Living in Sin (Living In…) (4 page)

Appeal to their minds…

She’d seen Kahu playing chess with her father on the odd occasion and had hung around the room, hoping they wouldn’t notice, watching him as he played. She’d at first thought it was strange seeing this massively built, Maori guy frowning over a chessboard. But then as she’d watched, she’d noticed how those powerful muscles of his relaxed. How he’d smiled as he and her father had chatted about adult stuff. He’d laughed when her father had beaten him because her father was good at chess. Yet he’d won too at times, treating the win with the same casualness as he’d treated the loss. As if it wasn’t winning the game that mattered to him so much as playing it.

Whatever, she’d decided to take the chess set with her and see if he wanted to play. Perhaps they could sit and discuss that adult stuff. And he’d laugh and relax with her. Talk to her.

What about the sex part?

Lily pulled a plastic bag out of the leather satchel she wore and put all the chess pieces into it.

Yeah, the sex part would happen. She’d make it happen. Despite what he said, that was the whole point of the seduction.

But you know what that means, don’t you? His hands on you. His mouth on yours…

A weird, cold sensation slithered down her back. She frowned, stuffing the plastic bag full of chess pieces into her satchel. It was almost like fear, which was odd since she wasn’t afraid of sex. She knew how it all worked. Sure, her focus on ballet to the exclusion of all else had insulated her and she’d been a late developer anyway. But she wasn’t naïve. How could anyone who’d faced down death, who’d had their body intruded on, pierced, poked and prodded, ever be naïve about anything?

She dismissed the feeling. What she
did
know, was that she wanted this. She wanted both to learn how she could win over the directors at her audition
and
win over Kahu. And she was prepared to work to get both.

Lily bent and picked up the board, starting to tuck that into her satchel as well.

“Hey, where are you off to?”

Her head jerked up at the sound of her father’s voice and she turned.

He was standing in the lounge doorway, working his fingers underneath his tie, putting his briefcase down as he did so.

“You’re home early,” she said, feeling vaguely guilty though she didn’t really know why. Where she went and who she saw was her own business. And yeah so she may still live at home, but that didn’t mean she was a kid. She’d ceased to be a child the moment they’d told her that her chance of recovery was only twenty percent.

“I thought I’d do some work at home.” He frowned. “What are you doing with my chessboard?”

“I’m going to play with a friend.” The lie came out easily, naturally. Again, strange since there was no reason to lie about the fact that she was going to see Kahu. They were only going to be talking, right? Or at least, she might have been planning more, but that’s what his intention had been. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“No.” Her father loosened his tie finally, undoing the top couple of buttons on his shirt. His frown lifted. “Ah…that’s better. “ He wandered past her. “Well, have fun.”

Typical. He didn’t even glance at her. It had been that way ever since she’d recovered. As if her father hadn’t been able to deal with the fact that she was well. As if he’d already let her go. She kind of understood it—her mother had died when she was five and the death had hit her father hard—yet at the same time it was painful.

Because she wasn’t dead. She was still here.

Jesus, he hadn’t even asked her where she was going.
Yeah, Dad. I’m going to see Kahu Winter. With any luck I’ll seduce him and he’ll fuck me on the couch in his cozy little study.

She didn’t even need to lie about the chessboard. He probably wouldn’t have even noticed.
Oh sure, darling. Have a nice time. Tell him I said hello.

“Do you want to know where I’m going?” she demanded, unable to help herself.

But he only waved a hand at her. “No, no. You’re a grown-up now. Don’t need to keep tabs on you these days. But if you’re home late, don’t make too much noise coming in.”

As if he wanted to keep tabs on her anyway.

Lily didn’t reply as she stalked into the hallway, anger lodged in her chest like a heavy rock wedged in a narrow gulley. But there was no point arguing or getting sarcastic with him. It only slid straight off him anyway.

Pausing beside the hall table, she looked down at the car keys sitting there. The keys to her father’s Jag, his pride and joy. He spent more time with that fucking car than he ever did with her, but maybe that was a good thing. If he’d been a more involved father, she probably wouldn’t have spent so much time dancing.

Making a decision, she picked up the keys. He wouldn’t need the car tonight and even if he did, fuck it. If she was going out to seduce a man, she was going to do it in style.

The drive into town wasn’t long, and miracle of miracles she found a parking spot not too far from Kahu’s club. Seven p.m. he’d said. One hour. And he’d given her six weeks With any luck she wouldn’t need that long. Shit, if she managed to do well tonight, she may not even have to come back next week.

