“Oh, it’s not even going that far. Trust me. Raven’s always been a busy girl. The real daddy is out there somewhere, and I’m going to find him. Sage is not paying for something he didn’t do,” Peyton said. He crossed his arms over his chest like that set things in stone.
Jasmin glanced over at Sage with a conflicted look on her face. He moaned in his sleep. His body shifted, and he ended up facing her. What kind of pain is he in, she wondered. Just the sight of him and the thought of how vulnerable he was, made her posture soften. Maybe her heart thawed a bit too.
“Peyton, I’ll help. Whatever you need, I’m there. Okay?"
“Cool,” he said, with a big grin. They bumped fists in a show of solidarity.
That evening the boys’ hospital room was full. There was Nadine, stretched out on a cot, but alert enough to jump if Sage needed anything. Halloran, covered with a light blanket, snoozed in a recliner. And Peyton, exhausted from his adrenaline-fueled talk with Jasmin, as well as medicated with heavy drugs, snored like he was calling the hogs.
Jasmin was still there. Still sitting between the two beds, but closer to Sage's now.
"The pain meds kick in yet?" she asked.
"Yeah, they’re starting to," Sage said. He shifted constantly, holding no position longer than a few minutes.
"Can I get you anything?"
"No. I'm fine," Sage lied. Jasmin got up and adjusted his pillows. He flinched a little when her arm brushed his. She noticed the gesture, but assumed it was from his pain. And it was. But not the kind of pain she thought.
"Sure you don't need--"
"I'm fine, okay? I don't need anything. I don't want anything. Especially from you," Sage snapped.
The impact of his words slammed her back in her chair. Jasmin had never heard him speak with such venom in his voice. It was like he was a totally different person.
"Sorry. I--" Jasmin choked up.
She blinked back tears, bit her lip, and pressed her nails into the palms of her hands. Don’t you dare let a single drop of fluid spill from your eyes, she told herself.
Sage’s eyes looked feverish, wild, unfocused. He wrung his hands in a fit of agitation. He chewed at the inside of his cheek. Anyone stealing a glance at him might have concluded he was a man possessed by some unseen entity.
And they would have been absolutely correct.
Suddenly, Sage turned his attention to Jasmin. Or at least he appeared to.
"You really want to give me something? Give me some peace. Can you do that? Can you make her stop invading the spaces in my head? Make her stop whispering to me when I’m asleep? None of it was my fault. I loved her. Just make her turn me loose!" Sage rambled.
He squeezed his head, as if whatever was going on in there could be drained like some pus-filled pimple. His behavior really started to rattle Jasmin. She squirmed in her chair, but kept him talking.
“Who, Sage? Do you mean Raven?”
“No. Not her. Serenity is the one who won’t leave me alone.”
Sage rose up in the bed, intent on pursuing whomever or whatever was torturing him. He zoned in on Jasmin again. His gaze was menacing. His hands were clenched into fists.
Jasmin’s eyes darted around the room, taking in the sleeping bodies all around her, looking for reinforcements if she needed them.
“Maybe I should get the doctor,” she stammered.
The terror in her eyes seeped into her whole body. She wanted to move, but felt paralyzed...powerless to do anything except stare at Sage and wonder what he would do next. Just when she felt the panic might overwhelm her, the voice of reason kicked in.
This is Sage. He won’t hurt you. He needs you right now. You have to do something to help him.
Jasmin went to the bed and clasped Sage’s hand. He didn’t flinch, but his eyes reflected suspicion and a tinge of fear.
“Sage, I’m here for you, and I won’t let anything bad happen. I promise. Serenity’s not here. She can’t hurt you. Just breathe and try to let go of whatever’s got you so upset. Breathe and blow out all the bad stuff.”
“Serenity’s not here?” Sage asked, in the voice of a scared little boy.
“No, Sage. It’s just us. Me, your parents, and Peyton. You’re safe,” Jasmin said.
She placed her hand on Sage’s chest forcing him to create a rhythm in the breaths he took. After several minutes of that, her gesture triggered something in Sage. The tension that had gripped his face, neck, and shoulders was sprung like a cheap lock. He settled into Jasmin’s arms. She cradled him tight, and cooed soft affirmations in his ear.
“Serenity’s not here. I’m safe,” Sage repeated. He clung to Jasmin like his life depended on it.
And perhaps it did.
Sage had fallen asleep. So had Jasmin’s arms. She delicately unwrapped herself from him and started to get up. Right away, he grabbed her shirt and held on tight.
“Don't go. Please. I'm sorry for scaring you like that earlier,” Sage said.
Jasmin sat back down. She hugged him.
“It’s okay. Peyton told me there are some things you’re trying to get over. I’m assuming he meant this thing with Serenity. And now there’s the mess with Raven. You want to talk about it?”
“Not now. Soon, though.” He paused for a split second, forged ahead again.
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you…all that stuff with Raven. I was wrong for that.”
“Sage, forget it. You didn’t owe me anything. We had just barely met. It wasn’t like we were a couple or anything.”
“But there was something there, Jas. I felt it that first day. I know you did too.”
Jasmin stared at him, let the words sink in.
“Yeah, I did. Maybe that’s why I shouldn’t have pushed you away so quickly. I know guys don’t always think with the right head. Things happen. You lose control. If anybody should know that, I should.”
