Read Love at Second Sight Online
Authors: Cathy Hopkins
‘Wow,’ chorused Effy and Tash when they came to meet me at my house after the hairdresser’s.
‘You look amazing,’ said Tash.
I did a twirl. I felt amazing too as if a dark cloud that I’d been carrying around with me for years had gone. Whether it was finally opening up to my mum about Dad or whether it was
because I was learning to let go of Henrietta and her past, I didn’t know. The only thing that was still bugging me was my part of the article I had to write for
Chillaxin.
Effy had
done her side of it explaining about the theory of reincarnation and including some stories from the books about past life experiences. I was supposed to take the opposite angle so that both points
of view would be represented. However, I didn’t feel that I could honestly write that it was all nonsense any more.
When Effy and Tash had gone, I made myself go upstairs, sat at my computer and stared at the blank page. I read and reread my notes from the visits to the different clairvoyants. In the end, I
called Effy to complain that I didn’t know what to say.
‘Tell the truth,’ she said. ‘Whatever, just make a start. You can always change it later.’
I put down the phone and wrote up descriptions of the people we’d visited, what they looked like and what their homes felt like. I didn’t put in the whole truth, more half the truth,
omitting the parts about me, Henrietta and Howard.
When I’d finished, I emailed it through to Finn. An email came a short time later.
Hey Mary Poppins.
I thought you were taking the opposing view. What’s changed? Let’s meet tomorrow am to talk it through and where we want to go with
this.
Finn
I read it a few times. Where we want to go with this? I was sure he meant us, not just the article, and a shiver of excitement went through me.
I blow-dried my hair until it shone, put a little eye make-up on, not too much as I didn’t want him to think I’d tried too hard. A slick of lipgloss, a squirt of my
Jicky perfume and I was ready It was a lovely day so I decided to wear my new dress and a little red cardigan to go with it.
Finn was already there when I got to Costa and he glanced up at me when I went in, then did a double take as he didn’t recognise me at first.
‘Wow,’ he said as I joined him at his table. ‘You look different.’
‘New century, new me,’ I said.
‘New century?’
‘Er . . . I mean new, Um . . . new look.’
He looked me up and down. ‘Nice. I mean, I liked the old you. I liked that Victorian style, it kind of suited you.’
Well you would,
I thought,
seeing as you were Howard and in love with Henrietta.
We got some drinks, hot chocolate for me and mint tea for Finn. He doesn’t do caffeine or sugar apparently, all part of his fitness regime to keep looking good for the stage.
‘So what did really you think of the article?’ I asked as we settled back down.
‘Like you were holding back. What you wrote was interesting, you’ve stated the facts, but I’d have liked a bit more of your personal reaction to it. What
you
were
feeling and thinking.’ He reached over and took my hand and I felt my insides lurch. ‘Or are you scared to reveal the real you?’
‘I . . .’ He was looking directly into my eyes. I couldn’t think straight. It didn’t matter because he leant over and kissed me. Not a long kiss. More a brush of our
lips, like a promise of things to come. I felt a rush from my toes to the top of my head.
If that’s just an almost kiss, I can’t wait to see what a proper kiss will feel like,
I
thought.
We talked through some changes, though by then, I couldn’t have cared less about the article. I was just happy being with Finn and knowing that we were on the brink of getting together.
Finn looked at his watch. ‘I have to go,’ he said. ‘Band practice. Have you time to walk with me to the bus stop?’
‘Oh sure,’ I said, and from the way he was looking at me and particularly at my mouth, I knew he meant so that we could be alone to continue our kiss.
We gathered our things, went outside and headed for the bus stop. Finn took my hand as we walked along and I felt light-headed from his touch. Once we reached the stop, he glanced down the road.
I prayed that his bus didn’t arrive on time. Luckily, there was no sign of it.
He moved closer to me, put his arm around me and pulled me to him. ‘So, Jo Harris,’ he said with a suggestive smile.
I blushed. ‘So, Finn O’Brady.’ I couldn’t believe it was happening. Finn O’Brady right there with his arms around me. He moved in to kiss me and at last our lips
met and a soft kiss became deeper and more intense.
