Lonely This Christmas (6 page)

“Listen, how about we meet up tomorrow for a coffee and a chat. Something doesn’t seem quite right and I’m keen to get to the bottom of it; how about it?”

Ian hadn’t lost that puppy dog look that he used to have, and he had obviously perfected it over the years.

“OK, let’s do it.”

Pulling Judy close to him again, Ian couldn’t stop himself from blurting out what was going through his head.”

“I’ve dreamt of getting this chance a million times, but I never thought it would happen. It’s like New Years Eve all over again.”

Judy wasn’t really listening to Ian, she was trapped in the moment, and she was back in the school assembly hall at the 1974 Christmas disco. Back then, Judy was a bright and
happy teenager with her whole life ahead of her. Lost in her own world, Judy failed to realize that the song was coming to an end, and if it hadn’t been for the sound of Elaine’s voice, she would have carried on daydreaming.

“Well, look at you two love birds. Should I be making my own way home tonight?”

“No, don’t be silly; we came here together, we’ll leave together.”

For the remainder of the evening things were much more light hearted. It seemed that coming here tonight was a cathartic experience for Judy; she wasn’t scared of the school bully any longer, and she had coped well meeting Ian again. Judy and Elaine had even remembered the old dance routines, and exhibited their talents to a packed room a few hours later.

Although the trio had recognized a few faces, most people had changed a good deal, and the years plus life itself had taken its toll on many. The tacky name badges had certainly helped to identify a lot of them, and so had served a useful purpose after all. It was great fun catching up with old classmates and finding out what they had done with their life. Ian, Elaine, and Judy learnt that some of their class mates hadn’t even lived to reach their 50th, and this poignant fact led all three of them to acknowledge that they had a lot to be grateful for.

By the end of the evening nothing could dampen the mood in the reunion hall; and as Judy and Elaine said their goodbyes Ian slipped a slip of paper into Judy’s hand. Seizing the moment, Ian kept hold of her hand and leaned in gently to whisper in her ear.

“Text me the time and place to meet up tomorrow, and please don’t stand me up again.”

Slightly taken aback by this last remark, Judy didn’t quite know how to respond. Lost for words she simply nodded and smiled, and watched as he turned and left the room alone. Judy suddenly felt the urge to run after him, but she resisted, knowing that tomorrow they could meet up and she would have the opportunity to finally release the demons that had haunted her for so many years.

When he’d left her decades earlier Judy had reproached herself, blaming her plain looks, her skinny shape, and unremarkable personality. It took a long time to rebuild her confidence which had been shaken to the core, but time and meeting Bruce increased her feelings of self-worth. She had been through so much in her life since then and she would speak her mind tomorrow.

It had already been decided that the taxi would drop Judy off first as she lived closest. Elaine talked nonstop in the cab, and when Judy waved goodbye as the taxi pulled away, her face tingled from the cold night air, and her ears rang with the abrupt silence.
Putting her key into the front door, Judy was suddenly overcome by dreadful feelings of solitude and couldn’t wait to climb into her warm bed.

When she finally settled down for the night, Judy had plenty of time to reflect on the evening. She was surprised at how much of her anger had subsided, and it was clear to her that Ian still had the same hypnotic effect on her. Judy had always found it almost impossible to stay mad at him for long, and although she had really wanted to vent her spleen and tell him how he had broken her heart, something had stopped her. Perhaps there was a good reason why Ian had left, and she would finally find out tomorrow. For tonight, she just wanted to remember the good times; so closing her eyes she took herself back to New Years Eve 1976, a night she would never forget.

It was 1976, it was Friday, it was New Years Eve, and Judy had decided that tonight was going to be a night that she would never forget as long as she lived. She had just recently celebrated her 2
nd
anniversary of going out with Ian, and it was now time to take the next step.

