Authors: Audrey Carlan
I sat by Collier’s bedside in my hospital gown. I was cold but I didn’t care. If Collier couldn’t be warm, couldn’t live, then I didn’t care what happened to me.
James was right. Hell, everyone was right. I should have told Collier how I felt. Stopped being a scaredy-cat and admitted I had strong feelings for him. I outright loved the stubbornly sexy Englishman. Now I feared I’d never get to tell him. What then?
That would be two men I’d loved and lost.
What was the saying Collier mentioned on our first date? It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Whoever said that was full of shit. They obviously never truly loved someone because it wasn’t fucking better. It was easier to go through life not loving someone. Then you didn’t feel mind-numbing, all over body pain when you lost them.
It was official. I was cursed. If London Kelley fell in love with a man, he was taken away. Twice. What are the odds of that? Really? Does God hate me? He must. I can’t understand why he’d take such beautiful men away from the world so young.
“Collier, I’m sorry. If you can hear me, I’m so sorry. I should have told you.” I looked at his face and swept that stray lock of blond hair off his forehead. He had cuts and bruises on his face but in his sleep, he still looked peaceful, as if he was going to wake up and melt my heart with his delicious accent. He’d call me Beauty and everything in the world would feel right again.
***
London? Where are you? Why can’t I see you? My eyes won’t open. Fucking open! I screamed but no sound came out. It was like being underwater, so deep that my screams never made it to the surface.
Her lovely voice pierced the darkness as I treaded water, submerged under a cloak of blackness. I tried to move a finger, a toe, my face. I just couldn’t. Nothing worked. Then her voice continued in a soft lilting tone, comforting, like salve on an open wound.
“Collier, I’m sorry. If you can hear me, I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
Told me what, Beauty? What? I can hear you. I just can’t reach you!
“I have so much to be sorry for. Pushing you away--” Her voice cracked. I wanted to reach out to her, comfort her. Tell her it would be okay. That I’d take away her hurt. Make it better.
“You never deserved my leaving, running off after we’d shared beautiful evenings together.”
She had a point, but if I could just sodding reach her, I’d tell her, hold her in my arms and pet her hair, explain that we were past all that. It was different now. We made amends and had full lives ahead of us. Ones we’d spend together. Christ! Why can’t I fucking move?
“Every moment with you has been the best moment of my life.” I could hear her sobbing and it gutted me. “I just want you to know, that no matter what happens, I’ll be here for you. I love you, Collier.”
She loves me. My Beauty admitted she loves me and I can’t reach her. Jesus, I’m tired. So sleepy.
I love you, London. Please don’t leave me.
***
The bed jostled and I woke instantly, looking at Collier to see if there had been any change. Another day had passed and the nurse was shifting Collier and moving things around.
“You need to leave,” she said hurriedly.
“What? Why?”
“He’s going in for surgery in the next thirty minutes.”
“He has a donor?” That evil bitch Hope came right back to the surface and I hugged her for all she was worth.
The nurse smiled. “Yes!” I hopped up and ran out the door as I saw Tripp being wheeled on a hospital bed around a corner. Confused, I made it to his side, trying not to fall. Running in my condition was not a good idea. My stomach swirled and tightened with the effort of not vomiting. My cast was like an anchor, tugging my balance to the right.
“Tripp, oh My God. What happened to you?”
His hand squeezed mine. “Nothing Bridge. Everything is great!”
I followed the team as they wheeled him down a long hallway. The light hurt my eyes and I faltered, but nothing was keeping me from following.
“I don’t understand, what’s going on?”
“Today’s your lucky day!”
“I know! Collier’s got a donor!” I half-yelled in glee.
Tripp smiled the mischievous one that told me he was up to no good. “How does that explain why the hell you’re in this hospital bed? What is going on?”
“Guys, give me a second?”
“We need to go, Mr. Devereux.”
“I know,” he answered. “Just give me a moment with my girl so I can say goodbye.”
“Goodbye? What the fuck, Tripp. You’re scaring me!”
“None of this makes sense right now, but Bridge, I’m a match.” It took a few moments for what he said to sink in. The second it dawned on me, my smile turned into a frown.
