Love Hurts (10 page)

Seeing her ride me like this reminded me of all the nights we made love. I missed living with her and seeing her every night and every morning. I missed holding her at night while we watched TV. She would fall asleep in my arms and then I would carry her to bed. She
was always tired, but never too tired to make love. That was something she was always interested in doing. My heart convulsed as the flood of emotions moved through me. I cupped her face and held onto her hip, slowing her down slightly. “I love you.”

She gasped when she heard my words. Her lips sealed over mine while she continued to ride me. I love you.”

I shouldn’t have said that but I was too caught up in the moment to stop myself. Those were words I truly meant. She wasn’t just some girl to me. She was everything to me. She’d be the love of my life no matter what. I could be married with kids and I’d still feel that way.

I released inside her while I moaned, getting swept away in the emotions I felt. It felt so good to come inside her, knowing I was the only guy allowed to. She was mine even if I wasn’t hers. And that made me feel special, that I couldn’t be replaced easily.

She stopped moving then clung to me, collapsing on my chest. Monnique was a fireball in bed and she was amazing at what she did. But I knew she was exhausted from the connection we felt as. I held onto her and rested my face into her chest, still inside her.

After several moments of doing nothing, I kicked off my slacks then lifted her from the couch. The TV was still on, but it was forgotten. I carried her to her bedroom, ready to lay down and get some sleep.

She still held onto me while we lay down. Once the sheets and blankets were over us, her eyes opened. “You’re staying?”

“If that’s okay.”

Her eyes watered. “That’s more than okay.” She snuggled into me, wrapping her body around mine.

I knew I shouldn’t be sleeping here, but then
again, I shouldn’t have even come over. More importantly, I shouldn’t have slept with her. But I couldn’t resist her. I just wanted to forgive her for everything that happened and start over. Was that the worst thing in the world? She was the only woman I loved. Shouldn’t I make it work with her?

I thought about it all night while I held her. I listened to her steady breathing and realized how much I missed it. The darkness crept in and I finally fell asleep but I couldn’t recall the hour.

The next morning, I put on the clothes I came over in and prepared myself for the walk of shame.

She walked me to the door, her hand squeezing mine.

I knew she thought all our problems were solved. There were times when I thought they were, but the pain was still there. “I still need more time to think,” I said bluntly.

The disappointment was on her face. “Okay. I understand.”

“But…I do love you.”

“I know, Cortland.”

I pressed my face to hers and closed my eyes. “I’m not using you. You’re the only one I want. I’m not sleeping with anyone else and I’m not seeing anyone.”

“I know that too.”

I kissed her again. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.” She watched me walk out, a look of longing on her face.

I disappeared down the hallway then stood in the elevator, my thoughts immediately hitting me. Monnique was the woman I loved and the only woman I wanted. She made a lot of mistakes, but she apologized and even went a step further to prove she had changed. What was I waiting for?

8

Scarlet

Sean went to Costco and bought enough pregnancy tests to last an entire year.

“What happened to not pressuring me?” I snapped.

“I’m sorry. I’m just…excited.”

I hadn’t taken one yet. I had a feeling it finally happened, but that was just a hunch. I really had no idea what was going on inside my body. “I’ll take one later.”

“Or you could take one now…”

I glared at him. “Talk about pressure.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly.

“I don’t start my period for a while, so these tests aren’t useful. If it says negative, that doesn’t mean anything. And even if it says positive, that doesn’t mean anything either.”

“But you said you think we did it.”

“Am I a psychic?” I snapped. “Am I a doctor?”

“No, but you know your body better than any of those things. Sometimes you just know. Do you feel differently?”

“Well…
yes. But that could be all in my head.”

“Or maybe not,” he said hopefully.

“Let’s just wait a little while and then take a test.”

He sighed. “Fine.”

“Sean.” I gave him a firm look. “I’m doing the best I can.”

He got a look on his face I recognized. I knew it so well. He hated himself. “I know I’m being a jerk.”

“No,” I said gently. “You’re just excited.”

