Authors: Kitty Neale
Lily and Mavis walked home on leaden feet. Lily had at first been frozen with shock. Between visiting that afternoon and then again in the evening, her mother had died; slipped quietly away they’d been told.
Mavis had been inconsolable, but as she was so wrapped up in her own misery, Lily had done little to comfort her daughter. At last, exhausted from crying, Mavis had gone to bed, but Lily was still awake. She had cried a little, but anger held back most of her grief until it sat like a hard knot in her chest. Her mother was dead, but thanks to Ron she had no money to bury her. No money to give her a decent send-off.
Lily sat wringing her hands until at ten o’clock there was a knock on the door. At that hour, Lily suspected it was Kate, but she couldn’t face anyone yet.
Oh, Mum
, her mind screamed, the same thought plaguing her again and again.
What am I gonna do without you?
She ignored the thumping on the door, but then the letterbox was lifted, a voice calling, ‘Lily, Lily, are you there? It’s me, Pete.’
Pete! What was he doing here? Oh, no…no! She ran across the room, flinging the door open. ‘What is it? Has something happened to Ron?’
‘No, Lily,’ Pete said quickly, ‘he’s fine. At least he was the last time I saw him. I was hoping he was here.’
‘Here! No, I thought he was with you in Bracknell.’
‘Can I come in, Lily?’
Her head buzzing with confusion, Lily stepped to one side. ‘Sorry, yes, of course.’
Pete crossed the threshold and Lily closed the door behind him before asking, ‘What’s going on, Pete?’
‘Ron buggered off, Lily. About three weeks ago.’
‘What! But why?’
‘He got into gambling, played poker and lost all the money he’d put into our savings.’
‘Where did he go?’
‘I dunno. That’s why I’m here.’
Her face draining of colour, Lily felt a wave of dizziness. She swayed and Pete’s voice became distant as his arms came out to support her.
‘Gawd, Lily. You’d better sit down.’
She clung to Pete, tight in his embrace as he
murmured, ‘Bloody hell, Lily, I didn’t think you’d take it like this. Don’t worry, he’ll turn up.’
Still Lily clutched Pete, but as her mind cleared everything hit her again. The dam burst, tears spurting. ‘I don’t care about Ron. It’s my mum, Pete. She…she’s dead.’
‘What? Blimey, Lily, no wonder you’re in a state. I’m sorry, love.’
The sympathy was too much and tears ran unchecked, down Lily’s cheeks. She stayed in Pete’s arms, unable to stop sobbing, until at last he pulled away.
‘Come on, girl,’ he urged. ‘Stop crying now or you’ll make yourself ill.’
Lily took a great juddering gulp of air, allowing Pete to gently lead her across the room where she sat down, at last able to stem her tears.
‘Gawd, I thought you was gonna pass out. Are you all right now?’
‘Yeah, thanks, Pete. It’s me own fault. I’ve been too upset to eat and felt a bit giddy.’
Pete’s face darkened with anger. ‘You shouldn’t be on your own. Ron should be here.’
‘Huh, what good would that do? When he stopped sending me money, I wrote to him, told him what was happening, but he just ignored my letters.’
‘He didn’t get them, Lily. He’d gone by the time they arrived.’
Mavis appeared at the door, her expression bewildered. ‘Mum…? What’s going on?’
‘Go back to bed.’
‘Why is Pete here? Where’s Dad?’
‘How the hell do I know? Your precious father has buggered off. He’s left us in the shit…and I…I ain’t even got the money to bury your gran.’ And on those words Lily broke down again, tears flooding her eyes. Mavis ran forward, but Lily pushed her away, once again burying her face in her hands.
‘Mavis, your mum’s in a state. Why don’t you go back to bed?’ Pete urged. ‘I’ll look after her.’
‘But…but, where’s my dad?’
‘I dunno, pet, but don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll turn up soon.’
Lily was so wrapped up in her own grief that their words washed over her, yet she was dimly aware that Mavis was crying as Pete cajoled her back to bed. He was over by the sink now, filling the kettle before putting it on the gas ring to boil. She dashed the tears from her face, finding her voice croaky as she said, ‘There…there’s only a bit of tea left. I…I was saving it for the morning.’
‘You need a cuppa now.’
