Losing Myself in You (11 page)

He probably should have felt her leave or noticed that her scent was already fading when he woke up early the next morning. Despite everything that had happened, however, he had just experienced the best slumber he had had in a while. His body felt completely relaxed and the stress that usually occupied his thoughts had nearly vanished, or at least, been pushed to the side temporarily. It was as though everything he had to endure, experienced, went through in his life, was worth it because it added up to the moment he had with Bridgette. Everything was worth it. He had never felt so… complete.

Marcus knew she was gone when he opened his hazel eyes, but for some odd reason, he wasn't worried or perturbed by the fact. Instead, he pushed himself up and glanced at the floor of Bridgette's former bedroom. A wolfish smile slipped onto his face; she had left her undergarments behind in the rush to get out of here. Marcus was not inexperienced when it came to sex and sexual pleasure, but he had never felt so alive when making love to the woman.

Was it really making love when there were surely no such feelings between the two?

Whatever it was, it was mind-blowing, and that was saying the least.

He could still smell her scent surrounding him. The sweet, light vanilla aroma wafted through his senses and in a moment of rare vulnerability, he closed his eyes and let himself relax even more into it. She was bewitching him, mind, body, and soul. Maybe it was the effects of the mark he had recently placed on her neck, but he was beginning to like her more than originally planned.

Her face filled his thoughts, and his mind's eyes went over every inch of skin, every freckle, every curve, every imperfection that made up the woman he had deemed to be the definition of perfect. Nothing should change when it came to her physical appearance. Everything fit perfectly for her; she was everything he wanted in a mate – and that was even before he had ever seen her. He liked long hair, sharp features, an hour glass figure, luscious hips that not only seduced onlookers but would be fully capable of housing a child, and toned legs. As he thought about her, Marcus realized he was particularly drawn to her smile – when she did smile – though her eyes came in a close second.

"Get a grip on yourself, man," he told himself in a gravelly voice.

For someone who claimed to barely like Bridgette Barker, he sure seemed to find a lot of attributes to adore.

Was adore the wrong word?

Marcus glanced over at the grandfather clock in the far side of the room, chewing his bottom lip gently. Because he was a werewolf, his teeth were infinitely sharper than a human's and it was necessary that he be careful when he did such things lest he wanted to bleed. They would probably be expecting him for breakfast sometime soon and he would rather that they not barge in on him while he was indisposed. To be honest, he was surprised they hadn't let themselves in when neither he nor Bridgette had returned from their discussion after leaving breakfast the previous day.

Maybe they knew what was happening and didn't want to disturb them. But if that were true, then surely that would mean the Elders were giving him their consent.

Marcus wasn't sure why the mere thought of such a thing caused his whole body to warm, but it did. Just because the sex was better than any he had ever experienced didn't mean that he wanted to marry her. And hypothetically, even if he did, it wasn't like she wanted to marry him. No matter how Marcus felt about her, he would never force Bridgette to marry him if she didn't want to.

There was still a problem, however. Because his venom was stronger than a regular pack member's, it was highly likely that Bridgette would no doubt be transforming into a werewolf. The chances of her survival were slim but if she had to go through it alone, the chances decreased even more. Marcus didn't want that to happen. If nothing else happened between them, if she was still adamant about rejecting him as her mate, then fine, but he would not be willing to risk her life. She needed support and he could give it to her; his pack could give it to her.

Not that Marcus was going to go out of his way to be nice to her. She had disrespected him by abruptly walking out after a moment of uncontrollable passion without
so much as a goodbye. He could feel his teeth clench and his anger pick up once again as he threw on his clothing. How could she disrespect him and his pack by leaving without a word after all he had done for her?

A growl lodged itself in his throat.
And what about the fact that she could be seeing somebody else?
A
voice asked, only causing his anger to flare up even more.
Another man touching her the same way he had been hours ago…

This time, he couldn't help himself and opened his mouth, emitting a threatening growl at no one in particular. She wouldn't do that, would she? Just the mere thought of another man touching what was his… He couldn't think about it. His fury would overwhelm his senses and he would –

He needed to get her back.

