As usual on Sundays, Gran and Aunt Goldie came to lunch. They were clearly relieved to hear from Mum that her relationship with Adam was broken off. For Chloe, the following week looked bleak. On Monday, he phoned her three times at the office. She said as little as possible before slamming the phone down. When she’d first told the girls in her office about Adam, they’d been envious; he was the boyfriend who had everything. Now when she told them he didn’t want to get married, they sympathised. One said, ‘He’s a rotter.’ Others said, ‘Why bother with him? I wouldn’t.’
But without him, her life felt empty. She wasn’t at all sure that she’d done the right thing. She couldn’t stop thinking about him.
On Tuesday, Interflora delivered a magnificent bouquet of red roses. Chloe tore the accompanying note to shreds without reading it. On Wednesday evening, he was waiting outside her gate when she came home from work. She saw him get out of his car as she walked up from the bus stop.
‘Chloe, at least talk to me. I love you, I’m lost without you.’ His arms went round her and with relief she put her face down on the soft flannel of his jacket and was comforted. Before she realised what was happening, she found herself in the passenger seat of his car. His hugs were balm to her soul, his kisses a joy. She couldn’t do without Adam, but she didn’t have to. They’d made things up, their quarrel was forgotten.
Chloe shot into the house to tell her mother not to cook for her because Adam was taking her out for dinner. She found her with Rex in the summerhouse. Neither seemed to welcome the news.
CHAPTER SIX
L
IFE WENT ON AS before and Chloe gave herself up to enjoying everything it brought. In October of 1965, Adam suggested a two-week holiday on the island of Kos, and Chloe, against her mother’s express wishes, agreed to go. They had long, lazy days in the golden autumn sun; it was the best holiday of her life and she was heartened to find other unmarried couples in the small hotel.
They enjoyed it so much, they talked about it all winter and planned to return to the Greek islands the following year. This time they wanted real heat in the sun and booked for the last week in August and the first in September. Again they had a wonderful time and returned home feeling relaxed and refreshed.
Her office colleagues said her holiday tan suited her and she looked the picture of health, but almost immediately, Chloe began to suspect she could be pregnant. The thought of it terrified her. Surely this couldn’t be happening to her!
She waited another week, hoping and half expecting to find it was a false alarm. She knew Adam was confident he had all that under control. However, the passing of time did nothing to ease her worry. When she did tell him, she found him equally shocked.
‘You can’t be,’ was his first comment. ‘You know I’ve taken precautions every time. You’re mistaken, you must be.’
But it became increasingly obvious that she was not. She told nobody else. She was filled with a growing dread that she would end up like Aunt Goldie. The family would be able to say, ‘I told you so.’
‘What am I going to do?’ she implored Adam.
‘Move in with me,’ he said. ‘You know that’s what I want. I’ll look after you.’
Mum would be hurt and distressed that she’d let it happen to her, and as for Gran and Aunt Goldie . . . it would be the disaster they’d always expected. Chloe knew only too well that the only outcome her family would find acceptable was for her and Adam to be married.
When she went to Manchester to spend the weekends with him, she no longer wanted to go to restaurants and eat fancy meals. Morning sickness bothered her long beyond the first few months. Hiding that from her mother was difficult, and keeping a clear head when at work equally so. She lost her energy and enthusiasm for shopping trips and outings to theatres and cinemas. She was even off lovemaking, but she chose the moment when Adam was relaxed and happily satiated with it to close her eyes and say, ‘Adam, I want you to marry me. Please do this for me.’
She felt him freeze and he said nothing. Panic was rushing up her throat when he said, ‘You’ve always known I’m not the marrying sort.’
‘But this changes everything. There’ll be a child to consider.’
He turned his face away from her. ‘Couldn’t you get rid of it? Have an abortion? It’s legal now, you know.’
Chloe felt tears sting her eyes. ‘That’s what you want?’
‘It’s what you want too, isn’t it?’
‘I want not to be pregnant, but since I am . . .’ He was staring silently up at the ceiling. ‘I’ve no idea how to go about getting an abortion.’
He sat up. ‘You haven’t even been to your doctor yet. First you must do that and make sure you really are pregnant. You could be worrying for nothing. Then tell him you want an abortion.’