“I want to know the minute you’re pregnant so we can start preparing.”

“Preparing?” I asked. “For what?”

“You’ll
be on bed rest for the pregnancy.”

My eyes widened. “You better be joking.”

“No. I’m not.”

“I’m not laying in a bed for nine months.”

“Well, I don’t want you to lose the baby again.” His voice was loud.

I hated thinking about that. But I don’t think me walking around caused it. “We don’t know what happened.”

“I’m not taking any risks. You’ll stay home and lay in bed. You’ll take time off from editing, and Olga will take care of the house. I’ll hire a second maid to wait on you.”

“Okay, you’re being ridiculous right now.”

“No, I’m not. I’m not watching you go through that again. We’re doing this the right way.”

“But I don’t think
being in bed the entire time is going to change that.”

He got red in the face. “If you don’t do as I ask, I’ll stay home and force you to stay in bed.”

Sean said a lot of things in his anger, but he didn’t always mean them. But I could tell me meant that. “You better calm the hell down and stop talking to me like that.”

“
I’m not compromising with this,” he snapped. “You will be relaxed and pampered for the entire nine months. I don’t want you going anywhere unless you absolutely have to.”

“So, I’m on house arrest?”

“Everyone will come over to visit you and I’ll be home every night. You won’t be alone.”

“No,” I snapped. “Unless the doctor tells me I need to be on bed rest, I’m not doing it. I will take it easy and relax, but I’m not going to be a vegetable.”

“That’s too bad.”

I knew this would get us nowhere. He was too emotional about this subject, and I just didn’t have the patience to deal with his protective alpha side. I knew his concern came from a good place, so I cut him some slack for that, but he was going overboard. “Pause.”

“Pause?”

“I can’t argue with you right now.  You’re pissing me off.”

“You’re pissing me off.”

I grabbed my purse and keys.

He snatched them away. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I have plans with Cortland.”

“I’m not letting you drive away when you’re angry.”

“I don’t have road rage.” I gave him a heated glare. “I’m always careful.”

“No.”

Now I was pissed. “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. Give me those keys or I
will leave and start walking.”

“You take a step outside this house and I’ll drag you back in.”

He was close to getting bitch-slapped. “I don’t want to hurt you but I will.”

“You’re threatening me?”

“Yes.”

He stood his ground. “Go in your room if you need space. Don’t drive away.”

“Sean, give me my keys.”

“No.” He shoved them into his pocket.

I really wanted to smack him upside the head. There were a lot of mean things I wanted to say but I held them back. “You’re being a controlling asshole.”

“I’m just protecting you.”

I pulled out my phone and texted Cortland, asking him to come get me. “Cortland said he would give me a ride.”

Sean didn’t have an objection to that.

“But I’m staying at his place tonight. I can’t even look at your right now.”

“What?” he snapped. “I don’t think so.”

“I need a break from you. You’re driving me crazy.”

“I’m just trying to take care of you!”

I marched outside then slammed the door. I’d wait in the street for Cortland to pick me up.

“You aren’t staying there.” He came after me then grabbed my arm. “I’m not letting you leave
, then.”

I glared at him. “Let. Go. Of. Me.”

His hand shook for a second before he dropped it. “I would never hurt you,” he said sadly. I knew he was wounded by my command.

“I know,” I said. “But I don’t want to be held back either.”

Sean finally backed off a little. “Please don’t stay there. I’m sorry, okay?”

“For what, exactly?”

“For being…overboard. I’m sorry. Please come home to me. Please. I said I was sorry.”

I could tell he was desperate for me to come home.

“I…I just love you and I want a family. I don’t want you to go through that again. It ripped us both apart. I’m just trying to take care of my family.”

“I know,” I said gently. “But we can discuss it. You have no right to tell me what to do. I don’t give a shit if you are my husband.”

“Okay,” he said quickly. “Okay.” He raised his hands. “Please come home tonight.” The desperation was heavy in his eyes. “I’ll be good.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll come home?” The hope was in his voice.

