Love and Decay, Volume Eight (Episodes 9-12, Season Three) (24 page)

He nodded against the curve of my throat. He
placed a kiss against my pulse and then pulled away.

We dressed quickly, but in silence. Neither
of us had the stomach to speak or the courage to say anything worth
saying.

We held hands as we walked back to the first
bungalow. Hendrix’s hand trembled in mine and I tried to stay
strong, but I felt myself crumbling… shattering into a million
pieces with each step forward.

The bungalow smelled like sickness and death
when we walked inside. I knew immediately that something was
terribly wrong.

Nelson, King, Harrison and Page sat around
their older brother whispering words to him that I couldn’t make
out. Emotion rushed through my head and roared in my ears. I wanted
to clear the white noise so I could memorize this moment, but I
wasn’t strong enough to fight it.

Vaughan looked up at Hendrix as soon as we
walked in the room. He tried to smile, but his dry, cracked lips
barely moved. His blue eyes were the only sign of life on his worn
body. They glittered with the same devilish humor they always
had.

They were the only reminder of the greatness
that he used to be.

In just a few days his once muscled, corded
body had become weak and frail. His skin looked paper thin,
translucent and veiny. His cracked lips bled and his full beard
seemed to swallow his face.

This was not the Vaughan I would remember.
This was only a fleeting moment in the legacy he would leave
behind.

“Brother,” he rasped to Hendrix.

Hendrix’s shoulders jerked, but he held back
his emotion for the most part.

“Don’t do it,” Hendrix growled. “Stay with
us.”

Vaughan nodded, but barely. “I would if I
could.” He tried to smile again, but his chin trembled. A lone tear
slipped from the corner of his eye. “I’ll get to check up on Mom
though. See Dad. Make sure they both kicked ass on the way out,
yeah?”

Hendrix shook his head, adamantly opposed to
Vaughan’s words. “We need you, Vaughan.
I
need you.”

“You don’t,” Vaughan argued weakly. “I’m not
sure you ever did. But I’m grateful you let me lead anyway.”

Tears fell from Hendrix’s eyes. He couldn’t
stop them anymore. “You’re a stubborn asshole. What was I supposed
to do?”

This time Vaughan’s smile was genuine and
beautiful, even with the ruin of his body. “I’m glad I got to see
you happy, Hendrix. You deserve it. Her and so much more.” Hendrix
nodded, but before he could say anything else, Vaughan looked at
Nelson. “You, too. A father? I can still hardly believe it. Keep
them safe, Nelson. Don’t let them out of your sight.” Nelson leaned
forward and pressed a kiss on Vaughan’s temple. Vaughan turned to
Harrison next, “Be smart,” he said. “Be thoughtful. It’s not as
easy as it sounds.”

Harrison shook his head with a trembling
chin. “Vaughan, don’t!”

“Listen,” Vaughan said sternly. “That’s
another thing that’s not easy, but you’ve got to learn. It will
take you far. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Harrison rasped, painfully resigned.
“Okay.”

To King, Vaughan said, “You’re not done
growing up, so don’t think you are. Not yet. Be a kid when you can.
But know that you’re a man. You have to act like a man. Always.
That means no excuses. Do what you know is right. Without
exception.”

“I love you, Vaughan,” King told him.

“I love you too,” Vaughan answered
immediately. “I hate that this is happening, but you have to know I
love all of you. This was worth it. Every damn second.” His eyes
blinked like he wanted to cry, but there was no moisture to leak.
“Where’s my Page?”

A hiccupped sob squeaked out of her and she
threw herself on his chest. She wept into his neck, clutching his
t-shirt with her hands, begging him not to die.

His weak hand landed on the back of her head
and he stroked her hair. “I love you the most, little girl. I’m
going to miss you the most too.”

“I’m sorry,” she wailed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Pagey, listen to me,” he demanded with a
surprisingly strong voice. “This is not your fault. None of this
is. You didn’t do this to me, Feeders did. Okay?”

She rocked back and forth, “It’s my
fault!”

