Authors: Ava Michaels
"Hey, girl!"
Veronica said
to me from behind her receptionist’s desk. "I guess you had a little too
many tequila shots at the office party last Friday."
I
laughed, pumped my arms in the air, raising the roof.
"You
know us college girls.
Never too many!"
Wow,
I felt ballsy today.
Veronica
laughed and answered a ringing phone. Her lacquered nails held the phone close
to her mocha-chocolate colored face. Veronica had rounder cheeks that were
framed by a long cascade of miniature braids. She was what the brothers would
call ‘thick’. She was well endowed, a fact that she broadcast with her deep
plunging necklines, sported a tiny waist and a big ass supported by equally big
thighs. She always wore pantsuit bottoms to work that, I swear, were intended
to accentuate her curves. Like she really needed to? Her features were so well
defined she was like a cartoon character.
Veronica
was a ‘fag-hag’, so Alex called her. She was almost always with him, her
partner in crime. He had some of the best advice around.
Just
then Alex came in with some paperwork. It may not be politically correct but he
was as queer as a three dollar bill. He also called himself that. Hey, I wasn’t
going to tell him what he could and couldn’t say. There was no mistaking which
team he played on. He was another office worker who had a perfect ass. His
wasn't as luscious a booty as Veronica's, but he sure could wiggle that little
apple bottom. His features were boyish, with a rounded nose and fuller lips to
him. His eyes were grey and he always matched some part of his outfit to them.
Today it was his grey DC sneakers.
"Hey
there Special K," he said with a grin. "Fun office party last
Friday."
I
raised my eyebrows and nodded. Did I miss something?
"Yeah,
it was..."
He
looked at me, turning his head to the side.
"You
don't
remember,
do you?" he asked, his grin
becoming wider.
"Remember
what? Just tell me…"
He
laughed out loud.
"Oh,
this is too much.
Too much.
This is going to be an
interesting day for you.... You don't remember talking to Veronica really
loudly, where everyone could hear you?"
Oh
my god. I remembered talking with Veronica, but I had no idea I was loud enough
for everyone to hear me.
"You
called Betty the Bridled Beast of Bunt-town."
He
then cackled and wrapped his arms around his very well-maintained body.
"Everyone
thinks it is hilarious... Minus one Bridled Beast."
He
continued laughing as I realized how much I had truly screwed up. He dropped
the papers on the desk, labeled "To Be Filed" and laughed his way out
of the room.
When
I came into the office, thankfully Betty was nowhere to be found, so I sat down
at my little desk in the back and put my bag down. After Alex was out of sight
I laid my head on my desk. This was going to be the most awkward day of work
I'd ever had.
Might
as well get it started. I took off my jacket and brought the papers over to the
cabinet to start filing.
………
Half
an hour later, Betty came walking in. She was wearing a tan pant-suit and
carrying a cup of coffee. She was a middle-aged woman, a few lines, but with
expertly highlighted hair cut into a pixie style. I’ll bet she was a pretty
woman once. Like when she used to smile. You could tell it. Although she kept
herself up, it seemed that years of bitterness and the work of an accountant
must have soured her.
Whenever she was
displeased, she puckered her lips like she was biting into a lemon. There was
one thing to Betty though, either she had implants, or her breasts stood the
test of time.
Believe it or not they
still caught men's eyes as she passed.
"Spurgeon,"
she said with a flat tone. "We're starting the process of getting the
place in line for the annual audit. I want you to start from the beginning and
pull the summaries out of each file and re-file those in the blue cabinets near
your desk by case number. You can take your lunch in here today."
Holy
hell! This was going to be a long process.
"Where will I find you if I have a
question?"
"I'll
be at the spa today, getting my bridle oiled."
With
that she turned around and left.
Okay,
I was being punished. I wasn’t fired. Being fired from an internist position
would not look good at all.
Especially my freshman year.
That was it. I was never going to drink again… I should have listened when they
said no underage drinking but Veronica kept slipping me drinks. I took a deep
breath and began this grueling project. Perhaps I could smooth things over if I
got this accomplished quickly.
………
Somewhere
near lunch time my eyes were getting bleary from the work. Veronica and Alex
came in with their lunches.
"We
heard you were stuck in here today, so we thought we would get you something
from Panera," Veronica said.
"Oh,
thank you so much. This has been killing me here. My eyes are starting to
cross."
They
both sat down on the floor with their backs against the filing cabinets and dug
into the toasted deliciousness.
Alex
turned to me.
"So V tells me that you have a few names
for the B.
Can we trade? I sometimes call her the Iron Beef Curtains."
I
shook my head as I laughed. This is what got me in deep to begin with.
“I
call her Betty the Barker, or the Molotov Cock Rail.”
I
laughed even harder.
"Wow,
I never thought of trying the Russian angle. You guys are good."
I
told them some of mine, Ball Busting Betty, Battle-Axe Betty and of course the
Bridled Beast of Bunt Town and they laughed, nodding.
"It's
funny that all of ours are about her being Russian and all of yours are about
her being old."
We
laughed together,
clinked
our teas and started
gossiping about our personal lives. They wanted to hear every juicy detail
about Jess’ late night escapades.
"Oh,
my roommate used to do that all the time," Veronica said. "She once
had a three-way when I was sleeping in the bed across the room."
"More
like you were the third wheel on that trike," Alex said.
She
slapped his arm, laughed and shrugged her shoulders.
"No.
They had a third wheel. I was like the spare tire that time," she said.
Wow.
