Love Comes Silently(Senses 1) (3 page)

“You could,” the doctor told him. “I don’t want to blow my own horn, but you need to know the facts. My family and I moved here from Ann Arbor because my sons wanted to go to Michigan Tech. My husband and I moved with them because we both grew up in the area and because we thought we could do some good for the community. My specialty is oncology, and his is cardiac care.” The doctor paused, and Ken blinked a few times, trying to will away the tears, using a tissue to wipe his eyes. “I would be pleased to have Hanna as my patient. I was a senior member of the oncology department in Ann Arbor, and I’m the head of the department here. This little hospital is one of the best in this part of the country. I’m not trying to make your decision for you, though, and I’ll support your decision if you want to transfer her.”

“Thank you,” Ken said with a bit of relief.

“If you stay, she’ll also be closer to home, which, when we get to the treatment phase, can make all the difference in the world.” The doctor was silent for a few minutes. “Do you have any questions for me right now?” Ken shook his head. He knew he would in the future, but he couldn’t think very well right now. “I’m going to go ahead and get the next round of tests ordered. You can let me know what you’d like to do,” she said, and Ken nodded. The doctor stood up and left the room quietly.

Ken stayed in the chair, wondering what he was going to do. Hanna had cancer. His precious little girl could die. The doctor hadn’t said that, but Ken knew it was true. Ken could almost feel his entire emotional world coming apart at the seams. More than anything right now, he wished Mark were here, just to hear him say that everything would be okay. He needed to hear that even if neither of them knew it was true.

Ken stood, steadying his wobbly legs. Somehow he had to go back to Hanna’s room and make believe everything was okay until he got more information from the doctor. Then he could explain to her what was going to happen. For now, she was better off not knowing.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out and saw the call was from his parents. “Hi, Mom,” Ken said, knowing she was the one who always called for both of them.

“How’s my precious granddaughter?” she asked, and Ken fell back into the chair.

“Hanna has cancer, Mom,” he said, and he heard his mother gasp and then begin to weep softly. Ken placed his head on the desk the doctor had used, unable to hold it in any longer, breaking down into tears as well, and he and his mother shared a longdistance cry.

Chapter One

 

T
HE sun shone off everything as Ken walked next to Hanna’s wheelchair as the orderly pushed her out of the hospital. Months of treatment that had at times left Hanna almost too weak to lift her head were now behind them. Hanna was showing steady improvement and getting a little bit stronger each day. The air was still cold, so Hanna was bundled up under blankets, but Ken couldn’t help hoping that the sunshine that had been so scarce through the winter this close to Lake Superior was a good omen. At the car, Hanna stood up, and Ken rushed around to hold open the door. She was about to get in when the hospital doors slid open and Dr. Pierson walked out in her lab coat, and embraced Hanna. Over the past few months, Hanna had won the hearts of most of the hospital staff, from the doctors to the nurses who brought in special treats so she wouldn’t have to eat the hospital food all the time. “You do what your daddy says, and I’ll see you in a few weeks,” Dr. Pierson said. “And I want another of your special drawings for my office wall.”

Hanna smiled. “I promise,” she said happily before climbing into the backseat of the car.

“You take care of yourself,” Dr. Pierson said as she turned to Ken. “You aren’t any good to her if you let yourself get run down. Call me if you have questions or concerns, and if you need help, I’m good at battling with insurance companies.” Dr. Pierson smiled, and then, to Ken’s surprise, she pulled him into a hug as well. “You’re an amazing father and her best chance at a full recovery.” She released him and stepped back, waving with the others as Ken got in the car.

“Is your seat belt fastened?” Ken asked, and Hanna belted herself in before turning toward the window to wave at everyone as he put the warm car into gear and slowly pulled away. As helpful and understanding as everyone had been, he was glad to see the hospital disappear in the rearview mirror.

“Daddy, is my hair going to grow back?”