Lily didn’t argue. In truth her throat was parched, but when she saw Pete about to empty the pot, she sat bolt upright in her chair. ‘No, no,
don’t do that. Just pour boiling water over the old tea and it’ll be fine.’
Pete came over to crouch in front of her. ‘It’s all right, Lily. Don’t worry. I’ll buy more tea in the morning, and you can stop worrying about your mother’s funeral too. I’ll pay for it, love.’
‘No, Pete, it’s good of you to offer, but I can’t let you do that.’
‘Don’t be daft, of course you can. Look, if it makes you feel better, we’ll call it a loan.’
Lily shook her head. ‘Pete, it would be years before I could pay you back…if ever.’
‘So what, I ain’t going anywhere. One stint out of London was enough and from now on any work I take on will be local. Now no more arguments,’ he said, holding up a hand as though to cut off any further protest. ‘I’m paying for the funeral and that’s that.’
‘Oh, Pete,’ Lily cried, her gratitude at his kindness overwhelming her as she leaned forward to hug him.
‘Steady on, Lily. You’ll have me over,’ he protested, but then his arms enfolded her too.
Lily clung to Pete as if he were a life raft, but then the kettle whistled and he gently pushed her away. ‘Right, girl, let’s make that tea.’
Lily managed a wan smile, but her eyes were still watery with gratitude. Somehow she’d find a way to pay him back, but for now at least she knew
that her mother would be able to have a decent funeral.
Mavis lay in bed, able only to hear the murmur of voices from below.
Oh, Dad, where are you? What happened to you? Please come back! Please don’t leave me! Gran’s gone, now you’ve gone too. Oh…Dad
. Tossing and turning, Mavis tried to cling on to Pete’s words. He said her dad was sure to turn up soon, and surely he was right? Her father wouldn’t just go off. He wouldn’t disappear without a word. Something must have happened to him—an accident, or maybe he was ill! Perhaps that was why he hadn’t sent any money. She wanted to run downstairs again, to ask more questions, to find out what had really happened.
The drone of voices had stopped. She hadn’t heard the front door closing, but maybe Pete had left now. Mavis flung back the blankets and stealthily crept downstairs. If her mother was alone now, surely she would talk to her?
Mavis reached the threshold of the kitchen, her eyes widening and a hand involuntarily covering her mouth in horror. Her mother and Pete were standing in the middle of the room, wrapped in each other’s arms, oblivious to Mavis as their lips met. ‘Oh, no…no,’ she gasped.
They jumped apart like scalded cats, but Mavis had already turned to flee back upstairs. ‘Mavis…
Wait…it’s not what you think,’ she heard her mother shout, but ignored the words as she dived into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Her mother and Pete! So that was it! That was why her father had gone off without a word. Oh, to think she had hated him—hated that he hadn’t sent her mother any money.
I’m sorry, Dad
, she inwardly cried,
but come back for me. Please come back for me!
‘Don’t worry, Lily. Once you’ve explained things to Mavis, I’m sure she’ll understand,’ Pete said as Lily showed him out.
‘I’m sorry, Pete. I don’t know what came over me.’
‘You were upset, looking for a bit of comfort, that’s all.’
‘Yeah, I suppose so.’
‘Why don’t you leave it for now—let Mavis sleep. I’ll come round again in the morning and if she won’t listen to you, maybe she’ll listen to me.’
‘Thanks, Pete, but you know what Mavis is like. Getting through to her may not be easy. Anyway, thanks for being so understanding. Another man might have, well, you know, taken advantage.’
‘I wouldn’t do that, Lily. Goodnight, love, and try to get some sleep too.’
Lily nodded, and as she closed the door behind Pete, a wave of exhaustion had her reeling. Yes,
she’d go to bed. Talk to Mavis in the morning, but if the daft cow thought there was anything between her and Pete, she must be out of her tiny mind. She had just turned to him for comfort—that was all.
As Pete walked along the road, his thoughts were on Lily and how it felt to hold her in his arms. He had never seen her cry before, her outer demeanour usually hard, but on this occasion Lily had looked so vulnerable that he’d been unable to resist when she’d lifted her lips to kiss him. He’d said that he wouldn’t have taken advantage of her in that fragile state, but if Mavis hadn’t appeared he doubted that he could have held himself in check. Lily Jackson was enough to tempt any man, and in truth he’d fancied her for years, envying Ron his gorgeous wife.
