Love and Decay, Volume Eight (Episodes 9-12, Season Three) (18 page)

But Hendrix was the worst. Maybe it was
because of the bond we shared, because I knew him so much better
than any other person. Maybe it was intuition because our souls
were connected in an unending way. Or maybe it was because he truly
looked like a lost little boy.

My grief was doubled as I worried about
Vaughan and Hendrix. One of them was enough to kick me in the gut
and send me reeling with anxiety. But both were too much.

They couldn’t both break my heart.

Hendrix’s eyes fluttered open and I watched
him take a moment to come back to me. He didn’t look at me right
away, his gaze went directly to his brother, to Vaughan’s chest to
watch it rise and fall with staggered breaths. Hendrix squeezed my
hand tighter in a gesture that was both needy and grateful.

My free hand landed on his thigh and I ran my
fingers tenderly over the tight muscle. I wanted to tell him
everything was going to be okay. I wanted to promise him that since
Vaughan hadn’t turned, his chances for survival were great! I
wanted to point at his little sister and remind him that she had
been bit and she survived.

But I couldn’t make any of those words leave
my throat.

I didn’t know if any of them were true.

Tomás stepped into view and jerked his chin
to the side in a gesture that said he needed to speak with me.

I leaned over and whispered in Hendrix’s ear,
“Tomás wants to talk.”

His grip tightened on my hand. He didn’t want
to let me go. With Vaughan out of commission and the rest of the
Parkers in the state they were, Tomás had come to rely on me as the
spokeswoman for our group. It helped that I had so many Diego
stories. Tomás trusted me more, knowing that his cousin had also
trusted me for a time.

“I’ll be right back,” I promised Hendrix with
a kiss on his cheek. “Promise.”

He finally turned to look at me and the
bleakness in his eyes gutted me all over again. “Don’t be long,” he
pleaded with a scratchy, underused voice.

His possessive words used to come as sexy
demands, but over the past few days they’d dissolved into desperate
requests and heartbroken pleas. The change in his demeanor did
nothing but make me fall deeper in love with him.

This solid, capable man wasn’t beyond
brokenness. He needed me as desperately as I needed him. He loved
intensely. He loved completely; not just me, but his family too.
Everything about this man was absolutely attractive, even in his
grief. I just hated that he had to go through this.

I hated that we all had to go through
this.

I gave him another gentle kiss, this one on
the lips. I pulled my hand from his and met his shining eyes. “I
won’t be. I’ll be right back.”

He nodded once before turning back to keep
vigil on his brother. I crawled over the back of the pew because
Miller was tucked in next to me and Miguel huddled in the corner of
the pew with his face buried in his hands.

The newest member of our group was currently
experiencing his own version of hell and none of us had the energy
or the insight to help him through the loss of his two friends.
Tomás had asked him if he wanted to return to his home, but he had
shaken his head vehemently and blamed the Rat King for his friends’
death. Adela had explained that Miguel planned to learn from Tomás
and eventually go back to the slums to kill the Rat.

Miguel wanted vengeance. He swore he would
not be happy again until the Rat King was dead.

I thought that was a little extreme. The Rat
King wasn’t the most upstanding citizen of all time, but Zombies
had killed Miguel’s friends and those could have attacked anywhere,
at any time.

But then again, Miguel and everyone else,
living in that section of the city, had a relatively peaceful
existence apart from the Feeders. Maybe Miguel would have been
safer to stay back. Maybe we all would have been.

At least Vaughan would still be healthy.

Adela waited near Tomás. She didn’t have the
bond with Vaughan that I did, but I was thankful that she was here
to take care of us. While I managed the people in our group during
this uncertain time, Adela had been managing our physical
needs.

She brought us food and water when it was
time to eat. She announced bathing times and showed us how to wash
our clothes using as little water as possible. She translated for
Miguel and Tomás and she fetched anything Tyler thought she could
use to heal Vaughan.

Tomás could speak English when he wanted to,
but he preferred using Adela.

“Is he better?” Tomás asked in English.

