CHAPTER 28
Ava was starting to wear a groove in the wood floors from pacing when her phone finally rang. She pounced on it, expecting it was Jasper. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
“Just a couple of sore dogs from dancing.” Her mother's voice washed over her. Ava didn't realize how much she wanted to hear from her until now.
“Mom. Sorry. I thought you were Jasper.”
“Why would Jasper be hurt?”
“He had a challenging court case this morning. Said he might have a bit of a sore head after.” God, she was an awful liar. What bad timing. Jasper was okay, wasn't he? Surely he ran away when the psycho with the knife left with his mobile and wallet. Then again, how was he going to get home without his mobile and wallet? Any other girlfriend would be rushing out in a taxi heading for Hyde Park. But how was she to know if he was still there? He wouldn't expect her to come, so it was not like he was waiting for her. Was he? She hoped he was on his way over here. This was why she was no good for him. She couldn't come to anyone's rescue. She'd better not let her mother know what happened or she'd be insisting Ava get on the next plane. “Are
you
okay, Mom? Why haven't you called?”
“The time difference. I don't want to wake you up.”
“I've been worried sick.”
“I'm sorry. Are
you
okay?”
“I am. I'm doing better than I ever have.” It was true, wasn't it? Just because she hadn't been able to tackle the list didn't mean there wasn't improvement. “I threw a party.”
“I want you to come home.”
“Did you hear what I said?”
I threw a party, Mom! A party!
How did her mother become this person? This person who didn't pay any attention to her daughter? Ava supposed she'd used up all her chips in her younger years. Her agoraphobia had turned her mother into a part-time prisoner too. And now she was free of Ava and never wanted to go back. Ava couldn't blame her. Was that what would happen to Jasper if she stayed with him? Would he end up hating her? Feeling like a prisoner? “Why don't you come and visit?”
“Oh, now you want me?”
“Yes. Now I want you.” Now was not the time to get in a fight. All she cared about was making sure Jasper was okay.
“I don't want to go to London anymore. This whole thing with your aunt Beverly makes me furious all over again.”
Makes you furious?
Ava had better watch what she said or she was going to get sucked into this. She glanced at the cabinet where all the letters were residing. Every time she even looked in that direction she could feel herself heating up.
Pick your battles, pick your battles, pick your battles.
“I think there were hard feelings on both sides.”
“On both sides? Is Beverly talking from the grave now? It wouldn't surprise me a bit.”
“I know she came to the funeral.” Ava blurted it out. Her accusation was met with silence. “I know she tried to see me. And you wouldn't let her.” Her mother wasn't going to respond? Of course; the most infuriating thing she could do. “How could you?”
“You don't know the whole story.”
“Then tell me.”
“I don't like your tone.”
“I don't like being lied to.” Kept in the dark. Just like she'd kept herself in the dark all these years.
“I'll explain everything when you're back home.”
“I am home. I live here now.”
“Have you been out of the house? It's been, what? Almost a month?”
“I'm surprised you know that. Given that you haven't tried to contact me.”
“I've tried. You don't always answer.”
“Did you leave a message?”
“You know I don't like leaving messages.”
“Beverly has a rotary phone, and no caller ID. I thought you hadn't bothered calling me at all.”
“Well, I have. And I've been waiting. Waiting for you to come home.”
“This is my home now.”
“For how long? Have you done a single thing on that ridiculous list?”
“As a matter of fact.” Ava wanted to lie. Tell her mother she'd sat on a bench in Hyde Park with Jasper. She'd almost made it to the food market, and she'd lost her flatmate's lucky charm but was able to get him off to his audition with a pep talk, and just now she was sketching a perp's penis. None of it sounded very impressive. “I've been drawing. Everyone likes my cartoons.” That part was true.
“I'll talk to you when you get home.”
Her mother was about to hang up; she could hear it in her voice. “I'm in love,” Ava said. She hung up.
There.
Let her mother take that little tidbit to her next line dance and stomp on it.
Someone pounded on the door. Ava opened it. Jasper stumbled in. His hair was messed up. His eyes were red. “Are you all right?” he asked her.
“You're asking me? I'm just worried about you.” Jasper grabbed her in a hug, then held her at arm's length. “Listen to me. That never happens. I've sat in that park a million times. A million. That is the first time I have ever, ever been mugged.”
“Come in. Calm down.”
“Scotch.” He went straight to the bar. “You're almost out. I'll buy you more. I'll empty the off-license of Scotch.” He poured a drink and downed it. “Never been mugged in my life.”
“I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I told him to take your cash and leave your wallet. Did he?”
“No. Imagine that. A mugger without manners.” He started to laugh.
“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” This was all her fault.
“I don't care about my wallet or my mobile.” He set his drink down and approached Ava. “I just wanted you to have a lovely day, sitting on a bench in the bloody park.” Ava started laughing. Jasper looked at her, startled. Then he started to laugh too. “So was it good for you?”
