Losing Her (12 page)

“I do.” Jameson’s body visibly relaxed at your words.

We stood at the head of the driveway, watching as you two weaved down the driveway.

“I also think these shoes are really difficult to walk in with you when you’re drunk.”

Kendall giggled, catching the attention of a couple of guys that were cutting through the yard. Did you hear them whistle at you guys? They wanted to catch your attention, but neither of you turned.

“Those are great shoes.” Kendall seemed oblivious to the guys, that or so used to it, it didn’t even faze her. “I love you too, Ace.”

“I love you too,” Your words were a whisper at this point as you veered once again as Kendall changed her course with a giggle.

Jameson was still itching to go help. I used to think his need to help women derived from growing up with his older sister that always sounded like such a pain in the ass from the stories he shared, but truth was, J just always wanted to help everyone.

“I’m glad you’re breaking up with Eric. He doesn’t deserve you.”

When you guys disappeared behind a large SUV, Jameson did a fist pump. “We just won the mother fucking lottery!”

I was still scared shitless, but he was right. We had.

Each time we hung out over the next few weeks, I felt my draw to be near you grow, even as we played that damn hot and cold game. I hated that you dated Eric, your bastard of a boyfriend so long. It made me feel desperate to deny my feelings. Yet each time I was around you I felt myself working to earn your smile—not the polite one. I’m now aware from spending time around your mom that your casual smile is a trait you inherited from her, it was probably even imposed on you. I didn’t give a shit about those smiles; you handed them out to anyone. I strived for the ones that made your lips stretch so far your nose crinkled slightly, and that small dimple above the corner of your left lip appeared. I found myself growing jealous of Kyle and your dad as strange as that sounds, because they received that smile constantly with little effort.

I
t’s been two weeks since the funeral. David’s parents returned to France this morning, and are the last of the extended family to leave. The Bosse driveway has been packed with cars over the last couple of weeks. Now, as I bring the garbage can to the curb, I notice how desolate it looks with only Mindi and Kyle’s van.

“What in the hell’s going on?”

I look up to see Kyle. His eyebrows are lowered over his eyes and his stride is swift, filled with intent. Kyle’s a big dude. I’m sure I can take him, but I don’t know that I’d ever want to try, partly because I think it would hurt like hell, and partly because I respect the son of a bitch that’s been scowling at me the last few weeks.

“I said what the fuck is going on, Max?”

“Actually, you said, ‘what in the hell is going on,’” I correct him, falling back into my old adolescent familiarity of being a smartass.

Kyle shakes his head and glowers at me. He’s not impressed. “You think you’re funny? Listen, I wasn’t on board with you and Ace dating. I saw the girls you used to bring home, and I’m sure it wasn’t to show them some damn rock collection, but she chose you. I thought maybe I was wrong, that maybe you weren’t such a dickhead. I thought you were serious about shit! I don’t know what went down. She won’t fucking talk about it, but Kendall says you flew off the fucking handle and broke up with her. Yet your pansy ass keeps dancing in and out of the house, and I swear to God, if you make her worse I will hunt you down and skin you alive. Don’t. Test. Me.”

I’ve only seen him this angry once, and that was after Eric had left a bruise on Ace’s arm after their breakup. I know he’s falling into his protective role, and it rubs me wrong.
Why is he thinking he needs to protect her from me?

He turns to go and then turns back to face me again, his eyebrows raised and his eyes looking wild. “Are you still together?”

I don’t know how to answer him. I don’t know how to explain that I was scared as shit that the one person I love most in this world was trying to shove me away, and therefore to prevent her from being able to leave me, I tried to leave her.

“Fuck you, Max. You aren’t the man I thought you were.” Kyle shakes his head, pursing his lips as he looks at the road between us. “Stay away from her. I don’t want you fucking her up more.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Kyle lifts an eyebrow as he looks at me. I’d be lying if I said he doesn’t look a little relieved. “This isn’t a game, Max. If you’re serious about this, if you’re serious about her, you need to sort your shit out.”

I head back in the house without responding to his idle threats that likely aren’t all that idle. I go to my room and cross in front of the window that looks out onto Ace’s and see that her shade, like the rest of her, is closed.