I shook my head and pursed my lips. We had
decided not to tell Tomás that Vaughan’s illness started with a
Zombie bite. We didn’t want to create mass panic because this
highly armed group of concerned citizens thought there was a Feeder
walking in their midst or get Vaughan shot for those exact same
reasons.

“No,” I told him honestly. “He’s alive… but
not better.”

Tomás’s forehead wrinkled with concern. I
didn’t trust it… or him. My healthy skepticism had turned into a
full blown obsessive cynicism and it was the very rare individual
that could earn my trust these days.

“Is he contagious?” Tomás pressed.

There it was. The root of his concern. “No,”
I answered confidently.

Tomás’s gaze narrowed suspiciously. “How do
you know?”

“I just know,” I answered slowly. “His little
sister had it a while ago and survived. It’s something they
get.”

Tomás did not believe me, but he didn’t push
me either. I watched his face carefully as emotion flickered back
and forth in his dark eyes.

I thought back about my words and
explanations and tried to figure out what Tomás’s guess was. I’d
told him that Vaughan was very sick, but that it wasn’t contagious.
What Tomás had decided Vaughan came down with was a mystery, but it
was also something I didn’t press.

I needed him to keep his distance, so if he
was afraid to get too close to us, that was just fine with me.

He switched to Spanish and Adela started to
interpret. “There’s a situation,” she told me. “The Dead are
attacking the back wall. Tomás would like some of your people to
help fight them off.”

I looked back at the cluster of Parkers,
clinging together with tears in their eyes, their shoulders heavy
with the weight of this latest burden, and frowned.

We had stayed in a lot of places over the
last few years where we relied on the hospitality of others to
survive. We had always been up for fighting Zombies, for fighting
any danger that threatened our latest sanctuary. We were generous
with our weapons and our kills.

But this was different.

I could not ask those brothers to fight, when
any of them could face the same fate as Vaughan. I could not add
extra pressure to this family when they were so very close to
shattering.

Noticing my hesitation, Tomás started
speaking quickly. Adela interpreted, “He says that he is happy for
you to stay here until your friend recovers, but he requires this
small thing.” She listened to him for a minute and her mouth pulled
into a frown similar to mine. When she turned back to me,
exasperation marked her expression. “He would like me to remind you
that you eat his food and drink his water and that it is not too
much to ask to help protect this place where you can get a good
night’s sleep and your sick friend is out of danger.” She rolled
her eyes and finished. “He wants me to remind you that he has been
generous, but that he doesn’t have to be.”

I let out a heavy sigh and nodded. He was
right. We couldn’t expect to stay here for free. If the table were
reversed, I would have my own expectations of him. There were too
many Feeders in this city for anyone to shirk his duties.

“Fine,” I relented. “I can spare two.”

“No,” Tomás bit out, clearly understanding
me. “Not two. That is not enough.”

I sighed again. I hadn’t really expected him
to go for that. But damn, I didn’t know who to ask. Maybe
Miller?

“I’ll go,” Harrison said from behind me.

I jumped at his nearness before spinning
around to face him. My hand flew to my chest and I willed my racing
heart to slow down.

“You scared the bejeezus out of me,” I
hissed.

He ignored me, looking over my shoulder and
speaking only to Tomás, “I’ll go. “

“I’ll go too,” King volunteered at his
side.

“No,” I said sternly before Tomás could
accept their offer. “You’re in no condition to go out there. Just
stay with your family. I’ll figure this out.”

They shared a determined look. “Reagan, I’m
going crazy,” Harrison argued. “I need to get out. I need to kill
something.”

I noticed his trembling hands and a pang of
something maternal and loving sliced through me. “No way. You guys
will get yourselves killed. Then where will be? Think about your
brothers. They can’t take anything else right now.”

King took a step forward and hit me with the
truth. “Neither can we, Reagan. Seriously. I’m going slowly insane
here. I need out. I need to get bloody. We’re going to help. You
can’t stop us.”

I wanted to retort by shoving my finger in
their faces and snarling, “Oh, yes I can, mister. You march your
rebellious butt right back over there and take a seat.” But I
didn’t.