“The best. He even showed me his shlong.”
“He . . . what? His what?”
“Yep. Flashed me.” Ava picked up her sketch and showed it to Jasper.
“Oh, good Christ.”
“Just in case there's ever a penis lineup.”
Jasper shook his head, and laughter rolled out of him. “What a tiny, tiny prick. Wouldn't you say?”
“The worst.”
“Do you mind?” Jasper ripped it up.
Ava shook her head. “That was our only lead.”
“Scotland Yard will have to survive.” He threw his arms open, then wrapped them around her and hugged her. “So you're not scarred for life?”
“Honestly, that doesn't scare me any more or less than just sitting on the bench would. I know that sounds weird. It's just how I'm wired.”
“Sometimes I hate the world,” Jasper said. “I want to wrap it up, give it a nice little bow, and hand it to you like a present. And what happens? Some wanker pulls out his pathetic little penis.”
“He also had a knife. I was so worried. “
“I'm all right. Not a cut on me.”
“I should have jumped in a taxi, come to your rescue.”
“I'm here, aren't I?”
“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
“Please, stop apologizing. Let me apologize. I apologize on behalf of London.”
“I have to change. I have to do something on the list.”
“No,” Jasper said. Gently he backed out of the embrace. “Look at what happened when I tried one thing on the list. I've never been held up at knifepoint. That doesn't happen. The bloody thing is cursed.”
“Then I lose the flat. I go home.”
Jasper snapped his fingers. “Queenie is the answer. You've been getting along with Queenie, haven't you?”
Ava nodded. Thank God she didn't admit to Queenie that she was the one who lost his lucky charm. He'd barely spoken to Jasper since. “But I'm still going to try to do everything on that list. Every single thing.” Ava didn't know why she was saying that, but every time she did, Jasper looked so proud one minute and concerned the next.
“I don't want to put you in any danger,” he said.
“It's perceived danger, not real danger.”
“What if you pass out, have a heart attack?”
“You'll be there.”
“I'm so sorry I let Beverly go ahead with this scheme. I didn't know. None of us realized.”
“I know.”
“I'm so sorry.”
“I'm not. I feel alive. For the first time in a long time.”
Jasper touched Ava's chin, tilted her face toward him. “Do you want to know a secret?”
“Please.”
“I'm terrified too. Every single day, I'm terrified. But even more so since I've met you.”
Ava shook her head. “Seriously. I'll have to start writing these down. You're horrific at this love talk business.”
Jasper laughed again. She loved his laugh. Everything about him was like a gift. “I just meant I'm terrified at that thought of losing you. I know that sounds insecure, and I don't mean it that way. But I don't want this to end. Ever. I want you in my life. And I'm terrified of discovering this is just a dream. That I just dreamt you. Because if you are a dream, then I don't want to wake up. I don't ever want to wake up.”
“Kiss me.” He took her in his arms. They kissed in front of the open windows. When he pulled away, Ava had tears in her eyes. She went to the stereo, turned it on, and found a slow song. “Dance with me?”
“It would be my pleasure.” They danced in front of the windows. They danced in the galley kitchen. They danced in the hall. Ava danced Jasper right into the bedroom. And then, she stripped while he watched. With Cliff it was always hurried. With Jasper it was slow. They delayed the moment, second by second, savoring each step. Jasper spent an eternity just looking at her.
“You are so incredibly beautiful,” he said. Ava dived underneath the covers, and invited him in.
Later, they lay in bed, under the covers. Jasper was so nice to be around, so easy. He made her feel safe and warm. “I got you something,” he whispered just as she was falling asleep.
“What?” Ava sat up.
“Maybe I should save it for later.”
Ava punched him lightly on the arm. “Now, please.” Jasper leaned over the bed and picked up his pants. “Thank you,” Ava said. “But they're really not my style.”
“Ha-ha.” Jasper removed a little blue card from the pocket, and handed it to Ava. She read the word on it. “Oyster.” It was the card you needed to ride the Tube or a bus. “Don't panic. It doesn't mean you have to use it. But you'll feel like a real Londoner with it in your pocket. You can ride the Tube, buses, trains, even the cable line that runs over the Thames. That would knock two things off your list in one go.”
Ava stared at the card. She felt the hot tears in the back of her eyes, the lump in her throat. “Thank you.”
“You're all right then?”
“Of course.”
“It's not to pressure you.”
“I know that.”
“Okay, good. Because if you feel pressured we can cut it up, right now.”
“I love it,” Ava said. She didn't. She was downright sick. The Tube. Open spaces underground. The map alone sent her spinning. Lines going every which way. Going somewhere. Going nowhere. To Ava, it was all the same. It was just like her and Jasper. Barreling on, hurling through space, going somewhere and nowhere at the exact same time.