Long Time Gone (Rough Riders) (11 page)

Last night when he came home, he’d been quieter than usual. After the sun went down, they sat side by side on the swing and she’d finally bugged him into telling her what was wrong.

“I was rough with you earlier. Rough and kinky and Christ, up until a few days ago, you were a damn virgin. It’s obvious that when I look at you, I just goddamn want you any way I can get you, and I forget about the fact you’re eighteen.”

That had pissed her off. She climbed on his lap and covered his mouth with her hand.

“I oughta spank
you
, Calvin McKay, for talkin’ such crap. Am I some mealy-mouthed maiden who can’t speak up for herself? Hell no. There are two people in bed doin’ what we’ve been doin’ and if one of us wanted to stop, then one of us is smart enough to say so. Have I said no?”

He shook his head.

“Have you said no?”

Another shake of his head.

“And I’m also smart enough to figure out that you haven’t asked the other women you’ve been with to do the fun, kinky things we’ve been doin’. Or maybe you thought that as a sheltered Catholic virgin I wouldn’t
know
what’s considered normal when it comes to sex, so you decided you’d sneak in some kinkier stuff to see if I balked.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Which probably would’ve been true…
if
I hadn’t found my Aunt Hulda’s erotic how-to books. She had a whole box of them. I have no idea where she got them, but I think because she was a nun who married a priest, neither of them knew shit about sex and they had to learn it from books.”

He mumbled something beneath her hand.

“So you
don’t
get to act sorry. Because I’m not. Not. At. Fucking. All. I liked that you don’t treat me like every other woman you’ve bounced on or like I’m some fragile doll you can break. I like that you play rough with me. If you woulda gone too far, I’da told you.”

And he’d proved how sorry he was for bringing it up. Twice.

So things were going good. So good that she mentioned to him she’d considered not going to Alaska.

But because Cal was smart, in addition to being loving and thoughtful, he was refusing to let her stay.

Refusing. To prove he wasn’t joking, he’d tossed her suitcases on the bed half an hour ago and reminded her of the bus schedule in Spearfish.

Kimi brooded as she sorted and repacked everything she owned.

The silence between them was deafening.

Then Cal’s strong arms encircled her. She closed her eyes and let the warmth and comfort of his sheltering body envelope her.

“I’m crazy about you, Kimi West. You know that.”

She slumped against him. “I know.”

“You may act older than you are, but it doesn’t change the fact that you
are
just eighteen. You have adventures ahead of you.” He kissed the top of her head. “I want that for you. To have the excitement of doin’ something new. You deserve a chance to see who you are away from your schooling and your family. You’ve been plannin’ this a long time—longer than you’ve been with me—and I’d never ask you to give that up.”

Even if I want you to ask me to stay?

Rather than phrase her response nicely, she felt her anger and fear of the unknown get the better of her. “Oh, so now that you’ve had me in your bed for a week, you’re tired of me? You’re gonna show me firsthand the McKay reputation for fucking until you get your fill and then moving on?”

“You don’t have to leave in anger,” he said softly. “You already left your family that way, don’t lump me in with them. There’s no need to say hurtful, untrue shit just because you can.” He brushed his mouth across her ear. “You think this is easy for me? You think my selfish side ain’t screamin’ up and down that I’m a fuckin’ idiot for makin’ you go? It’d be a damn sight easier askin’ you to stay. We both know that. But I never wanna see them pretty blue eyes glaring at me with resentment. I never wanna see a far-off look on your face that tells me you’re wondering how different your life would’ve been if you’d taken that chance. That’s a big goddamn burden for me to bear, sweetheart.”

“But how is making me go any different than what my family did by making my decisions for me?”

“Because
you
made this decision on your own. I’m just makin’ sure you stick with it.”

Tears welled up. “Why are you bein’ so reasonable?”

“One of us has to be.” He kissed the hollow below her ear. “Finish up and get those suitcases off the bed, woman, so I can strip you bare and give you something hot and hard to remember me.”

At least he hadn’t said he wanted to make love to her one last time.

So it was sort of ironic that’s how it played out. Cal touching her everywhere with those skilled hands. Knowing exactly how to make her purr, moan and scream. Him kissing her from the arch of her foot to the crown of her head and everywhere in between.

He dragged out the pleasure. When they’d both reached the point of no return, he whispered, “Come with me. I wanna hear you say my name.”

“Cal.”

“Look at me.”

She met his gaze and shattered beneath his pounding thrusts.

When the throbbing ebbed, she saw something deeper in his eyes and it soothed her ragged edges, knowing he’d be as messed up by her leaving as she was. Knowing their time together had meant as much to him as it had to her.

They remained locked together as their sweating bodies cooled and their heartbeats returned to normal.

After a few deep kisses, Cal slowly rolled off her. He snatched his clothes and left her to get dressed.

Kimi gave the rumpled bed one last look before she lugged her suitcases into the hall. Then she wandered through the house and out the back door.

She cried during her goodbye to Gigi. Maybe if she got the tears out of her system now, she wouldn’t sob as she watched Cal’s taillights fading off into the distance. The pup licked away her tears and whined. “Be a good girl. He’ll need extra doggie snuggles, so stick close.” She ruffled the soft fur. “But feel free to bite any other women he brings around.”

Gigi yipped agreement.

She shouldered her purse and saw her suitcases were gone. She found Cal leaning against the driver’s side of his pickup, squinting at something across the horizon.

“What?”

“It feels like rain. God knows we need it.”

“So we’re talkin’ about the weather now?”

Cal smirked. “Darlin’, sixty percent of rancher’s conversations are about weather and thirty-nine percent of conversations are about cattle.”

