Loneliness Trilogy Bundle Boxset (34 page)

He looks at me, and I see the worry in his eyes. He’s worrying that I cannot handle the conversation or the topic.

“Okay. Only because her attitudes affect you so very much. You have worked so hard to get where you are in your career, Johanna. I want you to know that I recognize that.”

“Yes. I knew back in primary school that I wanted to immerse myself in music, sing and perform. Mum and dad got me into the Queen’s School, and from there, I went to university. I was close to graduation when I auditioned for The Lonely Lovers, and, even then, they took only the best. Back then, of course, the group weren’t as well-known as it is today - it took a lot of hard work and practice for us to get to where we are. It’s sad that Millie’s attitudes are threatening all that we have achieved, but Marcus, please know - I do not blame you, not one whit.”

“I know, luv. No worries. I’m just so sorry that my sister is causing you so much pain.”

We hug and go to bed. I am too depressed to make love, so we simply cuddle until we fall asleep - which, for me, takes a few hours.

Chapter 23

T
he topic wears heavily on my mind for the next several days. Marcus and I decide to ask my mum and dad to take care of Lizzie so we can visit Ruby and Andrew - on a night when we are positive that Millie and Robert will not be there. Marcus learns that Millie will be busy with membership activities at her church.

Marcus is very serious when we drop round his parents’ home.

“Mum, dad, have you noticed a change in Millie’s attitudes and beliefs since she has returned to England?”

Andrew is silent for several long seconds.

“I have. She’s very…rough…with certain groups and members of those groups.”

“Marcus, I hadn’t noticed any change. Are you sure?” Ruby asks, her voice growing with concern.

I say,“Mum, I was getting dessert for Lizzie and me. The bowl was directly behind Millie. I overheard her calling me a slut. Marcus heard her, too.”

Ruby is understandably shocked. After all, her oldest child has essentially changed, becoming someone her family cannot recognize.

“My God! Jo, darling, I am so, so sorry! Millie…well, she used to be so much more accepting of other groups. Now…well…” Her voice fades into nothingness.

Marcus has brought several printouts that he stashed in his computer bag.

“I want to show both of you what I found out about her memberships and activities while she was in the United States.” He gives them the solid proof that Millie has been involved in a group that singled out several minority groups, then targeted individuals from those groups for hateful treatment. He also shows them the roster that shows Millie has been involved in a political group that did the same.

“My God!” This comes from Andrew. It is clear that this is the first they have known about Millie’s affiliations and activities.

“Mum, dad, she is expressing the belief that artists are to be dismissed and not given grants or other support; that immigrants are to be shipped back to their countries of origin; that lesbians, gays and the transgendered are to be fought politically at every step. I don’t know if she got involved in the political arm of this group, but just hearing her say these things makes me realize that I don’t want Lizzie - or any other children we might have - around her,” says Marcus.

I step in here.“I want to let you and Andrew know that you are more than welcome round our house whenever we are at home. We want the two of you to continue a close relationship with Lizzie.”

Ruby begins to cry at this point, expressing her gratitude that we will continue to welcome them.

To make my point, I ask Ruby if she has expressed any of the extreme views that Millie has expressed.

Ruby shakes her head, “No.”

I smile at her and assure her that they are very much welcome round our home!

Over the next few weeks, I begin to feel very tired during the day. I realize that the tiredness is there even when I have slept well the night before. I notice another sign - Marcus, Lizzie and I are walking past a fish and chip shop and the smell of the oil they use to cook the food puts me off my food. I don’t get sick - I just feel “off.”

After two weeks of this, Marcus looks at me.

“Luv, I think you’re pregnant.”

“But I’m not having morning sickness!” I say.

“Does that matter? You’re sleepy and, when we passed that fish and chips shop a few days ago, I noticed that you had turned a lovely shade of pale green. You don’t normally do that, so I’m guessing you’re pregnant!”

“Hmmm, hadn’t thought of it that way. That’s fast work if I am!” I smile in excitement, then yawn widely. “I guess I need to get a pregnancy test!”

Marcus grins back at me and heats water for tea.

“Hot tea for you. Practice and, when we get home tonight, I’ll take care of Lizzie’s bath and you get to sleep early.”

“Tempting! But I like bathing her, too!”

“Let’s do this. If you’re not keeling over by Lizzie’s bath time, you can bathe her. If you are, you’re going right to bed,” Marcus promises. He must know something I don’t.

That evening, it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open as we eat. Plus, when I get up, I’m overwhelmed with dizziness and an attack of nausea. I clap my hand over my mouth.

