Looking for Trouble (17 page)

She took a deep breath. “This is where they died,” she whispered. She’d never said it. Not out loud. She’d always said missing or disappeared or gone or vanished. But that wasn’t it anymore. Her mother was dead.

Alex took her hand and they watched the darkness together. “Strange that they were always so close to us,” he said.

She nodded, wondering how many times she’d passed these hills. “Do you want to stay the night again?” she asked.

His hand squeezed hers. “I’d like that.”

“Me, too.”

But neither of them moved for a long time. She’d finally gotten comfortable with this place somehow. Alex’s big hand wrapped around hers made it seem almost peaceful. Almost.

“I don’t know what to do with my mother’s ashes,” she admitted to the town.

She felt Alex turn toward her. “What?”

Sophie laughed nervously, self-conscious even in the dark. “I don’t know what to do with them.”

“Well, you don’t have to do anything with them. Keep them on the mantle or in a closet, even.”

“I mean I haven’t even picked them up yet. I can’t. I don’t know why.”

“Oh, Sophie,” he breathed, and then he surrounded her again, pulling her close to him, making it all go away. “I don’t know why either, but I get it. I do. You’re okay.”

She breathed through her mouth to try to keep the tears at bay. It mostly worked. She didn’t sob. She didn’t break down, but a few tears escaped. She had no idea why. It was so stupid. She’d go pick them up on Monday. What to do with them after wasn’t even her decision to make. Her father could keep them or bury them or spread them over his land. It wasn’t her responsibility.

Somehow she still didn’t feel better.

A coyote howled somewhere in the north. Another answered. Sophie wished she and Alex were already back at her place, warm under the covers and falling asleep. But when Alex asked if she was ready to ride, her heart leaped again. Yes.

She didn’t want to sleep yet. She wanted to fly.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“H
AS ANYONE SEEN
my kitten?” his mom asked.

Alex slanted an impatient look across the table. Yes, he’d seen her kitten exactly one hour before. It had been curled up against Sophie’s naked back before Alex had chased it off with a friendly nudge. He’d needed that back to himself.

“There’s one right there,” he said, pointing to a tabby slinking across the floor.

“No, the kitten is gray—” his mom started, but he cut her off.

“Maybe she’s lost here in the dining room.”

“It’s not that,” she snapped. “She goes outside.”

“Kittens aren’t safe outside,” he snapped back.

Shane rolled his eyes. “Let’s worry about the cat another day.”

Alex glared at both of them. He was too tired and irritated to be sitting at this so-called dining room table that was piled a foot high with papers and pictures and mail.

“All right, is everyone ready?” Shane asked.

Alex glanced down at his black jeans. Not exactly funeral wear, but this wasn’t exactly a funeral. Black jeans were the most formal thing he owned at the moment, but he figured he looked okay with the white shirt and gray tie that Shane had loaned him. He’d shaved his scalp and face, at least, so he wouldn’t scare any of the other guests.

“I’m ready,” their mom said. She was dressed in a black dress and sweater and even wore a little hat with a black veil. Yeah, she was ready, and pretty excited about the whole thing. “Alex, I just wish you’d reconsider. It’s not right.”

“I’m not making a speech, Mom, and that’s the end of it.”

“After everything he did for you, it’s the least you can do for him.”

“He’s dead, Mom. He doesn’t really care at this point.”

She gasped as if he’d slapped her. “He laid there for twenty-four years and you—”

“That’s right. He was there for twenty-four years. He wasn’t in Mexico. He wasn’t on the beach. He wasn’t kidnapped or injured or wandering the country with amnesia. All those days and weeks and years you made us look for him were wasted. Every single one. I don’t remember much about him except that wasted time and those made-up stories, thanks to you. I don’t remember the real man anymore. So no, I won’t be making a speech about him.”

He expected Shane to jump in and shut him up, but Shane didn’t say a word.

Their mom pressed her knuckles to her mouth. “That’s outrageous!” she cried.

Shane finally spoke. “Leave him alone, Mom. It’s time to go.”

“Leave him alone? He’s the one saying crazy things! Not me! I’m not crazy!”

“Nobody said you were crazy.”

Alex opened his mouth but Shane shot him a quelling look. Alex shrugged. Fine. Not today.