Judy’s parents, Catherine and Ronald, were spending New Years Eve as they always did. Aunty Ruth was Catherine’s sister, and had been married to Uncle Thomas forever. Every New Year’s Eve, Ruth and Thomas would invite the entire family to celebrate bringing in the New Year with them. This was one occasion that Catherine would dig her heels in about, and curiously it was the one battle that Ronald always allowed her to win.

The annual congregating of the in-laws was a bone of contention with Judy’s parents, and as long back as Judy could remember her father had spent much of the Christmas holidays moaning about the New Year’s ritual. Most times he would reluctantly attend the party and just permanently sulk, but the rosy cheeked eternally happy Aunty Ruth refused to allow him to bring the party down. The slightly built Uncle Thomas would attempt to cajole Ronald into joining in the celebrations, but with little success, and then finally everyone would simply give up trying. It had always seemed to Judy that her father was his own worst enemy; he really would rather sulk to make a point, than lighten up for a few hours and enjoy the celebrations.

Judy had always enjoyed the family get together, because it gave her chance to catch up with her cousins, and it was also the rare occasion when her mother looked really happy. Judy loved to see her mother smiling and it didn’t seem to happen much these days.

Anyway, this New Years Eve Judy had managed to persuade her parents that she didn’t feel too well, and she’d rather have an early night. She did feel rather guilty about the deception, but she knew that if she’d said that she wanted to spend the evening alone with Ian, they certainly wouldn’t allow it.

As soon as she waved them off in the taxi, Judy picked up the phone and invited Ian over for the evening. He had no idea what she had planned, but she was almost sure that he would not object.

Unlike many other of her friends, Judy wanted the first time to be very special. They could have gone all the way much sooner, but they had both agreed that they’d wait until it was legal, which in their case was when they had reached the ripe old age of sixteen. Tonight they would have the house to themselves, so they could relax and take their time with each other.

Despite all the talk about ‘free love’ in the 60’s and 70’s it wasn’t quite so liberated as some liked to make out. Of course, boys could still ‘spread the love’, but girls were still scorned if they tried the same. Judy knew that she could never survive being labeled ‘easy’; even though Ian had already assured her a thousand times that they would be together forever.

When the doorbell rang, Judy nervously answered the door. A shivering Ian stood there, bright red nose, soft flakes of snow covering his shoulders. Inviting Ian in to the warmth of her home, she knew already this would be a night to remember.

After a respectable time of the usual canoodling, Judy suggested that they go up to her room to listen to some music. Hand in hand they nervously climbed the staircase to her room. Sitting on the bed Ian looked slightly uncomfortable and was not his usual jokey self.

Turning on the small bedside transistor radio Judy hoped that some of their favorite music would help them both relax. When the dulcet tones of Elton John, Alvin Stardust, and Showaddywaddy had eased the tension, the love struck anxious couple lay down on top of the shocking pink bed cover. Hugging each other tenderly the apprehensive teenagers showed their love for each other in the most ultimate way.

When the radio DJ introduced the next track Ian and Judy were relaxing in each other’s arms. They had shared something special together, and as Dr. Hook began to sing Ian was almost his old self again.

“Listen, do you hear fireworks?” asked Judy, snuggling Ian tightly.

“Yes; but I’ve been hearing fireworks for the past half hour,” he joked as he stroked her hair.

“Very funny,” Judy responded as she dug him playfully in the ribs, “but this won’t change things between us will it?”

“Too right it will change things,” quipped Ian, before immediately realizing that this wasn’t the time to make joking around; “I promise you Judy I’ll never forget this New Years Eve as long as I live, it’ll be our special secret anniversary. Let’s celebrate our anniversary every year, even when we’re old and grey.”

Kissing Judy gently on the forehead, the two lovebirds fell silent. Judy found herself being overwhelmed with emotions at Ian’s sentimentality; and she was blissfully unaware that only a few months later, Ian would be gone and she would be left heartbroken.

The sound of an incoming text awoke Judy, and she soon realized that she must have dozed off last night somewhere during her period of reminiscing. It was a text from Elaine.

