Authors: Lila Felix
On my way back to the dorms
after a busy New Year’
s D
ay
,
I called my m
om. I needed to talk to her now while all of this was in my head. The phone rang only once and she answered.
“
Hey honey. What’s going on?”
“Hey Mom. You have time to talk?” I hoped she did, I needed her.
“Of course. Come to the restaurant. I’m in the kitchen.”
I rode over there and walked straight into the back and sat on the only countertop that wasn’t used for food prep. She’d have my ass if I sat on one of those. This was our thing. I sat on the counter while she cooked. She didn’t push or pry. She just waited for me to talk and listened. Then she
always gave me the best advice or called my dad in
to do it.
She acknowledged my presence
with a nod and then went back to shaving the zest from a lemon. More cheesecake I assumed. I let out my stress in a giant ‘whoosh’ of breath and just let my brain mouth connection flow uninterrupted.
“So Nellie’s parents are super rich and they hate me. Her Mom hates anyone who isn’t walking perfection including Nellie.
Although I can’t see how she views Nellie as anything but absolutely perfect.
She grew up in a plantation, a huge mansion of a house with two of everything, formal and informal. They have chefs and housekeepers. They don’t even put up their own Christmas tree. They have a decorator person come in and do it for them. I’m never going to make money like that—ever. And I know that Nellie doesn’t care about that stuff but what if one day she wakes up and realizes that I’m not enough? That I
don’t have enough to offer her?
And I told her all about Amy and the pregnancy and not knowing whether or not it was mine and she didn’t come down on me about it at all. She just told me that it was all in the past.
It almost would’ve been easier if she hated me for it because that’s what I deserve.
And I know that all of that broke you and Dad up and you’re never going to get back together because of me. What if I do the same thing to her—to us? What if things get a little bad and I go on a tirade again? I can’t lose her Mom—I won’t.
Shit.
”
My chest felt lighter. I carried this around with me since I proposed to her here in this very restaurant. I knew it was stupid and I could negate each and every feeling with one of the opposite side of the debate but I couldn’t help that they still ran through my head. Mom continued to
shave each lemon one by one until their outsides were no longer yellow.
She got on her phone and called my dad and asked him to come in but never said anything to me.
My dad walked in and looked at me and then her with a ‘what the hell’ expression. Mom repeated the entire pathetic speech to him. Then they both lit into me. They told me that I needed to forgive myself for everything. Sounded like Dr. Phil crap to me. They also told me that they were getting back together but hadn’
t told us boys yet and that none of it was my fault.
I didn’t believe them until Dad practically bent Mom over the counter and made me gag while they made out.
“Ok, ok, I believe you jeez.” They both laughed and Dad said he wanted to talk to me in private and Mom said she was going home anyway.
“Son, listen to me.
Everyone hangs on to the bad things about themselves. It’s just life. But don’t let it get in the way of what you have with Nellie. That girl is special and anyone can see that s
he loves you more than most people hope for
. Don’t ruin it with things that happened a long time ago that you can’t possibly change.”
“Ugh…why can’t you just be like Mom and listen to my crap and keep chopping stuff?”
“Because your Mom’s a good listener and I’m not. I’m a problem solver.
So love her with everything in you and don’t go to sleep angry. Best advice my dad ever gave me except I was too stupid to follow it and I lost precious time with your mother.”
“Ok Dad, thanks. I’m going home now.
I
kinda
just needed to vent.
”
I made my way out and heard my dad yell after me. “
I love you, Son.”
“I love you too Dad.”
On the way home I called Nellie who answered in her sleepy voice.
“
Mmmm
…” That was ‘hello’ in sl
eepy Nellie language and to wake up to that was heaven.
“I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you. Go back to sleep.” I started to hang up and heard her talk.
“I can’t go to sleep after you saying that. Come spend the night.” She said still half asleep.
“We have class tomor
row. You’re thinking with your—well
, not your brain.” I laughed.
“Ugh—you’re so sensible sometimes.” She chuckled
“Go to sleep gorgeous. I will see you Tuesday.”
“
That just makes it worse. And Owen?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you more every day. And you’re gonna miss me tomorrow and wish you’d come over here.”
“I’m sure I will. Goodnight.”
She hung up. She probably wouldn’t even remember the conversation in the morning. I got back to the dorms and fell asleep courtesy of Falcon’s Christmas present—ear plugs.
