I didn’t know how to respond. He sighed and pulled me to the bed.

How can I respond? I don’t know what this is, what we are. One minute we’re having a hidden relationship and the next he wants to go out in public together.

“You’re pulling away from me again.” It was a statement, not a question. “Do you wish for me to leave?”

I sighed and shook my head. Instead of looking at him, I walked to my dresser and pulled open one of my drawers. As I pushed it shut, I felt his arms snake around my waist. Taking the clothing from my hands, he spun me around to face him.

“If you don’t want this, please, tell me now.” The chill in his voice made my spine straighten and my jaw tighten.

“I just…this is just so…” I fought for the right words. Closing my eyes, I finally just blurted it out. “Is this a live-in convenience for you?”

“What?” He was immediately holding me at arm’s length. When I opened my eyes, I regretted it. The green fire was there, but this time it was filled with was anger and hurt. “Do you think I hire women to come into my home just so I can –”

“No,” I cut him off. “That’s not what I mean.” I took a deep breath and tried to move away from him. He didn’t let me move.

“I’m not…good…at this.” It was the first time I’d ever heard him struggle to find a word.

“Good at what?”

“Relationship things,” he answered uncomfortably. He began stepping back toward the bed, taking me with him as he went. Once he sat down in front of me, he continued.

“Grace was the last real relationship I had,” he reluctantly continued. “I‘ve been with women, but it was nothing like Grace. She always held a power over me I just couldn’t break.” He paused for a moment. “Until you.” He looked up at me with the softest expression I’d ever seen on his face, and his eyes melted into green pools of insecurity. “You make me feel…frustrated, angry, jealous,” his face shifted to cold and stern but quickly returned to his soft expression, “intoxicated, consumed, aroused, challenged, and awed. I don’t know how or why, but it’s true.” His arms wrapped around my waist, and the left side of his face rested against my stomach. “I’ve never been this drawn to anyone.”

My hands found his shoulders and rested there. I felt his body melt into mine and then the motion of him lying back, pulling me down with him. As we landed on the bed, my hands slapped the mattress on either side of his head. I was lying over him, my chest hovering above his face. He rolled us onto our sides and shifted my position to face him. My eyes met two emerald spheres full of what was becoming a familiar intensity, but they also held a hint of childlike curiosity.

“Am I alone? Do you not feel the same thing that I do?” He raised his brow and in that moment he reminded me so much of his daughter.

Slowly, I nodded. “Yes, I feel it.”

“Saturday?” His gaze didn’t falter.

“I…Dr. Bish—” His eyes hardened on me. “Sorry.
Collin
, I don’t…I mean, what do you want from me?” I closed my eyes, bit my lip, and waited for his response. Smooth fingers leisurely pulled my lip from between my teeth.

“Look at me.” It was a standard direct order. With one deep breath I allowed my eyelids to peel back slowly until I was once again caught in his gaze. “I want whatever you will allow.”

I swallowed hard. “What does that even mean?”

His soft fingers moved to cup my cheek. “It means I want you, no matter what.” He pulled my face to his, lightly brushing his lips against mine. Then in a whisper against my lips, “The how, is all up to you.”

“So you want an us, or well, you want to try to be an us?” My eyes searched his face for some sort of clue to the response that he had not yet given.

“Yes, if you’ll allow it.” His lips started to get closer to mine. It took more willpower than I realized it would, but I pulled away.

“I don’t like when you pull away from me,” he stated icily. I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes on him.

“What happens if
this
doesn’t work?”

He looked at me, confused. “What do you mean – if it doesn’t work?”

“Relationships, or whatever this is, start and stop all the time.” He nodded and motioned for me to continue. “So say that we don’t work, what happens then?” He gave a small scowl. “I mean, starting something like this would put Victoria at risk too, not just us.”

“I see.” It was his turn to purse his lips. “So you are worried about what she will think about us?”

“I’m worried about how it
will
affect her for there to be an us, and I’m worried about how it will affect her if us ended,” I corrected him and his scowl deepened.

“So you already believe it won’t work?”

I groaned and rolled to my back. “Do you always only hear what you want?”

“You said ‘how it will affect her.’ That’s future tense which insinuates it won’t work.” He leaned up onto his right elbow and looked down over me suspiciously.

“That’s not what I meant,” I groaned again.