Of course, Lily had just clung to him—any port in a storm, as the saying went. She wouldn’t be interested in an ugly bugger like him, and he didn’t blame her, but he’d treasure the memory of that one, wonderful kiss.
Where the hell was Ron? Why wasn’t he there when Lily needed him? Yet in reality the man didn’t know that Lily’s mother had died. If he did, surely he’d come home?
Pete walked on, knowing that all he could do was to put the word out and hope that Ron got
to hear it. In the meantime he’d keep an eye on Lily, make sure she didn’t go short, and try to be there if she needed him.
The man that Pete was thinking about was working on a building site in Southampton. His initial anger had soon worn off, but he’d been too ashamed to go back to the hut, or to go home, unable to bear the thought of facing Pete, or Lily. He’d let them down again, but after thumbing a lift with a lorry driver heading for Hampshire, he’d decided that the only chance he had was to show them—show both of them that he wasn’t a lost cause. He’d find a job, save up, and when his pockets were full of money he’d go home loaded. If he did that, Lily was sure to welcome him back.
It had been easy enough to find work on a building site, though he was only labouring, and the foreman had taken pity on him, agreeing to let him kip in the hut until he sorted out a room.
Ron felt a wave of desolation. All his big ideas had been blown with his first wage packet. He’d lost the money, gambled it away, and, sure that his luck was about to change, he’d continued to do so for the next couple of weeks. He’d borrowed from the other blokes on site, but they’d got wise to him and now wouldn’t even loan him the price of a meal.
The foreman was approaching and Ron quickly
set to work, his head down as he shovelled cement into the mixer. God, he was hungry, weak, and it took all his effort to lift the shovel.
‘Jackson, I want a word.’
‘Yeah, what about?’
‘You’ve been dossing in the hut for three weeks now, time enough to sort yourself out. Make tonight the last one.’
‘Have a heart, mate,’ Ron appealed. ‘Give me a bit more time.’
‘I can’t do that.’
‘Can’t, or won’t?’ Ron snapped.
‘Don’t push me, Jackson,’ the foreman retorted.
All the anger he felt at himself, all his self-disgust, was now transferred to the foreman. ‘Fuck you. Stick your job,’ Ron yelled as he threw down the shovel and stormed off.
Boots caked in mud, Ron swiftly left the site, but as his temper cooled, and with nowhere to go, he began to walk aimlessly, his mind twisting and turning. He’d blown the job now, blown everything, and as he continued to ramble with no sense of direction, at last Ron faced the truth. He was an addicted gambler, unable to get it out of his system, and doubted he ever could.
When he passed a café, hunger drove Ron down the side alley to the dustbins, and after rummaging inside one he found a pie. It tasted like nectar as he stuffed it down, but then he felt a wave of disgust.
He had sunk to this, digging in dustbins like a tramp to find food.
Ron eventually found himself at the harbour, and finding a wall he sat down, absently watching the bustling activity as his thoughts turned to his wife. Lily was a diamond, had given him chance after chance, but all he did was let her down. The urge to go home was strong, pulling at him, but as he pictured the recriminations, Ron knew he couldn’t face her.
Cargo was being loaded onto a freighter and Ron’s eyes raised to follow its course. He continued to sit there, swamped with depression, until finally he came to a decision. Lily deserved better. He was no good to her and never would be. There was only one thing he could do. He’d make enquiries about signing up on a merchant vessel. He’d leave these shores and maybe never return.
On her sixteenth birthday, Saturday, 26th of March, 1955, Mavis anxiously looked out for the postman; but when he passed the door without stopping, she wondered if she would ever see her father again. Sadly she turned away from the window to find her mother’s eyes on her and said, ‘He…he didn’t even send me a card.’
‘Yeah, well, after all this time without a word, I ain’t surprised.’
Mavis voiced her fears, ones that continued to plague her. ‘Mum, you don’t think that he…he’s dead?’
‘Now look, I’ve told you before. If anything had happened to him we’d have heard about it.’
‘But it’s been over nine months now.’
‘He’ll turn up one day. Bad pennies always do.’ There was a rap on the letterbox, her mother then saying, ‘That’ll be Pete. Let him in, Mavis.’