“Come on, Mom. Let’s get going.”

She wiped tears from her face and sniffed. “Fine. I just need to find my papers.”

Alex stood, knowing he’d lose his temper if he watched her search through this mess for the speech she’d printed out. “I’ll wait outside.”

He stepped out onto the stoop and suddenly wished he still smoked. He hadn’t had a cigarette in ten years, but Jesus, he needed one now. That place made him feel almost panicked, surrounded by all the lies she’d lived with for decades. Any reasonable person would’ve tossed that stuff as soon as the body was found. Why would she want to remind herself that she’d wasted so much time?

At least the front yard was free of that clutter. The grass was neatly cut, and the fall leaves raked away. He wondered if Shane took care of it for her. She certainly didn’t do it herself.

And suddenly there was a memory. Of his father. A real memory, not something filtered through his mother’s twisted mind.

They’d had a decent house back then on a couple of acres with a big barn. During the summer his dad had mowed the lawn on a riding mower. Shane and Alex had each begged to be taken for a ride. He’d always made them play rock-paper-scissors to see who went first.

But that last year, just a few weeks before he’d disappeared, his dad had started teaching Alex how to use the mower. Alex could still remember the pride and nervousness that had filled his chest as he’d sat between his dad’s knees and steered the mower. “You have to remember it’s not a toy,” his dad had said every single time. “You could hurt yourself or someone else. You have to take care.”

He’d taken care.

Unlike Shane, Alex hadn’t had a lot in common with their dad. Alex hadn’t liked training horses or camping or ranching. But riding on that stupid lawn mower, they’d bonded.

He could still remember the hot sun and the sharp scent of grass that cut through the duller cloud of diesel, and his dad’s big hands over his, showing him how to shift and steer and lift the blades during turns on the driveway.

And over the nearly deafening roar of the motor, his dad’s voice in his ear. “Good job, Alex. I think you’re better at this than I am. Next year it’s all yours.”

The next year it had been. But only until the bank had taken the house.

But for those few weeks, it had been the two of them, doing that chore together, sharing that time.

That was a real memory.

God, he wished he had a cigarette.

A bright flash of color drew his eye, and Alex caught sight of Sophie walking from her front door toward the street. Her head turned and she hesitated, but even from this distance, Alex could see her tentative smile when he raised a hand. She waved back, then turned away, heading the opposite way down the street, probably to avoid his mother’s house. But Alex still watched as she got farther away, his gaze glued to the vivid pink of her skirt as she walked.

The way she moved was already familiar to him. Something in her walk and the sway of her hips and the way she tipped her head. He’d recognize her just by her shadow, and even that shadow would make his heart trip just like it did now.

He didn’t want to leave her behind.

Alex looked away from her just before she disappeared around the corner.

It didn’t matter what he wanted. He was leaving. There was no question of that. But the feeling shook him. Even when he’d loved Andrea, he’d always felt a secret relief when it had been time to get back to work. A feeling that he was moving on, even when he knew he’d be returning.

He didn’t feel any relief about this goodbye, but that was probably an illusion. He could let himself feel attached because he knew he wasn’t. He’d known from the start that it would be nothing.

Then again, he’d had plenty of nothing in the past, and it hadn’t ever crept into him like this. He was actually taking a step down to follow her when a hand fell on his shoulder.

“Are you going to ride with us?” Shane asked.

“No, thanks. I’ll take the bike.”

“But if...” Shane paused for a moment, then cleared his throat. “Sure. Looks like a nice day for it.”

Alex started down the steps, but paused halfway down. He turned to face his brother, noticing then how much Shane looked like their dad. His eyes, of course, and the hard edge of his jaw, but he had his calmness, too. That steady strength. He definitely hadn’t had it at nineteen. Alex would never know when he’d grown into it, because he hadn’t been around to see.

“Thanks,” Alex finally said. “I’ll meet you there.”

His mother called out, but Alex walked away and left Shane to deal with it. For the first time, he could feel that it wasn’t right, but he kept going. He wouldn’t know how to go back if he wanted to.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

T
HREE MEN WERE
looking at the Providence ghost town display when Sophie walked in. There was a flyer for the dedication ceremony taped to the glass. When the men turned at the sound of the door closing behind her, she saw that they were all firemen from next door.

