Locked and Loaded (Bullet, #6) (20 page)

Val put her glass down.  “Good.  I know it’s been a struggle for him.  Kind of...like Ethan in a lot of ways.”

Jennifer had only known the infidelity struggles Val had dealt with because her friend had told her.  When Val and Ethan had officially hooked up, they were halfway across the state.  Jennifer had never cared for how Ethan had tugged Val along at every turn, or so it had seemed, but Val had loved him deeply.  “Did...Ethan ever feel remorse for what he did?”

“He must have, right?  But...I don’t know.  I know he does now, but back then?  It always hurt so much—he could have nailed himself to a cross, and it wouldn’t have made me feel any better.”

“Yeah, you have a point.  Zane seems to feel awful, but I never gave him another chance.  Well...in between the times we’d get back together anyway.  I got tired of the promises to be better, and this time seemed like more of the same—so this time I gave him an ultimatum.  I have Zoe to worry about now.  I don’t need him teaching her through example that it’s okay to cheat.”

“Have you told him yet?”

Jennifer bit the inside of her cheek.  She knew Val was asking if she’d told Zane he was the father of Zoe.  “Not yet.”

Val was a good enough friend that, in spite of the fact that Jennifer knew Val thought she was wrong for not telling him, she didn’t say it to Jennifer.  She was going to let her friend make up her own mind to do it when she felt ready.

It almost felt like it was time.

“You’re probably wondering why I wanted you to come to lunch—
without
kids.  It had nothing to do with them not liking Indian food.”

Jennifer grinned.  “I didn’t figure.”

“Although I can tell you, Hayley’s not a big fan.  If we ate it all the time, I think she’d be okay, but she’s not used to all the different spices.  Brad has to be in the mood for it too.  But...on with it already.  You still hating your job?”

Jennifer almost stretched the truth, something she usually did when people asked, but she suspected Val would be able to see the lie...so she needed to just be honest.  “Yeah.  Pretty much.  But I did manage to shut up one of the office bitches.”

Val smiled.  “Thank heavens for that.  What all do you do there again?”

“I mostly answer correspondence.  You’d think in this day and age that all the feedback we’d get would be either on the phone or through the webform, but we get plenty of old-fashioned letters and lots of email.  I have some other smaller duties, but that’s the main thing I do.  And, uh, the company’s talked a few times about outsourcing our department.”

“So you kind of work in communications?  Maybe organization?”

“Yeah.  You might not remember I majored in Communications.  Not exactly what I’m doing now, but along those lines.”

“Oh, yeah.”  Val paused as the waiter brought a small basket of naan in preparation for their meal.  “Well, let me tell you why I’m asking.  You know I have a nanny now.  That was a really smart move, because when I decided to start a music career again, I didn’t realize how much work it was going to be.  I needed someone to be a loving caregiver when I couldn’t be—like when I was onstage or in the studio.  I’m still around a lot and, even when I
am
there, my nanny is like my backup.  She’s usually only at the house five days a week but I’m flexible and so is she.  The point is...nowadays, I can’t imagine my life without Gracie.

“And now that I’m back in the music scene, I have to stay on top of promotion...so I have an online presence to maintain in addition to the occasional interview or other event I have to attend, even when I’m not on tour.  I want to be a good mom and wife and still have free time, but my career is taking away from all that.  I figured if I hired someone to work, say, thirty or forty hours a week organizing my crap, I
could
have my career
and
family too.”

Jennifer was flattered that her friend had thought of her, but to work for Val would mean giving up all her benefits—from health insurance to onsite daycare—not to mention she didn’t know what the pay would be.  “I’m honored that you asked, Val.”

“But you have doubts.  I can see that.  Please know that I would pay you well—more than what you’re making now.”

“You don’t
know
what I’m making now.”

“Doesn’t matter.  If my offer isn’t more than you make now, I’ll up it.  And driving to my house...would it be farther than driving to work, right?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Those are the kinds of things I’m willing to work around.  So, like, if you want to start working later in the morning to avoid the rush-hour BS or if you want to leave early instead, you got it.  But that’s not all, is it?”

“I have insurance, daycare, retirement...”