“Jas, I was just stupid. Plain and simple. Now look what I’ve gotten myself into. This is some crazy stuff I’m dealing with.”
“Yeah, it is. But I sure didn’t help the situation.”
“Stop it! Okay? I did this.” Sage pounded his chest. “And I have to make it right,” he said.
“What if it’s not your baby? Peyton thinks she’s lying.”
“Maybe she is. Or maybe it is mine. I honestly don’t know what to believe. She was so determined to be with me. Like she was on a mission or something,” said Sage.
“Well, you never know what people are capable of, do you?” asked Jasmin.
“No. I guess you really don’t,” Sage said.
It was obvious he meant much more than just the situation at hand. He wrapped his arms around Jasmin again. Held her so tight she gasped.
Chapter 20
The wild-eyed, agitated Sage of the day before was gone. On their second day in the hospital, regular old Sage sat up in bed and functioned like a sane person.
Peyton, on the other hand, wasn’t feeling his usual spark, but he faked it because that’s who he was--Peyton the player, never the played.
He bopped his head to music coming from a pair of ear buds. All of a sudden he yanked the buds out with a dramatic flair.
"What's wrong?" Sage asked him.
"Nothing. Just tired of listening to it. Dirty Dog has some wack lyrics," Peyton said.
Sage cocked an eyebrow in surprise at the remark. When Peyton made no move to return to the music, Sage cracked up. He shook his head and turned his attention back to the deck of cards in front of him on the tray table. That boy must have hit his head really hard, Sage thought.
Something else popped in his head. Not only had the accident changed his best friend, it had changed Sage, too. For the first time, he really started to understand why his mom and Peyton were always sweating him to live in the moment. To stop clutching at things that couldn’t be changed.
He and Peyton could have easily died in that accident and what would he have to show for his life if they hadn’t survived? A wooden box full of regret in a room filled with guilt? What kind of legacy was that?
Sage realized he had to make some hard choices. If he was ever going to slay his demons and live a meaningful life, he had to start being honest with the people he loved. Himself included.
So he decided to start right there—with his best friend.
“Hey, Pey? Can I tell you something?”
“Yeah, man. What?”
Sage stalled. He fussed with his pillow, straightened his covers. Peyton looked at him like he was nuts.
“What, man? What you got to say? Go on and spill it.”
Sage fortified his lungs with a huge breath. He twisted the bottom of his t-shirt over his hands.
“I…I’ve been lying about all that stuff in the notebook.” The words tumbled out of his mouth on one big whoosh of air.
Peyton cocked his head and stared at this friend.
“For real? Why? Why’d you feel like you had to do that? Especially with me?” Peyton didn’t even try to hide the pain in his eyes. He felt betrayed and wanted Sage to know it, wanted him to feel it.
Sage had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could answer.
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want you to think I was weird or crazy. See…I…feel things sometimes. Hear things, too. Like Serenity is checking me.”
“You serious, Sage? It’s still hitting you that hard? The girl can’t touch you, man. Serenity is dead and buried,” Peyton rushed to assure him. Sage sighed, shaking his head. He started to regret even bringing the subject up.
“Yeah, Serenity is dead and buried. I know that. But I made a promise to never stop loving her. Ever. I promised over her casket. And sometimes I feel like she’s holding me to that, Pey.”
“Man, you were eleven years old. That shit don’t count!”
Peyton rustled around on his bed. The more agitated he got, the calmer Sage appeared. He held a patient palm up to Peyton.
It was a silent plea to be allowed to continue. He was afraid if he didn’t get the chance to purge everything right then, he might not ever have the guts to do it.
“It’s like Serenity…or her spirit…or whatever you want to call it is jealous when I pay attention to girls. So she does things to try and keep me from getting close to anybody. At least she did. Except that one time with Raven. I don’t know how I managed to shake her off that day. Whatever it was, I need to tap into it so I can keep her off my back.”
Sage turned away from Peyton, too scared to make eye contact, afraid he couldn’t bear to deal with what he might see there. The blanket covering him suddenly appeared real interesting, so he focused on that instead of Peyton’s face.
“Sage, look at me,” Peyton ordered. Sage ignored him.
Peyton threw back his own blanket, climbed out of bed gingerly, but strode over to Sage with purposeful steps. Exhausted from that tiny bit of effort, he plopped onto the side of the bed. He scanned Sage’s profile with sympathetic eyes.
“I know the thing with Serenity messed you up, man. It hit me hard, and you know I don’t let stuff get to me. So I kind of figured it was rough for you. But you didn’t have to front like that, Sage. I would have understood. You’re my boy. Closest thing I’ll ever have to a brother. You know I’ve always got your back, Saggy.” Peyton grinned and slapped Sage’s foot.
Sage finally turned to look at his friend. He smiled sadly at him and nodded, because he didn’t trust himself to say anything without dropping a few tears. Peyton pushed a clenched fist toward him for a quick bump. Sage tapped his fist.
“I’m curious about something, though,” Peyton said, with a sneaky grin. “If you’re not tapping that ass, why in the hell do the ladies keep swooping on you? Wouldn’t you think they’d talk amongst themselves and keep it moving? Right on past you. I know I would.”