Love, Always (22 page)

“The food I cook is good.”

“You don’t let me eat bread. Bread, Adam!”

“Gluten—”

“I won’t ever speak to you again if you turn vegetarian on me,” I say, interrupting his lecture on the horrors of gluten.

We sit outside and enjoy the breeze that quickly puts Josie to sleep. I play with the stem of my wineglass as the silence between us spreads. I notice Adam looking at anything but me, as if he were waiting for something exciting to happen. The waiter proves to be a God-send when he brings out the garlic rolls that give me something to do rather than dwell on the awkwardness that has settled in between us.

With a piece of the garlic roll in my mouth, I look up at Adam when I hear him sigh.

“What are we doing, Dee?”

I point at my mouth before I answer. “Chewing.”

He looks at our sleeping daughter in her stroller and smiles back at me. “Before you were chewing you were being awkward.”

I scrunch my eyebrows together and glare at him. “You were being awkward too.”

“So let’s quit being awkward.”

“Fine,” I agree. “You first.” I take another bite of the garlic roll and wait. And wait. “See, you can’t.”

He laughs at me. “That’s not really something to celebrate.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Adam, but you’re kind of being a girl.”

“I—” he opens his mouth but shuts it again. “We can’t forget who the girl is, can we?” he asks.

His eyes grow darker and I know his thoughts have taken him to our mutual place of ease. Sex. Good.

He leans towards me, so I lean in as well and wait for his slow seductive kiss. I open my mouth in invitation, but hiss when I feel his fingers pinch my inner thigh. My eyes open when those same fingers slide up my shorts, and I lean back to give him better access. My eyes remain on his as he tickles my clit, but close again when I concentrate on my breathing as he pinches and tugs.

“Look at me, sweetie,” he whispers, and my eyes involuntarily open at his command. “Don’t close them again.”

I nod my head in agreement and inch my bottom closer to him, needing and aching for his touch. I lick my lips and bite the bottom lip when his fingers continue to dance. One finger becomes two, and I gasp when his gentle caresses turn rougher. I inch upwards and grab his hands as I help him reach my peak. My eyes remain on his when the heavens meet the earth, and I shudder when he pulls away.

My smile turns lazy when I hear the door chime, alerting us that our waiter is bringing our food.

“I think I should clean up.” I kiss his lips quickly before running to the bathroom with what I’m sure is the biggest shit eating grin ever.

“You sure you wanna go to a drive-in?”

“Yes,” I respond for the hundredth time.

“We could have Hayley and Max watch Josie, and we can—”

“Drive-in it is.”

“Drive-in it is,” he agrees.

I turn on the radio and sing along to Pink while Josie claps her hands. My first date with Adam isn’t exactly what I would have pictured or anticipated, but it works. Josie is our common ground, and until we feel comfortable with the dynamics of our new relationship, I think it’s best to keep her close. She eases our self-imposed tension and gives us something to talk about when the uncomfortable silence fills us. Turns out saying the
I love you’s
was actually the easy part. Living those words is something else entirely.

“What movie?” he asks, and I shrug, so he picks an interesting title from the lineup.

Once Adam parks, I climb to the back seat and feed Josie while Adam gets us snacks and drinks at the theatre shop. After changing her diaper, Adam picks her up and sings to her until her eyes droop closed.

“You spoil her,” I accuse.

“You’re just jealous.”

“Yeah, well.”

I watch him strap her back into her car seat and quietly climb back to the front seat where Adam hands me a bottle of beer. I raise my eyebrows in question and he shrugs.

“They serve alcohol.”

“To people in vehicles? Makes sense.”

I look back at Josie, feeling the silence creep up on us. I want to bat it away, but aside from straddling Adam, I’m not sure how to keep the awkwardness from taking over.

“How’s your book comin’ along?”

“Good.” I smile. “The first draft is almost done.”

“The cover Max designed is awesome.”

“Right?” I ask enthusiastically. I hadn’t even realized Max had shown it to him or that Adam had asked to see it. But that shouldn’t surprise me. Adam has always been the attentive one while I’m the self-centered one. “Hayley’s agreed to beta read it—”

“What’s that?”

“Beta read?” I ask and he nods his head. “She’s gonna read the first draft before it goes to the editor to let me know what she thinks. You know, how the flow is and if there’s any huge holes.”

“I’ll beta read it too.” My eyes widen and he looks away. “You know, if you want me to.”

“Well, yeah!” I lean across the center counsel and kiss him. “You’re like the most perfect-est boyfriend ever.”

“Don’t tell people,” he whispers. “You’ll ruin my reputation.”

I laugh at him, because really? He’s the least worried about having a rock star reputation. Adam turns the volume on the radio louder when the movie starts, and he puts the center counsel up so that I can sit next to him. I love pickup trucks.