For obvious reasons. One of them being that I
wasn’t certifiably insane.

I dropped my hands to my hips and let out a
long sigh. My chest ached for Vaughan. I wanted him healthy and
better, but I also needed him healthy and better so he could make
this decision. This was his territory. This was what we all relied
on him for.

He picked the teams, but he also knew when to
hold back. He had perfected the skill of sending Harrison and King
into dangerous situations while keeping them at his side when he
knew the threats were greater than others.

I didn’t want this responsibility.

And I didn’t want the guilt and heartache
when everything went wrong.

“Reagan,” Harrison pleaded. “Let us feel like
we can get justice for what happened to Vaughan. Let us end this
Apocalypse one Feeder at a time.” He hit me with huge puppy dog
eyes and I felt myself caving.

Damn him and those big Parker blues.

“They need help, Reagan,” Adela added. “If
Harrison and King are willing…” She trailed off when my glare
threatened to set her on fire.

“Listen to the men,” Tomás grinned. “They’re
young. They’re fit. They need to kill, yes?” His waggling eyebrows
reminded me so much of his cousin, Diego. I wiped a hand over my
mouth to hide my small smile.

“Fine,” I relented. “You can go. But, don’t
go back over there. Wait here. I’ll… explain what’s going on to
Hendrix.”

“He’s going to want to come.” Harrison looked
at me with those intense eyes again and I read his unsaid words.
Hendrix would want to come, but he shouldn’t.

He wasn’t in any shape to leave Vaughan’s
side.

I nodded. I didn’t want him to fight either.
But, Hendrix had never been a good listener when it came to me and
danger.

And since he was usually saving my ass, I
didn’t mind.

Walking back to Hendrix, I felt the stifling
atmosphere that surrounded Vaughan and his sick bed. I hadn’t
realized how liberating those few moments with Tomás had been.

It wasn’t that I wanted to be anywhere else
but with these people I loved, but I did recognize the need for a
break. Harrison and King had been right. They needed air, they
needed space.

They probably, seriously, needed to kill
something to feel like they had control again after their lives had
been completely turned upside down.

This was one of those boys will be boys
moments I had to let be. I would go with them and make sure they
lived through it, but I wasn’t their mother. They were old enough
to make their own decisions and take care of themselves.

I stood behind Hendrix and rested my hands on
his shoulders. I pressed my fingers into his tense muscle and
massaged gently. He groaned with approval and the sound was so deep
and masculine I forgot everything I’d come over here for.

We had been committed to each other for days
now and we’d yet to find any alone time to… celebrate.

Vaughan was seriously messing up my mission
to consummate.

I leaned down and trailed kisses over
Hendrix’s temple and earlobe. I hoped that if I could sweeten him
up just a bit, help him relax some, he might not be so resistant to
my suggestions.

His hands wrapped around my wrists and held
me close to him. I felt the intensity in his touch, the sorrow that
weighed down his entire body.

“Hey,” I murmured against his cheek.

“Hey,” he rasped. “What did Tomás want?”

Slowly and savoring, I kissed him again on
the jaw. “There’s a small commotion outside. He needs some of our
group to help handle it.”

I expected him to jump to action or tense or
be angry or something! But he barely twitched. “Tell, Tomás we
don’t have anyone we can spare right now. He’ll understand.”

Shit.

“Um, actually, he really needs us. His people
are tapped out and they could use our extra ammo.”

“Then tell him he’s welcome to our
weapons.”

“I think I’ll just go with him.” I slid my
hands down his chest and pulled him more into an embrace. His
fingers curled around my arms as if he planned to physically
restrain me from leaving.

“Not happening,” he growled. And it was as
simple as that.

Only I wasn’t finished.

“Harrison and King want to go too. They need
to stretch their legs.” I hesitated for just a second before
soldiering on, “I think I could stretch my legs too, actually. I
need some fresh air and I-”

I could feel his determination rising.
“Reagan, there is not a chance in hell any of you are leaving this
room. You need to understand that right now.”