The question was how. He wouldn't force her to marry him, but did he have any qualms about grabbing her and keeping her here? She obviously didn't want to be here.

Maybe he could talk her into it…

When he exited the room, Julianne was leaning on the wall adjacent to the door. Her shoulders were resting on the wood while her back arched, pressing her chest up and emphasizing her breasts in some way. She was dressed in a simple dress; nobody really dressed formally unless the occasion called for it, and her fingers were mindlessly toying with her straight, ebony colored locks.

"Good morning Marcus," she greeted in a husky voice. "My, my, you've been asleep for a while, haven't you?"

Marcus narrowed in her direction, but he managed to control his increasing anger. Instead of taking it out on her, he curled his fingers so his hands made tight fists. It wasn't Julianne's fault that he was upset, and therefore, he should at least try to ensure that he didn't snap at somebody, despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to do that right then.  He brushed past her, not sparing her another glance, his thoughts swimming with how to solve his dilemma.

"Marcus," she called in an uncharacteristically sharp voice before rushing to catch up with him. It was as though Marcus hadn't heard her because he kept walking.

In truth, Marcus really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, least of all not Julianne. "Marcus. Is Bridgette still sleeping? Should we be expecting her at breakfast?"

Marcus stopped, his whole body going rigid upon hearing
her
name. He arched his head in Julianne's direction, but the movement was rigid.

"Bridgette is gone," he told her in his low, gravelly voice.

"What?" Julianne asked, and this time genuine surprise tainted her tone and her brow pushed together as she regarded Marcus's chiseled profile. "What do you mean by, gone? Like, gone as in dead or…?"

Marcus gave her a dry look. "No," he told her in a rather abrupt manner. "She left sometime last night. Her car's gone. She's back in the city."

"So what are you going to do?" Julianne asked.

"I'm going to get her back," he told her and continued towards the steps in the hallway.  He wanted to go to the kitchen, get some food in him, and then come up with a game plan.  He was going to get her back; that much was certain.  All he had to figure out now was the how.

"How?" she asked, struggling to catch up with his swift movements. "She doesn't want to marry you, you know. She tried to escape from you once and actually managed to do it yesterday. Why can't you –" He had stopped suddenly at her words and turned so he could glare at her.

"Why don't you choose someone from the pack, Marcus?" Julianne asked, though her voice was softer this time around. "Someone who actually wants to be by your side and can rule the pack they take pride in."

"Because I don't want anyone from the pack," Marcus told her and then descended down the stairs without a word, leaving Julianne completely flummoxed.

"What am I doing here?"

Bridgette glanced at her best friend from the corner of her eyes before looking at the familiar building in front of her. Although familiar, it was also foreign, considering that she had never stepped foot inside because, quite frankly, she never had to. It was just after one o'clock in the afternoon, and the agent's thoughts were in complete disarray. She tried to control them, or at least push them aside so she could concentrate on her job, but Marcus' face kept popping up at the most inopportune time.   She wondered if he finally realized she had left and, if so, what he was going to do about it, if anything.

Bridgette regarded the building once more, and felt herself take a step back.  It was a tall and black, resembling one of those oak trees with a branch that always found a window during a thunderstorm.  It could be summed up with one word: Creepy.  The windows were tinted so no one could see in, and to even get in the building, one needed an appointment with someone on the inside so the inside of the building was a complete mystery.  There was no indication of what type of business was conducted here but everyone just knew. To others, it was an asylum and the place NDS agents were sent for mental assessment.  To Bridgette, it was plain hell. 

"You know you need to be here, Bridge," Kendall murmured, but she was unable to look Bridgette directly in the eyes. "Rules are rules.  The NDS requires it, especially with everything you've told me."

"You told them what happened?" Bridgette all but yelped, turning her head to stare at her friend.

"Of course not," Kendall reassured her. "But they know you missed a couple of days of work, and after
you
told them that Marcus had basically kidnapped you, they were completely understanding. In fact, I think they were somewhat surprised that you actually survived, but that's beside the point. You know that anyone who has ever been in your position needs to be debriefed. Just because you're a star agent doesn't mean you get to sidestep the rulebook."

