Lost (45 page)

"The
alpha…"

It all finally
clicked. The haze from the fight with Nicolas and Onyx blew away and
everything became clear.

"I'm the
alpha. That's why you're being so tentative. You're worried that I'm
going to turn into another Onyx."

"You and I
never established who was dominant to whom, Isaac, but it's obvious
now that you're dominant to most of the hybrids in North America.
I've never seen anything like what you did today. How would you be
acting if our positions were reversed?"

"When you
say it like that, I can see why you're worried, but I need you to not
change on me, Celeste."

It was hard to
get the reason out, but I knew I needed to tell her now or I might
not ever tell her. It was important that at least one person know
about the craving to kill again and again.

"I left
the arena because I was having a hard time being down there in the
same place where I'd killed Nicolas and the others."

"I don't
understand. You didn't have any other choice. Trust me when I say
that everyone you killed today had it coming."

I nodded. "I
know, but it wasn't just that I killed them, it was
how
I
killed them. Draining someone like that is euphoric, and being full
of all that energy made me feel unstoppable. I want to do it again
and again, even though I know that it's wrong. Right now I want to
find the Coun'hij and kill them and their enforcers until the corpses
are piled up taller than this house."

"They all
have it coming too, Isaac."

"I know
that, but that wouldn't be the reason I'd be doing it. I'd be doing
it because their being evil gives me a convenient excuse for doing
what I already want to do. But then what? What do I do when all of
the bad guys are dead and I'm still craving the high I get now from
killing?"

I could see the
understanding dawning on her face and I couldn't bring myself to look
at her.

"I know
I'm asking a lot, Celeste, but I really need someone around who can
treat me like a normal person. I need someone to keep me grounded and
make sure that I don't forget why I came here in the first place."

"Why did
you come here, Isaac? Did you know this was going to happen?"

"No, I had
no idea. I thought I was going to die at Onyx's hands."

"Why then?
You could have let me come back here by myself, there was no need for
you to die."

I still
couldn't look at her.

"I
couldn't stand the thought of you coming back here and being
tortured, Celeste. It wasn't right, you didn't deserve that. I
thought maybe if I put on a good show that it might make Onyx think
twice about hurting you. Originally I was hoping that Alec could just
fly down and kill him for us, but there's something wrong there and
by the time we left the enclave I knew he wasn't going to be coming."

"That is
what you get for trusting a Graves!"

"No, he
would have come if he could have. I shouldn't tell you this, it would
cause the rebellion major problems if it got out, but I need one
person that I can be completely honest with. There's something wrong
with Alec. I don't know what it is, but he's sick or something. He
needs to be seen out in the trenches soon or everything will start
falling apart."

Celeste reached
out and patted me hesitantly on the shoulder. It wasn't how things
used to be, but it was a start. Maybe things could never go back to
how they'd been, but that simple touch gave me hope that maybe they
could.

"Isaac,
the rebellion has you now. If Alec needs some time to get his head
back in the game, then you can give him that time. You may not be
quite as powerful as he is, but you're still a major power in our
world now. Knowing that you will be fighting beside them will make
wolves and hybrids flock to Alec's banner who otherwise would try to
sit this war out."

She was right,
and knowing that made me feel less like a monster.

"That's
why I need you by my side, Celeste. You know what I need to hear. You
see the other side of things—the side that I need to consider
if I'm going to stop myself from going back to being the guy I used
to be, the one who thinks that I don't have any choices in anything.
I need you to stay with me and bring me down a couple pegs from time
to time like you used to do back in the enclave."

"I'm not
sure I can do that, Isaac."

My world had
been balancing on the blade of a knife and now I felt it start to
come crashing down. I stood to go, but she grabbed onto me with the
same desperate strength that she'd shown right before we'd left the
enclave. It was a small thing, but I grabbed onto those memories with
both hands and held my breath.

"I can't
do that because I'm not that same person, Isaac. To be honest, I
stopped being that person from almost the first time I met you. I
tried to deny it, tried to tell myself that you were weak, but every
time I turned around you proved me wrong.

"You say
that you haven't been willing to accept enough responsibility, that
you haven't always been willing to do what needed to be done, but I
had the other problem. I was willing to accept any evil in the name
of expediency. I was willing to do
anything
to save my people
and only sheer dumb luck saved me from doing something even worse
than the things that I did end up doing.

"I've been
in love with you for weeks now. I'm sorry that I was willing to
sacrifice your friends and the future of the rebellion to try and
save my family, but until I met you I didn't realize that there was
any kind of higher cause than protecting what was
mine
.

"I
understand if you can't bring yourself to forgive me. I can't ask for
your forgiveness, not after all you've done for me and my people out
of nothing more than your inherent goodness, but I hope that someday
I'll be able to earn it regardless."

I was so
stunned that I couldn't find the right words to respond, and Celeste
took my silence to mean the worst.

"I'm sorry
that I burdened you with my feelings after everything you've been
through today, but I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if
I'd left this room without telling you how I really feel. It seemed
like we came so close there at the enclave, but there was still
always some kind of wall between us."

She let go of
my arm and turned to go, but I reached out and stopped her before she
could take a second step.

