Authors: Ava Michaels
We
were about to touch shot glasses, when I heard a familiar pair of whispers from
a couple tables away. Bitchy as hell, and a lot louder than they thought they
were, I instantly knew it was Veronica and Alex. They were observing my date
with Big Stick… Like they were a Greek Chorus and they were drinking shots of
Jagermeister
and cackling like hyenas.
Needless
to say, I was not impressed.
I
spilled half of both our shots when I heard the two and instinctively whipped
my head towards them.
“Whoa,
what the hell?!” he said loudly. “What kind of a spaz move was that Elevator
Girl?”
I
groaned and leaned in, after drinking the remains of my shot, and he followed
in suit grinning.
“Those
are my friends over there… No, don’t look!” I hissed as he turned to see
Veronica and Alex leaning over their table, knocking over condiments and shot
glasses and pretending they weren’t staring at me. They were worse than the
amateur hour actors in the “modern” theater company some of the art majors had
put together and that I had had the displeasure of seeing practice their craft
on more than two occasions.
“Shit!
Just look natural. That pretty boy sees us!” I heard Veronica slur as she
grabbed hold of Alex’s head roughly and manhandled him nearly out of his seat.
“Really…?”
He seemed a bit incredulous and unimpressed.
“Hey,”
I whispered. “You’re big secret of shame is that you are a fan of Star Trek.
Mine is those whack job friends over there. This is college after all, right?”
“Yeah,
yeah; you got me there,” he smiled, running a hand through his hair. “So, I
assume they’re here to monitor things and make sure I’m not some serial
killer?”
I
blushed. How do I explain characters like Veronica and Alex?
“Not exactly.”
Now
I was really glad Ryder had ordered those shots. Now that my date and I were
back to talking to each other and not looking at them, out of the corner of my
eye I could see Veronica and Alex leaning back towards us in a way that was
almost comically obvious.
“If
I can be perfectly honest …”
“And
you can.” He smiled and sipped his beer.
“They’re
here to make sure I get laid.”
Wow,
that half of a shot I’d just taken seemed to be doing its job.
I
was a lightweight.
Ryder
laughed and leaned back, doing that thing with his hair again. I couldn’t
decide if it was cute or just some sort of uncontrollable nervous tic.
“Well,
in that case, maybe we should give them a show… My username is Big Stick.”
I
set my shot glass down with what felt like the force of a boulder. I really
liked this dream boat, but… A big stick sounded painful. I crossed my legs. My
trap was officially out of order after hearing him say those two words so
seductively... For now…
“I’m
sorry! I’m sorry,” he said emphatically, still placing his hand over mine.
“That was half a joke, really.”
I
laughed and tried to ignore my two
friends
just tables
away from us, who were clearly hanging on every word they could glean from our
conversation.
“It’s
okay,” I said. Then, leaning in conspiratorially: “How hard do you think it
would be to get out of here and like… Lose them?”
“I
don’t know,” he replied.
His
eyes were definitely sexy. If he pointed them at me just right I might have
reopened my trap and dropped my pants on the spot. The alcohol really did make
me think big.
“You
still haven’t told me something about yourself that you wouldn’t share on a web
profile.”
“What
are you talking about? I already told you, you’re looking at the two of them,
over there at that table. Do you really think I’d let the world know I
associate with savages like that?”
He
shook his head as if this just wasn’t good enough. It looked like we were going
to be playing this game. After that half-shot of whiskey and the few sips of
beer I’d had, I was up for it.
I
heard Alex scream like a sorority girl at the other table as Veronica spilled
another glass of beer. She had probably stained his new American Apparel top …
Probably the same as his last American Apparel top. Such were the things that
made Alex scream.
“Okay,
so, something I wouldn’t share on a website…” I was trying to buy time, playing
with my hair, swishing Dartmouth’s ubiquitous draft beer around in my glass,
and trying to ignore the drunken din around me. I looked back at my colleagues
again and when I turned back towards Big Stick… I said the one embarrassing
word that you shouldn’t say to someone who calls himself Big Stick. “I’m a
virgin.”
Shit.
I couldn’t believe those words had just escaped my mouth. It was as if I had no
control. You’d understand if you saw this man. My mind ran through a litany of
pretty much every curse word I knew just then as I watched his reaction as if
in slow motion. Had I screwed this whole thing up beyond repair?
It
seemed that I had not.
“That’s
cool,” he said, raising his beer glass again.
I
toasted mugs with him, but robotically, having stunned myself with the idiocy
of that revelation. Really, Olivia, I thought – you couldn’t have come up with
something more along the lines of Star Trek or even like, secretly dancing
around to old Britney Spears tunes sometimes in the morning?
“Well,
I guess your username is perfect now,” I said, looking away from him.
However,
before he could respond, Veronica and Alex started shouting.
“Oh
shit, they so toasted again! This is going great!” I heard Veronica yelling
across the table to Alex, totally unnecessarily. How many
Jager
shots had she taken?
“And
that’s another drink you owe me,” she continued.
Throughout
this, another scuffle was starting over by the bar, with meatheads flying left
and right, glasses breaking, and someone’s “summa jam” pumping out of the
jukebox at a painful volume. I didn’t care so much about those string bean fries
anymore, and sort of doubted they’d be showing up anyway…
Big
Stick seemed to read my mind.
“Here’s
to Star Trek, virginity, and um…” He was leaning in really close now and I
could smell his cologne. It was classy – not too strong, with a vaguely leather
sort of smell. “Getting the hell out of here?”
Big
Stick grinned, clearly suggesting that we drink and ditch. I nodded vigorously
and got up with him. As we wound our way through the bar, he was whispering in
my ear.
“Now,
I’ve done this plenty of times, so just stick with me and you’ll be fine.”
