Read Losing Me, Finding You Online
Authors: C.M. Stunich
The months passed and Curtis was transferred to another department. My breaks weren't the same without him but eventually my life returned to normal. I ended up with a B in calculus and had a few uneventful dates in the time between my first meeting with Curtis and my nineteenth birthday. No one ever got to me the way he did so I knew I wasn't over my fantasy crush yet. He had stolen a piece of my heart during our tutoring sessions and I wasn't ready to ask for it back yet.
My nineteenth birthday arrived in a blaze of pink and green balloons care of my amazing roommate, Hazel. We spent our day walking along the quaint streets of our city’s downtown area and eating lunch at the cereal bar. I would have bet a hundred dollars against the name that popped up on my caller ID as I palmed the cold, metal door leading back out into our city. Curtis. I picked up the phone and tried to say hi as friendly and calmly as possible but according to Hazel, it was more of a screech. It was a short and sweet conversation; he told me happy birthday and asked me to accompany him to dinner that night. I gave him my address and he told me he'd pick me up at seven.
Being my roommate and best girlfriend, Hazel knew all about Curtis and we had spent hours gushing over what his kiss would feel like. I turned to her slowly with a shocked smile, turning my lips slightly upwards when I finally managed to say, “Curtis just asked me out to dinner. He's picking me up at seven.” We both squealed and jumped up and down like tweens meeting Hanson. We decided to go back to our dorm so we could fully prepare for the evening.
Three hours later and two small burns from my Chi hair straightener, I was ready for my date. We had finally decided on a cute, black mid-length skirt and an embellished pink top. He called me from the bottom door of our dorms and Hazel gave me a hug as I walked down the stairs to the date I had been waiting for for nine months. When I got downstairs, I saw him in all his Southern splendor. He had on a black button down shirt with the sleeves cuffed showing off his muscular forearms. Light blue jeans with tears in all the right places and a nice worn in pair of Doc Martens. He was sporting his favorite Auburn University baseball cap and his signature brown curls were peeking out of the back just like I remembered. I'm nearly certain I blushed as he intertwined his strong hand in mine and led me to his Honda Civic. We were about halfway through the quad when Hazel stuck her head out our third story window and yelled, “Don't freak out when I'm gone tonight! I'm spending the night at Zoe's! I won't be home til after class tomorrow.” I shook my head and tried to contain my laugh knowing what she really meant by her statement. She truly was the best roomy a girl could ask for.
We arrived at Steamers fifteen minutes later. It was an awesome local restaurant that only served ethically sound, fair trade food. You pay more but it tastes way better than all the cheap processed food right around campus. We caught up on the nine months we spent apart in between bites of Shriacha Chicken and wild rice. He had landed the promotion into security which was a step in the right direction of his main goal of becoming an FBI agent. He worked hard and the company knew it; he was phenomenal at his job. I told him about my B in calculus and how it wouldn't have been possible without his help. We talked about my new classes and about how excited I was for Marine Bio the following spring.
After dinner, we grabbed some froyo and continued our conversation. It was just like my daydreams. We were talking and laughing, staring right into each others souls like we knew we were meant to be together. Even those romantic movie montages had nothing on the night I was having. We finished our Pinkberry and decided to head back to campus for a late night stroll. He had moved here after graduating from Auburn and had no idea just how beautiful our historical brick college really was. We parked his car and I began leading him to all my favorite spots. It wasn't until we were sitting on the stone bench under the bell tower that we got into the conversation I was really interested in. We were looking out over the lake covered in lily pads and filled with ducks when he picked up my hand in his and placed it on his thigh. I tried to focus on keeping my breath normal as his rough finger traced the lines of my knuckles. He turned to me with my hand sandwiched between his and looked right at me. Now when I say looked right at me, I don't mean in my direction; I mean looked right through my eyes and into my soul before he said, “I'm sorry about not calling you sooner.” I opened my mouth to respond but he started talking before I had the chance.
“When I first met you, I had a girlfriend. I'm sure you could tell that my feelings weren't skin deep. I didn’t want to be your friend because I couldn't face the temptation. We broke up a couple months ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Would you like to try this? I mean you do have feelings for me too, right?”
I giggled maybe a little too vibrantly and saw his head dip down to inspect the blades of grass. I used my free hand to lift his chin and bring his eyes back to mine. I said, “I have dreamt about you saying that for the last nine months and you know what? It's even better in real life.”
I saw a sparkle in his beautiful brown eyes as his hands relinquished their hold on my hand and moved to my face. I was flooded with warmth and chills as his thumbs traced the lines of my face, leaving little trails of fire everywhere they touched and sending shivers down my spine.
In that moment, the whole world ceased to exist. It was just me and Curtis surrounded by the muted sounds of crickets basked in moonlight taking in every detail of the moment. Nothing in my wildest daydreams could have even come close to the fireworks that exploded when he finally leaned in and lightly grazed my lips with his. My body ignited with an electric current I had never felt as I took in that same smell that had sent me into a daze nearly a year ago. He leaned back and looked into my eyes as if asking if it was ok that he kissed me. I felt the corner of my mouth twist up as I bit on my lower lip completely in awe that this moment had finally come. He traced my now throbbing lips with his thumb before leaning in again to firmly place his lips on mine in our first real kiss. I swear we were floating through the clouds as our lips pressed together, breathing each other in. I could feel his passion, admiration and caring nature roll off of him. We could have kissed for hours sitting there on that bench but we finally broke apart. We walked hand in hand back to my dorm where he gave me one more quick peck before turning towards his car. I grabbed his wrist before he could escape and invited him in for cocoa and Boondock Saints.