Bridgette let a sigh slip past her nose as she regarded the intimidating brick building in front of her. "Should I tell this person everything?" she asked in a small voice, refusing to look at Kendall for the moment.

"I think you should," Kendall replied, and then reached over to pat Bridgette on her back. "I know it's going to be awkward, but you need to be honest, especially to yourself."

Bridgette rolled her eyes and playfully shoved Kendall's shoulder. "Don't go all Dr. Phil on me, okay?" she teased.

"Did you know that Dr. Phil isn't even a real doctor?" Kendall asked, genuinely interested in the fact she had just shared. "I mean, can you believe that? But anyways, I'm getting off track. You have an appointment you need to keep, and remember, this weekend, you and me are going clubbing to get your mind off of this whole werewolf situation."

"Do you think I'll be able to keep my job?" Bridgette asked, pushing her brow up as she regarded her friend with obvious hope.

"I don't know, Bridge," Kendall replied. "But I know that no matter what happens to you or who you sleep with in your lifetime, I'll always be your best friend." She paused, as if to think about it. "Unless, of course, you sleep with a boyfriend of mine, should I ever get one." She flashed a smile to show that she was teasing.

"I would never," Bridgette told her.

"I know," Kendall said, squeezing Bridgette's hand. "But you should go now. I'll be out here to pick you up, okay? I promise."

Bridgette nodded and allowed her feet to carry her inside the building and up to the second floor. She spared a quick glance around, trying to get a good look at the interior of the first floor.  To be honest, it looked a lot like any lobby in any building ever: chairs and couches, coffee tables,
a water and coffee station, and a cute, young secretary tapping away on her computer.  She looked up when she saw Bridgette and offered her a small smile.  There was even a security guard eating a donut by the elevators.  What a cliché.  She felt her fear ebb a bit, but still chose to take the stairs in order to rid herself of this excess energy.  Her appointment with a psychologist – the paperwork said Dr. Priya Gupta – was to see if she was still eligible to work for the NDS, so it was something she had to nail.

Dr. Gupta had smooth, coco-colored skin and dark brown eyes. She was incredibly petite, standing at five foot two, and though she was ten years older than Bridgette, she looked to be
about Bridgette's age. Her wavy chestnut colored hair went down to the end of her chin, and she had subtle bangs that littered her forehead. When Bridgette walked through the door and into the doctor's office, Gupta looked up and offered Bridgette a warm smile.  Everyone in this building was so smiley.

"Well," she said, breathy and light. "It would seem somebody has had a very interesting past couple of weeks. Please, shut the door and make yourself at home." She gestured towards the luxurious couch that looked incredibly comfortable, and once the door was closed, Bridgette took a seat and felt her body sink into the cushions. "So, you need me to sign off on a rushed work release form because of the highly confidential nature and urgency of the case you’re currently working on, correct?” She didn’t even glance at Bridgette as the agent nodded.  After marking a couple of things in her notes, Perry looked up and smiled.  “So?
Where should we start?"

Bridgette felt herself smile warily and her shoulders shrug. "I'm not sure," she replied, glancing around the room.

They only had two hours together before the psychologist made a decision whether Bridgette was well enough to go back to work. Her dark eyes lingered on Bridgette’s neck, and she felt herself heat up at the fact that it was even there.  She should have covered it up with makeup, but she didn’t want to hide anything in case it hurt her chances of returning to work.

"How about we start with your feelings?" Gupta suggested before scribbling something down in her notes. "What are your feelings about the situation, Bridgette? May I call you Bridgette? And please remember, you can share anything with me."

Bridgette didn't think that was necessarily true because if she said something wrong, she might not get that very important signature. And without that, without her job, she had no idea what she would do. However, Dr. Gupta's voice was warm and her tone was inviting. It was hard to feel uncomfortable around her.

