Authors: Hannah Foster
"Do you know what you're going to do when you're
released? Are you staying?"
"I'd like to. I was...I was wondering if I could come home with you?"
"With me?" she asked in surprise. "Not
Eric?"
"Eric and I aren't there yet - we may never be there. Sarah I have missed you and I have a lot of time to make up for. I thought I could start by spending time with you. And since your home is the only Jack knows maybe it would be easier on all of us if he gets to know me there." The stunned look on Sarah's face troubled her. "If you're okay with it," she amended. "If not, I mean I'm sure I can get an apartment. I do have some money and-"
Her words got muffled as Sarah hugged her tightly. "I'm more than okay with it."
The two women held onto each other for several minutes until Nathalie pulled back to look in her sister's eyes. "I don't know what's
going to happen with...well, anything in my life. But you will always be a part of my life, of Jack's life."
Sarah nodded as she fought back tears. "I hope so," she rasped.
Nathalie grabbed her sister's hand. "Sarah, I am done
running."
"Good." Sarah smiled tentatively.
"I hope you are, too."
Nathalie continued on at Sarah's perplexed look. "I
really hope you can stand still long enough to love someone, to...to let yourself be loved."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"What's going on with you and Drew?" Nathalie
pressed gently.
"Nothing." Sarah's response was emphatic.
"Nothing looks a lot like something to me. Neither of you can keep your eyes off one another when you're in the same room."
"Please," she scoffed. "You said it yourself, he's a total womanizer. Besides, I don't think you are one to be talking about longing looks."
A small blush covered her cheeks as she knew her sister
spoke the truth. She shrugged her shoulders. "Like I said, I don't what's going to happen with anything in my life."
"What do you want to happen?" Sarah asked softly.
Nathalie looked pensive. "I just want to be at
peace."
"Aren't we a pair?" Sarah smiled.
"Yeah," she whispered as a slight smile tipped the corners of her mouth as she pulled her sister back in for another hug. "We
are that."
Almost two weeks after her surgery, sitting on the couch, Nathalie could not keep the smile from her face as she watched Jack and his three friends played Wii baseball. Having returned from the Pump and Jump for the first part of his birthday party he told everyone he wanted to show his
mother what a good baseball player he was. All day long he had taken every opportunity to tell his friends, their parents and even complete strangers that she was his mother. It was worth more than all the money in the world to her.
Any shyness or nervousness at the sudden appearance of her in his life had vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. In the days since their reunion in her hospital room they had spent as much time together as they could and
when she had been released two days ago, no one had been more excited than Jack to have her under the same roof.
She had also enjoyed watching the way both Sarah and Eric interacted with him. It was almost impossible for her to articulate how
difficult it had been to give him up or to explain to anyone just how dark those days had been but at the core of her decision had been the need for Jack to be with a family who would love him as she would and who would see the
potential in him and encourage him - all things she had been unable to do then. It was like a balm on her broken heart to know that her precious son was loved, completely and without condition. Even more comforting now was the knowledge he had been with his own family all this time. Others had looked out for her and
for him when she had been unable to do so. It was a generosity she would not take for granted and one she would spend the rest of her life trying to repay.
"Penny for your thoughts," Eric offered as he sat
down beside her.
"He's really happy," she observed, delighting in the sound of his laughter.
"Are you kidding? He's ecstatic - he got his birthday
wish."
She shook her head. "No, I mean before that. He's been a happy kid, hasn't he?"
He nodded. "Truly Nat. He's always been a happy, loving kid."
Sucking in a breath, she smiled. "I'm glad he's had
you."
Momentarily overcome he kissed her shoulder. "And now he has both of us."
Smiling gratefully, she squeezed his arm before getting up to join Jack and Sarah playing baseball.
"How you doing there Big Daddy?" Andrew asked taking Nathalie's recent vacated seat.
He smiled. "I'm good. God Drew - just look at them. It's my...that's my family."
Turning his head, Andrew looked at him in surprise. "So all is forgiven?"
Looking at his friend he gave a slight shrug. "I don't know - I just don't know. What I do know is my life is better with her in it
and I would rather work towards building something with her than carrying around anger and bitterness."
"Does she know that?" Andrew queried as he watched Sarah out of the corner of his eye laugh unabashedly at something Jack had
said.
Eric shook his head. "I'm not sure what her plans are," he admitted. "I don't think she wants to return to Africa but I don't know."
"And until you know you aren't going to tell her?"
"Something like that. Drew, I want her to stay because this is where she wants to be. Not because I asked her or she feels guilty for leaving Jack. I need her to decide on her own with no promises of anything from
me that staying here is better than running away."
Turning his attention back to the baseball contest, he watched as she scooped Jack up in her arms and hugged him tightly. "I think Jack may not be the only one getting a wish fulfilled."
#
As the party wound down and the inevitable sugar crash happened, Eric and Nathalie had tucked Jack into bed. Despite Sarah's offer to take her home, Nathalie had not quite been ready to leave either Jack or Eric
and as had always been their way, the two former lovers continued to gravitate towards each other.
Alone in the apartment, they sat on the couch looking through photo albums of Jack. Nathalie relished the opportunity to see what she
had missed and to share it with Eric. Turning the page, she paused over a photo of a shirtless Eric reclined on the couch and a six month old Jack curled up against his chest sleeping. She traced her finger along the border of the photo.
"You both look so peaceful there," she remarked quietly.
"We were," he told her, smiling. "That used to be our baseball tradition, until he actually started being interested in the
game."
She smiled lovingly at him. "You are an amazing father."