“And the other one percent?”

“Everything else.”

Kimi slid her hands up his chest. “Glad to know I made the one percent for a little while.”

“You’ve been ninety-nine percent this week and you know it.” He tugged her against him. “I’ve been wrestlin’ with how to say this, or if I oughta say it at all. I know you have to go. But when you get tired of the gypsy life, come back here. Come back to me. I’ll be waitin’ for you. For however long it takes.”

She lost the ability to breathe.

“I trust in this, what we have between us, to know that it’ll last. I’m confident enough to let you go, because I realize this ain’t the right time for us, but there
will
be a right time. And you will be back.”

“So you’ll just…?”

“Live my life as I’ve been. I’m not askin’ for any promises. I don’t need them because I know in my soul that you’re mine.” Cal tipped her head up and gazed into her eyes. “You’ve been mine, Kimi West, since the moment I saw you. My heart knew it; it just took a year for my head to catch up.”

“And for me to grow up.”

“Well, that was hangin’ over us too. But now…” He kissed her, almost chastely, but that kiss was a promise. “Now I’m stakin’ my claim on you. And I’ll be right here, waitin’ until you’re ready to do the same to me.”

Then Cal stepped aside and opened the driver’s side door for her.

The drive to Gillette was silent. But after Cal’s declaration there wasn’t anything else to say anyway.

Cal unloaded her bags and sat with her in the terminal after she’d bought her ticket.

When the intercom announced boarding, he walked outside with her.

The exhaust fumes from the bus eddied around them, churning the stiflingly hot air until she felt she was choking and couldn’t breathe.

“Take care of yourself, darlin’.”

“I will.”

“Have fun, be safe. Shoot first, ask questions later.”

She laughed through her tears.

“Keep in touch. Let me know when you get settled.”

“I’ll miss you.”
I already miss you.

He kissed her forehead.

“Cal—”

“Go,” he said gruffly, “before I change my goddamned mind and make you stay.”

She stood on tiptoe and kissed his chin, his dimple, and those beautiful lips. She whispered, “See you around, cowboy,” and forced herself to get on that bus. She took a window seat on the opposite side of where Cal had stood.

But when the bus pulled out, ten minutes later, she saw him, standing there, watching her leave.

***

Later that night Cal sat on the tailgate of his truck, throwing the ball for Gigi, trying like hell to focus on the sunset, or all the shit he had to catch up on starting tomorrow. He tried to think about anything besides the hole in his gut that half a bottle of whiskey hadn’t filled.

The sun had dropped below the horizon. He rested back on his elbows, wondering if he oughta sleep out beneath the stars tonight. He knew his bed smelled like her and that might just do him in.

A truck barreled up the driveway at breakneck speed. He wondered if there’d ever come a day when his brother didn’t drive like a damn idiot.

Carson jumped out of the truck and Gigi was right there, her ball in her mouth, her tail wagging happily. He tossed the ball a few times before he grabbed a brown paper bag out of his truck and ambled over.

Cal kept his gaze on the horizon. A bottle of Wild Turkey appeared in his peripheral vision.

“I figured you might need this,” Carson offered as an explanation.

“Why? That stuff tastes like shit.”

“You’re gonna drink until you pass out so you might as well not waste the good stuff. And this shit ain’t half bad comin’ back up in the middle of the night.”

“Thanks for that. I thought maybe you were just cheap.”

“There’s that too.” Carson cracked the top and took a long pull. He couldn’t withhold a shudder. Then he passed the bottle to Cal.

He swallowed a mouthful and almost spit it out. It went down the wrong pipe and he ended up coughing like he’d just taken his first drink.

His brother pounded him on the back. Then Carson did the oddest thing; he left his hand there in the middle of Cal’s back. A moment passed and he stated, “She left today.”

“Yep.”

Carson squeezed his shoulder and let his hand drop. “I hate that for you.”

“I hate it for me too.” He swigged from the bottle. “She wanted to stay.”

“She did?”

“Yeah.” He knocked back another drink. “I made her go.”

“Shit. Why’d you do that?”

“She needs to experience things I can’t give her.”

“Did you get that lame-brained idea from a dime-store card or something?”

“Fuck you.”

Carson laughed. “I ain’t gonna pretend to understand why you did that.”

“As I was sittin’ here, alone with my dog, drinkin’ myself into a stupor, I don’t understand why I did it either.” He paused. “I miss her, Carse. I had one week with her and I shouldn’t miss her this goddamned bad but I do.”

“Length of time don’t mean shit, Cal. You know that from seein’ how fast Carolyn became everything to me.”

“Yeah, well, I was hopin’ to avoid that emotional shit.”

His brother laughed again. “And you stepped right in it—with a West girl to boot.”

Cal said nothing. He just drank.

So did Carson. Finally after a bit he said, “This ain’t no passin’ thing with Kimi, is it?”

“Nope.”

“She knows that?”

“Yep.”

“Then she’ll come back.”

“You sound so sure.”

“And you aren’t?”

“I was.” Cal sighed. “I mean, I am. It’s the waitin’ that’s gonna suck. Even when I know she’s worth the wait.”

Carson clapped him on the back. “Good thing we’ve got plenty of ranch matters to take your mind off it for the next couple of years.”

“Thanks for that.”

“Anytime.” He jumped off the tailgate. “You gonna be okay tonight?”

No
. “Yep. But I’ll probably be hung over tomorrow.” Cal pointed at the Wild Turkey. “And I’m blaming it on you.”

“You’ve done your share of mornin’ after whiskey therapy with me so it’s only fair I return the favor.”

Chapter Nine

Year one…

Kimi doll,