"Conflicted," Bridgette finally admitted
after much thought. Her back was straight and her palms were on her thighs. She was still nervous, still unsure of what she was feeling, let alone how to project those feelings.  She was attracted to Marcus; he was the best sex of her life, and she liked him.  He saved her life, and when he wasn’t growling at her or being just plain miserable, she found she enjoyed being around him.  He saved her life, after all.  But everything was happening so fast, and she felt as though she was in over her head.  More than that, her acceptance of Marcus was wrong.  She knew that.  And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from feeling that way.  Her stomach curled with shame, and she had to take a deep breath in order to steady herself. Kendall was right; she needed to be honest.

"How so?"
Dr. Gupta prodded
after making an indication of Bridgette's answer in her notes.

"Because I know that logically, Marcus Sterling is someone who I should not see socially," Bridgette replied. "I mean, the reason we first met is because I was going to arrest him on embezzling charges that were dropped due to lack of hard evidence. You see, he had us captured." She paused, craning her head slightly to the side.  Her eyes flickered around the regular, completely
unscary office.  Educational awards hung up on the walls and pictures of Gupta’s family were in homemade frames on her desk. "But at the same time, I feel completely… I'm not sure what the correct word is, but my body reacts to his presence in a way that I can't control, and sometimes, I don't want to."

"And this started happening since he bit you?" Gupta asked, pointing her pen at the mark in question on Bridgette's neck.

Bridgette nodded in affirmation. "Yeah," she murmured. "I'm not sure if I'm reacting this way because of the mark or because I actually am interested in him."

"Well, Marcus Sterling is incredibly handsome," Gupta pointed out. "I wouldn't blame you for developing some sort of attraction for him. In fact, I would be worried if you didn't."

"It's okay, even though he's what society calls bad?" Bridgette asked, still unsure.  She felt herself hesitate at the possibility of actually being allowed to have positive feelings for the wolf.

Gupta smiled. "Is he bad when it comes to you?" she asked. "Has he ever threatened you? Harmed you in any way?"

Bridgette thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. "No," she said, a very small smile touching her lips. "Never. In fact, he saved my life."

"And this is after he took you from your home and returned you to his?" Gupta asked, looking for some sort of confirmation.

Again, Bridgette nodded. "Yeah," she said. "Like, his whole entire being is intimidating. Logically, I should be afraid of him because we are on different sides of the playing board, so to speak, but I'm not. He doesn't scare me and I don't think he wants to. I mean, he yells at me, but I think he's kind of an angry person, and I feel like he would never hurt me."

"And what were the two days you spent with him and his pack like?" the doctor asked as she continued to write.

"The first day I didn't leave my room at all," Bridgette explained. "I wouldn't. I was just so mad and Marcus told me if I didn't eat with him I wouldn't eat at all. So I didn't. Later that night, this woman, her name is Julianne; she told me she was going to help me escape, but she didn't. She led me to a door and pushed me out, slamming the door shut so I couldn't get back in. Outside, there was a pack of hungry wolves waiting. I was scared; I should have died then, but Marcus came and saved me."

"Did your feelings change for him at that point?"

"I think so, yeah," Bridgette replied, looking at the rich, brown carpet. "I mean, I helped him clean his wounds, and they were bad. Really bad, and he did that for me. So the next morning I went down and ate breakfast with him and his clan. He doesn't know it was Julianne who led me to the wolves; I forgot to tell him because people kept talking about a marriage between me and Marcus. I know my Werewolf Sociology; don't get me wrong, Doctor, but I just didn't put it together that I would be marrying the guy."

"Bridgette, I need to ask you a personal question and it is crucial that you answer honestly," Dr. Gupta said, locking eyes with the woman in front of her. "Did you have sexual relations with Marcus Sterling?"

It took Bridgette a long moment before she finally forced herself to nod yes. "Why?" she asked, her voice low.  Her heart was hammering against her chest so hard she hoped she would be able to hear the psychologist’s response.

"The bond between you has been consummated," the doctor replied. "His senses are sharpened when it comes to you. Your scent is stronger to him. Your emotions are stronger to him. He can be in your head now. It is my greatest advice that you be careful, Bridgette. Who knows what will happen if somebody around you sets him off?"