“No worries, Jen.  I can make sure all that’s taken care of.”

“Yeah?”  The air around her suddenly felt lighter.  “Seriously?”  The food came to the table then, hot and steamy and a veritable buffet for her nostrils.  “Let’s talk.”  With the food came the promise of a future she could get excited about, and she heartily dug into both.

––––––––

“G
ODDAMN, INSANE ZANE.  You look fantastic.”  Zane considered every last man in Fully Automatic to be a solid friend, and his buddy Nick was no exception.  They hadn’t seen each other in months, and it felt good to put his arms around the drummer and slap him on the back.

“You, too.  A regular relationship looks good on you.”

“Bullshit.  Gracie draped on my arm might make me look good, but the extra ten pounds lining my waist thanks to her cooking and spoiling the shit out of me most certainly does not.  And I’m not stupid enough to think that it does.”

“What the hell’s the matter with us?” Ethan asked.  “We’re all fuckin’ settling down—like respectable people.  What’s up with that?”

Zane laughed.  Even
he
was settling in for the long haul.  He and Jen had been dating solidly for a month now—
without having sex
.  It was the weirdest thing and yet it felt right.  Dr. Harvey said taking it slowly would be fine, that he didn’t have to completely abstain, but Zane said it felt better.  He liked feeling in control.  He would decide when he was ready.

And Dr. Harvey respected that.  So did Jen.

She had just told Zane the day before that she was going to be starting as Val’s PA in September.  She’d given notice at her work and was busy training her replacement.  But she’d apparently already done a couple of things for Val, and Zane wasn’t sure how everyone had found out, but it was no longer under the covers that they too were a couple.

Zane shrugged and laughed, feeling like—out of all his friends here—Ethan understood him at the core better than anyone else, mainly because the guy had struggled with his own share of addictions.

Brad walked in the studio with a tray of small sandwiches.  “Courtesy of Val and Gracie.  Drinks are in the mini fridge, guys.”

Zane almost didn’t even want to ask, but he had to.  He’d promised himself.  “Got anything other than beer?”

“You kidding?  You’ll be lucky to find two beers in the whole damn thing.  There’s a bunch of soda and bottled water—and there might even be a couple of unsweet teas and a bottle or two of Starbucks.  Take your pick.”

“Good.  I, uh...I don’t know how much I’ve told you guys, but I went through rehab again.  I’m determined to stay clean this time.”

Brad had long since set the tray on the table in the corner and had a sandwich in hand.  “Good for you, man.  Let us know if you need anything from us.”

“It’s a long road,” Ethan said, “but you’ll be glad you did it.”

Nick nodded.  “That’s why the
settling down
thing is good.  It’s harder to party like a rock star when you got your girl and kids tagging along.”

Ethan smiled.  “Got that right.  They’re my saving grace.”  Suddenly, Zane understood why Ethan had insisted Jenna and baby come along when they recorded their side project album and during the tour too.  Their presence was helping to keep him straight.

Why the hell hadn’t
Zane
ever thought of that?

Oh...maybe because the love of his life hadn’t understood the depth of his addictions?  Maybe because he’d never told her?  Maybe he hadn’t thought they were
that
bad?  He had been just deep enough to get into enough trouble to piss her off and send her running for the hills every time.  He’d hidden his demons, like a good many addicts do, so she never knew just how bad things had been.

Well, she knew now, even though she didn’t quite understand.  Maybe he could invite her to a couples therapy session like Dr. Harvey had mentioned—although he didn’t know that she considered them a couple yet.  He’d have to convince her of that first.

In the meantime, he had support and maybe even compassion from his band brothers.  He couldn’t ask for much more than that...and, if he took it slow, he knew he just might make it this time.

* * *

G
ood grief.  Zane looked even hotter tonight.  Jennifer didn’t know that she could handle getting involved in another heavy make out session with him like they had the last few dates.  Every single time, he put her off, telling her they should wait.

Yeah...this from a pair who’d never been able to keep their hands off each other every time they were around one another.

But she’d respected his wishes and cooled off every time he left.  And no...she didn’t engage in any self-satisfaction.  When she reached her high, she wanted it to be
with
Zane, not with Zane
in mind
.