“Hey, man,” Jameson greets me as he enters the living room.

I’ve barely seen him over the last three weeks. I’m still continuing to tread in the unfamiliar waters with Ace, not certain how I’m supposed to act. She practically ignores me; then again, she practically ignores everyone lately. Kyle’s still glaring at me, but hasn’t said a word about me staying away since the incident in the driveway. I think he’s slowly realizing that whatever’s going on with Ace, has little to do with me.

I nod to Jameson as I follow him out the front door. I’m heading to San Diego for the day to get some things wrapped up. The school allowed the girls to take a short reprieve from their finals, but Jameson and I just finished, and I need to go and get more clothes because I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying here. My whole life feels like it’s on pause, waiting for a decision to be made, for some sort of normalcy to return.

“Are you heading to the house?”

I nod again and he stops in front me. I recognize his expression. He’s worried about me. “Want me to go with you? Kendall’s hanging out with Mindi and Savannah today.”

“If you really want to you can, but I don’t plan on doing much. I just need to get some things.”

Jameson nods a few times and then jerks his chin toward my Jeep. “Let’s go.”

The first half of our trip is nearly silent as Jameson messes with the radio, quietly grumbling about each song that plays. “So, have you and Ace talked about things?”

I turn my head to look at him, trying to gauge what ‘things’ he’s referring to. There’s been a shit load of ‘
things
’ lately.

“Kendall and I were talking, and she mentioned she doesn’t think Ace knows where you guys stand currently. Hell, I’m not sure anyone knows exactly where you guys stand right now. I know things are a clusterfuck right now, but maybe getting shit sorted would help make you both feel better.”

“She knows where I stand.”

“And where’s that?” Jameson asks.

“She needs to get better, and then we can work things out.”

“Maybe she needs shit sorted in order to get better.”

My fist slams against the steering wheel in frustration. I know he’s trying to be a good friend, but anger overshadows it because I feel like he’s collecting intel for Kendall, and the kicker is, I know he’s probably right.

We both fall silent again, this time he doesn’t bother touching the radio.

When we arrive in San Diego, Landon’s outside mowing the yard. He’s been traveling back and forth between San Diego and my mom’s. I know that even though he wasn’t as close to David as I was, or even Jameson for that matter, this is affecting him and dredging up old memories he still struggles with.

He turns off the mower as I pull up and wipes an arm across his brow. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jameson grumbles and slides past him.

Landon watches him retreat into the house before he turns to me. “One of the hardest things I had to deal with was channeling my feelings,” he begins, taking a seat on a large boulder sitting at the corner of our driveway. “When things go to shit, it’s easy to be pissed at the world, but sometimes you have to look around and realize that some of the things you’re pissed at are things that it would really suck to lose.”

I take a deep breath and clasp my hands behind my head. I know what he’s saying, I just don’t know how to not be angry at everyone right now.

“How’s she doing?”

I shake my head. “The same.”

“She’s tough. She’ll get better. Look at me, it took me over a year for my nightmares to stop waking up the house.”

My chin falls level with the ground as I stare at him. We’ve never discussed his nightmares. Jameson and I have discussed with him what he saw over there in great detail, but we’ve never once told him that we heard him scream at night.

“You don’t think that shit woke me up too?”

I’m stunned into silence.

“I had to stop sleeping with a weapon under my pillow like we did in the desert after you guys moved in because I was terrified one of you would come in during the middle of one of my episodes, and I’d kill you. It took me a few days before I could actually go to sleep and not feel panicked about not being armed.”

His words are chilling, and I thank God my mom isn’t around to hear them because I don’t know that she’d be able to recover from those thoughts. I push them away and lean against my Jeep. “The first time we heard it, Jameson came in with a butcher knife.”

“Rookie. A butcher knife is not the weapon of choice you want in that situation. You have to stand way too close to inflict damage.”

My lips pull up into a grin. “Alright, GI Joe, maybe you can explain that to him later.”

Landon smiles and wipes his hands on his jeans. “She’s going to be okay. Just keep being there for her. You wouldn’t believe how much you and J helped me out after you moved in by just being there as a constant for me, distracting me from my own demons.”

“You should never have had those demons haunting you.”

“No, but none of us should, and yet that’s life.”