Longings of the Heart (17 page)

“I’ll report the episode to the constable.”

“Mr. Atherton already has. He and some of his men have searched for the convict, but he’s not been found.”

“And Perry? How is he?”

“Gwen is caring for him. After the shooting, I took him to Dr. Gelson’s office. He saved Perry’s life. He’s a fine surgeon.” “Thank the Lord for that.”

Hannah smiled. “You would have been proud of Perry. He was quite brave. He nearly wrestled the musket away from that man. If not for its discharging, I’m sure Perry would have overpowered him.”

“Perry has always been spirited. I owe him dearly. If not for him . . .” His words faded and he looked intensely at Hannah. “I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.” He gripped her upper arms. “I’ll never leave you like that again. And after this, when we quarrel, we’ll find a better way to work it out, eh?”

Hannah nodded, but inside her stomach was still in knots. She wanted to remain in the quiet pool of love, but there was more to be discussed.

“John, you know that I shan’t have children. God is disciplining me, I’m certain of it. He’ll not bless me with a child.”

John enfolded Hannah in his arms and held her a moment before speaking. “If God sees fit to bless us with a family, then I shall rejoice. And if he doesn’t, there’s nothing can be done about it.” He caressed Hannah’s hair. “I’d rather live with you and without children than spend my life with any other.” He stepped back and placed a finger under her chin, tipping up her face so she looked at him. “I also know that God loves you and he blesses those he loves. We’ll have a family, in his time.”

12

Hands folded in her lap, Hannah pressed her back against the wagon’s seat. She gazed at green hillsides lying warm beneath the morning sun. Soft, round clouds rested against a blue sky, and a breeze rustled short grasses.

The ugliness that had taken place two weeks previously was far from her thoughts. “I like August. It may well be my favorite month. It’s not so hot as to cause discomfort and neither is it cold.”

“We might have some cool weather yet,” John said, lifting the reins and clicking his tongue. “I was lucky to get this mare at such a reasonable price. Fine thing, coming on that sale like I did.”

“She seems to be a good horse.”

“Not as fine as your mare, but she’ll do.” He gazed at the river.

“It’s a perfect day for a picnic. I’m glad we’ve planned one for after services. I do hope Lydia and the Athertons will join us.”

“They may have other plans.” Transferring the reins into one hand, John put an arm around Hannah and squeezed gently. “I wouldn’t mind too much if it were just you and me.”

Hannah leaned against him, thinking she’d never been quite so happy as she was at this moment. She languished in the goodness of life.

They moved through the hamlet of Parramatta, rolling past the general store and the smithy’s. Dr. Gelson’s office had a sign in the window saying that if an emergency arose, he could be found at the church.

“I think it’s a pity David’s no longer seeing Lydia. She’d make him a splendid wife.”

“I agree she’d make a good wife, but perhaps not for David.” “She’d be much better for him than Deidre. I don’t understand why he’s interested in her.”

“She’s a handsome woman.”

“And Lydia’s not?”

“Well, she has her own beauty.”

Hannah knew the difference. Lydia was handsome, in a healthy, wholesome way, and Deidre was stunningly beautiful. “That may be true,” Hannah said, “but external beauty means nothing if the inside is ugly.”

“You’ve said those kinds of things before about Deidre. Why do you think she’s ugly inside? She’s never done anything hostile against you . . . has she?”

“No. I’m not certain why I feel so strongly about her, except that she’s been somewhat intolerant toward me. And although she and Lydia were supposed to be friends, she still went after Dr. Gelson. That’s a betrayal. I believe she’s two-faced, to the extreme.”

“You’re being a bit harsh, don’t you think? Perhaps it was Dr. Gelson who did the going after, as you say.”

“I suppose it’s possible. But I don’t trust her.”

“Have you just cause?”

Hannah thought over John’s question. Had Deidre actually ever done anything outlandish or deceitful? Hannah had to answer no, but every time the woman sauntered up to John and batted her eyelashes at him, Hannah bristled.

“I simply know I’m right. I don’t have an explanation.” A breeze caught at Hannah’s bonnet, and she pressed a hand on it to hold it in place. “But in light of God’s commandment to love one another, I’ll do my best to be kind.”

“She’s probably not a bad sort.” John slapped the reins to hurry the horses along.

The church grounds were congested with buggies, wagons, and carriages. John pulled his wagon up alongside one of the Athertons’, the one used by the servants. He stepped out, tethered the horses, and gave Hannah a hand down. “Looks like most of the district is here this morning.”

“That’s what fine weather will do; it brings people out.” Hannah closed her eyes and tilted her face into the sunlight. “It feels good to be outdoors.” She looped her arm through John’s and they walked toward the church. Her step was light. She always looked forward to Sunday services. It was a time to see her friends and to learn of local news. Plus Reverend Taylor always had something worthwhile to share.

The reverend stood at the top of the steps. As John and Hannah approached him, he reached out a hand to John. “Grand morning, don’t you think?” He clasped John’s hand.

“That it is. Hannah and I thought a picnic would be fitting for such a fine day.”

“I quite agree.” The reverend smiled at Hannah.