Locking the Jag, Lily walked up the brightly lit sidewalk toward the old, ivy-covered building that was the Auckland Club. The streets were full of evening traffic and people either making their way to dinner or drinks at the central city’s restaurants and bars, or heading home after a late one at work.

The club itself looked deserted. The infamous blue door was shut and there was no one outside, the spiked iron railings at the front doing a good intimidation job.

She paused, looking up at the building, nervousness gathering in her gut, the way it sometimes did before a particularly important exam or performance. But stage fright came with the territory as a dancer and she had her own little rituals for dealing with it.

Staring hard at the door, Lily extended one Converse-shod foot and pointed it. Tapped her toes once on the ground. It didn’t make the same sound as a block inside a pointe shoe striking a wooden floor, but the movement centered her like a deep breath.

Lifting her chin, she reached forward and knocked hard on the door in front of her. If he didn’t answer her, she’d just sit there again until he did. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do after all.

Some time passed, the door remaining firmly shut.

Shit.

Lily raised her hand to knock again. And the door suddenly opened.

Kahu stood there, dressed casually in a pair of faded blue jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt, the sleeves rolled up. His feet were bare, his shaggy black hair damp from the shower he must have just had. It made the faint silvering at his temples more noticeable, but that was in no way a bad thing. He was even hotter with it, if that was possible.

“So, Lily,” he said in that sexy, husky voice of his. “You’re here to seduce me, I presume?”

Chapter Four

He’d love to have said he’d forgotten she was coming, that her turning up on the doorstep of the club was a complete surprise. But no matter how completely he’d given his attention to club business that afternoon, his subconscious continued to hold onto the memory of Lily’s visit with the tenacity of an octopus. Prompting him to do ridiculous things like having a shower before her arrival, as if he gave a shit one way or another, and looking at his watch to check the time. As if he was impatient. Or something.

Madness. She was a little girl who needed a few tips to help with her ballet dancing and that was going to be the extent of their interaction. God knew he had better things to be doing with his evening than spending an hour with a barely-out-of-her-teens child-woman talking about seduction.

Yet for all that, he wasn’t unhappy to hear the knock on the door when it came. Or when he opened it to find her small, slender figure standing on the doorstep, a large black satchel slung around her shoulders and swathed in that inevitable black duffle coat.

“So, Lily. You’re here to seduce me, I presume?”

She gave him a tight smile that betrayed her nervousness. “That’s the idea.”

“Well, then. Let’s get started. You’ve only got an hour after all.”

He showed her into his private sitting room and she headed straight to the fire like she had the time before, holding her pale, long-fingered hands out toward the flames. The hood of her coat was down, strawberry blonde curls cascading over her shoulders in girlish contrast to the severe black of her clothing. Those curls looked…soft.

Soft curls? Jesus.

Irritated with himself, Kahu went to the drinks cabinet and got out two tumblers. “Scotch?”

“Are you going to make me pay for it again?”

He almost smiled at the grumpy note in her voice. “Not this time. It’s on the house.”

Her mouth pursed. “I shouldn’t. I’m driving.”

“Then I’ll pour you a smaller measure. Alternatively, you don’t have to drink it.”

Oh yeah, she was nervous all right. He could see it in the tightness of her jaw and around her shoulders, her feet shuffling as if she couldn’t keep still. Christ, what did she think he was going to do? Ravish her on the floor or something? Even he wasn’t that much of a pervert.

Flames in her hair. Flames on her white skin. His hand, dark against all that smooth whiteness…

Fucking hell.

“You okay?” Lily had her head cocked to one side like a curious bird.

“Yeah,” he muttered and shoved the tumbler of scotch at her. He didn’t need those kinds of images in his head. Must be his dry-spell screwing with him. Maybe he should be taking himself in hand or picking up someone for some easy, no-strings sex.

On the other hand, it wasn’t like he was a teenager. He could control his urges when he wanted to.

He turned and sprawled in his favorite armchair, nursing his scotch and trying to ignore his overactive imagination. “Go on then, sit.” He waved toward the other chair.

She colored for some reason. “Oh…uh…yeah.”

Putting down her scotch on the table next to the chair, she began to undo the buttons on her coat.

And Kahu tensed. She’d better not be naked under that. Seemed like a weird hope to have about a woman there to seduce him, nevertheless he really hoped she wasn’t. It wouldn’t exactly be original and he wanted her to have put more thought into it than that.

Why? Don’t you want to get rid of her ASAP?

He decided to ignore that particular thought.

Lily shrugged her duffel coat off in a fluid, graceful movement. And, oh, thank God. No nakedness. Only black leather paneled leggings and a tight black T-shirt.