Tight-lipped, Mavis did as she was told and
opened the door to find a parcel shoved into her hands as she did so.
‘Happy birthday,’ Pete said as he stepped inside.
‘Say thank you,’ Lily snapped.
Mavis ground out her thanks. A couple of evenings a week, and every weekend, Pete turned up, and though her mother continued to insist that they were just friends, Mavis still had her doubts. Since that first time, she hadn’t seen them kissing again but she hated the way Pete made himself at home, sitting by the fire in her father’s chair, shoes off and his feet on the fender. She couldn’t make sense of her dad’s disappearance and still felt that Pete had something to do with it. When her dad came home he’d sort Pete out, but in the meantime Mavis avoided talking to him, and though it made her mother angry, Mavis was determined not to give in.
‘Well, open your present,’ Lily demanded.
Reluctantly Mavis unwrapped the parcel, fighting to hide her pleasure when she pulled out a lovely, blue cardigan. It was so soft, fluffy and, despite her feelings, Mavis was unable to resist trying it on.
‘My, my, just look at you,’ Pete enthused. ‘You’ve blossomed, Mavis, and look so grown up now.’
‘Yeah, it looks nice,’ Lily agreed, ‘but it must have cost you a good few bob. You shouldn’t have spent so much, Pete.’
‘Leave it out, Lily. I had to get my girl something special for her sixteenth birthday.’
Mavis stiffened. His girl! No, no, her dad called her that. She was
his
girl, not Pete’s. Unthinkingly she grabbed her coat, managing to splutter before dashing out, ‘I…I’d best get round to Mrs Pugh’s.’
It was early for Mavis to go to work, but Lily didn’t have a chance to protest as the door slammed shut behind her daughter.
‘Blimey, what was that all about?’ Pete asked. ‘She ran out like a scalded cat. Was it something I said?’
Lily shook her head, unwilling to upset this man who had become her friend and companion for all these months. ‘No, don’t worry. I think she was just a bit overwhelmed with her present, that’s all. Mind you, I still think you spent too much.’
‘Mavis deserves it, Lily. With the hours she works, it’s nice to give her a little treat. After all, she doesn’t get much.’
‘Is that a dig at me?’
‘Of course not. I know you have to take her wages, but maybe it’s a bit hard on her.’
‘Why? I feed her, clothe her, so what else does she need?’
‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right, but as you can only afford second-hand gear I thought she’d love something new for a change.’
‘You
are
having a dig at me!’
‘I’m not, Lily. I just wish you’d let me help out a little bit more.’
‘No, Pete. I’ve told you time and time again that it wouldn’t be fair. We ain’t your responsibility.’
‘I wish you were,’ he blurted out, colour then flooding his cheeks. ‘Oh, shit, Lily. I didn’t mean to say that.’
Lily found herself pink-cheeked too. Pete was nothing like Ron in looks, but she’d grown used to his face, no longer finding it so ugly. He had a lovely smile, and nice eyes, but it was his personality that had slowly begun to attract her. She wasn’t a fool, knew that he fancied her, and as her frustration grew he’d become more and more of a temptation.
Lily kept her head down, too embarrassed to look at Pete. At first she’d only felt anger towards Ron and every day had expected him to turn up. When he didn’t, she’d reported him missing to the police, her anger replaced by worry as she tossed and turned every night, praying he was safe. Now though, as she’d told Mavis, she had come to realise that if anything bad had happened to Ron, they’d have been informed.
‘Lily, I can see I’ve upset you. Please, forget I said anything.’
Slowly Lily lifted her head again to meet his eyes. ‘You haven’t upset me. I…I like you too.’
Pete’s eyes widened with amazement. ‘You…you do?’
‘Yes, but I feel like my life is on hold. I can’t move forward, I’m stuck, waiting for Ron to show his face.’
‘Lily, you’ve done all you can to find him. I understand that you feel your life is on hold, but he may never turn up. How long are you prepared to wait?’
‘I dunno, Pete. I wish I did. Mind you, if he does come home I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him for putting me through this.’
‘Yeah, he’s my mate—at least he was—but I could kill him for doing this to you, and to Mavis.’
Lily smiled. ‘I wouldn’t want you to go that far.’
