Losing Herself: Surrender (3 page)

“It’s an internship, so it doesn’t pay much. But yes,”
Emily smiled happily, “I got it.”

Her mother was silent for a moment and then said, “Hmm.”

Worry pricked at Emily. “It’s at a very successful hedge fund, Alpha Investments. It’s a really prestigious position.”

“If it’s so prestigious, why don’t they pay better?”

Emily tried to choke back her snort. “It leads to a full-time position after six months. They take you on as an intern to make sure you’re a good fit, and they give you the time to learn.”

“You know Denise’s daughter moved to New York five years ago and she got a job straight away.”

“This isn’t five years ago, Mom, the economy’s –”

“Yes, yes the economy, you keep bringing it up. But I really worry if you’re looking for the right jobs. Your father and I can’t keep supporting you forever…”

Emily bit her tongue to keep from saying something mean. It was very nice of her parents to pay her rent. Not everyone’s parents would do that. But she was sick of Laura’s hanging it over her head.

And she knew for a fact that the economy really wasn’t that great: Isabel had a degree from a great university and had only managed to get work as a secretary. “Lower your
expectations,” she’d advised Emily when she’d first moved in. “I used to think that I’d be CEO of a large company someday, but now I’m just happy to have work that pays.”

Why couldn’t her mom just be happy for her? She was close to blowing her fuse, and she needed to hang up before she lost it.

“I have to go, Mom. I have a shift at the diner. And I’ll be working extra shifts till Monday,” she added, “So I won’t be able to call you before then.”

“Well.” Her mother sounded disappointed, and
Emily felt guilty for having been so abrupt.

“I’ll call you Monday right after my first day, ok? Love you.”

Laura sighed. “Bye then.”

Emily
changed, grabbed her bag and headed out in a fit of annoyance. Not only was her mother not supportive of her new internship, Laura managed to make her doubt her career trajectory. Why couldn’t her mother be happy for her and proud of her like most other mothers were?

Somehow,
Emily found herself on 5
th
Avenue, wandering past the boutiques with their minimalistic window displays, wondering what clothes would go well with her new job. The only objection Nate had to her was that she might not fit in with the culture, and if she had the right outfit, maybe she’d at least look like she belonged.

A few minutes later, Emily purchased her first Prada suit. It was a gorgeous black one with subtle pinstripes, and it cost her more than $1500, which she put on her credit card. She tried not to wince when the cost was rung up, and she told herself it was worth it.

There wasn’t time to buy anything else, and when she entered the diner armed with her large Prada shopping bag, the other waitresses, Serena and
Shirley whooped with laughter.

“Someone’s just discovered retail therapy,” Serena teased, and
Emily laughed happily.

Serena and Shirley
were the closest she’d come to making friends in New York. “I got a new job,” she told them happily. The girls stared at her wide-eyed. “Well, it’s not really a job,” she amended, “It’s an internship. Alpha Investments.”

“
Omigod!” Shirley rushed forward to hug her, and Serena followed.

“I’m so happy for you! Congrats!”

“Thanks guys.” Emily laughed happily, a bit embarrassed by their obvious shows of affection. Now, why couldn’t her mother have reacted like that?

“So when’s your last day?”
Shirley asked. “We’ll have to celebrate your leaving this dump!”

“Sunday,”
Emily told them, “I’m doing double shifts until I start my new j- internship.”

“That’s wonderful,” Serena said, “At least we’ll get to see you a bit.
Because after Monday, we’ll probably never see you again.”

“Don’t be silly!
” Emily said, “Of course we’ll keep in touch – you guys are my friends.”

“
Aww, that’s sweet – now I guess I better go see what table 7 wants.”

A couple of hours later, on her break,
Emily checked her phone messages. Isabel had texted her thrice:
Hey babe, wanna grab drinks?
And then a while later:
What’s up, r u free or not?
And finally:
Should I be worried? Where r u?

Emily
smiled to herself. Isabel might act tough and have questionable taste in men, but she really did seem to care about Emily.
At work
, Emily texted back,
Shift ends at eleven, drinks after that?

Within seconds she got her reply:
Sure, I’ll stop by the diner.

Isabel stopped by a few minutes before eleven, just as they were cleaning up.
Emily took a few minutes to tell Isabel her news, and Isabel smiled broadly. For a split-second, Emily thought she caught a glimpse of something strange in Isabel’s eyes – was it sorrow, jealousy or anger?

But then she blinked, and that look was gone, and Isabel was hugging her tight. “I knew you’d do it!” she squealed. “
You’ve really got it all figured out.”

Once their work was over, Isabel convinced
Shirley and Serena to come along to celebrate, and soon the four of sitting around a table in a dimly lit “Dessert Bar”, a place with a small dance floor that served amazing desserts. They shared two gigantic slices of black forest cake and had a glass of champagne each, and Shirley, Serena and Isabel seemed genuinely thrilled for her.

After her second glass of champagne,
Emily said, “This is the best day of my New York life so far.”

“It only gets better,”
Shirley replied.

Emily
hoped she was right.

Chapter Three

On Monday morning, Emily discovered that she had butterflies in her stomach. She woke before it was light outside, and after tossing and turning for a bit, she decided to go and get to the office early.