I couldn't believe they were being this free with their personal lives. I hoped
I wasn't expected to tell a story.
"Well,
in college I was always the one waking up someone else's roommate," Alex
said with a mischievous grin. "Or we were waking up the whole quad... Or
the security guards in the dining hall..."
He
laughed and Veronica cackled. I couldn't help but look shocked. Wow, I felt
like such a prude.
"So what about you, Miss K?"
Alex said.
"Where's the craziest place you've done it?"
My
mind raced. Make something up. Don't let these work friends know that you are
still a virgin. That would be awful!
"Umm..."
I started.
"Oh,
she's a bit shy about it," Veronica patted my arm. "She's from
Nebraska. It was obviously a corn field."
Alex
laughed and my face went red.
"The
cabin of a backhoe," I blurted, wanting it to come out seeming like I was
worldly or experienced, but in reality seeming a bit trashy.
Alex
and Veronica looked at each other puzzled.
"You
went to the cabin of a prostitute who only does anal sex?" Alex looked at
me with a laugh on his face.
It
was my turn to laugh. Wow, people here really didn't know the country.
"A
backhoe is like a front end loader."
Alex
and Veronica looked at each other again.
"So,
she does both?" Veronica looked at me with an eye brow raised. "Are
you the back-ho or the front end loader?"
Okay,
I didn't realize how sexual both of those names for excavation equipment were.
"Steam
shovel," I said, using the ancient term.
"
Ohhh
..." they said together.
"Awesome,"
Alex said. He gave me a little high five and I felt good. Even though I lied, I
felt like I was part of a club now. I was accepted because I had fictionally
lost my virginity in a backhoe.
"Okay,
I need to get back out there," Alex said. "I don't have the luxury of
taking hour long lunches like you two freeloaders."
“Don’t
you mean front-end loaders?” I replied giggling at my own joke.
"Oh,
so you're going to be at your desk?" Veronica asked with a smile and a
quirk to her eyebrow. "You aren't going to phone your boy and maybe visit
the 'cabin of a backhoe?'"
Veronica
used her fingers for air quotes and laughed. Alex threw a napkin at her and
shushed her, striding out with a grin on his face.
Those
two were like a sitcom sometimes, a sassy gay secretary and a sassy black
receptionist. And here I was the 18-year old blonde virgin in accounting.
Veronica
looked at me and gave me a knowing look, tilting her head down and staring at
me. It was a look that said, "I know you just lied, and now the punishment
is that you have to tell me everything."
I
sighed. Nothing was going to stop her now, so I had to just tell her.
"Yes.
I'm a virgin. Sorry for lying."
Veronica
nodded and gave me a one armed hug.
"And
you're ashamed of it, right?" Veronica asked.
"Not
necessarily ashamed. Just a little embarrassed.
Tired of it.
I'm already looked at as young or naive. If everyone knew, all my flirts would
come attached with a big glaring red sign that says, 'I don't know what I'm
talking about.' I'm a virgin.'"
Veronica
laughed.
"Don’t
worry. It’s no one’s business. Your dirty little secret is safe with me."
I
smiled. "Thank you."
"However,"
she started, with an edge to her voice. "There's nothing to be ashamed of
if you're a virgin. And let me tell you, as someone who knows a little
somethin
'
somethin
' about the
sexual world: Having sex and making love really are two different things.
You’re an 18 year old blonde country girl alone for the first time at college.
If all you wanted was to get laid, you could trip in the apartment building and
fall on at least one penis. That’s how easy it is. But, if you want your first
time to be special, well, be prepared to kiss a lot of toads before you find a
prince.”
I
could understand that. I'd already had some experience with that language
through my sheer amount of failures lately.
"You
just gotta be confident, Olivia, and it will happen. I just hope it happens
with the right guy."
I
snorted.
"I'm
not sure I even care if it's the right guy at this point."
"No,
don't talk like that. If it isn't the best experience, then you will forget
about it. But if it is a great one, then you will remember it."
I
thought about that. Well, what the hell. Why not at least put the effort out
there to find the right one. But I didn't want to wait too long.
“And
like the saying goes, great things come to those that wait.”
“Well,
all I have to say is when Virginity goes, it better be freaking fantastic! I’ve
waited a long damn time.”
“I
hope it is,” Veronica mumbled through her laugh.
I
looked at the clock.
"I
gotta get to class. Thanks for the advice, V," I hugged her and picked up
my trash to put away.
"Okay,”
she said. "Catch you tomorrow."
-----------Chapter
4-----------
"How
is everyone today?"
Professor
Tunde's question brought the whole class to attention at once. His voice was
commanding - like Morgan Freeman with an edge that I found almost sensual. I was
like those girls in the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Art, when Henry Jones
is teaching his archeology course and all the women are just dreamily staring
at him.
The
rest of the classroom responded with a chorus of mumbles and groans. I sat up
straight at attention, thrusting my breasts out, pushing my shoulders back and
trying to look as composed as possible for someone who got about four hours
sleep. Everyone in the room probably had a full day already, too. Or, more
likely, were still recovering from last night's hangover.
I
couldn't stop thinking about the night before. I mean, did the one thing I'd
failed to accomplish since I'd sprouted breasts have to be so rudely rubbed in
my face with all of that grunting and caterwauling? Was that really necessary?
I knew Jess was this extreme party girl,
hitting every frat house, making the circuit nightly, and I was glad
that she had found ... Whatever it is that she'd found. But listening to her
and "Gaines" and Tiffany making noise all night had just put the
final nail in the coffin for me.