"The wall
was the fact that you'd said you were going to ask the queen for a
way to save your people instead of a way to save Kristin and end this
war. I couldn't bring myself to fully trust someone who would use me
like that when I was putting my life on the line to get us the chance
to ask that question."

I could hear
the tears in her voice as she responded.

"I'm sorry
about that, Isaac. I wish I could have done things differently, but I
didn't."

"That's
just the point though, Celeste. You did do things differently. When
we finally got a chance to talk to the queen you asked
our
question rather than how to save your people. Regardless of what you
said, your actions were all that I could have hoped for.

"I've been
in love with you for weeks too. I'm sorry that I couldn't just come
right out and tell you what was making me hold back, but I felt like
if I did that then you'd only be doing the right thing because it was
what I wanted."

She turned to
look at me and there were tears in her eyes, but they'd transformed
into tears of happiness. I stepped closer and raised her chin up as I
bent down to meet her.

The feeling as
our lips met was incredible in ways that I'd never before
experienced. It was more than just the feeling of her taut waist
under my hands or how soft her lips were as they brushed against
mine. It was more than just gorgeous blond hair or perfect skin. It
wasn't because we'd survived a close brush with death, although that
added a certain euphoria to the experience.

It was a double
measure of gratification that had been delayed until the timing was
perfect. It was shared trials and being part of a relationship where
we'd already helped each other become more and better than we'd been
before we'd met.

It was about
being with someone who had been through terrible things and used them
to grow stronger, who'd made those terrible things part of her
strength rather than just papering over the hole inside of herself.

As much as I'd
loved Jess, I knew that what I'd had with her was a pale shadow of
what I already had with Celeste.

—The Story Continues in
Marked
—

Curious how all of the pieces of the Reflection Universe fit
together? Check out
the
Reflections Reading Order Diagram
on
my blog.

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Author's Note:

Writing the author's note to any given book is generally one of the last things I do before loading the book up for preorder. In a way that's good because it means that by the time I sit down to write the author's note I've had a few months to distance myself from the writing process. It means I can look back on the book with a little more clarity than I'd be able to otherwise.

Lost was an incredibly challenging book. For the first time ever I was juggling three separate timelines. I had to make sure that what was happening to Isaac matched up with the story from Driven and the nebulous events from the Reflections book that would be following Lost.

Not only that, the introduction of the lamias required I defined a lot more of the history of the world I've been writing about. To be honest there are times in most books where I am really tempted to throw in the towel and go back to an accounting job, but that urge was at least ten times worse with Lost than it had ever been with any previous book.

It's fortunate that when I have those kinds of decision points that I have an amazing support system to rely on. When everything hung in the balance I knew that there were lots of readers out there eagerly awaiting the next installment in the Sanctuary Pack's story.

If you're reading this then you're part of my most dedicated readers. You're one of the amazing fans that have followed me through an epic story that has spanned more than 1.1 million words so far. You are part of the select group that I write for. Your reviews and your efforts to spread the word about my writing mean more than you can ever know. I hope you'll continue to tell your friends and family about the Reflections and Dark Reflections books so that I can continue to write them.

Thank you all!

Dean

Acknowledgments:

As always, I'd like to thank the group that helps make all of this possible. My editors, RJ Locksley and Amy Jirsa-Smith continue to work very hard to catch all of the typos and occasional plot holes. Likewise, my advance readers continue to serve as valuable sources of feedback and a very important safety net that I couldn't do without. In no particular order they are: Mom, Dad, Shalese, Matthew, Lachele, Mark, Mimi, Britney, Kim, Heather, Janelle, Jenine, and Mei. Thank you all for all of your help and support.

Even with all of the help from all of those other people, these books still couldn't become a reality without the help of my wife, Katie. She edits, provides feedback, and creates beautiful covers while still being an excellent mother to our two beautiful daughters. Thank you, Katie!

About the Author:

Dean Murray is a prolific author with more than 25
titles across multiple pen names and more than 400,000
copies of his work currently in circulation.

Dean started reading seriously in the second grade due
to a competition and has spent most of the subsequent three
decades lost in other people's worlds.

Things worsened, or improved depending on your point
of view, when he first started experimenting with writing
while finishing up his accounting degree. These days Dean
has a wonderful wife and two lovely daughters to keep him
rather more grounded, but the idea of bringing others along
with him as he meets interesting new people in universes
nobody else has ever seen tends to drag him back to his
computer on a fairly regular basis.

Keep up to speed on Dean's latest
projects at
deanwrites.com
. If you
want to interact with readers who love the series as much as
you do, please consider checking out the
Reflections Facebook page
or
Dean's Forum
.

The image used in the creation of the cover for this
book is copyrighted by Kylee Ann Photography (www.kyleeann.com)
and is used with permission.

Something powerful is stirring in the darkness. Something so ancient that even
creatures who've been alive for hundreds of years have long since discounted this new
threat as nothing more than myth.

Normal humans will be caught in the crossfire, but then that's always the way of
things. Geoffrey has no memory of his past life or any idea how to survive in the
violent, dangerous world in which he's trapped. Despite his best efforts, he's about to
find himself in the middle of a conflict that threatens to sweep away everything,
and everyone he's been fighting so hard to protect.