“Would you care to join us?” she asked.

“I’d love to, but I’ve already accepted an invitation from the Parnells.” He smiled. “It promises to be a lively time. Lottie is always full of questions and stories. Adorable child, that one.”

“She is.” Hannah smiled and nodded, while inside she felt the longing to mother the little girl. Even after all this time, it still felt as if Lottie belonged with her. Hannah knew better. The Parnells were admirable parents, and Lottie was blessed to be part of their family. It had been an act of God that put the three of them together. And it was reprehensible of her to want anything else for the child or for Charles and Grace.
Forgive me, Lord, for my self-interest
.

John held Hannah’s elbow and steered her indoors. Hannah looked about for Lydia. She was seated midway, beside Mrs. Goudy. Gwen and Perry shared the same pew. Perry looked much better than the last time Hannah had seen him.

Hannah leaned in close to John. “Can we sit with Lydia?” she whispered.

“Of course.” He moved up the center aisle.

Deidre stood along an outside wall. Her eyes followed John, then moved to Hannah. Her expression was haughty. Remembering that she’d decided to try to be friendly, Hannah smiled. Deidre simply stared back at her.

“Hannah. Grand to see ye.” Lydia moved to the aisle and pulled Hannah into her embrace.

Hannah kept her hands on Lydia’s arms as she stepped back. “You look well,” she said, but her mind remained with Deidre. She’d seen something in the woman’s eyes, something that frightened her. She tried to focus on Lydia. “What is it that’s different? Oh, your hat. Is it new?”

Lydia touched the brim of the deep blue bonnet. “It is. Thought it was time I replaced my old one.”

“I love the flowers,” Hannah said of the small rosettes that rimmed the cap.

John moved down the row toward Perry. “You’re looking fit. Just a bit black around the eyes.” He grinned.

Holding one arm tucked next to his side, Perry stood slowly. He seemed a bit shaky. “I’m better. Thanks to David Gelson. He’s a fine surgeon.” He tossed a glance at the doctor. “Can’t hate him any longer, eh?”

“Should say not.” John rested a hand on Perry’s shoulder.

“Must say, I can’t understand his taste in women, though.”

John glanced at David who chatted with Deidre. He escorted her to a seat near the front. “They make a fine-looking couple.” “Lydia’s a better match for him. I’d think he would see that. I can’t figure out how he could throw her over for Deidre.”

Lydia turned to Perry. “I’d prefer that ye not speak as if I’m not here.”

In his usual slapdash way, Perry had spoken out of turn. Hannah smiled. At one time, she’d thought him coarse and even thoughtless, but she knew better now. Perry could sometimes be abrasive, but he had a good heart.

“Speaking me mind is all,” he said.

The reverend walked to the front of the church. Those standing took their seats and quieted.

John grasped Hannah’s hand and held it against his abdomen. Hannah could feel his strength. With him, she was safe and protected. She wondered at God’s goodness. Although she didn’t deserve a fine man like John Bradshaw, God had given him to her.
It’s God’s love
, she thought, unable to restrain a smile.

Music filled the small sanctuary and voices merged as parishioners sang the hymn “Lo He Comes with Clouds Descending.” As always, the music lifted Hannah’s heart and carried her closer to God. At this moment, she could believe almost anything, even that she and John might one day have a child. Perhaps God
would
choose to bless them in that way. She rested a hand on her stomach, thinking about how it would feel to actually experience such a gift.

Reverend Taylor concluded the service with prayer, and Hannah turned to Lydia. “Would you like to join John and me for a picnic? I made a lunch. There’s plenty.”

“My stomach has been grumbling for the past half hour. A picnic sounds perfect.”

Hannah looked at Mrs. Goudy. “Can you join us?”

“I’d like that.”

“Perry and Gwen?”

Gwen knit her brows. “Sounds grand, but I think Perry’s already done too much today. The doctor said he’s to be careful and not overtax himself.”

Perry’s expression was apologetic. “I am a bit done in.”

“Not long until you’re right as rain,” Mrs. Goudy said.

“I’m counting on it.”

“We’ll have you and Gwen over for dinner soon.”

John moved toward the aisleway. “Hannah, are you ready?” “I was hoping to have a word with Lottie and Mrs. Atherton.” “I’ll see to the horses,” he said and headed toward the church doors.

John took a handful of grain from a bucket in the back of the wagon and gave some to each horse. While the animals munched, he leaned against the rim of a wheel and watched as parishioners chatted and said their good-byes, then went on their way.

Deidre stepped out of the church. She looked as if she was searching for someone. When she saw John, she waved and walked toward him.

“Good day,” John said, wondering why Hannah had such a dislike for the woman. She seemed pleasant enough.

“Good day, John.” Her tone was clear and sweet. “Fine sermon, eh?”

“Indeed. Quite uplifting. The Word of the Lord sometimes pierces my heart. Today the reverend left me with much to consider. Living one’s life for the Lord is a lofty topic.”

“That it is.” Deidre swept up hair from her neck while offering John a coy look.

He felt slightly discomfited. “I see that you and David Gelson have become friends.”