The message read, ‘Hope you enjoyed last night, don’t miss out, Judy. It’s not often we get a second chance. Make sure you meet Ian and straighten things out’.

The text brought a smile to Judy’s face. She knew that, as best friends always do, Elaine wanted a fairytale ending for her and she would love to oblige. However, until she met up with Ian she couldn’t tell how this real life story would end. After replying to Elaine’s text, Judy searched for the slip of paper. Like a nervous schoolgirl, hands trembling, she proceeded to compose a carefully worded text. The backspace key went into overdrive, as she deleted one word after another until the message to Ian was acceptable. Finally written, Judy counted to ten and clicked ‘send’.

Knowing that she might have to wait a while for a reply, Judy flicked through her wardrobe looking for inspiration. Anyone would have thought she was going on a first date, as she stared at her own reflection in the full length mirror. First holding one outfit in front of her, then another, she tossed the discarded outfits onto the bed. Eventually common sense resumed and she settled for a winter white cashmere jumper teamed up with black cord narrow legged trousers. This outfit would go perfect with her black leather ankle boots. The ground looked slippery outside and she had no intention of spending the afternoon in ‘Casualty’.

When Judy’s phone pinged again, she rushed to see if the incoming text was the one she was eagerly waiting, and it was. A quiver of excitement ran through her as she read the text from Ian. Her head was spinning and the conflict of emotions was making her dizzy. There was time enough to get showered and changed before their meeting, but for Judy their meeting could not come soon enough.

Smokey Joe’s Café was the venue, although the name above the door had changed many times since Ian and Judy had spent their Saturday mornings there with Elaine and Kevin. It was indeed the 21
st
Century, and the name above the door might be Le Petit Café, but it would always be affectionately known as Smokey Joe’s as long as it remained standing. The Formica table tops may have been replaced by knotty pine French farmhouse tables; the nicotine stained walls might be long gone, hidden behind fake beams and cheap floral pictures, but the place would always hold fond memories.

When Judy opened the café door Ian was already in there, and as the broad smile spread across his face she remembered how he used to smile at her that way before. The smell of strong coffee and baking bread filled the room, and she was suddenly overcome by the sickly feeling of butterflies in her stomach. Wondering if Ian could tell she was nervous, she began to blush.

“Have I got you flustered?” he asked as he laughed rather nervously.

“No,” she lied, “I’ve just been rushing about all morning.”

Judy wondered had Ian seen through her fibs; she pulled the multi colored woolen scarf from around her neck and at the same time glimpsed from the corner of her eyes to check his expression. Of course he was grinning; he had always been able to tell when she was fibbing and it was clear that he hadn’t lost his touch. There was no point in beating around the bush; she needed to clear the air.

“Place hasn’t changed a bit has it?” quipped Ian.

“I wasn’t sure whether I was going to come here today, but I decided that I would come and tell you exactly what I think of you,” replied Judy, resisting the urge to raise her voice above the music in the background.

“What’s your problem; you dumped me after all didn’t you? I asked you to meet me, you didn’t show. You can hardly blame me for going away; after all what was the point in sticking around where I wasn’t wanted?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. First of all you didn’t ask me to meet you, you just disappeared, and who said I didn’t want you, not me that’s for sure.”

The two sat in stunned silence. It was like that old schoolyard game of ‘First to speak loses’. After what seemed like an eternity, Ian was first to break the silence.

“If you remember we were arguing quite a bit about me going off backpacking with Kevin. The day before I left, I called round at your house but you weren’t home. I handed your dad a letter asking you to meet me; and I told you in the letter that if you really didn’t want me to go then I wouldn’t. I even phoned later that evening to try and talk it through, but your dad said you didn’t want to talk to me.

“So I left the next day with Kevin; we went backpacking and ended up in France. We got jobs washing dishes to make a bit of extra cash. After about a month I thought you might have calmed down and forgiven me for going off with Kevin, so I called your house for the last time. Your dad told me you had signed up for college and you had met someone new. I thought I’d let you down and I just wanted you to be happy. So I just kept on travelling around from job to job. Eventually I returned back home but by that time my parents had moved, to be near Barbara. So I never came back here again, until the reunion that is.”