Once again, Pete’s face reddened as shyly he said, ‘Lily, if I’ve got a chance with you, I’m prepared to wait, for as long as it takes.’
‘Oh, Pete,’ Lily said as she looked at this man, one who had been so good to her since Ron had disappeared. He’d not only paid for her mother’s funeral, but since then, despite her protesting, he’d never failed so turn up without something for the cupboard, along with a joint for Sundays, which she’d insisted that he share. She knew the neighbours were talking and hated it, making sure that at least Kate knew that she and Pete were just friends. When he left she made a great show of calling goodbye before loudly closing
the door, but despite that she suspected the gossips were still at it. With her conscience clear, she could still look them in the eye, and would continue to do so. No matter what she felt for Pete, no matter how frustrated, she was still a married woman. ‘I can’t expect you to wait. It wouldn’t be fair.’
‘I don’t mind.’
‘You may not be saying that if another eight months passes.’
‘Lily, you’re worth waiting for, and I’d happily take on Mavis too.’
‘You’re right about her. She is blossoming and hardly a child now,’ Lily said, smiling fondly at Pete. Mavis had been working for Mrs Pugh for a year now, and, as the woman had predicted, she had taught the girl a lot. The coat she had once given Mavis had been too big for her at first, but now she was filling it out, and since working for the woman her daughter had become almost fastidious with cleanliness. She washed from top to toe almost every day, and how she had managed that in the outhouse during the cold winter months was beyond Lily. Still, with the house cleaning experience she’d gained, another job had come in, then another, both in Chelsea. Mavis now worked six hours a day, and at weekends she still did another two for Mrs Pugh. Mavis was earning a fair bit of
money, and Lily didn’t know what she’d do without it.
‘Lily, I know I said I’d wait,’ Pete said, snapping Lily out of her thoughts, ‘but surely there’s no harm in a cuddle?’
No, there isn’t, she decided, and rising to her feet Lily stepped into Pete’s arms. It felt wonderful to be held, to feel his muscular body against hers. She pressed against him, aroused by the touch of a man after so long, but then gasping she pulled away. ‘No, no, we mustn’t.’
‘It’s all right, Lily, I just want to hold you. I won’t let it go any further.’
She sank back into his arms again. She was still married to Ron, yet the temptation was so strong, her need so great that Lily wondered how much longer she could hold out before she allowed Pete to give her the comfort she craved.
‘Mavis, you’re early,’ Alec Pugh said as he stood aside to let her in.
‘I’m sorry. I hope your mother won’t mind,’ she said, taking off her coat.
Alec’s eyes widened. Mavis looked lovely, the blue of her cardigan deepening the blue of her eyes, and dark, shiny hair framing her face. She no longer looked like the scruffy and dirty waif who had first come to work for his mother, but when had she changed? Why hadn’t he noticed?
‘Er…er, I’m sure Mother won’t mind,’ he said, feeling suddenly tongue-tied. ‘She’s in the living room. Go on through.’
Alec followed Mavis, to hear his mother say, ‘Mavis, how pretty you look. Happy birthday, my dear, and here, I’ve got something for you.’
‘Oh, you shouldn’t have.’
Alec couldn’t take his eyes off of Mavis. It was as though he was seeing her for the first time; the gentle curve of her cheek, full lips, and her pretty white teeth when she smiled.
‘Go on, Mavis, open it,’ he heard his mother urge. ‘It’s from both Alec and I.’
This was news to Alec. He’d had no idea it was Mavis’s birthday, but he watched as she unwrapped the gift.
There was a small gasp of pleasure as Mavis held up the necklace. Alec frowned. Surely it was one of his mother’s? The aquamarine stone in the small pendant looked familiar, and wasn’t the chain gold?
‘Mrs Pugh, I can’t take this,’ Mavis protested.
‘Nonsense, of course you can. You’ve come a long way, Mavis, and it’s no more than you deserve. Now come on, put it on and let’s see how it looks.’
Mavis’s fingers trembled as she unfastened the tiny clasp, and when she put the chain around her neck, fumbling, Alec found his eyes widening again, astounded at his mother’s words.
‘Alec, don’t just stand there. Give Mavis a hand.’
Shyly he moved forward and as Mavis lifted the back of her hair, he found himself transfixed by the sight of her long, white neck. His hands shook, but at last he managed to fasten the chain, hoping that Mavis had been unaware of his nerves.
