Authors: Jennifer Bryan Yarbrough
He doesn't leave me a voicemail, but instead texts me and
his text unnerves me and I have no idea how he knew. I
turn my phone off, because I know it's the only way that I'm
going to get any sleep, but all I could think about as I was
falling asleep was what his text said.
I know you've turned your phone
back on. I will find you, Liv. We need to talk. Why do you always have to run away from me?
Why, Liv? Why?
********************
I hear a knock on the door, so I crawl out of bed and open it.
Derek is standing there smiling down at me.
"Hey honey, how's it going?"
"Derek? Oh my God!" I leap into his arms and it felt like
old times, when we were dating and I was still in high
school.
"I guess that answers my question. You do still miss me."
He leans down and gives me a tender kiss.
"Of course I still miss you! I'll always miss you!" I look
behind him. "Where are the kids? Why am I having a
dream like this? I've never had a dream about you without it being...."
"I know, Honey. I don't know why you're dreaming about
just me right now, but I'm glad because I really need to talk
to you." Oh no. The last time I talked to him in a dream, he
seemed hurt and angry.
"What about? I'm so sorry that I moved on. It's not because I don't still love and miss you or the kids. I just..." He put his finger over my lips to stop me from saying anything.
"Shhh. Olivia. It's okay. I'm so happy for ya girl. Can't
you feel that? Cash is good for you. I'm not going to lie,
though. Did you have to find someone better looking than
me? That made me a little jealous, but he's really a good man and he loves you just as much as I do. Maybe more, if
I have to admit it."
"Derek. I know you loved me."
"I know you knew, but I'm so sorry I couldn't show you in the right way. I loved you the only way that I knew how. You deserve to be worshipped, Olivia, and Cash is the guy
for you, he's just a little stubborn is all and he's going to be
alright about the babies. They're beautiful by the way."
"How can you say this to me after what I've done to you?
What I've done to the kids?" He smiles that crooked smile
of his and grabs both of my hands with his, as he's standing
in front of me.
"Honey. What happened was an accident. In no way was
it your fault, baby. Where we are? The four of us? Is so
beautiful and peaceful. My parents are there, ya know. and
we see glimpses of your life and are so glad that you're
finally happy, and are happy for you that you're finally
living, Olivia! That's all that we ask. Is that you live your
life and move on."
"But I have so many questions to ask you about the kids,
about the babies..." I hear a knock at the door.
"Open the door, Olivia." He's smiling at me with that
adorable baby face of his that I had been beginning to
forget how handsome he was.
"I don't want to. I'm afraid if I do, you're going to leave."
"I'll always be with you, honey. Open the door and just
remember to live your life and love those babies, all of
them. Just live, Olivia."
I look at him and I open the door and all of a sudden I'm
raised up in my bed and everything is dark. I look over at
the clock on the night stand and it's six in the morning. I
had fallen asleep around ten and still feel absolutely
exhausted. I hear a knock at the door and I jump out of my
bed and run to open it, hoping that maybe it's Derek and he's
brought the children this time.
"Derek?"
"No, Liv. It's me." Oh my God! Cash! How did he find
me?
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
"Cash? What are you doing here?"
"Are you going to let me in or not, because I think your dad
is going to kick my ass if you don't let me in."
I look behind him and my dad is standing there and he
looks furious.
"He knocked on our door first and we had some words. What do you want me to do, Sweetie?" I'm shocked and
proud that my dad seems to still have it in him to pick a
fight to defend me.
"It's okay Daddy. I'll let him in." I hug my dad and quietly
thank him for defending me. He gives Cash a stare down
before he walks away. I open the door further so that he can
come in.
"Well, that was a great introduction to your parents.
What exactly have you told your parents about me? Your
Dad slammed me up against the wall and asked me who the
hell I thought I was to hurt his baby girl the way I did!"
Just the visual has me turning around and quietly giggling.
I wasn't about to let Cash know how funny I thought it was.
Talk about having the best dad ever.
"I've only told them the truth and if you've come here to have an attitude with me, then I'm going to open the door
and let my dad kick you out of here."
"You wouldn't?"
"I would! Why are you here? I don't need this right now.
What part of I needed some time to think did you not seem
to understand?"
"I was worried about you. Why do you think I'm here?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe to try to convince me into
having an abortion? Which isn’t happening by the way!"
I grab my stomach as a form of protection.
"Liv... That's not what... I don't..."
"What Cash? You don't what?"
"Would you please calm down? Why are you yelling at me? Your father is going to be banging on that door any
minute now, if you don't quit shouting at me!"