“Yes,” Ken said with relief. “You have a few more treatments, and then once they stop and the medicine works out of your body, your hair will start to grow again.” When they’d started the treatments, Hanna’s hair had begun to fall out pretty quickly. Ken had taken it harder than Hanna had. The doctor had explained it to Hanna and had even given her a pink hat that she’d made from the softest yarn possible. Hanna had thanked her with a hug, and Ken had nearly cried at the thoughtfulness. The doctor had gone on to explain that she had knitted for years and loved making the things for little girls she’d never had the opportunity to do with her two sons. Hanna had worn the hat almost every day since, only taking it off when Ken insisted on washing it.

“Will I be able to go swimming this summer?” Hanna asked as they passed a clearing where they could see Lake Superior, still pretty much iced over.

“I hope so. Lake Superior is probably too cold, but there’s a community pool we might be able to use.” Ken knew that depended upon the state of Hanna’s immune system, which had taken a real beating over the past few months. Hopefully, by then she’d be stronger. “Why don’t you ask Dr. Pierson the next time you see her,” Ken said, and he saw Hanna nod as she looked out the window.

“Will it be warm soon?” Hanna asked, bare trees passing outside the car.

“Yes. The leaves should start coming out in a few months, and once it gets warm, you and I can go on one of our art walks,” Ken told her, and Hanna smiled. Before they’d moved, he and Hanna would spend summer afternoons in the park. Ken would take a sketchbook and Hanna her art set, and they would spend the day drawing and coloring the world around them.

“Will Dr. Pierson come too?” Hanna asked.

“She can if she wants. You can invite her when it gets closer.” Ken knew Dr. Pierson was very busy.
“Are you going to marry her?” Hanna asked, and Ken nearly jammed on the brakes in his shock. “I saw you hug her and she hugged you. Does that mean you’re going to get married?”

“No. Dr. Pierson is already married and has grown children.” There were so many things wrong with that question that Ken didn’t quite know where to start. “Where did you get that idea?” Ken asked as he peered quickly into the rearview mirror.

“Callie said once that she came into her mommy and daddy’s bedroom and they were hugging, or at least her daddy was hugging her mommy really tight. They told her that hugging is what mommies and daddies do when they love each other,” Hanna said happily, as though she understood the mysteries of the universe. Callie definitely knew and saw way too much for her own good.

“Dr. Pierson is my friend just like she’s your friend,” Ken explained. “Besides, you know I love Mark.”

 

“Because you’re gay?” Hanna asked.

 

“Yes. We’ve talked about this,” Ken reminded her. “I don’t fall in love with girls, but I do with boys.”

“You love me,” Hanna countered.
“Yes. Very much,” Ken reassured her.
“But I’m a girl,” Hanna countered seriously.

“Yes. You’re a girl and I love you. But I’m not going to marry you.” Ken had struggled to explain being gay to his daughter, and he’d obviously failed up till now. “Think of it this way. Most men want to marry women and have babies. Instead, I adopted you and I want to marry Mark.” Good God, Ken hoped that explained it well enough for her. It seemed to, because Hanna was quiet for a while. Ken knew that could be good, because she was satisfied, or bad, because she was pondering something else.

“What’s the difference between boys and girls?” Hanna asked, and Ken found himself pressing down just a little more on the accelerator. This conversation couldn’t get over with fast enough.

“What do you think the difference is?” Ken asked, feeling clever that he’d turned the question back on her.

“Boys have penises and girls have ’ginas,” Hanna said, and Ken breathed a sigh of relief. “Girls also get boobs, but some men do too. Daddy, will you get boobs?”

Ken laughed. “No. Not if I can help it?”
“Will I get boobs?” Hanna asked.

“Yes,” Ken answered, starting to laugh. If Hanna asked one more question about boobs, penises, or vaginas, Ken was going to run screaming from the car. “How about we see who can be quietest the longest. I’ll bet you ice cream I can beat you.”

Hanna opened her mouth to argue with him, but then she slapped her hands over her mouth, and Ken could see she was smiling. The rest of the trip was quiet, and ten minutes later, Ken pulled up in front of the house. “You win. After dinner, you can have ice cream,” Ken said, and Hanna laughed as Ken turned off the car before getting out. He opened the door for Hanna, and she unhooked her seat belt before climbing out of the car.