She reached for her satchel, bringing something out of it and he suddenly understood that perhaps she’d put more thought into her outfit that he’d initially realized. Her T-shirt was tight, molding to the small, round breasts beneath it. And unless he was much mistaken, she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Shit. Had she done that deliberately?

Kahu averted his gaze—possibly the first time he’d ever done that when he had a pair of perfectly lovely tits to look at—and gritted his teeth. No, she didn’t interest him. Not at all.

Lily looked around for a second, chewing on her lip. Then she pushed the table next to her chair so it was sitting closer to his, nudging her tumbler to one side and putting something else down on top of the table. A chessboard.

He frowned at it, aware of surprise uncurling inside him. “Chess?” he asked, to be certain.

Lily didn’t look up, taking a plastic bag full of what were indeed chess pieces out of that cavernous satchel of hers and putting them on the board. “Yup,” she said, unnecessarily.

“Why?”

She positioned the black queen carefully. “Didn’t you say seduction was about appealing to the mind as well as the body?”

So she’d listened. “This is true.”

“And I know you and Dad play chess on occasion. You seem to like it.”

He didn’t know what to say. Yeah, he did like the games of chess he and Rob played. He just hadn’t realized Lily had spotted it. “How did you figure that?”

More color tinged her skin, making her freckles stand out. “I watched you.”

An uneasy feeling spread through him, though he wasn’t sure why. So she’d watched him play chess. Big deal. “You watched me?” he echoed. “Any special reason?”

She fiddled with the positioning of the black king. “Uh…I just found you…interesting. You didn’t seem to care whether you won or lost.”

No, he never had. Because once you started caring, you made it matter. And nothing could be made to matter. It was easier that way.

Anita mattered. Eleanor matters.

Yeah, but he’d met Eleanor and Anita when everything was new. Before his heart had been dragged on the ground and shredded. Before his self-worth had shattered like expensive crystal.

When you mattered.

Kahu lifted his tumbler and took a large swallow, the scotch burning a pleasant fire on the way down. Jesus, where had these kind of self-pitying thoughts come from? He needed to stop with this kind of maudlin bullshit.

He still wasn’t really sure why he found the thought of being observed by Lily so unsettling. Sure, he’d been watched in a sexual way, but not because of how he played chess or…shit, any other way. It made him feel oddly exposed.

Abruptly Lily looked up from the board. “Why don’t you care?”

“About winning, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“Because I enjoy playing. The game itself is what matters.”

She studied him, her brows drawn together in a puzzled expression strangely reminiscent of Anita in the art galleries she used to take him to. When she’d stare at a picture or a piece of sculpture unable to decide whether it was art or pretention.

Well, he wasn’t art or pretention, and this girl wouldn’t understand. Weren’t ballet dancers driven? Weren’t they supposed to be as competitive as top athletes? Winning would
always
matter to someone like her.

“Play, Lily,” he said.

She blinked. “Oh…uh…sure.” Picking up one black and one white pawn, she held them in her fists and put her hands behind her back. “Right or left?”

“Left.”

She took her hands from behind her and opened her palm. Black.

“How appropriate.” He gestured with his tumbler. “You start.”

She placed the pawns down on the board then studied it for a long moment before making her move.

He leaned over to play, shoving a black pawn ahead two spaces.

Lily shifted in her chair, drawing her endless legs up onto the seat, crossing them like a child. She moved another pawn. “So…” There was an awkward pause. “Um…what star sign are you?”

Kahu looked at her. That could not be her opening conversation. Could it?

“I’m a Sagittarius,” she added. “And you are…?”

“Cunnilingus.” A stupid and childish answer, but if she was going to start with inanities like star signs then she deserved childish and stupid. And hey, the response had amused several women and got him laid in the past.

She blinked. “Oh.” Her gaze returned to the chessboard. “According to the rumors I was thinking fellatio.”

It took him a minute to process what she’d said because he really hadn’t been expecting it. Then she flicked a glance at him, one eyebrow raised and he suddenly had the oddest urge to laugh. “Well played,” he murmured, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth.

She inclined her head graciously and looked away again, but not before he’d caught the flash of a grin.

Hell, she was pleased with herself. It was endearing. “Scorpio,” he said, relenting.

“Scorpio, fellatio… In either case we’re doomed.” She moved another pawn.

Kahu shifted a bishop, threatening the pawn. “So we’ve done star signs, what are we moving onto next? Favorite color? Likes and dislikes?”