‘I can’t!’ The thought of explaining her predicament to Dr Harris made her toes curl with embarrassment. She’d known him for years, and he lived quite close. ‘Mum’s always seeing him about something, he’ll tell her.’
‘Well, you could change to my doctor. I could make an appointment for you. He’s open several evenings each week.’
Chloe knew she couldn’t just bury her head in the sand over this. ‘Yes,’ she said, three days later. ‘Make an appointment for me.’
She’d already read everything she could find about abortion, but now she went to the library in her lunch hour to see if there was anything more there that would shed light on how she should go about getting one. There had been a lot on the subject in the newspapers a few years ago when it was made legal, but she thought it wasn’t available on demand for all who might want it.
Adam had to collect her from the office and drive her straight to the doctor in order to get her there in time for his evening surgery. She had the facts straight in her head by then. Abortion had been made legally available in Britain, but only within strict medical guidelines and not for social reasons. Chloe could see that would rule her out. The journey gave her time to talk it over with Adam.
‘Anyway, I’ve left it too late for an abortion; that has to happen in the first few months. For me, it isn’t possible. I’ll have to have this baby.’
‘Well,’ Adam said, ‘now I’ve got used to the idea, I think I might like to have a baby. It’s quite exciting, isn’t it?’
Chloe relaxed a little. ‘Yes, it’ll be a whole new way of life for us.’
‘Move in with me. You know I’ve always wanted that.’
‘Adam, I’d like us to be married, that would make everything perfect.’
He sighed heavily. ‘I wish you wouldn’t nag me about that.’
Chloe wouldn’t let herself think about Adam’s stand against marriage. How could he say he loved her and then refuse to marry her when she was pregnant? The only logic in that was that he didn’t love her enough. But she had to do something. She decided moving in to live with him was her best option, really her only option. The alternative was to throw herself on Mum’s goodwill.
She didn’t mention abortion to the doctor, and he confirmed she was over four months pregnant. She joined his list and gave Adam’s address as her own. Further appointments were arranged to take place in local clinics, and delivery was booked at a nearby hospital.
Chloe felt in limbo. She continued to put off telling her mother; she needed to think how best to do that. She couldn’t tell the girls at work and she couldn’t leave her job. With less than five months to go before the birth, she couldn’t look for another job in Manchester. She had no savings and the baby would need clothes and a cot and a hundred other things.
‘We’ll get them,’ Adam assured her. ‘Don’t worry about money. I’ll take good care of you.’
Chloe felt no less anxious. He’d been taking care of contraception, and look how well he’d managed that. She felt torpid and inert, it took all her energy to get through each day as it came. She wished, how she wished, that when he’d told her he wasn’t the marrying sort last year, she’d stayed well away from him. He had warned her, Mum had warned her; why oh why hadn’t she listened to them?
Spring 1967 was well advanced. Helen’s hedges were bright with forsythia and the daffodils were out in their droves. Rex was raking her grass to remove what remained of the snowdrops and crocuses he’d planted in the lawn around her summerhouse. They’d heralded in the spring at the beginning of the year. Now he wanted a perfect lawn for her in the coming summer.
He’d expected Helen to be gardening with him this afternoon, but he’d forgotten until he got here that she did charity work two afternoons a month. She’d invited him to supper tonight. At least once each week he took her out for a meal, and she cooked for him on another evening. Now that Chloe was spending so much time with Adam, he and Helen had been thrown together more. He was glad to have her company and knew they were growing closer.
Helen was very unhappy about what her daughter was doing and spoke of her often. Rex had to hide his own hurt and wished things had remained as they were. It was as much to reassure himself as her that he mentioned again, ‘These days there’s no shame in how Chloe lives her life. Young women count it their right.’ It didn’t make Helen’s pursed lips relax.
He was some distance from the house and had paused to admire the carpet of self-sown bluebells under the trees when he saw Chloe and Adam coming over to him. He hadn’t seen her for a while and was immediately struck by the change in her. She didn’t look well; she’d lost her bounce.
‘Chloe,’ he said. ‘How nice to see you.’ He nodded to Adam; he too looked subdued.
‘Is Mum about? Is she gardening too?’ The garden was of such a size that there were many places where she’d have been out of sight.
‘No,’ Rex said. ‘I expected she would be, but I’d forgotten it was her day to run that charity shop.’
