Losing Her (26 page)

“Sorry, Max. It’s just me … Muriel.”

My shoulders slump.
Was I that obvious?
I stay silent, waiting for her to continue.

“I was actually calling to see if you would be interested in something …” My forehead scrunches as I try to anticipate what she’s going to ask. “I need to find a new home for Zeus. I know that, well, I understand your separation from all of us. However, I know you were really close to him, and I wanted to check with you first.”

Mental images fly through my head, not only of Zeus but of Ace, and David, and Kyle, and the rest of the family that I haven’t seen over the past few months.
She’s getting rid of him?
Ace would be devastated to learn this.

“Max?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll take him,” I instantly reply. “I’ll take him.” I repeat, nodding a couple of times before I stop, realizing she can’t see me. We make plans to meet the following day before we both hang up.

I turn into the parking lot Muriel and I arranged to meet at, and see the familiar blue SUV. I pull up beside it and watch as Muriel steps out.

“Max. It’s so good to see you,” she greets me and I notice her smile is different. It looks forced.

I nod to her in greeting, ignoring the fact that her eyes are intensely searching my face.

“You got a truck.” I hear the hint of a question as her tone rises, and I silently nod once again.

“It looks good. You look good.”

An awkward silence passes over us. I can feel her silent questions. I know that none of the girls have been receptive to Steven, or her relationship with him, and have all pulled away. They no longer flock there every Sunday; rather they call one another more frequently and make efforts to see each other every couple of weeks. It’s become one of my top reasons for hating Kendall living with us.

Either she realizes I’m not in the mood to neither reminisce nor discuss the current turmoil that her family’s experiencing, or she knows it’s not a safe topic of conversation and pulls open the back of the SUV, exposing Zeus.

His head perks up as he sees me, and his mouth drops open. He scurries to jump out and greet me.

“Hey, boy,” I say, rubbing the top of his head. His large body leans against me as he pants.

“This is the happiest I’ve seen him in months,” Muriel says quietly, handing me a bag. I glance in as I accept it, and notice toys and other Zeus paraphernalia. “His water and food bowls are in there. He hasn’t been eating very well. There are some treats and his brush, along with some other things.”

“Are you sure?”

“Steven’s allergic.” Her voice is barely audible, like she either fears my reaction or is embarrassed by the fact this is her motivation.

I scratch my head, trying to understand this woman; she’s giving me the last remaining member of her family for some replacement figure. I shake my head and look down at Zeus, noticing that he looks visibly thinner.

“She’d want you to have him. Maybe you guys can bring comfort to one another,” she adds as I turn to place the bag in the cab of my truck. “He misses her a lot too.”

“I’m not doing this for her,” I state, and then pat my thigh twice to get Zeus’s attention. He looks at me, and then turns his head to look at Muriel before he stands and trots over to me.

I hear her say a quiet goodbye that I don’t reciprocate as I close my door. The engine roars to life, and I head back home with Zeus beside me.

“Zeus?” Landon questions as Zeus lumbers inside without hesitation when I open the front door. I feel Landon’s eyes on me and look up to see him and Wes engaged in a game of pool, both looking at me with shocked expressions.

“Muriel was going to get rid of him,” I start to explain, hoping they don’t try to turn this into a big deal.

“He’s a super chill dog,” Wes says, reaching out to scratch him. “Welcome to the pad, big man.”

“What are you doing for Halloween?” Wes asks as he sets his weights back on the lip of the machine.

My eyes cut to him as I lift the deadweight bar and briefly lock my elbows.

“I don’t know, probably nothing.”

“Why don’t you come to Andy’s with me? We’ll get hammered and make Landon come pick us up.”

I laugh as I bring the weight to my chest again. This has become an all too familiar routine for us lately. We head to a bar or a club and ignore the fact that every blond head makes my head turn out of habit, which leads me to drink until the thoughts dull, along with my coordination.

“I’m not wearing a fucking costume this year,” I mutter, feeling a trail of sweat slide down my temple as I lift the bar again.

Wes chuckles and I know he’s thinking of last Halloween and the Wild West costumes the girls had talked us into wearing.

“Hey, could you show me how to do that?” Wes and I turn to see a girl with wavy dark brown hair and heavily tanned skin, wearing a bright orange sports bra with black Lycra shorts. “I usually stick to the machines, but I want to learn to lift. I just need someone to teach me how.”

“You don’t know how to lift things?” Wes asks, placing his hands on his hips. He used to be more of a player than Jameson, Landon, and I combined, and in our prime, yet lately he’s been more exclusive and seems completely turned off by the easy pieces he used to collect like coins.