Mondays always sucked but now they really sucked. At least last semester I got to see Nellie in the morning but now I wouldn’t see her at all. Most of my classes were scattered throughout the day and it seemed like hers took the spaces between
,
sealing our fates.
That night after I ate dinner
I went straight to the dorm, showered and went back to my room. I opened the door and hung my towel on the back and turned to get into bed.
“I couldn’t take it.” Her voice alone made the stress of the day fade.
“Come here.
” She got up and I bent down to meet her and welcomed her arms around my neck. She let out a moan and I reveled in the knowledge that I could give her some comfort.
“Rough day?” I asked her.
“The worst. I don’t know if it was the first day or four classes back to back or just because I missed you so damn much. It was just awful.”
“It wasn’t easy for me either. Why don’t you stay here? I know it’s not
as big as your bed but I bet we can fit.”
“Dylan?” she asked.
“He’s at your apartment, I assume. He packed up some clothes earlier and said he wouldn’t be back.”
“Yeah, I need you tonight. I couldn’t make myself go home.” To hear h
er murmur that she needed me was the best
.
“Come on, I’ll kiss you until you forget that it’s Monday.”
“Best—idea—ever.” She said against my neck and by the time I was done with her she barely remembered her name much less the day of the week.
I woke her early the next morning in the same way I relaxed her enough to sleep the night before.
After bringing her to her apartment to shower and
change we spent the day saturated in each other’s presence to help tide us over for the days when we didn’t see each other. I complained about another English class while she complained about Chemistry and Chemistry lab which she called nothing more than glorified math. Her extreme disdain for all things math related was hilarious.
We looked at our schedules and picked an upcoming weekend for us to go to the family cabin in Arkansas. We had a Mardi Gras holiday coming up in February where we were off for the weekend plus Monday through Wednesday. It was perfect. She complained about having to go shopping again but I reminded her that I wasn’t planning on letting her outdoors much.
Way before I had gotten enough of her she checked her watch and it was time for her to go to work. She only had to work four hours today so I decided to
make a run to see my mom and tell her about taking Nellie to the cabin in case someone else had decided to use it.
Mom sent me back with tons of food for both Nellie and I along with permission to use the cabin over Mardi Gras weekend. I called Nellie and we made plans to meet at her apartment to eat.
After dinner she tried to barricade the door with her puny frame and I had to convince her, against everything my body was screaming at me, that she needed to go to sleep alone because right now
the things
I wanted to do in her bed were nothing even close to sleeping.
“You’re killing me with all of this sensibility and common sense stuff Owen.”
She groaned out as her face lay against my chest and it
kinda
irked me that she thought it was so easy to be the sensible one.
“
You think it’s easy being me?” My libido was winning the war so I picked her up and took her to her bedroom slamming the door behind me with my foot.
I laid her down on the bed and pinned her arms by her sides. I put my weight on the side of her body and leaned down to speak directly into her ear.
“I will always, always do what I think is best for you even if it
means leaving you when you whine at me about being sensible. And don’t you dare think for even one second that it doesn’t kill me to go back to my cold, single bed when I could be
here with you in my arms. Especially right now when you’ve got that blush on your face and your mouth is open just begging me in. But let me tell you this, you’ve got to marry me soon because I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep my wits about me.”
I kissed her long and hard and then walked out the door not giving her the opportunity to protest. Because I swear at this point I would give in if I even heard the smallest whimper.
By the time I got down to the Bronco I had cooled off and
I pressed my face against my driver’s side
door just to chill my own fury
. I got in and my phone was already ringing.
It was Nellie and I chuckled to myself before answering.
“Hello?” I said and hoped that she wasn’t too pissed about me leaving her.
“Are you pissed?”
She said.
I laughed a little because we both thought the other was angry.
“
Only at myself, though I meant every word.”
“I know you did. So we’d better start planning this wedding.” She said and I could imagine the smile on her face.
“Yes, please.”
I agreed and she giggled.
“Ok, I’m going to sleep per my future husband’s orders.”
“So, tomorrow night, you and me and wedding talk.” I hoped.
“And honeymoon talk.” She whispered in the phone.
“You just couldn’t stand it could you?” I laughed.
“Ok, ok, ok, tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.” Not having the will to put up with any more of her honeymoon talk.
It’s amazing how fast the day goes along when you’re actually paying attention in class. But between classes was a whole other matter. In between lectures and computer slide shows I thought about Nellie.