Authors: Jennifer Bryan Yarbrough
"Liv! You have to help me! I just can't do this anymore!
You have to show me how to be a father again to them! I
can't do it by myself and you're the only one that can help
me. How do I do it? I.... I can't do it alone. Why did she leave me alone?" I sit down next to him and comfort him like I would have
my children and all I could hear in my head was what
Claudia always said to me when I asked the same question.
“I don’t know, Cash, but you were left behind for a reason,
you just haven’t figured out why yet. Please don’t give up,
because they need their father more than anything in this
world. You're the only parent they have left, and of course
I'll help you. Everything's going to be fine, you just watch
and see."
He leaned down and put his head in my lap, while holding onto my legs for support and cried, while I rubbed his head
and back, holding him, trying to comfort him for as
long as he needed me to.
CHAPTER NINE
Cash and I got back to the house around noon and Carmen
had lunch ready for us. Eden ran up to me as soon as I
walked through the door. I scooped her up into my arms,
while she gave me a hug and I gave her a big kiss on her
cheek.
"I missed you, Owibia! I thought I was never going to see
you again. Where did you go?" She buried her head in my
neck and she hugged me again. She's so adorable and oh
how she reminds me of Jenna. It is such a bittersweet
feeling being around her. I can imagine with all of the
changes going on that she probably was really worried I
wasn't coming back.
"Your Daddy and I took Gideon to school and we went for
a ride to the beach. Would you like to go to the beach some
day?" She looks at Cash very shyly and then looks back at
me and nods her head, and starts rubbing her eyes with both
of her hands.
"Oh, it looks like someone is sleepy. Is it time for your nap?
Have you eaten lunch yet?" I look at Carmen, silently
asking her and she nods her head at me.
"I am sweepy, but I was waiting for you. Will you read me a
book too?" The more she talks, the sleepier she sounds,
which had me giggling a little.
"Oh honey, I sure will, let’s go put you to bed." I start
walking up the stairs and look back at Carmen and Cash,
"you two better save me some lunch. I should be back in a
few minutes as tired as she seems to be."
Carmen just laughed at me and told me not to worry. Cash
is watching us with want and longing in his eyes, and I
know he wishes he was the one putting Eden down for her
nap instead and I'm wondering if it’s too soon, but he has
to start somewhere.
"Cash? Would you like to help me read Eden her book? I
bet she wouldn't mind, would you Eden?"
I asked her in my playful baby talk voice, to make her feel
more responsive to my suggestion. She looks at me and I'm
smiling at her, praying she trusts me and then she looks
at Cash and what she said next, had me almost squeezing
her a little too tight from pure happiness.
"Okay, Daddy. You can come too."
I wish I had a pause button for this moment right now. The
longing look that Cash had on his face went from shock to
utter joy in a matter of seconds. What a beautiful smile he
has and oh how his eyes were shining so brightly with love
for his daughter, when she called him daddy.
"Thank you, Eden." He's still grinning, as he starts following
us up the stairs to her room. I look back at Carmen and
she's dabbing her eyes with her napkin and grinning from
ear to ear.
*******************
The three of us in Eden's bed had to have been a funny
picture. Eden is in the center of her full sized bed, with Cash
and I on each side of her. With Cash's 6'4" frame, he was having problems staying on the bed.
He let Eden pick the book and she asked him to read it, as
she got as close to me as she possibly could. She reached
over and was playing with my hair, as she intently listened
to him.
I kept watching him, as he would talk in different voices for
each character in the book. He was really getting into it, which
would make her giggle at certain parts and my heart was swelling, because every time she would giggle, she would scoot over a little closer to him a little at a time.
I could tell he noticed, because every time she moved closer,
he would look at me with amazement in his eyes and
wanted to make sure I saw what was going on too.
By the time he read his fourth book, she was crawled up
next to him with her head in the crook of his arm and her arm on his chest, resting against his heart. I was silently
crying tears of joy for the both of them and was so happy I
got to witness this father and daughter bonding moment.
He is watching her sleeping against him with tears in his
eyes as well. He kept looking at me, while grinning from
ear to ear. He reached over and picked up a couple of her
curls and watched them slide through his fingers.
I motioned to him that I was going to leave them alone and
he nodded his head and continued watching his daughter sleep, with adoration in his eyes.
I walked across the hallway to my bedroom to use the bathroom and released the tears of joy that I was trying to hold back and was thinking about what a crazy 24 hours it has been. What a roller coaster of emotions. I walked into
a house that was out of control, with so many broken
hearted individuals and in less than 24 hours, I can feel all
of the love that everyone had kept suppressed, to so many
hearts opening up and ready to love again.