We spent the rest of the evening in each others arms. It was like that missing piece of my heart finally found its home and I was whole. Nothing happened, I was still a virgin. One earth shattering kiss was not enough to change that. But, we did drink cocoa and held each other while watching one of our favorite movies. It was an amazing feeling to be truly accepted for who I was and I knew that I could be exactly me with him.
As the months passed, we grew even closer. Neither of us had said the “L” word yet but we both knew we felt it. I had finally decided that I was ready to take the next step. Curtis had planned an amazing night for us. We went out for a nice romantic dinner at a small Italian restaurant and ate fro yo again at Pinkberry. It was another perfect date just like our first that would end in another earth shattering moment between the two of us. After dessert, we went back to his apartment where he had a bottle of Moët chilling and chocolate dipped strawberries for us to enjoy. He really was the perfect man. Most guys would be chomping at the bit to add a V card to their wallet but not my Romeo; he just wanted to make sure everything was perfect for me. We listened to the throaty riffs of jazz wafting through his living room as we sat with our legs tangled on the couch sipping champagne and enjoying each others company. Once the bubbles finally gave me the last boost of confidence I needed, I crawled over to him and placed a strawberry in his mouth. When our eyes met, there was an instant understanding.
He wrapped his warm arms around my lower back as he kissed me. I settled into my new position, half laying on him and half on the couch, as his kisses started trailing down my neck. His hand reached for the back of my neck and his fingers entwined in my brown curly hair as he tilted my head to the side and continued his trail of kisses down my body. We laid on the couch exploring each others bodies until neither of us could stand it any more. He lifted me off the couch and grabbed my hand, leading me to his bedroom. When I walked in I almost started crying. He had hundreds of candles lit throughout the room casting an ethereal glow on everything the light touched. He walked me over to the side of his king size bed covered in red satin sheets and began kissing me all over again. I knew he wouldn't take things anywhere if I didn't instigate it and it only made me want him more. The cold fire was back and quickly engulfing my body as his hands lightly trailed down my bare arms. I leaned back and looked into his eyes, feeling happy and safe with the commitment I saw in them. I stood on my tip toes and whispered into his ear, “I'm ready.” I punctuated my final approval with a light kiss to his earlobe before I turned around to let him unzip my dress.
I moved my curly brown hair over my shoulder as he began slowly unzipping my dress, savoring every inch of the skin he had never seen. As my dress fell to my feet, I was completely open for him to see. I turned back around and we began kissing again as I fumbled with the buttons on his white dress shirt. Once I had the final button undone, I traced my fingers up his washboard abs, over his chest and onto his shoulders where I finally lifted the shirt off his solid frame. When his shirt finally shared a space next to my dress, he lifted me up and onto the bed. With both of us now on the bed, things continued to get hotter. His kisses no longer stopped at my collarbone and every time my breath would catch he would wait a second and then continue. I took the time he was leaning over my exposed body to take him in in all his splendor. I traced every inch of his skin with my fingertips, making sure I memorized every muscle and every dip. I finally snuck my finger inside the waist band of his jeans and we took the next step.
Now honestly, I can't tell you exactly what happened. I know that once I undid the button on his pants, he stood up and let his jeans fall to the ground as he grabbed a condom from his bedside table and put it on. I can also tell you that he looked absolutely perfect with his red swollen lips, flushed face and perfect chest rising and falling with the excitement that hung in the air like fog. When he climbed back on the bed, he slowly removed my panties and then we were dancing. It was like the perfect waltz, slow and a little awkward at first while I learned the moves. But once I was confident in my dance, we were like Cinderella and Prince Charming at the ball. Dancing on clouds, perfectly content and in love. I didn't say it that night and looking back, if I had, things may have gone very differently. Fate’s kind of a bitch like that.
I don't remember how it happened but for some reason we split up. Not for long, only a couple weeks, but it was long enough for Curtis to make a decision that would change both of our lives forever. In a less than sober state, he had hooked up with his ex girlfriend and forgotten the condom. No one ever thinks it will happen to them and he never gave it a second thought. He and I were back together and perfectly happy. We still hadn't said I love you. We knew it but were both scared of the word. It was a Thursday when he called me crying. I skipped my last class of the day and headed straight for his house, my heart breaking every second I couldn't hold him and make him feel better. When I arrived at his apartment, I used my key and found him on the floor curled up in a ball. I sat down in front of him and softly ran my fingers through his hair, letting him know I was there when he was ready.
After what seemed like hours he, finally stopped crying and said, “When we weren't together, I slipped up. I went back to Jessica. I was drunk; I had no intention of sleeping with her but it happened. I forgot a condom. She's pregnant. She wants an abortion. I can't let her have one; that’s my baby too.” Now at this point you'd think I would freak out on him, call him a slew of bad words and leave, right? Nope. I grabbed his hand in both of mine like he had done the night of our first kiss and said, “It's ok baby. I love you and I will love this baby too. If she will keep it, I will adopt it as my own. If its a part of you, its a part of me too.” The look of love and adoration in his eyes was enough to make my breath catch. I finally said it. I finally said I love you and he heard it. He kissed me hard and we stayed there on the floor the rest of the night holding each other until the world was right again.
So, Jessica had the baby and Curtis and I lived happily ever after.
I wish.
Jessica was a selfish girl and when she saw the power the baby held over Curtis, she had it aborted to spite him. He spiraled into a depression, quit answering phone calls and changed the locks on the doors. I called, visited and left messages for two months before I realized he would never talk to me again. That was the first crack in my damaged heart.
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