Love and Wargames: A Bad Boy Hacker Romance (20 page)

“Boxcar…”
Fox warns softly.

“Get out of this tent.” Paxton spins around and fires another look at Caleb. “Both of you. Fitzpatrick, you stay here and brief me on what happened out there tonight.”

Caleb immediately turns and steps outside but I linger behind, drawing close to Fox’s ear.

“Watch your back,” I whisper.

He flexes his jaw and gives me a subtle nod as I pass by him.

“Caleb!” I pick up my pace to catch up with her. She doesn’t turn around and keeps her quick stride towards the barracks. “Hold on…”

“Not now, Boxcar.”

“Wait, wait—” I slip my fingers around her elbow but she quickly tugs free. “Caleb,
stop
.”

She halts and I swing in front of her to block her. “What do you want?”

Her eyes stay low like an animal cowering from thunder over its head, outright refusing to look at me, and I bleed inside. There’s nothing I want more than to hold her right now but the spiked armor she’s got on won’t make that easy.

“I want you to know that you can talk to me,” I say. “Anytime you want. I’m here.”

Caleb shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk, Box.”

“Then what do you need?”

She finally looks up and I see that darkness overwhelming the green in her eyes. “I need you to leave me alone.”

“I can’t do that,” I say, digging my heels into the sand. “We need to stick together. Now more than ever. I don’t know who this Paxton guy is but I don’t think he is who he says he is—”

“No.”

“No, what?”

“The team is gone, Boxcar,” she says, her voice a dead tone. “You’re free to go home. I’m not your bodyguard anymore. Let’s just be thankful we made it this far at all and move on.”

“Caleb…” I sigh, studying the waves of sadness on her face. “You don’t want that.”

“It doesn’t really matter what I want.”

“It matters to
me
,” I whisper. “I’d like to think that what I want matters to you, too.”

Her eyes drop again. “No.”

“You’re lying.”

“What difference does it make?” she snaps. “We go home and what happens?”

“We look out for each other.”

“I don’t want anyone to look out for me.”

I grit my teeth. Her stubbornness has gone too far this time. “Don’t shut me out, Caleb.”

“You were never
in
, Boxcar,” she says. “Excuse me.”

“Caleb—”

She steps around me but I don’t have the patience to chase her down again so I let her go.

Goddammit, Caleb.

I’m not sure why I’m so surprised. Caleb’s personal bubble is fortified with titanium but I thought maybe we’d grown past that. Apparently not. I’m still just Boxcar, the boy that follows her around like a lovesick puppy and that’s what I always will be even after everything we’ve been through.

Maybe there’s a silver lining to all of this. I’m finally going home. No more drifting for scraps of food or places to sleep. I’ve got an all-expenses paid flight back to U.S. soil courtesy of the U.S. Army — back to Tennessee where I belong. Not that there’s much waiting for me when I get there except for my parents but they decided a long time ago that they didn’t want me around.

And Caleb? She’ll go back to Oklahoma. Her mother will probably be happy to see her — happy that she came home alive, unlike her father. They’ll reminisce and catch-up and maybe she’ll ask Caleb if there were any cute guys deployed with her. Caleb will surely roll her eyes and dismiss it but if I’m lucky… she’ll think of me.

Sure. I guess we’ll call that a silver lining.

Chapter 18

Caleb

Afghanistan

Two Years Ago

“Caleb...”

I don’t look away from the black night ahead of me as Fox leans beside me on the crate. “Fox,” I greet.

“This is a
good
thing, you know that, right?”

“Feels pretty crappy.”

“It will for a while,” he says. “Then, you’ll get over it and life will return to normal.”

Normal.
I’ve been out here for so long, I’m not even sure what that means anymore. I turn to look at him. “And what about you?” I ask.

“I’ll be
fine
—”

“I don’t like these new people, Fox. I think Boxcar is right. They can’t be trusted.”

He grins. “Well, that’s progress.”

“What’s progress?”

“You trusting Box.”

I scoff. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

“Just…” he lays a hand on my shoulder, “do me a favor, all right?”

“What?”

“Don’t go home. Go somewhere you’ve never been before. Do something you’d never thought you’d do.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s
good
for you,” he chuckles. “And later, when I get back, drinks are on me and you can tell me all about it. Also… cut Boxcar some slack. He did the right thing tonight.”

I cringe, remembering that gun to his head. “You should have stopped him,” I argue.

Fox sighs. “It was his moment and no matter how much you want to deny it — he earned it. No offense, but it takes a pretty strong patience to get to know you and that little bastard’s built from steel.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “I guess that’s not wildly inaccurate.”

“Don’t give up on something that could be great because you’re scared of how it’ll end up,” he continues. “Live in the moment every so often. It might surprise you.”

I exhale until my lungs are empty. “All right,” I say. “I’ll try.”

“And don’t waste your time worrying about me,” he adds. “I’m coming home, too, it’ll just take longer to get there.”

“Promise?”

He opens his arms to me and I step closer to return his hug. “I promise.”

***

I’ve never been able to sleep the night before a big change.

They tell you that’s when you need the most rest but it’s never worked out that way for me. The night before basic training. The night before the first day of school. Even the night before a big family vacation is restless. My mind just won’t quit churning out thoughts and images to point where I give up completely and stare at the ceiling until dawn and hope for the best.

Tonight is no exception. Tomorrow morning, I’m going home. It’s a big change. Life is one way today but tomorrow, it’ll be something else. The only difference now is that the man sleeping in the cot across from mine risked his life to save mine a few hours ago and I may never get the chance to thank him for it… I may never even have the courage to do it.

My heart hasn’t stopped pounding since he kissed me. I believe him completely when he says he’d save me again but I’m not sure if I should be thankful or angry. Maybe both.