Within fifteen minutes of the movie I’m in hysterics. Not because the movie is funny, but rather because it’s like a corny almost R rated pornography. I mean, really? The implications of sex are there with the over-acted ooh’s and ahh’s with the noisy slurps that I’m guessing implies blowjobs, but who knows. The thirty second booty and booby shots are the best. At least there won’t be a bush full of pubes staring at me from the screen.

I shake my head and unwrap my hotdog, but Adam takes my hand when I go to take a bite.

“Don’t,” he laughs. “I can’t—”

I narrow my eyes at him and lick the tip of the hotdog on a moan.

“Stop, Dee!” he laughs, shaking the truck with each chuckle.

I put the dog in my mouth and close my eyes when I wrap my lips around it and bite.

“Mmmm.” I lick my lips and laugh when I see his eyes on mine.

“My turn,” he murmurs before crashing his lips with mine.

We’re like horny teenagers, the two of us.

We arrive at Adam’s apartment hours later, tired and ready for sleep. I lean on him while he carries Josie in his arms. I can already picture the bed molding itself as it welcomes me to sleep. My body tenses when we get closer to his condo, and I don’t know why until I see them.

“Mom?” I whisper, and Adam snaps his head towards her.

I try to tame my frizzy hair as we draw closer to her and my dad who is leaning against Adam’s door. Adam hands Josie to me, squeezing my hand quickly, and I look up at his face for reassurance.

My mom rushes towards me, getting in between Adam and me as she air kisses both my cheeks and tries to take Josie out of my arms. My dad only moves so that Adam can unlock his door.

“What are you doing here?” I hold onto Josie a bit tighter than necessary.

“I want to see my grandbaby of course.” She walks into Adam’s condo as if she owns the place and starts to call for Josie as if she were a puppy.

“She’s sleeping,” I tell her the obvious, and my mom looks back at me expectantly. “I’m not waking her up at this time.” I leave my parents alone with Adam while I settle Josie into her crib. I take some cleansing breaths before going back out to meet my parents, but no amount of oxygen can cleanse me of my parent’s disdain towards me.

“How about some water, dear?” My mom asks when she sees me and fans her face for emphasis. I sigh quietly, but smile when Adam lifts his eyebrows at me in question. I grab her a glass like the well-trained daughter that I am and return it to her quickly.

“You haven’t called once to ask about Josie since she was born.” I hand my mom a glass of water and am proud when my hands don’t shake. “Why are you really here?”

“We were in Spain.” She waves me off as if that were a legitimate excuse to not call about her granddaughter.

“For ten months?”

“Oh, nonsense,” she laughs. “We traveled all sorts of places since your baby shower. We just got back and I had to rush over here to see that baby.”

“You can’t see her.” I sit down on the couch and look for Adam, who has disappeared into his bedroom. I hope he’s not looking for the gun he keeps locked away.

“Right, the little beauty needs her sleep. You look tired, dear,” she says, and it almost feels like she cares. I mean, at least she didn’t tell me I look horrible. “If you can’t afford a nanny—”

I sigh loudly, interrupting her stream of words. It always comes down to money. Why can’t she see I don’t want her money? I want a mom.

“We’ll pass by tomorrow.” She turns away and begins to walk towards the door.

“No.” I wish Adam were beside me to give me some sort of strength.

“No?” My mom arches an eyebrow in question.

“No,” I sigh and stand up from the couch. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?” I feel tears well up but push them back.

“What you’ve been through?” she accuses. “Your boyfriend beat up your father. You got us kicked out of an apartment we bought you. Do you know what we’ve been through?”

“I don’t care,” I tell her and am grateful when Adam comes to me and puts his arm around my waist. I don’t want to argue with them. I just want them to leave. ”You should go.”

“Listen here, young—”

“No,” I interrupt, shaking my head at her. “You listen! I’ve been battling depression since I was a little girl…”

“You’re so dramatic.” My mom rolls her eyes and turns away from me and towards my father who is ready to go. Of course, he was ready to go before he even got here.

“…but you didn’t care or believe it or whatever. You’ve spent your life doing what you want, never once thinking about me, your daughter. Why have a child at all if you don’t want to spend any time with her? When you’re gonna leave the responsibility to nannies? You never saw me!” I no longer try to hold back my tears, but let them stream down my face as Adam keeps ahold of me. “I had to go to the hospital to get help because my parents never cared enough to help me.”

“What do you mean a hospital?” my mom asks with her hand trembling at her lips.

“A hospital for crazy people, Mom. I admitted myself into a psychiatric ward,” I tell her and she inhales deeply.

I’ve let her down; I see it written all over her face. For a second I thought she might actually care, but all she feels is shame. She’ll probably officially denounce me as her daughter. I’m a freak after all. A disappointment.