Ken got out as well, popping the trunk so he could grab their bags before following her up the walk. It had been months since Hanna had been home, and Ken doubted she really remembered their house.

Hanna was halfway up the walk when a gust of wind, cold and straight off the lake, blew across the yard. Hanna shivered at the cold and hurried toward the house. She’d just reached the steps when her hat blew off her head, the air lifting it for a few seconds before carrying it across the lawn. “Daddy,” Hanna cried, and Ken hurried to where Hanna stood. He set down the bags and hurried after it, but didn’t reach it before the wind picked the hat up again, blowing it across the street, and Hanna’s favorite pink hat ended up in a mud puddle. Hanna began to cry, and Ken hurried to her, lifting her into his arms.

“I’ll get it, and once it’s washed it’ll be as good as new, I promise,” Ken said as he carried her into the house out of the wind. He set her on the sofa and heard Mark walking through the house. Hanna was still upset as Mark came in the room. “Would you stay with her for a minute?” Ken asked and then hurried back outside.

As he descended the steps, Ken saw his neighbor walking toward him, carrying the sodden hat with an almost sorrowful look on his face. He didn’t speak as he handed over the once pink hat, now brown, with twigs stuck to it. He’d obviously wrung it out, but he didn’t say anything.

“Thank you,” Ken said. “My daughter just got home from the hospital and this is her favorite hat.” Ken waited for him to say something, but the man didn’t. Instead, his eyes conveyed that he felt badly for Hanna. “She has to wear hats all the time because she lost her hair.” Why Ken was telling him this he didn’t know, but the man looked as though he was hanging on every word.

“Daddy,” Hanna called from the door.

“I have to go,” Ken explained. “Thank you so much,” Ken said, and the man smiled and waved before turning to walk back down the sidewalk. Ken watched him leave for a few seconds, sort of getting lost in the way he moved. Then he realized what he was doing and hurried back toward the house, hoping Mark hadn’t seen him watching someone else.

“Is it okay?” Hanna asked as Ken approached.

“It will be, honey. Go on inside. I’ll bring the things in and wash it right away for you,” Ken explained, and he stopped to pick up the bags. Hanna disappeared into the house, and Ken couldn’t stop himself from looking to where his neighbor had gone. He saw him standing a few houses down watching him. He waved, and Ken did his best to wave back before walking into the house.

“I need to talk to you,” Mark said almost as soon as he’d closed the front door.

“Okay,” Ken said. “But I have to get Hanna settled in her room and then do some laundry.” He held up the sodden hat. “We can talk once I get her to sleep.” Ken moved away and hurried to get to work. Getting Hanna settled was the most important thing right now.

Ken got Hanna situated on the sofa under a blanket and let her watch television as he hurried through the house trying to get things done. He unpacked the things they’d brought home from the hospital, made Hanna something to eat and drink, and took them in to her before descending the stairs to the basement so he could get the laundry started. He had a lot to do, but he was still happy. Hanna was home with him once again and hopefully on the mend.

In the laundry area, Ken sorted the dirty clothes and got the washer started. “You haven’t hummed in quite a while,” Mark said from behind him. Ken finished loading the clothes before closing the lid on the washing machine.

When Ken turned around, he didn’t see the happy, open expression he expected. Rather, Mark’s features were pinched, he had bags under his eyes, and Ken even noticed a few wrinkles that hadn’t been there a few weeks ago. They’d both been through a lot in the past few months, and Ken moved closer, ready to pull Mark into his arms, but Mark took a small step backward, and Ken stiffened. “We need to talk,” Mark told him, and Ken sighed, nodding slightly.

“I’ll meet you in my studio in a few minutes,” Ken said, and Mark nodded before walking away. Ken heard his footsteps on the stairs as he finished up with the laundry. Once he was done, Ken climbed the stairs, turning off the lights before checking on Hanna. She was quietly watching television, resting under a pink blanket. She looked a little pale, but still as precious as ever. Looking away from the television, she smiled at him, and Ken walked over to the sofa, kissing her on the forehead.