‘It looks lovely on you, Mavis. Don’t you think so, Alec?’
‘Er…yes, very nice.’
Mavis spun round, her eyes sparkling. ‘Oh, thank you, thank you both so much.’
‘You’re welcome, my dear. I have another surprise too. I managed to ice the fruit cake you made yesterday, and after you’ve finished work I’d like to ask you to join us for a birthday lunch.’
‘Me…you’re asking me to lunch!’
‘Yes, that’s if you haven’t got to rush off?’
‘No, no, I haven’t.’
‘Good, and now we’ve sorted that out, I think I’d like a nice cup of coffee. Mavis, would you mind making it, and Alec, you can give her a hand.’
‘It’s all right, I can manage,’ Mavis protested.
‘I know you can, but Alec can carry the tray through.’
Mavis left the room without further protest and Alec followed. His mother usually advised him to avoid girls like the plague, so what the
hell was she up to? Perhaps she still saw Mavis as a child, had been blind to the gentle swell of her breasts, but Alec certainly wasn’t. Mavis was sixteen now, old enough, but if his mother saw that he was interested in her, she’d get rid of her like a shot.
Mavis was pink-cheeked as Alec stood watching while she made the coffee. When she came to Mrs Pugh’s during the week, he wasn’t there, and even at weekends she saw little of him. In fact, until now he’d hardly spared her a glance, and, feeling uncomfortable under his scrutiny, she wished it had stayed that way. She would never forget her first encounter with Alec. It had been over a year ago and she’d still been at school. He had made her feel like dirt, but recalling how dreadful she must have looked maybe it wasn’t surprising. Mavis loved working for Mrs Pugh and had been taught so much, not only about cleaning, but personal hygiene too. She wondered if Alec knew that his mother allowed her to take a bath every week. When it came to housework, at first she’d thought that Mrs Pugh’s standards were excessive, but her lessons had served to make sure that the other women she worked for had no room for complaint.
‘It…it’s ready if you’d like to take it through,’ she stammered.
‘Aren’t you having one?’
‘Me? No, I’ve got cleaning to do and had better make a start.’
‘Surely as you’re early, there’s no rush?’
‘Well, no, I suppose not, but I’d rather get on with it.’
‘Please yourself,’ he said rather curtly as he picked up the tray to take through to his mother.
When Alec left the kitchen, Mavis breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, he had made her feel uncomfortable, even more so when his eyes had continuously strayed to her breasts.
She had just begun to relax when Alec came back in again, saying, ‘Mavis, my mother insists that you join her for coffee.’
‘Oh…oh, right,’ she said. ‘I’ll just get another cup.’
When they returned to the living room, Edith Pugh said, ‘There you are, Mavis. Do sit down, my dear, and, Alec, pour the coffee.’
He did as he was asked, and Mavis was surprised to see how his hands shook as he handed her a cup. ‘Thank you.’
‘Alec has just been promoted, Mavis. Isn’t that wonderful?’
‘Er…yes.’
‘Of course, I’m not surprised. He works in the accounts department at Tate & Lyle and is very well thought of.’
Surprised, Mavis looked at Alec. ‘You’re…you’re an accountant?’
‘No, I’m just a wages clerk.’
‘Yes, but it’s a very important position,’ his mother insisted.
Alec drank the last of his coffee and then stood up. ‘Right, Mum, I’ll go and get your prescription now.’
‘Thank you, darling.’
Mavis too stood up. ‘I’ll get on with the bedrooms.’
‘No, sit down, Mavis. There’s no hurry and we may as well finish this pot of coffee.’
‘See you later,’ Alec called as he left the room.
‘Do pour us both another cup,’ Edith Pugh urged, ‘and then you can tell me why you looked so upset when you first arrived. Don’t look so surprised. I know you tried to hide it, but I’m not blind, you know.’
‘It…it’s just that my father didn’t send me a birthday card.’
‘Oh, dear, no wonder you’re upset.’
When her father had first gone missing and her mother had been so angry that she refused to talk about it, Mavis found herself confiding in Mrs Pugh. She had been so kind, and until now Mavis had clung to her assurances that eventually he’d come home. ‘I don’t think my father will ever come back.’