I
looked at him skeptically. He didn't really seem like that sort of guy. We just
stared at each other for a moment, and then he cracked up.
"Just
kidding, Olivia!" he laughed. "But I’m up for an adventure if you
are...
Whaddaya
say?"
I
can’t lie – this was pretty great. Then he threw a wad of cash on the table.
Veronica
and Alex were falling all over their table and each other trying to tail us,
and, luckily, seemed to catch the eye of the bartender. Somehow they seemed
more outliers in this bar than the frat boys throwing drunken punches at each
other over by the jukebox.
In
moments, we were out of The Snake Pit, into the cool fall air, and walking away
from the bar. Would this be a perfect night?
-----------Chapter
10-----------
Outside
the overcrowded, noisy, sweaty, Snake Pit, a breath of fresh air awoke me. I
grabbed Big Stick’s hand and hurried him away from the front door.
Bold move for me.
I didn’t want Veronica and Alex to be
cramping my style all night and I thought they might be cramping his as well.
So pulling him in the opposite direction was my only option.
We
rounded the corner of the building and sat down on a stone bench normally
reserved for too-drunk girls and people looking to smoke a joint. I was hiding
us from my crazy friends. Tonight, bat shit crazy. I wasn’t going to allow them
scare away Big Stick. He was freaking gorgeous and had even offered to eat my
pie... At this point I would have loved to have him lick my plate clean.
Hubba
,
hubba
.
He
was smiling and breathing in the air. He lit up a small cigar and took a puff.
It smelled wonderful when mixed with his warm spicy cologne and natural musk.
Cigars didn’t bother me. Well, unless he smoked them all the time. It made him
seem like more of a man then all the young college guys, which thankfully he
wasn’t. It was like he was Brad Pitt in the movies.
Made
my thighs want to open up.
He
offered the cigar to me.
“Sure,
thanks” I said, trying to be casual and retain some measure of the dignity I
lost admitting I was a virgin. I wanted to seem cool, so I took a drag from the
cigar, but then coughed. Then coughed some more. Then gasped and let loose with
a few hacks. Now I know why people just puff them. How embarrassing. Who wants
to screw a girl who almost died from smoking a cigar? Jeez, I was cock blocking
myself.
“Sorry,”
I managed to spit out through my ninety year old coughing fit.
“It’s
okay,” he said, grinning. “These aren’t the best but I use to smoke them when I
was sixteen. So I smoke them every once in a while.”
I
smiled. “So tell me an embarrassing story you wouldn’t tell anyone else,” I
said, stalling for time and hoping it would be embarrassing enough to throw a
bucket of cold water on these overheating ovaries.
I
didn’t need Big Stick to run away.
Otherwise my cherry would still not be picked, popped, or whatever…
Trying to get him to tell me a story was my way to keep him busy and not think
about a way to leave. He was gorgeous, interested in community service, and had
his life together.
OH,
AND A SEXY VOICE.
“Oh,
it will be fun to hear yours, if your first question’s response is anything to
judge by,” he said and I could feel my face heating up despite the cold air
outside. “But as a gentleman, I will go first...”
He
paused and took a long drag of his cigarillo, looking up into the sky blowing a
long stream of smoke into the air. I could see him searching his brain for a
good one and then all of a sudden he started.
“When
I was growing up I had three brothers that terrorized me.
Johnny,
Trevor, and Zach.
Growing up in Nebraska, about two hundred miles out of
Omaha, there were plenty of opportunities to find me down by the river and toss
me in, find me sledding on Boone’s Hill...”
I
guffawed louder than was appropriate for a lady.
“What?
Boone’s Hill?”
I said, still laughing and wiping a few
tears from my eyes.
“Yeah,”
he said, looking puzzled. “It was a hill. It was owned by Marshall Boone and
it’s been in the Boone Family for generations...”
I
laughed again. “Do they own a farm? Maybe make some melon ball wine?”
He
was still confused. Oh wow, he doesn’t know about Boone’s Farm, the wine cooler
that every American high school kid drank at some point in their lives.
“Yeah…
They did. It wasn’t a real farm. It was just for show really.”
Perfect.
I need to buy this guy a few bottles of Boone’s Farm tonight. I can’t believe
he doesn’t know what it is. I’ll let him go for now.
“Alright,
Mr. corn bread. Continue with your hay-
pickin
’
story.”
“Okay…
So like I was saying.
They would find me sledding on
Boone’s Hill,” I laughed a little, “and toss me down it or knock me off my
sled. They were real jackasses that needed to get their comeuppance.”
I
‘
ooh’ed
and gave him an arched eyebrow. I’m socially
awkward. He continued.
“So
one day, I get what I think is a pretty bright idea. I go down to the general
store and I ask Old Man McCreary for some horse laxatives. That guy was pretty
old, so he didn’t really question it and gave me some of the good stuff.”
I
had to interrupt.
“Really?
Old Man McCreary gave you
the ‘good stuff’? Is there such a thing as ‘good stuff’ when talking about
horse laxative?”
He
gave me a sort of fake one eyed glare and laughed a little. “Are you going to
let me finish my story or keep ripping on me for the hay in my hair? Otherwise,
I’ll ask why you’re still a virgin,” he said, winking.
I
motioned for him to continue, holding back a smile. I liked this guy. A guy you
can laugh at is a guy you can stay with. However, there wasn’t any chance I was
going to tell him why I was a virgin. I was such a big virgin that not even my
lawn had been mowed by a guy…
EVER.
At this point I
was willing to skip the oral and get straight to my pie being poked with a
stick, a big stick. Jeez, I was becoming a horny toad… I wasn’t going
ribit
. I was going rub it. Concentrate Olivia.