“Oh, hi, Sophie,” Will said.

“Hi,” she said with a falsely bright smile as she sailed past them.

“You doing okay?”

“I’m great! Running a little late. Gotta go!”

She hurried past the circulation desk, feeling eyes on her the whole time, but when she glanced over, no one was looking. She was imagining things. Still, she rushed for the door to her office and was just about to breathe a loud sigh of relief when she realized Lauren was waiting for her. Before Sophie could make an excuse and back out, Lauren grabbed her arm, pulled her in and shut the door.

“Your shift doesn’t start for eight minutes. I need details.
Now
.”

“What details?”

“Oh, my God, you know what details. I tried to be respectful and not call yesterday. Okay, Jake told me to be respectful, but—”

“You told Jake?”

“I had to tell someone! I walked in on you with a naked man. A really naked man. With tattoos. And
biceps
.”

“Lauren! It’s a secret.”

“I’m sorry! Jake was waiting in the truck and I was in shock! I just blurted it out without thinking, but he won’t tell anyone. You know he won’t. He thinks you’re so sweet he actually told me I was probably misinterpreting something. God, men are idiots.” She grabbed Sophie’s hand. “I’m really, really sorry. Please don’t punish me by not telling me about your bad boy. He looks like he’d do terrible things to you. Did he?”

She looked so hopeful that Sophie’s irritation fell away. She smiled and shook her head.

“He didn’t?”

“Of course he did. I’m under a lot of stress. Do you think I’d want to hang out and play Scrabble or something?”

“Well, you do love Scrabble.”

That was true, and she’d actually love to play Scrabble with Alex, preferably half-naked and stretched out on the bed.

“Sophie!” Lauren poked her arm. “Focus! Who is he?”

She shrugged. “Just a man. He’s passing through.”

“You mean you just found him walking down the highway and took him in for a few days?”

“No, he has his own place to stay! And he was on a motorcycle.”

Lauren’s jaw dropped. “Oh, my God. If I didn’t have a hot firefighter waiting at home, I’d knock you out and assume your identity.”

“Oh, please. I’m the one who’s had to watch you fall madly in love with the hottie next door. Give me my few days of dirty sex.”

Lauren leaned forward, eyes going even wider. “Is it dirty?”

Sophie answered with a proud grin. “Yes. It’s been pretty shameful, I have to be honest.”

“God, what are you even doing here? Why didn’t you call in sick?”

“Is that your solution to everything? You’re supposed to be the older, more responsible friend.”

“I’m the
wiser
friend, and I’m telling you that you need to be on bed rest, sister.”

Sophie rolled her eyes and tossed her purse in a desk drawer. “It doesn’t matter. I think he’s leaving tomorrow anyway.”

“Fine. Enjoy him while you can. But you’re being careful?” Lauren pressed.

“Of course, Mom. Sheesh. This isn’t my first rodeo.”

“Tell that to Jake. I swear he thinks you’re untouched.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Jake really was one of the nicest guys around, even if Lauren had spent years spying on his shirtless jogs. “Tell Jake he was right and it was actually my plumber you saw.”

“Naked with a towel?”

“Plumbing accident. He had to strip down. Jake will totally buy it and my reputation will be safe.”

Lauren snorted. “Not with me, you lucky little hussy. And I’ll expect more details at girls’ night tomorrow. I want to hear everything.”

No way was Sophie going to spill everything, but she supposed it wouldn’t hurt to tell Lauren a little bit after Alex was safely gone. And Isabelle wouldn’t tell a soul. In fact, she was so scatterbrained she’d probably forget everything once she was out of sight.

Sophie swallowed hard and straightened a few papers on the desk. “I’d better get to work.”

“Okay, I’m on my way out anyway.”

“Where are you going?”

Lauren cringed. “The dedication. Jean-Marie wants us to have a presence there and she has a meeting with the city council. So I volunteered.”

Sophie’s eyebrows flew up in shock, but Lauren reached out to touch her arm.

“I knew you couldn’t go, and I didn’t want anyone else going and...talking about it afterward.”