“No, no, no, you can’t be! You can’t do this, Tripp!”
“Yes, I can and I have. Collier’s going to have a piece of me in him. I can’t wait to give him shit about it either!”
“Don’t make light of this. This is not fucking funny. You could die and I’d lose you both! There has to be another way. Tell them no. You can’t. It’s not…“ A sob broke me and I leaned over the bed. He held me. I held on so tight I worried I might have finished off those severely bruised ribs.
“Bridge, there’s no other way. All of us were tested. Miraculous, I’m a match. Go figure.”
“No.“ I cried. “You can’t. I’ll lose you both. I won’t survive if something happens.”
“Bridge, baby, you’re going to be fine. I’m going to be fine. Dr. Nicholls, an excellent surgeon, was flown in. Aspen made sure we had the best transplant team. She was throwing money at the crew, trying to get random people to sign up to be donors and get checked. The doctors had to shut that down quick before they received a lawsuit.” He chuckled.
“Oh my God. I had no idea.” A lot seemed to have taken place while I was standing guard next to Collier’s bedside.
“Yeah, she and Hank had words because she’s actually a blood match, too, but with the pregnancy…”
“Oh no. They’d never let her.” He nodded and pointed to his nose. “Yeah, she wanted to be tested anyway. Hank fucking lost it. It was kind of funny.” My frown deepened. “Guess you had to be there.”
“Tripp, seriously. Why are you doing this? You don’t even like Collier.” My tears fell and dropped on our combined hands. He rubbed our hands with his fingers.
“I love you. And you love him. I heard you last night Bridge. Telling him how sorry you were for not admitting your love. I had just found out that I was a possible match. I was waiting for the rest of the tests to see if I was a sure thing. When I came to find you, you were hunched over his bedside and I’d never seen you so gone for a man. Even James. I had to help. And now I can.” Intense emotions jumped off him and slammed into me, proving his love and gratitude. “I want to give you back your life. Exactly what you’ve given me over the past few years. You saved me. Now it’s my turn to save you.” A tear slipped down his cheek.
There weren’t words but I reached for them anyway. “I love you.“
“More than anyone?”
“Right now? Yes!” We laughed.
“Alright driver, I’m ready. Let’s go get my girl her man back!” That actually made me smile.
“Tripp, thank you.” His eyes closed and he let go of my hand. The team wheeled him away to the surgery bay.
“See you on the flip side, Bridge.”
Moments later Collier’s body headed toward the same door Tripp went through.
Please God. You’ve taken James. Don’t take Collier or Tripp. Please.
I stopped Collier’s bed before it went through. Before the team of medical professionals could say anything, I leaned over his bed and pressed my lips to his. I detected a small pressure back before I pulled away.
“I love you, Collier. I’ll be waiting for you,” I whispered in his ear. With one last kiss, I let them take the man I loved away.
Chapter - 18
A standard kidney transplant takes approximately three hours if you have a living donor. Three hours doesn’t sound long, unless you have a room filled with freaked out Brits who spoke a mile a minute.
Meeting Collier’s parents, sister, brother-in-law and nephew under normal circumstances would have sent me barreling to the hills. Under the peril of their son possibly dying, right along with my best friend? Unconscionable.
Slipping away from the British Invasion, I made it over to where my sister sat primly, beautifully put together even after two days of crazy. As I sat next to her, she held my hand and I cuddled into her side. No matter who she was in the business world, no matter how much money poured into her bank accounts, she was first and foremost my big sister. She could make me feel better when I was hurting.
“How you holdin’ up?”
“Holdin’? Did you just drop the “g” on that word?”
Her blue eyes twinkled as she smiled. “Hank’s rubbing off on me. I’ll try to put it in check. Must be the country environment.”
“It’s okay. I think it’s cute. How’s my baby doing?” I leaned over and put my ear to her belly bump. All I could hear was the swish-swish of her body, but it made me feel better knowing I was so near to new life. Aspen tunneled her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp as the events of the last couple days sank in.
“I’m officially at seventeen weeks.” I heard the rumble of her voice against her stomach and tilted my head so that I could hear her but continued to appreciate her soft touch against my hair.