"Fine. I'm going back to bed. I don't feel like talking to
you anyway." I go back over to the bed and pull the covers up over me and lay down.
"Seriously? What do you want me to do?" I shrug my
shoulders at him and close my eyes.
"Do you mind if, well, do you mind if I crawl into bed
with you? I'm so tired, Liv. I've been looking for you everywhere and have been going crazy with worry." He
still hasn't answered my question about how he found me.
"How did you find me, Cash? Only your mother knew and I
know she didn't tell you."
"What? My mother knew? Oh my God! She could have
saved me some worry. What is it about you women and your secrets?"
"We are all in a secret society. It's about time you figured
that out. So, how did you find me?" I look over and he's
taking his clothes off and stops at his boxers.
"Have you forgotten what I do for a living? I'm a computer software programmer. I waited and waited until you turned
your phone on, so that I could track it. I didn't think you
were ever going to turn it on! And to think, my mother knew this whole time!"
Good Lord! I should have known that's what he meant by
his text. He walks to the other side of the bed and pulls the
covers back and lies down. I'm not budging an inch,
wondering if he's going to stay on his side or not. I
really want him to just hold me until I fall back to sleep, but
I won't dare ask.
"Liv? I'm sorry, but I can't be in the same bed with you
without touching you. Please don't make me stay all the
way over here. I'm not wanting sex or anything like that, but
please. Do you mind if I just hold you?"
I don't even have the strength to turn my head, so I just nod
my head for him to come closer to me. He slowly comes towards me from behind and when he reaches me, he is a little hesitant when he moves his hand under my neck,
wondering if I'm going to raise my head.
I raise my head up and he pulls me closer to him and I feel
so safe in his arms. This is how we fall asleep every night
usually, spooning with me in front of him. He has his right
hand cradled over my hip and lowers it to caress my belly,
and goes even lower and extends his whole hand out across
my abdomen and gives me a small light squeeze and
whispers in my ear.
"I'm so sorry that I made you feel that you had to protect
them from me. I don't know what was going on inside my
head. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me, Liv."
I feel a tear slide down my neck and realize that he's crying and is genuine in what he is saying. I lean back against him
and entwine my fingers with his across my abdomen that is
finally starting to show signs of pregnancy, and all I feel is
our love pouring out of both of us and I was silently
praying that our babies could feel as loved and safe and
secure as I did at this exact moment.
"Cash?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Does this mean that you've changed your mind? About,
well, thinking I'm going to die and that they're going to
kill me?" He sighs against my neck.
"Yes. I had the weirdest dream last night when I got to the
Plaza and well, let’s just say that I woke up feeling better about things and had a clearer head, and was so
excited to see you the next morning and to tell you that I
knew that everything was going to be okay, but you were
gone."
I'm wondering if he had the same kind of dream that I had
before he showed up at my door. I'm having
problems concentrating between the dream with Derek and
him showing up right after.
"What was so weird about your dream? Oh, and why,
were you at the Plaza?" Another long sigh.
"Liv, please. You'll just think I've lost my mind if I tell
you and after the party I was taking you there for the night,
instead of going home and since it was closer to the
hospital I decided to stay there, since you wouldn't let me
stay in the room with you.
Ouch. The Plaza? I would have loved that! I think back
to my dream about Derek that didn't really seem like a
dream at all, but seemed more real than anything.
"I'll tell you my dream, if you tell me yours."
"You had a dream?"
"Yes. A really weird but good dream, if that makes sense."
"Mine was a really weird but good dream, too." I turn
around, so that I can face him.
"Then tell me what your dream was and I'll tell you what
mine was." Geez, he's sighing a lot tonight. Or I guess this
morning.
"Okay. Can I kiss you first? I have missed you so, so
much!"
"But you saw me a little more than 24 hours ago."
"38 hours and 27 minutes to be exact. It's the longest we've
been apart since we got together. Can I PLEASE kiss you?"
I nod my head and he swoops in, and very lightly presses his lips against mine, gently opens my lips with the tip
of his tongue, slowly enters my mouth, and searches for my tongue, which starts a slow dance with his around and
around until he pulls his tongue away and lightly brushes
my lips with his again. It was the sweetest, tenderest kiss he
has ever given me.
"Oh, how I've missed just being able to do that one simple
thing that makes the world disappear. I love you so much,
Liv. Please don't ever leave me again. I can't bear it. I felt
like you had died and I was never going to ever see you again, and you took my heart away with you."
"You know I had my reasons. I just can't fight with you
anymore. I'm completely exhausted and I mainly came here
to rest and visit my parents. Are you going to tell me about
your dream or not?" He seems to be avoiding the question.