“Upstairs. Bed. Loo, if you need it. I’ll take care of Lizzie. Go,” Marcus orders.

I don’t argue. Instead, I scurry upstairs and sit on the side of the tub with my head lowered. It takes me several minutes to get back to normal - or what passes for normal for me in this condition. I brush my teeth and yawn again.

“Oy. Bed,” I mutter to myself.

Less than one hour later, I feel a small hand patting my cheek and I come awake.

“Mummy? Mummy?”

“Oh, my luv. Mummy’s just very tired. Come here and give me a sweet kiss and daddy will take you to bed,” I murmur to Lizzie.

Lizzie lays her head down on my pillow and kisses the tip of my nose.

“Night, night, mummy.” I hear Lizzie’s little voice as if through a long tunnel.

“Night, night, Lizzie. I love…”

Several minutes later, I feel Marcus’s side of the bed dip down as he brushes my hair back.

“Yup, Johanna, I think you’re pregnant. You don’t normally zonk out like this,” Marcus says quietly.

My hand moves to my abdomen and I cup it protectively.

“I’ll buy a pregnancy test tomorrow, and depending on the results, call my midwife to find out for sure,” I tell Marcus. I stretch, still feeling very sleepy.

“Good. I hope you’ll make sure that what you eat is good for our little junior in there.”

“I am already. Err on the side of…” Once again, I yawn.

The next afternoon, Marcus stops in an apothecary parking lot so I can buy a pregnancy test. He waits outside with Lizzie, who is playing in her car seat in the back of the vehicle. I yawn as I get into the car, and Marcus smiles knowingly.

“You’re happy, especially if I am, aren’t you?” I twist back and look at Lizzie, contentedly playing with small toys we stash into her nappy-bag.

After dinner, I contend with another wave of nausea. Okay, so maybe, if I am pregnant, I’ll be dealing with nausea. As long as it doesn’t get as bad as what I experienced in the United States, I am fine with that! After I bathe my little girl, I help her brush her teeth, read her a night time story and tuck her into her crib - which might just be handed down to a little brother or sister!

Marcus comes upstairs and Lizzie and I are giggling at each other, and he’s holding the apothecary bag, which he waves at me.

“Okay, but I want to finish giving Lizzie loves,” I tell him.

Marcus joins in on the fun, then, we bid Lizzie good night. He takes my hand and draws me to the bathroom.

Taking the package, I read the instructions carefully and follow them to a “T.” While I wait, I invite Marcus in to share the tension and nervousness with me.

He times the pregnancy test, peering at his watch, which has a second sweep hand. After the prescribed amount of time is up, we look at the results - I am definitely pregnant again! The line is a bright, strong blue.

“I’ll call Gwen tomorrow before we leave for practice,” I tell him. My words are slightly muffled, because Marcus is pressing me so tightly to him.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” he asks.

I pull away just slightly and repeat myself. “I’m going to call the midwife. Gwen. Make an appointment.”

“Good. I just want to know that you are taking care of yourself straight through. We didn’t know until after you hit four months that you were expecting Lizzie, so it’s time to start taking care of yourself,” he says.

“I must be only a few weeks along. I’ve only been feeling exhausted for a while now. Knock on wood that I won’t have the same level of morning sickness I had before!”

“You know, I don’t think it will be such a big problem for you this time round,” Marcus says thoughtfully.

“Why?”

“We were in the United States during the summer. Heat got to you and made you dreadfully ill. It’s summer here, but the heat is much less intense,” he says.

“I hope you’re right.”

“About Millie,” said Marcus hesitantly.

“Go on.”

“You know what she’ll say when she learns we’re to become parents again.”

“‘Order a paternity test! The slut has struck again! That kid’s not yours!’” I bellow. “Yes. Can we wait until we have to announce it to her? I’d like time to come up with some really snappy rebuttals to her hatred.”

“I’m fine with that, and I’m glad you’re able to exercise such a good sense of humor about it,” Marcus says.

“If I didn’t have that, Marcus, I’d be a quivering, weeping blob on the ground. I know I’m honest and faithful to you. You know that, as well. What else can I do? She’s…forgive me, but she’s a flamin’ idiot.”

Marcus sighs. “You know, seven years ago, I would have rallied against you for saying that. Now, I just agree with you.”

My sleepiness overwhelms me at that point, so I brush my teeth, kiss Marcus and put on a light nightgown. Five minutes later, I am sound asleep.

One week later, I am at the midwife’s, undergoing a physical.

“Oh, yes, Jo, you are most definitely expecting again! Are you getting plenty of rest, drinking lots of water and eating right?”