Knowing that she’d be working at
Alpha Investments, and the reality of actually going to work there, were two different things. She’d prepared as best she could – the Prada suit fit her perfectly, and Shirley had shown her how to apply makeup properly so that her freckles were hidden, her cheekbones looked higher, and her eyes looked larger and brighter. It took half an hour to get her makeup perfect, but Emily figured it was worth it. The staff at the diner and Su-Jin had chipped in to get her a “farewell” present – a pair of gorgeous, cubic zirconia stud earnings that looked just like real diamonds. Isabel told Emily that she was welcome to borrow her GHD hair iron whenever she wanted, so now her usually-unruly curls looked sleek and straight instead.

By the time she got to the office, it was just after seven o’clock
, and she looked like a completely different person. Emily decided that it was far too early to head upstairs, so she lingered in the ground floor public atrium, and took in her surroundings. Alpha Investments occupied several top floors at 590 Madison Avenue, but when Emily came for her interviews, she’d always rushed through the building and hadn’t noticed her surroundings.

Today, she sat
quietly in one corner of atrium and watched a ballet troupe practice their routine on the other side. The dancers’ movements were fluid and graceful, and Emily soon found herself engrossed in their dance.

Just when she was starting to relax, she noticed a familiar figure heading towards one of
the elevators. Emily grabbed her bag without thinking, and walked quickly towards him.

Nate was dressed in a dark grey suit, and even from a distance,
Emily couldn’t help but feel his magnetic presence. He reminded her of a quiet, powerful predator who relied purely on instinct.

In the past few days,
Emily had gone through article after article about Nate Steele. After all, she needed to know about the man she worked for. What she’d found out surprised her – Nate Steele was a man of many contradictions. He ran his business with ruthless efficiency, but he donated generously to various charities. His net worth was extremely high, but he once said in an interview that he didn’t care about luxuries. He was frequently seen partying with celebrities and travelling around the world, but few people claimed to know him very well. 

In business, Nate often
took on contrary positions in his investments, betting against the common sentiment and often winning. Nate liked to know the companies he held positions in, inside and out, and he had made quite a few enemies along the way.

There were numerous articles about Nate’s personal life. There were quite a few photos of him on the red carpet, escorting some starlet or the
other. Gossip magazines speculated about his relationships, or lack thereof – apparently, he was never seen with the same girl on his arm more than a few times. Reading those articles had made Emily feel depressed and relieved at the same time: clearly Nate only dated red-hot airheads, so she would never get to enact her fantasies about him. Which was a good thing, she told herself: she needed a job more than she needed wild sex.

Nate
turned around just before pressing the elevator button, and as their eyes met, Emily felt a shiver run through her veins. His eyes: she would never get used to them. They were so dark and penetrating, and they took in everything about her.

In an instant,
Emily regretted trying to catch the same elevator as Nate. What had she been thinking? She’d just thought it was a good idea to get some face time with her new boss. It had nothing to do with the fact that she found him ridiculously attractive – she remembered the fantasy of him kissing her, and stroking her, and forcefully pushed those images out of her mind.

“You made it,” Nate said drily, as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

Why did he sound so amused?
Nate glanced back at her, and Emily regretted looking so dressed up and different. She felt like a schoolgirl chasing her crush, even though she was only dressed up for work.

“Thank you for hiring me,” she said awkwardly.

“Thank HR. They convinced me. And if it doesn’t work, there’s always Brandon.”

“Oh.” So he still wasn’t sure if she fit in there.
She didn’t know what he meant by “Brandon”.

Emily
’s mind went blank. She wanted to say something charming, something witty and intelligent and insightful, something that would miraculously turn her internship into a full-time job. But instead, she felt confused and tongue-tied. So much for impressing the boss, she thought bitterly, as they stepped into the elevator and Nate pressed “41”.

There was no-one else in the elevator at this hour. Nate leaned against one of the steel walls, and
Emily stood as close as possible to the opposite wall. The shiny box was as large as an elevator could be, but even then, she felt like she was standing too close to him, and the air between them felt hot and intoxicating.

As t
he elevator inched its way up, Emily could feel Nate’s eyes on her.

Finally, he said softly, “You didn’t need to get all Prada-
ed and plastic-ed up just to work here.”

“I wanted to fit in.” The words were out before she could stop herself, and
Emily wanted to kick herself – she sounded like a nerdy girl wanting to hang out with the cool kids.

The
corners of Nate’s lips went up. “You didn’t have to get into debt to buy a suit.” The elevator reached his floor and he stepped out, and then turned to look at her. “You look great either way.”

And then he turned and walked away, and the elevator doors closed behind him.

For a very long time, Emily was aware only of the loud thumping of her heart. Nate Steele had said she looked great! Was that a compliment, or did he just say that to all new recruits? The elevator still smelled slightly of his cologne, and Emily recalled the way his eyes twinkled darkly when he smiled.

And then it
hit her – she was stuck in the elevator. She didn’t have an ID card yet, so she couldn’t activate the buttons. She pressed them anyway, mortified by her lack of foresight, and hoped that Nate wouldn’t come back to the elevator for some reason, and find her standing there.

Emily
felt panicked for a few long moments, and then the elevator began to descend downwards. She breathed a sigh of relief – someone must have pressed the button from the ground floor.

As soon as the elevator reached the atrium level,
Emily stepped out and walked past the small group of waiting people. She went to the tiny reception area, and spoke to the woman working there, explaining that she was a new intern at Alpha Investments.

The woman glanced at her through half-rim frames, and found her name on a list.

“Here you go,” she said, handing Emily a plain ID card. “It’s a guest pass to use for the day. You and the other intern, plus the three new recruits get one of these each. HR should give you a proper card by the end of the day.”