Judy was absolutely stunned. Surely Ian would not make up such a story, but her father had never given her a letter or told her that Ian had called. Thinking back, her father had been even more evasive than usual when Ian’s name was mentioned.

“You don’t have to take my word for it, you just ask your dad, in fact you needn’t bother, I’ll ask your dad. I must admit I was scared of him back then, but then I was just a kid. I’m not intimidated by anyone anymore, so let’s ask him together,” Ian suggested.

“Dad died six years ago.”

“Oh, sorry to hear that, how’s your mum?” Ian asked apologetically.

“Well, you know, she’s fine. In fact, after he died she was devastated, but then she became like this whole new person. She’s never at home these days, always gadding about somewhere or other.”

“Weird; I remember she hardly went anywhere back then. Was your dad ill or was it sudden, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“No I don’t mind; he had a massive heart attack. We kept telling him; relax, don’t get so worked up about everything, but Dad just wouldn’t listen, he always knew best!”

Judy had loved her father, but his obstinate nature had often caused problems, and she couldn’t help feeling bitter that his obstinacy had partly contributed to his premature death. It was her belief that happy people lived longer, and even if she was wrong as least they enjoyed life more.

After the revelation from Ian, Judy’s anger towards him was subsiding and being redirected towards her late father. Maybe he had done what he thought was best; but he had watched her going through such torment and self recrimination after Ian went away, knowing full well that it was totally unnecessary. All he needed to do was to put his hands up and say that he’d done what he thought was right, admitted the truth, and she would have forgiven him.

“So, how are your mum and dad keeping?”

“They’re fine; still pretty active. They always liked you, Judy. After you, whenever I brought a girl home she would never quite measure up.”

“That’s strange, because I thought that they didn’t like me, and they felt that I was behind your reluctance to join the fire service like your dad.”

“No, not at all; they always knew I was a wild one. I didn’t want to join the fire service because I didn’t want the responsibility. I saw how my dad worried about leaving mum a widow if a shout went wrong. I saw how it tore him apart when he’d been on a bad job. You’re not supposed to let things get to you but he couldn’t help it, and I knew I would be the same.”

“But somewhere along the line you changed your mind; because you said at the reunion you joined the fire service after all.”

“Truth is, once I’d made the decision to remain single there was no one else to worry about, and I knew it would make my parents proud, so I signed up. After I met Nicole, I got a transfer to Admin. Thought I was doing the right thing, less risk and all that, but Nicole insisted we didn’t tell anyone. It seems that telling someone you’re a fireman demands respect, but doing the paperwork doesn’t,” Ian laughed.

Glancing at her watch, Judy realized it was time to go. She felt that they still had unfinished business, and really didn’t want this to be the last time she saw Ian. Luckily, Ian was thinking the very same thing.

“How about we meet for dinner tonight, unless you’ve already got plans?”

“No, I’ve nothing planned,” Judy smiled.

“I noticed that Del Rios Diner round the corner is now Le Bistro
D’Amour. Sounds classy, have you eaten there before?”

“No,” Judy giggled like a schoolgirl, “but it seems that everyone round here thinks if you give somewhere a French name it sounds more impressive, like this place for example. Anyway, what have we got to lose, let’s give it a go, who knows the food could be
amazing.”

“That’s settled then; I’ll pop my head in their door when we’re done, and see if they’ve got a table for tonight.”

After discussing what time Judy finished work and the best time to meet, Judy stood up and turned to leave.

“Judy,” Ian call after her.

As she turned, wondering if she’d left something behind, he looked quite sad.

“You won’t stand me up will you?”

“No, of course not,” she reassured him.

Judy rushed along; eagerly counting the minutes until their next meeting. The anger had gone, the apprehension had gone, all that was left was the urge to get together with Ian and make up for all the lost time.