“Then just tell me what you did mean.”

“I don’t want Victoria to get hurt, either way. I don’t want us to become something that will upset her, nor do I want her to be happy and then crushed if we end the relationship, and I don’t want her to be upset if I had to stop being her nanny.” My voice had risen. I propped myself up on both of my elbows.

Collin was smirking at me.

“First, I believe she’ll be thrilled we are together. Second, I have no intention of letting you go once you agree to be with me. Third, I can’t guarantee you’ll always be her nanny, but I can guarantee that you will always be in her life.”

“You can’t guarantee anything when it comes to things such as –”

“Oh, I guarantee it, Miss Ashwood.” He winked.

My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to speak, but he leaned over me.

“Sophia, shut up.” A crooked smile appeared on his lips before he pressed them against mine. We laid on my bed kissing, tongues gliding and teeth nipping, until breathing became necessary.

“I still don’t know,” I said apologetically.

“Go out with me Saturday?” He pressed his body against mine. I moaned. “Say yes, Sophia.”

The way my name fell from his lips made my heart palpitate erratically.

I nodded, “Okay.”

In one rapid motion, he was hovering over my body, kissing my lips and my neck. “Thank you,” he mumbled against the hollow of my neck. A silent moment passed before he moved off of me and the bed. His cool and collected mannerisms returned. “I’ll leave you to get ready for bed.” He offered me his hand and I took it. Pulling me up from the bed and into his chest, he whispered into my ear, “Good night, Sophia.”

With the quick release of my body, he moved to collect his laptop and then left my room. I blinked a couple of times and tried to wrap my head around everything that just occurred.

THE SOUND OF my name pulled me from a deep sleep. My sleep-fogged eyes fell on the clock. It was 4:22. I rolled over toward the direction of the sound of my name. There stood Victoria.

“What’s wrong?” I rubbed my eyes and propped myself on a pillow.

“I had a bad dream,” she whimpered.

“Climb in.” I pulled back the covers and she quickly slid under. As I settled back into the bed, she curled against my side. Once her breathing settled into a slow rhythm, I allowed myself to drift back to sleep.

The next movement that woke me wasn’t Victoria.

“What are you doing?” I hissed out quietly.

Collin froze as he lay his head down. “I prefer sleeping next to you.” His cool factual tone broke through the dark hush of the room.

“Shhh…” I motioned to Victoria, who was sleeping motionlessly next to me.

“With it so dark, I didn’t realize she was in here.” My eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness so I could see his eyebrows knit together.

“Is she alright?” He dropped his voice to a whisper and leaned over my body, looking down at her.

“She said she had a bad dream,” I whispered back. “You can’t stay,” I murmured.

“I’ll be gone before she wakes up.”

“No.” My voice rose just above the whisper.

“No?” His head rose up from the bed and his voice was filled with astonishment.

“I’m not going to risk her waking up and finding you in bed with us.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. Dr. Bishop pulled himself up and walked out of my room.

THE ALARM ON my cell phone woke me the next morning. I stretched out and rolled for my phone, quickly silencing the alarm. Victoria was sprawled out on the right side of the bed. I smiled at her frizzy mess of hair and crumpled pajamas.

“Hey,” I poked at her side easily.

She groaned.

“Time to get up.” I rubbed her arm.

“No,” she groaned and buried her head under her pillow.

“Oh, well, I guess I’ll just have to go to the dress shop by myself,” I sighed sarcastically. Her head popped out from under the pillow with a large smile.

“Today we get to see Miranda?” The excitement in her voice was immeasurable.

“Yep.”

Victoria was too impatient to wait for anything but cereal, toast, and juice for breakfast. While we ate, she talked about the kind of wedding dress she wanted to wear one day and how she was going to have her whole family there to watch her daddy walk her down the aisle. When I asked who the groom would be, she stated that she didn’t have him “picked out” yet.

Victoria had become increasingly more independent with showers and picking out her own clothes so I left her in her room to get ready while I headed toward mine. I chose a pair of loose jeans and a light blue flannel button-up blouse to slip on for the day. I figured it was easy enough to get in and out of for the dress fitting. Once they were laid out on my bed, I took on a quick shower. The warm water felt good. I’d only been in the shower for roughly five minutes when I heard my bathroom door click.