“Does that mean we get to find out what it is?” God, I love my sister so much right now. She was purposely talking about the one and only subject that could take my mind off the fear of what was going on with the two men I loved and adored in a sterile room not far from where I sat. “Three more weeks.”
I pinched my lips together. “I have a friend who went to a place called Peek-a-boo Baby where she got to see a whole month earlier than that.”
Aspen’s fingers scratched along the crown of my head, soothing and lovingly. “London, if God meant for us to see our children, he would have covered our bellies in glass instead of skin and tissue. No, Hank is also adamant about not doing that.” She laughed. “He actually said, and I quote, ’Ain’t no way in hell some fruit-loop is going to wave a wand over my baby and give her radiation or some shit. Nut uh.’”
A giggle eased the tension and it felt good. “I can totally see him saying something like that. He’s the fruit-loop.”
Aspen nodded and looked over at her husband. My sister was sitting next to me, comforting me instead of Fiji bound for her honeymoon.
“Thank you for staying,” I whispered and tried not to cry again. I was so tired of crying.
“There’s no place I’d rather be than here with you, making sure our extended family is okay.” She kissed my forehead and I lifted up.
“You mean Tripp?”
“Yes, and Collier too. I can see how much he means to you. A blind man could. It’s written across your face and sealed into your essence. I could feel it at the wedding when he showed up. I just knew then that you were finally going to be okay. You have found your mate…for the second time.”
Traitorous tears built again but I pushed them back. “Yeah, but I never got to tell him. I’m so afraid I’ll never get to.”
Aspen grabbed my hand and put her other one on my cheek. “It’s not going to happen twice, London. I know it. I feel it in every bone in my body. Have faith. Just have faith.”
I closed my eyes and sent a silent prayer to the big guy upstairs once more.
Aspen hugged me and settled back into her chair. We watched as Ella, Collier and Nate’s other sister handed her baby over to a willing Hank. The boy was screaming bloody murder but Hank put out his big hands and clasped the baby to his large chest. Immediately he snuggled the baby into his embrace and rocked him from side to side. The mother gave him the pacifier the baby wouldn’t take previously and Hank wiggled it into the baby’s mouth. Instant quiet fell over the room. It was heavenly.
I nudged Aspen in the shoulder. “Looks like your husband has the magic touch.”
“Yes he does.” She grinned and had the stunning look of a woman in love shining behind her blue eyes.
After what seemed like days, Dr. Nicholls entered the waiting room. The entire room went completely quiet as the good doctor smiled. “Okay, the Dean tells me I can blow through the medical privacy and just spill the details.” He winked at Aspen and she grinned proudly, obviously having made another donation to another hospital to get her way, besides sending her jet to fly the man from New York to Texas to do the transplant. Man, I owed my sister big. “First and foremost I want to say both patients are doing well. There were a few dropped heart rate moments in Mr. Stone, but he’s healthy and strong. We suspect most of that had to do with his body’s trauma leading up to needing the new kidney. Mr. Devereux flew through the surgery with flying colors and will be awake soon. Mr. Stone, we’re keeping sedated to allow additional time for his body to mate with the new organ. I’m sorry to say, only one of you can see him at a time.”
Aspen cleared her throat and lifted two fingers making her expectation clear. The little woman standing behind Dr. Nicholls with the ugly suit and hair pulled tightly in a bun must be the Dean of Medicine. She nodded her acceptance of Aspen’s silent request. Money talks.
“I mean two will be allowed in at once. Just remember folks, they have both been through a lot. Especially, Mr. Stone. He’ll likely be in the hospital a solid ten days. Mr. Devereux will be able to leave in three or four, provided everything goes well post-surgery. This is good news, everybody. They’re both going to live long and healthy lives.”
The phrase ‘long and healthy lives’ sent me to my knees on the cold laminate floor. Collier would live. He wasn’t taken from me. Unlike James, both he and Tripp were spared
. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you
, I chanted over and over again until someone lifted me and helped me into a seat. The scent of cookies surrounded me as I sobbed and shook. The past day’s events came to a head. The two men I loved most in the entire world were going to live.
“He’s going to live,” I choked out.
“Yes, sweet girl. My boy and your friend are strong men with a lot to live for, you being a good reason for my son.”