Lily shifted around on the chair. Clearly she was a fidgety kind of girl. “What’s wrong with that kind of stuff?”

“Nothing. If you want to fill out profiles on a dating site or take out a personal ad, that is. It’s hardly seductive is what I’m saying.” He paused. “At least it doesn’t seduce
me.
And that’s what you’re aiming to do, right?”

She frowned at him again, looking frustrated. “So what does seduce you?”

“Impatient, ballerina? I’m not giving away all my secrets just like that. You’re going to have to work to get them.”

“I’m not a ballerina.”

“Maybe not now. But it’s only a matter of time, right?”

She focused her attention back down on the board and moved another pawn. “Yes.” And it sounded like a vow. “A year maybe in the corps de ballet and then perhaps I’ll get to be a soloist.”

Kahu took the pawn she’d failed to move out of the way of his bishop. “You’re a determined girl.”

She scowled as he put the pawn to one side. “I’m not a girl either.”

“Sweetheart, I hate to break this to you but you’re only twenty. You barely even know you’re alive.”

And sitting in the armchair cross-legged, tight strawberry curls cascading over her black T-shirt, small and slender, she certainly looked every inch a girl. Part of that was her build, of course, but there was an innocence to her. Though perhaps that was the innocence of youth.

He sat back and took another sip of his scotch, meeting her annoyed gaze.

“You’re really quite an arrogant shithead, aren’t you?” she said.

It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. “It’s part of my charm.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t know everything.”

“Of course I don’t. That’s apparently the privilege of the young.” He wanted to smile again at the scowl on her face. It was kind of adorable. Teasing her could become quite addictive if he wasn’t careful.

“Oh, so now I’m the one who’s being arrogant?” She leaned on the arm of the chair, the light of the fire making the blonde strands in her hair seem like bright gold thread.

He tilted his head. “I didn’t say that. I was merely making a comment on the differences in our ages and experiences.” She was quite a pretty little thing. And maybe, if she hadn’t been eighteen years younger than him and the daughter of a friend, he might have enjoyed a flirtation at least.

But she was both of those things. Alas.

“You say that like you’re sixty and I’m ten.” She reached out and moved a knight. To the wrong square.

Kahu let out a breath and shifted it to the right one. “Jesus, do you even know how to play this game?”

“Mostly. Don’t keep putting me in a box, Kahu.”

He kept his attention on the board. There was a confrontational note in her voice that he didn’t like. Mainly because it sounded like a challenge to him and he’d always been attracted to challenges. They were like rules. They made him want to break them.

“I’m not putting you in a box. I’m only stating reality.”

“That I’m a little girl who doesn’t know she’s alive?” Again that confrontational note and far more obvious this time.

He moved his queen then looked up. There was an emerald spark of anger in her eyes. A very real anger.

Interesting.

Kahu sat back. “Oh dear. You don’t like that particular reality?”

“I know I’m alive,” she said, flat and hard. “Do you?”

Perhaps she shouldn’t have been so in his face with the question. This was supposed to be a seduction not an interrogation. But still, where the hell did he get off with his “you don’t even know you’re alive” comments?

Because she fucking knew she was alive. She had the scars and the medical records and the years of fighting against her own body’s desire to destroy itself to prove it. So how dare
he dismiss that in one fucking sentence?

Of course, he didn’t know about any of that, but she didn’t care. She was still angry. That world-weary kind of attitude pissed her off so goddamned much she wanted to spit.

So he might have had a shit life. So what? That wasn’t the same as having death waiting by your door for three damn years.

Kahu eyed her. “Do I what?”

“Do you know you’re alive?”

He shook his tumbler, the ice in it clinking. “I’m still breathing. Still drinking. Therefore, I’m still alive.”

“Living is more than breathing and a damn sight more than drinking.”

He gave a laugh, but there was nothing of amusement in the dark sound. “Oh the passions of the young.”

Anger blossomed inside her. She knew she should keep it locked down, that this really wasn’t the time or the place for it, but she couldn’t help herself. “Don’t,” she snapped. “Don’t dismiss me with that kind of shitty attitude. Yeah, I get you’ve got this whole world-weary thing going on. That you’ve been there, done that. But you know nothing about me, so how about you stop labeling me as though I’m just another silly little girl.”

His mouth curved but this time it wasn’t the genuine, amused smile she’d gotten unexpectedly not five minutes earlier, the one that had made her feel pleased with herself. This smile was sharp, pointed and completely cynical. “So tell me who you are then, Lily Andrews. How are you different? What makes you so fucking special?”

I nearly died of leukemia. That’s how fucking special I am.