She had to blink hard when she realized that Lauren was trying to protect her. “Thank you. Seriously. I really appreciate that.” It was only after she reached to give Lauren a hug that the disaster of it all hit her square in the gut. Her hug turned into a clutch. “Wait. No. You can’t go.”

“Why not?”

She turned a hundred possibilities over in her mind, frantically searching for library projects to keep Lauren here. Or she could claim that she wanted to go herself, to pay her respects or—

“Hey,” Lauren said. “What’s wrong? I know it’s a stupid idea and nobody needs to go, but you know how Jean-Marie is when she gets an idea.”

Sophie tried not to let panic take her over. It wasn’t like she’d done something illegal. She’d just slept with the wrong guy at the wrong time.

“Lauren... Crap.” A look at the clock confirmed that Sophie was on the clock and didn’t have time for a lengthy explanation.

Shit. It was confession time. “Lauren, please don’t tell anyone this. I’m begging you.”

“What?” Lauren asked, her voice a little frantic now. “What’s wrong?”

“That man at my house... His name is Alex Bishop.”

Lauren started to shake her head, her face blank, but then her mouth formed a little O of shock. Sophie let her head drop in shame.

“Bishop?” her friend whispered.

“Yes.”

“Oh, my God.”

“His mom suspects, but no one knows. You can’t tell anyone.
Please
.”

“Of course I won’t. Just...don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. I won’t even acknowledge him at the dedication. Okay? Calm down.”

Sophie realized she was feeling more than a little panicked and breathing too fast.

“Okay,” she whispered. “Okay, this is almost over. One more day. Right?”

“Right. And then you’re going to tell me how you ended up in bed with that woman’s son.”

Sophie shook her head, suddenly feeling the horror fall over her.
That woman’s son.
She’d stopped thinking of him that way, somehow. He’d just become Alex to her. But Lauren was right. He was Rose’s son. The child of a woman who’d made her life hell. A woman who had every reason to hate Sophie’s family, because Dorothy Heyer had
damaged
her. Hurt her. Broken her heart.

“I’ve got to get going,” Lauren said. “If I’m late, Jean-Marie will kill me.” She pulled Sophie into a hug. “Are you going to be all right?”

Sophie nodded.

“Everything will be fine. I swear.”

She nodded again and pulled back before she started crying. “I know. I’m good.”

“Hey, just be glad she didn’t volunteer the whole staff to serve drinks or something.”

Sophie laughed. Lauren was always good at making her laugh. “God, Rose might’ve loved that.”

“See? Things could always be worse.”

“All right. Enough with the sayings from cat posters. We’ve got enough of those around here.”

Lauren winked. “Some day Jean-Marie will retire and I’ll take over. We’ll put up posters of shirtless men in glasses reading books.”

“I love you,” Sophie said.

“Don’t be maudlin. You’re a librarian, for God’s sake. Toughen up.”

Right. Toughen up. If she could deal with all the bored children whose parents treated the library as a drop-off day care in the summer, she could deal with one day of mild emotional discomfort. And the avid interest of everyone in town. She could do that.

And it turned out not to be that difficult. The library was quiet today. Maybe because everyone in town was at the dedication. Or maybe because it was a sunny day in fall, and the locals all sensed winter coming. They didn’t want to be indoors with books. They wanted to be out under the clear sky.

Normally Sophie would want that, too, but today she took comfort in the quietness of the library. The scent of books and copy paper and the old documents that held the history of the whole region.

She had sun here, after all. It streamed in through the side windows and warmed the bean-bag chairs in the corner of the children’s section. She stuck close to that area, putting out new displays of kids’ books for fall. She always enjoyed September. The kids were back in school and the section was quiet and not yet filled with books about Thanksgiving and Hanukkah and Christmas. Sophie could choose her very favorite kids’ books on any subject.

After she finished the kids’ display she felt calm enough to work on reorganizing the Spanish language section of magazines and popular novels. It took a little more concentration as she didn’t read a word of Spanish. In fact, she was focusing so completely that she didn’t register that her phone was buzzing in the pocket of her cardigan until it had stopped.

“Oops.” She looked guiltily around to be sure no one was watching. No cell phones in the library, after all. Just as she was pulling it out, it buzzed again. When she saw that it was Lauren, Sophie rushed toward the office and closed the door.