Tears gathered at her unsolicited compliment. Unable to help himself, he threaded his fingers through her hair. "Thank you for saying
that."
Nathalie closed her eyes and reveled momentarily in the warmth that coursed through her at his touch. There had been few men in the years since she had left Chicago but even Keith had been unable to elicit the
feelings in her that he could.
"Mom?"
Opening her eyes she found Jack, in his Spider-Man pajamas, standing in front of them. Eric dropped his fingers from her hair but left his
arm draped across her shoulder.
"I thought you were asleep," she told him.
He shook his head. "I can't fall asleep. Can you...can you come lie down with me until I do?"
"Of course I can."
It was hard for her to describe the feelings that welled up inside her at his request. Picking him up in her arms, she carried him down the hall to his bedroom. Having tucked him underneath the covers, she lay down
beside him and gathered him in her arms as she softly smoothed his hair off his face.
"Did you have a good birthday?" she asked, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
"Yeah" he nodded, fisting her shirt. "Best
birthday ever," he added tiredly. "Mom?"
"Yes baby?"
"Can you tell me about the day I was born?"
Back in Tanzania, during the nights when sleep was impossibility
she used to dream of a reunion with him, one where he would forgive her for the choice she made and in which she would tell him in no uncertain terms how much he was loved. Without fail, the night before his birthday she would always
dream of his birth and remember those moments when she saw him for the very first time.
Inhaling sharply, she nodded. Stroking his hair she smiled lovingly at him. "You were born at night," she began. "It was a
Thursday and it was eight days past the day we thought you were coming."
"I didn't want to come out?" he asked, his green eyes wide with anticipation.
"You didn't seem to be in a rush," she replied
with a grin. "I think you found it pretty comfy in my belly. And since you didn't seem to be in a rush, your Aunt Sarah and I went out to dinner."
"What happened?"
She continued to run her fingers through his hair, almost in disbelief at how much it was like his father's. "We were at the restaurant and I got a pain in my tummy. The pain got stronger and stronger and so we decided it was you telling me that you wanted out."
"Did I hurt you?" he asked worriedly.
"No, my love. It was just your way of letting me know that it was time to go to the hospital. So Aunt Sarah got the car and drove us
while I talked to you, asking you to just wait until we got there."
"So now I was in a rush?" Sleepy tones were shadowing his voice.
Chuckling softly, she nodded. "Yes, now you were in a
rush."
"So what happened?"
"We got to the hospital and they took me to the special room for Mommies. And after two hours you came into the world. You had thick black hair and your face was all scrunched up. You let out a small cry and they
put you on my chest and you squirmed and squiggled until I touched your back." Placing her hand on his back, she slowly rubbed it. "Like this."
"Then what did I do?" he asked, wide-eyed.
"Then you sighed and started to go back to sleep." She continued to rub his back and watched as his eyes fluttered closed. Within minutes soft ruffles of his breath echoed through the room.
Leaning in, she kissed his cheek. "I love you Jack," she whispered. "Always."
Having disentangled herself from his grip, she pulled his blankets up around him and kissed him one more time before padding softly to
the door. She stopped short as she saw Eric leaning against the doorframe. He stepped out of the way, letting her pass, before closing the door behind her.
"No epidural?" he asked.
She shook her head. "There was no time. My water broke in the restaurant and by the time we got to the hospital I was already 8 centimeters."
"You're pretty tough," he teased.
Laughing lightly she shook her head. "I didn't feel very tough; it hurt like hell. Ask Sarah - there were several very bad words that flew from lips. I think the nurses wanted to wash my mouth out with soap."
Taking her by the hand, he led her down the hall and back to
the living room. Shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, she smiled nervously.
"I...I should get going, it's late."
"You could stay," he offered without thinking.
Arching her eyebrow, she looked at him curiously. "And where would I sleep?"
"With me," he replied softly.
"Eric," she sighed. "No one understands
better than me what an emotional day - week - this has been. It's his birthday and the first one in which you are openly his father. You're...you're feeling something towards me that is rooted in all that today represents-"
"That's not it," he interjected. "I miss you" he said. "And I know...I know there is more that you'd like me to say but I just can't, not yet. But I do miss you. I'll admit that I have
missed being with you, after all the sex between us has always been good." Seeing the incredulous look on her face, he amended his statement with a smile. "I mean great."
"Damn straight it is" she told him, a playful
smile tugging on the corners of her mouth.
"But it's more than that," he told her more seriously. "I miss having you in my arms. Those nights in the hospital - very little has felt as right as those couple of nights where you were wrapped
around me."
With that he tugged her to him as his lips found hers. Nathalie moaned softly in submission as her body instantly melded to his. The sense of peace Nathalie felt when she was with him never ceased to amaze. All
the years and all the running and it all boiled down to this. Eric.
His tongue mated with hers as she felt his warm hands slip under her shirt. Instinctively, she pressed herself closer to him and felt his
hard length pressed against her belly. He placed gentle kissed across her throat as she began to rock her hips instinctively against him.
"Eric," she broke off, panting heavily. "Sleeping with me because you miss me..." she trailed off, struggling
to gain her composure. "That's okay for tonight" she offered, "but what happens tomorrow?
"I'm not sure," he replied honestly.
"Eric, do you like me? I don't mean the woman I used to
be but who I am now - a little battered and bruised with a decent sized amount of baggage that I carry with me. Do you like me as a person?"
"Of what I know, I do." He smoothed a stray piece
of hair off her cheek. "I see a strong, loving, resilient woman who survived more than any person has to endure." He paused to bring each of hands to his lips for a gentle kiss. "I see the mother of my child who did what she thought best to protect him."