“Not this kind of thing.” She giggles and turns her attention to me. “Please?”

I hear Wes let out a sigh as he turns away and shakes his head.

“Yeah,” I reply, docking my weight. “So you’ve never lifted before? Do you do yoga or something to strength train your arms?”

She giggles again and then flexes. Her arms are thin but show no tone or definition, just a small layer of fat at the bottom. Wes coughs out a laugh as he starts doing curls, and she dutifully ignores him, keeping her blue eyes on me, assessing my reaction to her.

“Alright. Let’s take these weights off. The bar weighs thirty by itself. You should probably start with that for at least a week.”

She lifts the bar and her arms quiver under the weight nearly instantly. She squeals out a giggle as I reach for it to ensure she doesn’t drop it on herself.

I hate that this moment makes me think of Ace. Comparing her to this girl that I don’t even know because I compare everyone to her, it isn’t a choice, it just happens. I’ve never lifted weights with Ace, never even gone to the gym with her because she refused to join any of them, but I know that she’d be able to rock this without breaking a sweat. Running and swimming kept her muscles long and lean, whereas I can tell by looking at this girl she remains thin by dieting.

She continues to giggle as she follows my directions, occasionally requesting help when I wander more than a few feet from her. I keep her at an arm’s length, getting just my toes wet in the game of flirting.

“Dude, let’s go. You know what you need …” Javier stands up and grabs his keys as a giant shit-eating grin covers his face. I have a pretty good idea of what he’s going to say before he says it. “You need to get laid! Once we have you balls deep in some—”

“That’s not what he needs, you pig!” Kendall sneers, marching into the room looking ready to castrate Javier. I know that it’s for what he’s suggesting rather than his vulgar language. I’ve heard her say worse.

“Kendall, the man has needs. Don’t get me wrong, your little sister was hot, and probably got the job done well, but she’s not here anymore and—”

I think I’m more shocked than either of them as I shake my head to focus on the blood running from Javier’s nose. I feel the slight sting on my knuckles that are itching to make contact again. I can’t even recall making a conscious decision to hit him, or to dictate to my limbs to move, but as I hover over him, I feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins and hear his words replay in my head, causing my muscles to flex in waves.

“Get the hell out of here,” Kendall demands.

For a moment I think she’s directing her words to me, but then Javier stands up looking like a wounded dog and shakes his head as he turns to look at me. “You’re never going to get over her if you just sit around here waiting for her to come back. You guys need to wake the fuck up. She’s gone. You think she’s waiting for you? Hell no!”

This time I feel the surge of my muscles releasing as I lunge forward, but the activity has attracted Landon and Jameson, and they both work to restrain me.

After losing so many people that I care about in the last six months, and now likely Javier, I really don’t want to risk one of my roommates, especially when I fear Javier is just telling me what I already dread to be true.

I straighten to indicate that I’m done, and turn to retreat up to my room when Kendall’s voice breaks the mental image of Ace with another guy.

“She’s not dating anyone. She hasn’t been with anyone.”

“Kendall,” Jameson warns quietly.

“No, he needs to know,” Kendall cries out in irritation.

I continue up the stairs, focusing on Kendall’s words. I know she wouldn’t lie to me, but does she know the truth?

I roll onto my bed and flip on the TV, turning it to sports. I numbly watch a baseball game, highlighting a proposal that just occurred in the stands and snicker before changing the channel.

Zeus pushes my door open with his snout and trots into my room. He circles around his bed several times before he finally lies down.

She wouldn’t possibly be with another person, right? The car commercial ends and Jeremy Wade from
River Monsters
appears, reeling in a catch that has the small boat he’s on shifting violently. I flip off the TV with a loud sigh and close my eyes.

I
woke up and quickly showered and dressed. It had been over two years since I was up that early to go fishing, but when David had asked me to go with a hopeful expression, I couldn’t say no, even though the prospect of us being alone together for an entire day made me a little uneasy.

Seeing you wearing a pair of denim shorts and light gray sweater zipped up to your neck caught me off guard. You were gripping a Starbucks cup and laughing at something your dad was saying as Zeus trotted over.

“Good morning!” Your voice was as warm as your smile. And I knew instantly you were there because I’d told you I was nervous. You handed me the Starbucks cup, and the sweet scent of caramel from my favorite drink filled the air. I wrapped my free hand around you, pulling you against my chest so I could bury my nose in your hair that always had the faint scent of coconuts, the sweet floral scent of your perfume, and the fresh, warm scent of you. I’d know that scent anywhere. Getting rid of your pillow after you left was one of the hardest things for me, on the rare occasions we used to spend night at our own places, I used to use it in order to find sleep.