“It’s not,” he snarled. “This world we live
in has become an evil place, infested with all kinds of terrible
monsters. This was not your fault. Not even a little bit. But the
truth is you can’t do anything about it now. Nobody can. But that
doesn’t mean it always has to be like this. Be part of the
solution, Page. Get to Colombia. Let them work on your blood and
help fix this world. Help get rid of the monsters.”

She pulled back and looked at her big brother
with the watery eyes. She didn’t say anything right away, but
something changed in her, something significant. Finally she
whispered, “I love you.”

Vaughan nodded, drinking in the words like he
needed them to push on. “I love you too.” His gaze fell to Haley,
“Take care of my nephew, Mama. He needs brothers by the way. At
least four of them. And maybe a little sister to teach him how to
be gentle.”

Haley held Lennon closer to her chest and
sobbed. “You saved our lives, Vaughan. Thank you for being one of
the best men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

He nodded and turned to me. “You girls saved
our lives too,” he said. “It was an honor, Reagan. I am proud to
count you as my friend.”

I couldn’t speak through my tears for a long
time. “I’m going to miss you, my friend. So very much.”

“Help him keep them together, okay? No matter
what.”

My voice was a thick whisper when I swore,
“No matter what.”

Miller stepped into his line of sight and
Vaughan’s expression grew sober. “You’re a good man, Miller.”
Miller shook his head, denying it. “It’s not always easy to be
good,” Vaughan continued. “But it’s right. You are good enough to
want to do right. No matter what the future holds for you or what
happens down the road, choose the good things… the
right
things. Choose those and you’ll be okay.”

Miller didn’t respond verbally. His shoulders
shook with his emotion and tears streamed down his face, but I
watched Vaughan’s words settle over him and I hoped they took
root.

“Ty,” he groaned. King scooted over so she
could sit down next to him. She wrapped her arms around his head
and ran her fingers through his matted hair. “Tell me you love
me.”

“No,” she refused adamantly.

“Tyler, please,” he asked softly. He had been
so strong while he talked to all of us. He had made sure we heard
him and looked us in the eyes. But his strength was draining now.
He had trouble keeping his eyes open.

“You’re not supposed to leave me,” she
whispered against his forehead. “You promised me you wouldn’t.”

“Tyler,” he scolded. “Tell me you love
me.”

“I’m too mad at you,” she argued. “I’ll never
forgive you for this.”

A rumble vibrated through his chest that I
thought was almost a laugh. “I love you,” he rasped. “With
everything, Tyler. With all of me. If I could live forever with
you, I would. But, Ty… I need you to say it. I need you to tell me
I didn’t dream it.”

Her tough demeanor cracked and she broke into
heavy sobs. She curled around him, whispering, “I love you,” over
and over and over.

Vaughan closed his eyes with a happy,
satisfied smile on his lips and when she had finally quieted, he
said, “That is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.”

He fell asleep soon after and the day became
a marathon of waiting and weeping. I stayed next to Hendrix, as
close as I could get and prayed for a miracle.

That’s all I did. I just prayed and prayed
and prayed. I begged God to heal Vaughan and make him all right. I
pleaded and bargained, I threatened and threw insults. I let loose
every single, desperate thought on a God that I wasn’t sure cared
anymore.

If He had let Zombies overturn this world and
men like Matthias rule, then he couldn’t possibly care about the
rest of us. He’d given up on us a long time ago.

Vaughan’s death was not a simple one. Nor was
it quiet and easy.

Vaughan fought death like he fought
everything, relentlessly and completely. His body suffered more,
grew sicker and more agonized. By the end, when his body finally
stopped twitching and his heart stilled, it was a relief.

I could be grateful that he was no longer in
pain. That he no longer had to suffer through this illness or this
world.

Nobody moved for a long time. We stayed in
our same spots, trying to comprehend the grief that racked us all.
When we did finally move, it was to embrace each other and cry some
more.

Afternoon turned to evening and evening
turned to night. Nelson eventually went to search for something to
eat for Haley. Lennon assured that at least somebody’s needs were
met.

He returned with individually packaged
pudding and a flat of water from the main office. They were lucky
finds and I was grateful that Nelson found them.

But I couldn’t make myself eat. Not even
chocolate pudding.

When dawn broke, and the sun started to rise,
a collective air of purpose moved through us. Harrison stood up
first and stretched. King followed him.