‘Oh no! I’d forgotten that too.’
‘We can come back another time,’ Adam said and took Chloe’s arm.
Now Chloe was close, Rex could see she was pale and looked washed out. ‘How are you?’ he asked, and saw her lip quiver. ‘Is something the matter? Shouldn’t you be at work?’
‘Yes.’ He saw her swallow and for the first time she looked him in the eye. ‘I’ve finished work, I gave in my notice last month.’
‘Goodness!’ He could see tears welling in her eyes; her distress was obvious. ‘I thought you liked working there.’
‘She did,’ Adam put in quickly. ‘We’re having a baby, Chloe’s had to give up working.’
Rex felt his stomach turn over, acid was rising in his throat, making him gag. ‘Chloe!’
His gaze went down. Her long legs in nylon tights were as shapely as ever, and her fashionable short tunic dress gave little hint. He understood only too well how upset Helen and her family would be about this. His mouth was suddenly dry.
‘I’m so . . . so sorry it had to happen like this.’ Rex stopped. Shouldn’t he have said congratulations? Something to cover up that he knew this baby was not what she wanted? He could feel her embarrassment, but his own was greater. And greater than that was the hurt he felt that this had happened to her.
He wanted to take her in his arms to comfort her, but Adam slid an arm round her shoulders and pulled her closer. That cut him like a knife, adding to his pain.
‘I came home to tell Mum and pack up some of my things,’ she said.
Adam was defiant. ‘It’s some time off yet. You’ll all have time to get used to the idea.’
‘It’s due at the beginning of May,’ Chloe told him.
‘Goodness, that’s only . . .’
‘Five weeks off. Will you tell Mum for me? I kept trying to tell her,’ she shook her head miserably, ‘but I couldn’t. She’ll hate me for doing this.’
Rex took a deep breath. ‘Why don’t you wait and tell her yourself? She’d want you to.’ He had to stuff his hands in his pockets to stop himself reaching out for her. ‘Chloe, what you do is up to you. All your mum wants is for you to be happy.’
He stopped. This wasn’t making her happy; the exact opposite. What could one say in these circumstances?
‘It’ll all be forgotten once you’re married. The baby will be welcomed. You’ll be a little family.’
Chloe was biting her lip and Adam looked positively dour. ‘Helen won’t approve, but Chloe’s going to move in with me,’ he said.
Rex gave a very audible gasp. Did that mean there would be no wedding? He hurried on, ‘That’s as maybe, but this changes everything. Look, Helen will be home soon, probably in the next fifteen minutes. Please wait and see her; she’ll be upset if you don’t.’
Adam glared back at him, showing his reluctance.
‘Let’s go inside and make a cup of tea.’ Rex took them to the kitchen. They both sat down and let him put the kettle on and get out the tea things. He felt terrible. He couldn’t possibly tell Helen news like that. Chloe would have to do it herself.
They were all silent as he poured out three cups of tea. He served them and sat down at the table in front of the third cup. He closed his eyes and thought of Helen. Please hurry up, we need you here, he prayed.
She came at last, smiling happily until she sensed the atmosphere. Rex poured her a cup of rather stewed tea and left them to it. He was glad to get back to his gardening, and within moments the rake was tearing furiously into the grass. He knew his anger was for Adam, that he’d done this to Chloe.
Adam’s car was heading towards Manchester. Chloe sat in the passenger seat, rigid with tension. She couldn’t get her mother’s face out of her mind. She’d never seen her look so hurt and shocked before, and to make matters worse, Helen had grown quite agitated.
‘You shouldn’t have swept me outside so quickly. You should have given us time to talk it through.’
‘Chloe, we’d been over everything three times and were going round in circles.’
‘I told you how raw my family is about illegitimate babies. I knew Mum would take it hard.’
‘She’s got a chip on her shoulder.’
‘She was angry with me. I should have stayed until I’d made my peace with her.’
‘I couldn’t stand any more of that,’ Adam said. ‘Better to give her a couple of days to calm down, then ring her and make your peace.’
‘She might not want to by then. She might not forgive me.’ Chloe was trying to blink back her tears. ‘It was awful telling her, embarrassing. She was all of a flutter when I told her I was nearly eight months gone and she hadn’t known.’