“Hey, is it over already?”

“No! Oh, my God, Sophie, I don’t know if I should tell you this.”

A dozen possibilities raced through her mind in a split second. Rose had ranted about Sophie, or Alex had shown up with a wife, or Wyatt Bishop wasn’t really dead, or—

“Your brother is here.”

“What?” she yelped.

“Your brother is right here in the audience! It’s really crowded, and I’m not sure if the Bishops have noticed, but—”

“Oh, my God. Why would he go?”

“I don’t know. I tried to talk to him, but he just brushed me off. Right now, everybody is just hanging out and looking at the displays. No one has started speaking yet. You don’t think he’s going to get up and say something, do you?”

Horror slammed through her. “No,” she breathed. He wouldn’t do that. Why would he? It would be hurtful and wrong and—

“Sophie?” Lauren said.

Oh, God. “They haven’t started talking yet?”

“No, I think it’ll be a few minutes.”

Sophie grabbed her purse and keys. “I need to stop him. I’ll be right there.”

She stopped at the circulation desk to pull their weekend clerk aside. “I’m so sorry. I have a family emergency. I’ll be back in an hour. Maybe two. Do you think you could call Betty and see if she can come in?”

The woman seemed alarmed by Sophie’s demeanor and nodded. “Absolutely. You go on. It’s slow. There shouldn’t be a problem.”

Sophie was already moving as she called out “Thank you!” then ran to her car. She fumbled her phone out as she turned the key in the ignition. She was in no state for driving and talking on the phone at the same time, but she had to get to her brother. She tried his phone, then tried again, then left a frantic voice mail.

“Please leave, David. Please. I don’t know what point you’re trying to make, but those people have a right to grieve any way they want to.
Please
.” She hung up and tried again, but he didn’t answer. Why would he? He knew what she’d say, and he obviously didn’t care to listen.

She couldn’t let this happen. Whatever his motivation was for going, she had to get him out. For selfish reasons and for unselfish reasons, as well. Yes, it would create a scandal for her family, but more than that, it would ruin what Wyatt Bishop’s family wanted to do for him. A small moment that meant something to them. She’d never resented that they were doing it, just that it revived stories she’d rather keep buried.

Sophie tried her brother’s phone one more time. When it went to voice mail, she hung up and tossed the phone onto the passenger seat with a shouted curse.

She was going to kill him for this. She was going to cut him out of her life, as effectively as you could cut off someone who you lived with most of the time.

Where the hell had he gone wrong? She’d done her best to do all the things for him that Mom would have. She’d done laundry and dishes and cooked and cleaned. She’d bandaged his scrapes and read to him. And they’d both still had their father, who was hardworking and loving and
good
. How the hell had David turned out to be so completely opposite?

“I babied him,” she muttered to herself. “I did all the hard work so he never had to.”

Now he just wanted a payout. Some excuse to never have to work hard in his life. He thought he was owed it because he’d lost something. Well, she’d lost something, too, damn it, and now he was going to destroy the peace she’d managed to dig out of the ashes.

For a brief moment as she sped down that long highway into the valley, Sophie considered texting Alex. She could warn him, at least. He wasn’t emotional about the dedication. He’d remain calm and take control of the situation.

But what if her brother didn’t remain calm? What if he was stupid enough to cause trouble with Alex? David would lose that brawl, without question, but Alex would be the one standing there as the man who’d gotten into a scuffle at his father’s memorial.

Her phone buzzed briefly, and Sophie dived for it.

Everyone is taking their seats.

Lauren.

Merry Kade is going to give an historical talk.

Another text popped up.
David hasn’t said or done anything. It’s fine.

Maybe it really was fine.

Sophie didn’t have time to text back, and she couldn’t risk it at seventy miles per hour anyway. Praying that she didn’t pass a cop, she pushed the car up to seventy-five, the adrenaline coursing through her veins making it seem like a logical decision.

It paid off, thank God. She was at the turnoff to Providence within a few minutes of the last text. She couldn’t go seventy-five on the dirt road, but she pushed it to forty-five, gritting her teeth as her car flew over ruts and furrows. Dust exploded behind her, like she was leaving ruin in her wake. She hoped that wasn’t true.