What am I feeling? What am I feeling?
I asked myself as Finn pushed his tongue into my mouth.
I feel like I’m kissing a slug!
Urgh, this wasn’t exactly the fireworks I was expecting and I wasn’t sure I liked the way he smelt close up. It wasn’t bad or
unclean, more like caramel which was somehow too sweet. Our kiss continued and Finn crashed his mouth against mine, his lips open, full and wet . . . it didn’t feel nice at all. Too sloppy
and full on. And ergh, his tongue was sloshing around. I pulled back and had to resist the urge to wipe my chin with the back of my sleeve. Finn looked down at me with a pleased expression on his
face. His bus arrived seconds later and as he got on board he turned back, pointed a finger and winked at me. ‘Catch you later, Harris,’ he said, then turned away to pay his fare.
Oh my God! Finn O’Brady is a knob,
I thought as his bus pulled away.
How come I haven’t seen it before? And a wet, sloppy kisser.
Effy and Tash had been so right. A
kiss would be the test. Although Tash says that sometimes you have to teach a boy to kiss properly or they never learn.
But Finn must have kissed loads of girls,
I told myself.
Maybe none
of them had ever had the nerve to tell him. Oh no. I don’t know what I feel now. Do I want to catch him later? And coax him into kissing more gently?
I was surprised to find that I
didn’t think I did. I felt flat.
What shall I do?
I asked myself.
Talk to the girls,
my inner mind came back with. I got out my phone and texted both of them.
We met at Effy’s half an hour later to discuss the situation.
‘Oh dear,’ said Effy. ‘How are you going to tell him?’
‘Don’t,’ said Tash. ‘I think you should give him another chance and tell him how you like to be kissed.’
‘But I don’t know if I even know myself,’ I said. I felt torn. To date Finn would be great kudos and I had to admit I liked the idea of being seen around with him.
But
surely I should be feeling more if he’s the great love of my life, my soulmate, or maybe we have to get used to each other. He might not have liked the way I kissed either. Maybe it’s
me who’s not good at kissing. I felt Owen was too bland and Finn too full on so maybe it’s not them, maybe it’s me!
It was all so confusing. Why don’t they teach this
stuff in school?
Finn called the next day and suggested a date so maybe he was happy with my kissing technique after all. I agreed to see him again because I was seriously beginning to wonder if there was
something wrong with
me
. For months, I’d had an almighty crush on Finn. Just a glance from him had been enough to make me tingle all over. But now that it was actually happening, I
felt numb. Maybe I was incapable of love. A freak. I’d read magazine articles about commitment phobes, people who are scared of intimacy, who run away when things get real and always live in
a fantasy world. I didn’t want to be like that, plus there was still the chance that despite the first kiss let-down, Finn might be Howard. I felt that it was too soon to dismiss him from the
list so I decided that I should give him another chance.
Curiously though, the thought of Ben was still nagging at the back of my mind too. I’d rewritten my part of the article as Finn had suggested and he seemed happy enough
with what I’d done but I kept wondering what Ben would think of it. I emailed him asking if he’d like to take a look or discuss the photos for the article. He emailed back:
No need. Finn has approved and he’s the boss. You’ll see my photos soon enough in the magazine. Hope you’re enjoying life with
Finn.
Regards, Ben
Regards. How cold and business-like is that?
I thought. I was surprised to find that I felt hurt by the fact that he didn’t want to see me.
I spotted him the following Saturday with Max on the Heath. He had shades on so I wasn’t sure if he saw me or not. Either way, he turned and headed off in the opposite direction. Not Max
though. Max came bounding over to me and leapt up to lick my face like I was his oldest, dearest friend.
‘Maybe you’re Howard, Max. It would be just my luck that he’d be back as a dog,’ I said.
‘Woof,’ Max agreed.
Ben whistled for him in the distance and Max ran off to join him.
He probably doesn’t recognise me with my new haircut and clothes,
I told myself but deep inside I knew that
he’d seen me. He just didn’t want to talk to me.
Curiously, the more Ben didn’t want to talk to me, the more I wanted to talk to him. When the article came out, his photos were great. He’d captured the characters perfectly.