“You cool enough?” Zane asked from the driver’s seat.  They’d just left the movies—watching some kids’ film that Zoe had actually enjoyed and watched through till the end—and were going to Zane’s place.  She wasn’t quite sure why she’d agreed to that, considering the last time she’d been there, they’d discovered a voyeur with a bad manicure had overheard their entire sex play.

It sucked, because Zane had a nice house and Jennifer didn’t know that she’d ever feel comfortable there again.

But, stupidly enough, she’d agreed to go anyway.  Zane had promised a good time but wouldn’t elaborate.  His road to recovery had seemed to go so well and he looked so healthy that she didn’t want to turn him down when he’d worked so hard and wanted, maybe even needed, her approval.

“Yep, I’m good.”  Well, as far as the AC was concerned.  She knew, though, that she probably wouldn’t be able to be involved in another kissing session.  She couldn’t take it anymore...and she was considering telling him that if they started making out again tonight.

It probably wouldn’t happen, though, considering they were going to Zane’s.  It would be a late night, and she’d likely be ready for bed when she laid Zoe down.

It hadn’t been more than a couple of months, but it was almost as if she’d forgotten how huge and impressive-looking Zane’s house was.  It was just about
too
much, but she’d never say that to him.  It was a hell of a lot better than her small apartment—but, then again, her home was nothing to complain about.  It was comfortable and fit her and Zoe’s needs, not to mention it was something she could afford.

Zoe was still wide awake when they got there.  One cool thing Zane had done since they’d begun dating regularly—and taking Zoe with them almost every time, practically putting poor Kara out of business—was he’d bought a car seat so Jennifer didn’t have to take the one she had out of her car anymore.  It was a small token—but it meant a lot.

It gave her hope that her old Zane was most certainly back.

But that gesture hadn’t prepared her for what she was about to see.  Everything seemed normal when they walked in the front door, but Zane invited them into the family room, an area of his house Jennifer had never been in.  They walked toward the back of the house to a large room and Zane flipped the switch.  The space was then bathed in light.  Aside from the fact that it was a large room (although not as monstrous as some of the other areas in this house), it had a huge flat TV on one wall.  She had no idea the size of it—she’d never seen a television that big in someone’s house.  But, as her eyes wandered from it, she noticed something else—
toys
.  A small chunky plastic table and chairs in white and purple, a play kitchen set, mostly white, and a toddler-sized slide, also in the chunky plastic—in orange, of all colors.  “Wow, Zane.  You really shouldn’t have.”

“Says you.  Put Zoe down and see what she thinks.”  Her child looked at Zane and grinned.  He said to the little girl, “You’ll love all this stuff, huh?”  He looked at Jennifer and she walked over to the toys with her child, setting Zoe down next to the table.  “I’ll have you know that, even though it’s a kitchen set, I wasn’t trying to impose gender roles.  The tabletop flips over so you can use building blocks on it—the blocks are inside the cavity.”

Jennifer started laughing.  “I don’t think she’d know if you were imposing a gender role on her or not.”

“Fair enough,” Zane said, a twinkle in his eye.  “But now for the coup de grâce—and I realize that Zoe might not give a shit about any of this other stuff when she sees
this
...”  He walked over to the small entertainment center beside the TV and pulled out a couple of black game controllers.  “I remembered that you used to love playing fighting games.”  He handed her a controller.  “I challenge you to a match.”

She was overwhelmed by Zane’s generosity and thoughtfulness.  While she took the controller from him, she said, “Thank you, Zane.  You didn’t
have
to do this.”

“I know.  But I
wanted
to.  It’s the least I could do after everything you’ve gone through with me.  Believe me...I know I could buy you gifts the rest of your life and still not have repaid you.”

She took his hand.  “You don’t have to buy my love.”

He blinked twice before a slow smile crept up on his face, and he stroked her cheek.  “Babe, if I thought your love was for sale, I would have done this shit years ago.”

Zoe closed the door on the play oven and declared, “
Hamboors!
”  Both Zane and Jennifer looked over at her and laughed.