Live in the moment
, Fox told me. I could think about this for hours, repeating and dissecting every single syllable I’d mutter at Boxcar in response of his actions but none of it will be as real or satisfying as doing what I really want to do right now.

I sit up and glance around the tent. It’s been silent for hours, lumps of sleeping bodies completely still in the dark, just waiting for morning. My eyes fall on Fox for a moment and I give a quick smile to the best friendship I’ve ever had in my life before looking forward at Boxcar.

I stand and tiptoe over to his cot. The pitch blackness gives me little to navigate but my senses hone in on his silent breathing. He instantly stirs as I sit down beside him, flashing open his eyes with a quick boost of adrenaline.

“Shh,” I tell him, laying my finger across his mouth.

He says nothing but I don’t need him to. I pull his blanket down and slowly ease my way inside of it to lie beside him, constantly glancing around for sleepless eyes. Luckily, no one moves as I replace the blanket over us. I see Boxcar’s eyes in the darkness, full of confusion and excitement. He waits, holding back as if it’s all just a cruel trick.

I slide my finger over his mouth, feeling his warm breath tickle my fingertips. His lips purse against my skin; an unconscious desire surging through him. My hand falls to his chest and lean forward to kiss him as quietly as possible.

Boxcar’s hand rises to my face and his trembling fingers burrow into the hair behind my head. I feel his heart pounding like mine; scared of getting caught but not willing to stop either. He embraces me tightly and his hardness grows against my thigh. My senses burst for him but I can’t let myself give in completely. Not here. Not without getting caught and suffering the consequences.

But I know I’ll never sleep unless I feel him one more time.

Our lips dance; silent but wild. His tongue passes over my lips and I quiver at his taste against mine. My hand moves down his body and he inhales a sharp breath as my hand slides into his pants. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine while I stroke him, fighting every urge he has to vocalize his pleasure and expose the moment to the world.

Boxcar grips my body and eases me onto my back. My hand slips from his shaft but it doesn’t seem to bother him as he attacks my neck with soft kisses and tastes my skin, driving shivers down my spine. His hands travel south, gliding over my breasts and navel towards my center. I gasp as his hand fishes inside my panties and he lays his other hand against my cheek to remind me to keep quiet. Even in the dark, I can sense that playfulness in him and he takes great pleasure in teasing me.

He crushes his lips against mine, tasting me as his fingers caress my clit. I grip his body and dig my nails into his skin but it does nothing to dissuade him. My throat tightens, wanting so badly to moan but I hold it closed, even as his mouth falls to my neck and teases the sensitive skin beneath my ear. My resolve sways as pleasure builds with each quick rub he gives me.

Just when I think I’ll burst, Boxcar slides his hand out and grips my pants with both hands. He pauses, fighting the urge to take me, and silently asks me with his fearless eyes.

My mind tells me to say no — to stop this before it goes too far — but my body won’t abide that. I kiss him softly, fighting to breathe in the hot, desert heat, and reach down to slide his pants down below his ass. He kisses me back with open eyes and they scan the quiet barracks as we push my pants to my ankles.

I open my knees to him and Boxcar settles between them, moving so slowly it drives me crazy but I know even one open eye will tear this down. He pins me to his cot and I feel his hard girth sliding between my folds. I bite my lip as he exhales against my neck, fighting his passion while thrusting inside of me. My mouth opens, silently screaming his name, begging to be fucked the way his eyes tell me he wants to fuck me.

The cot creaks beneath us and we freeze with our lips gently caressing. I look around, begging for just one more moment of this bliss, and thankfully, no one stirs. Boxcar’s lips curl against mine and he kisses me to keep me quiet as he tests the waters, sliding his hard cock out only to pump me once. My heart thumps wildly and I clench my closed jaw. I hold him against me and he breathes rapidly while his slow, steady thrusts drive both of us insane.

Harder, faster.
I want so much more of him but I can’t have it. Pleasure aches in my sex, slowly building inside, but I keep still, fighting the urge to meet every buck of his hips. He shifts into a grind along my pelvis and my clit throbs, surging waves of sweet thrills throughout my body.

A squeak escapes my throat. Boxcar lays his hand over my mouth but he doesn’t stop. He stares into my eyes while his cock owns me from head to toe. His finger slips between my lips and I taste his skin, biting softly against his knuckle instead of moaning. Boxcar takes the pain with a smile and lays more soft kisses on me while masterfully grinding his hips.

Climax takes hold of me and a soft chuckle teases him. His hand presses harder against my mouth. He wraps his other arm around me and stops thrusting as fire shoots through me and my entire body bleeds in ecstasy. Hot air shoots through my nose. I know I’d barely be able to control myself if it weren’t for Boxcar’s strong grip on me.

Finally, the wave falls and I lay my hand on his, sliding it slowly away from my mouth to signal my control. His hand shifts downward to cup my breast and he kisses me again, firm and true.

Then his hips move and I sigh softly, feeling his stiff grind inside of me again. He buries his face in my shoulder, focusing his attentions on his own pleasures and I let him take me as he wants. Still silent, still slow, but just as passionate as ever. He swells inside of me and I wince at the threat of his teeth etching a line in my skin as his body goes tense with orgasm.

Boxcar pulls out of me and his tip splashes along my navel, warm and wet. I cup his face and bring his lips to mine to taste his heaving breath and to feel the desire leaving him. He balances above me on quivering arms and smiles at me with playful eyes, returning each of my kisses as we both hold back the laughter in our throats.

We lie together until my pulse returns to normal and my toes don’t feel as numb. I feel in the dark for my pants and slip them back on as Boxcar pulls his up.