I go to wash my hands and I look into the mirror and
realize that I can't quit grinning through my tears. I have
never felt so happy in such a long time and I can't quit
crying either, and they're not tears of desperation, but tears
of joy. I grab some tissue out of the box to dry my tears,
splash my face with water, and reach for a towel to dry my
face.
I open the door to my bathroom and see Cash sitting on my
bed, grinning from ear to ear, with tears still running down
his face.
"She called me Daddy, and fell asleep in my arms!" I
just giggled and started crying. I was so happy for him.
"I know. Pretty amazing, huh?" I couldn't quit smiling. He
stood up and walked toward me and was just inches from
me.
"You're an angel, Liv. You're my personal angel that came into my life, to give me the biggest kick in my ass, and I am
so thankful for it."
He pulled me to him and grabbed the back of my head and
I knew right then that he was going to kiss me again, and
kiss me he did. It was hard and demanding this time, not
soft and slow like last time, and I put my arms around him
and kissed him back just as fervently. I could taste the salt
from our tears and the hope and longing, as he pushed me
into the wall and we stayed like that for I don't know how
long.
When he finally pulls away, we are both panting from lack
of oxygen from the long kiss we just shared and he put his
forehead to mine and smiles.
"I want to kiss you again, but I think we better go eat our
lunch, before Carmen starts chasing us down with one of
her kitchen knives."
I busted up laughing, trying to picture her doing just that, but after the way she jumped me about making my own cup of
coffee this morning, I can picture her doing it.
"I'm not kidding. She's come after me with one of them
before."
He grabs my hand and pulls me along to follow him and
stops, turns around, hugs me, and presses his lips
against my temple.
"Thank you, Liv. I owe you so much for what you've shown
me today. I'm going to do better. I promise."
********************
I am packing up my clothes to go back home for the
weekend, and I'm so excited to go home, because I have
missed Claudia terribly. I have so much to tell her, and can't
wait to just sit with her and relax and tell her about the last few days with Cash and the children.
While I'm packing, I start remembering everything that's
happened during the last few days and how fast time flies
when you're not keeping yourself in limbo every day.
It's crazy that tomorrow will be a week since Claudia came
barging into my bedroom, raising my blinds and telling me
to get my ass out of bed. This past week has been like
being on one roller coaster after another, and now it's Cash
that has impressed me by the ass kicking I gave him.
Just yesterday, he was going to surprise Gideon by picking
him up from school and take him for ice cream, but Eden
woke up before it was time for him to leave and before he
could leave, she asked him if he would push her in the
swing outside.
He looked over at me in desperation, because I knew he felt
like he had to make a choice and couldn't figure out what
he was supposed to do, so I told him not to worry and that I
would pick Gideon up for him, so that he could spend time
with his daughter. I know he had to be shocked at her
request, but he just hasn't realized just how forgiving and
resilient children can be. They bounce back from hurts far
quicker than adults do.
As I was leaving, Eden grabbed his hand and it was such a
beautiful sight. With him being so tall, he had to bend over to keep from pulling her up into the air and that was when
he decided to pick her up and carry her. As she rested her
head on his shoulder, he turned around to show me what she
let him do with a grin on his face and her contented look,
and then turned around and walked out the back door.
As Gideon got into the limo, he immediately looked at me and looked around and I knew he was looking for his dad.
He looked a little upset that he wasn't in the car with us
and sat across from me, instead of beside me.
"How did your day go? Did you have a good day at
school?" He has a sullen look on his face.
"Yes. It was alright, I guess."
"Did anything happen? Was Mr. Marks nice to you? He
wasn't mean to you, was he?" Oh, he better not have been, or
I'll put more than a tack in his seat.
"No, everything was fine and he was very nice to me. He even let me be the classroom leader today." He's looking
down at his feet and not looking at me at all.
"So, what's wrong? If you had such a good day, then why are
you acting like you just lost your best friend?" I know
what's wrong with him, but I want him to trust me enough
to tell me.
"It's just, well, I was hoping that Dad was going to be
the one to pick me up. I'm glad that you're here and all, but I just thought that maybe he loved me again, because he came
up to the school for me."
He still won't look at me, but he's crying now. I get up out
of my seat and sit next to him and put my arms around him,
as he cuddles up beside me.
"Gideon, your father does love you. He's always loved you. He's just been so sad since your mommy died that he forgot
how to show it. I know it's hard to understand sometimes
why we adults do the things we do, but never ever doubt your dads love for you or your sister. Do you remember
what he said to you this morning?" He looked up at me and
nodded.