He’d done fabulous portraits that showed a sense of humour: Wind Dancer looking like she’d stab rather than heal someone, Annie surrounded by her pottery nick-nacks and her dog, and
Lily having a fag and looking totally disinterested. I’d love to have asked his opinion of what he thought of them as people but as I studied the photos I thought, yeah, no need. His
viewpoint was all there in the pictures.
During the last few weeks of term, Finn and I had been dating. All the usual places back row at the cinema, picnics on the Heath, evening walks down by the river and mega snog
sessions. Finn did like to kiss. I tried my best to encourage him to take it more slowly, but full on was his style and he always went back to the slug kiss. After a few weeks, I couldn’t
kid myself that things were going to improve and the chemistry I’d felt so intensely earlier in the term faded like ice in a microwave. Also, the more time I spent with him the more I
realised that he liked his own way, and just as he was lead singer in the band, he liked to be the lead in our relationship. We went where he wanted to go, saw movies he wanted to see, and he
talked about himself all the time. He never asked what I’d like to do and just assumed that I’d be happy with his choices. Once or twice, he asked a question about me, but always
seemed to bring it back to himself again. It was the Finn O’Brady show on and off the stage. As for him being Howard, I looked deeply into his eyes time and again, searching for that spirit
I’d seen looking out of the sepia photograph at Mrs Rayner’s, but there was no recognition of anybody else in there but Finn, Finn and Finn.
When we finally broke up for the summer holidays and Finn told me of plans to go to Cornwall with his family, I took the opportunity to extract myself gently
‘I don’t want you to feel tied down to me when you’re away,’ I said. ‘Like, if you meet some hottie on the beach, and knowing you, you probably will, it will be
better that you’re free and don’t feel like you’d be cheating.’
Finn laughed. ‘It’s true, there are a lot of hot girls down there.’
‘And then you’ll be off to uni in September,’ I continued, ‘and I definitely wouldn’t want you to feel tied to me then and not to have fun in your first
year.’
He got what I was saying. Finn wasn’t stupid. ‘Exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn’t want you to feel tied either. No strings. Free agents. You’re really cool, Jo
Harris. Let’s meet up when I get back from holiday and take it from there. Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
We both knew that we wouldn’t.
Owen came back from uni the weekend that Finn left for Cornwall. He suggested a walk on the Heath on the Sunday evening when Effy and Tash had gone to the movies with Dave and
Mark.
‘Effy’s Med me on all the Henrietta stuff,’ he said as we strolled down to the ponds. ‘I’d love to see a photo of her.’
‘Mrs Rayner let me do some copies,’ I said and pulled the photo out of my bag to show him.
We sat on a bench overlooking the water and Owen studied the photo for a while. ‘And you really believe that you were her?’
I nodded. ‘I do. There’s so much evidence that I can’t ignore, especially the Katie Barrow part. What do you make of it all?’
He shrugged. ‘Not sure. I’ve been thinking about it since Effy told me the latest. It could be that you’re some kind of psychic yourself and tuned into Henrietta-’
‘My mum said that.’
‘It doesn’t mean that you were her. There could be lots of explanations. I don’t know. Personally, I wouldn’t dwell on it too much if I were you. I mean, even if it was
true, she’s gone, in the past.
You’re
here. That’s what matters, this lifetime, the people that you meet this time and the choices that you make now.’
‘Mum said that too! The here and now. That’s what’s important.’
‘And I hear things are over with Finn?’ I nodded. ‘Not The One after all.’ Owen laughed. ‘I could have told you that.’ I laughed with him. ‘I’m
sure you could have.’ We got up, walked to the top of the hill and found another bench where we sat in a comfortable silence and watched the sun go down over London. He put his arm around me
and it felt good to be with him. One of my oldest and best friends. As the sky in front of us turned to soft pinks, it felt like the perfect romantic moment and Owen turned to face me. He pulled me
closer and kissed me on the lips. Owen is a good kisser, no doubt about it. Tender, not too full on, not too soft. It felt nice. Safe. But still zero chemistry. I felt so bad but it was time to be
totally honest with him so that he could meet someone who would feel the same way about him.
‘Owen?’
‘Yes?’