“We’ll build something to send him out to
sea,” Hendrix declared. His voice was rough and sandpapery from
emotion and hours of silence.

In a soft voice, Haley asked, “Is that what
he would have wanted?”

A smile tugged at Hendrix’s lips. “No, he
would have hated it. He would have said it was pointless and
pretentious.” The smile disappeared and Hendrix continued with
ferocity, “But I’ll be damned before I let a Feeder find him and
chew him up. We’ll get him out to sea and I’ll have at least felt
like I saved him from that.”

I didn’t point out that something would eat
him even if we sent him to the middle of the ocean. I didn’t think
that was the point. Hendrix wanted to save him from Feeders and I
could help him do that. I would do whatever it took to help Hendrix
bury his brother.

We spent the entire morning rigging up a raft
that could hold Vaughan’s body.

It was not easy.

But the boys worked tirelessly. They needed
something to occupy their thoughts, a purpose to busy their
trembling hands.

We found knives and big machetes in the
office and they used those to cut down brush and branches. They
tied them together with the moldy bed sheets and eventually were
able to strap Vaughan’s body to it.

Tyler, Haley, Adela, Page and I made garlands
out of brightly colored flowers we found and decorated his body
with them. We stood at the edge of the ocean, the tide lapping at
our feet and stared at Vaughan’s empty body.

His clothes were tattered and dirty, they
smelled like death. His shoes were worn… old. His hair had been
tangled into dried knots on his head. His skin was streaked with
dirt. He was gaunt from his sickness, his injured arm bloated and
black with swollen veins. He was a broken, shadow of the man he
used to be. I was thankful that he was free if this body… free of
this world.

Part of me started to drown in grief, to sink
down with the weight of it. And the other part of me still couldn’t
believe that he was gone. He had been our leader, our
patriarch.

It wasn’t only that I didn’t think we could
go on without him; it was also that I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to do anything without him.

“When I was seven,” Harrison interrupted our
silence. “I got in trouble for lying at school. I don’t even
remember what it was about. Something stupid probably. Dad was
gone, deployed or something and mom had been furious with me, but
busy. She had told me to sit at the table until she could deal with
it, but then Page started crying and she never came back. She must
have told Vaughan though, because he sat down next to me and asked
me what I was afraid of. I wanted to impress him so much, you know?
I wanted him to think I was a superhero like him. So I told him I
wasn’t afraid of anything. Then he said, ‘Wrong answer. You’re
afraid of telling the truth.’ I put up quite the fight, denying
that I was afraid of the truth, swearing that nothing scared me. So
he said, ‘If you’re not afraid of it, then tell it. Only cowards
lie. And if you’re not a coward, then you’ve got no reason to lie.’
I never forgot that,” he finished quietly. “I
will
never
forget that.”

Hendrix rubbed his hand over my back. I felt
him gather courage as he prepared to speak. “When we were at
college, he would get homesick. Well, I called it that because it
annoyed him. He would say, he just needed to check on everybody. He
just wanted to make sure everything was okay. So he would arrange a
weekend at home. He’d ask off of work and make sure all of his
homework was done. He’d pack his bag and get ready to leave; then
he’d look at me and say, ‘You coming?’ It always pissed me off
because I knew he wouldn’t leave until I packed my bag and went
with him. But he never asked if that was what I wanted to do. He
just assumed I wanted to go home too, that I had just as much
trouble staying away as he did. And maybe he was right. Maybe I did
want to go home.” Hendrix’s voice cracked and he took a moment
before continuing, “When Dad decided that we had to go and that he
would stay back with Mom, he pulled Vaughan and me aside. He looked
at Vaughan and said, ‘Stay together. Don’t lose one of them. I’m
counting on you.’ He didn’t say that to me. Dad knew better than
the rest of us that Vaughan was the only one that could keep us
together. Vaughan never questioned Dad. He just accepted that was
what he was supposed to do. And Dad… Dad looked at me and said, ‘Do
whatever he asks you to do. Vaughan will save you. Vaughan will
save all of you.’ It didn’t occur to me to feel offended. I knew
Dad was right. I knew that it would have to be Vaughan that kept us
together. And… he did.”