“Yes.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

He came close to me and wrapped his arms around me. “Everything I do, everything I say, comes from how much I love you. Please remember that.”

“I know.”

He held me until Cortland’s car pulled up.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

I didn’t answer him. “Bye.” I walked away.

Sean grabbed me and pulled me in for a hard kiss. “I love you.”

I knew he was looking for reassurance. Even after all this time, he was still scared I’d take off and never come back. “I love you too.”

He finally let me go, watching me get into the car. Even after I was inside, he still stared at me through the window. Cortland finally pulled away, but I felt Sean stare at the car even when we were far down the road.

Cortland glanced at me. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Something like that.”

“I guess that means you aren’t pregnant.”

“Not that I know of,” I said sadly.

We turned back to the road and drove into the city. I was quiet because I was still recovering from the fight I just had with my husband. Even though I was pissed at him, I was grateful all our fights came from love. We never argued over small and petty things. They always derived from a good place. But if he thought he could boss me around, he was sadly mistaken.

We walked into the restaurant and took a seat by the window. Cortland ordered a jack and coke and I had my usual water. He looked through
the menu. “I’m getting the sesame chicken.”

“I’m getting the grilled veggies.”

The waiter nodded and walked away.

“No meat?” Cortland asked.

“Trying to eat healthy in preparation for the baby…if it ever gets here.”

“It will,” he said firmly. “When you least expect it.”

“Sean and I had a really incredible night a few days ago, and I think it happened.”

His eyes were wide. “Seriously?”

I nodded.

“You just…know?”

“I can’t explain it.”

“I hope you’re right. That would be so awesome.”

I sighed. “I want this baby so much that it’s killing me.”

He gave me a sympathetic look. “Just relax. It will happen. Maybe your body doesn’t know what to do with all the cum he’s filling you with.”

I cringed. “That even grossed me out.”

He laughed. “Sorry. So, why did you want me to pick you up?”

“He wouldn’t give me my keys.”

“Oh no.” His face fell. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“He said I was too upset to drive.”

“One thing I
learned from the moment we met; don’t tell you what to do.”

“You got that right. And you know me, I’m stubborn as a mule.”

“Why did he deem you too upset to drive?” He drank his glass.

“He said he wants me on bed rest when I get pregnant.”

“Oh…”

“I said that was too extreme and the fight just kept escalating. Then I told him I wasn’t coming home tonight and he finally calmed down.”

“You’re staying with me?” he asked.

“No. I’ll go home, but only because he apologized.”

He sighed. “I understand why Sean’s so…emotional about the situation. I remember that night like yesterday.” He looked down, unable to meet my gaze.

“I know. But bed rest is ridiculous. I wasn’t planning on doing much anyway, but that was too extreme.”

“I guess we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. You aren’t even pregnant.”

“You have a point,” I said with a light laugh. “I love my husband very much but he’s fucking crazy sometimes.”

He tapped his glass against mine. “I’ll drink to that.”

I laughed.

“But seriously, he’s one of the greatest guys I know. And he loves you a lot. Maybe he doesn’t always show it in the right way, but I know everything he does, he has your best interest at heart.”

Now I felt a little guilty for being so mean to Sean earlier. But I refused to let him boss me around. That shit wasn’t goin
g to fly.

“I hope you guys have make up sex when you get home.”

I smiled. “I’m sure we will—even though his main goal is to get me pregnant.”

“Isn’t that always his goal?” he teased.

“You know my husband as well as I do.”

The waiter brought our dishes and placed them before us. We both dug in.

“So, why did you want to get dinner?” I asked.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“You saw me yesterday,” I said with a laugh.

“But I haven’t had any alone time with you.”

“That’s true. Sean is always trying to hump me like a rabbit.”

He stopped his fork from going into his mouth. “Okay…no more discussing you and Sean having sex until I’m done.”

“Okay.”

“Actually, I wanted to talk about something.”

Here we go.

“It’s about Monnique.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “How’s that going?”

He sighed. “I’ve tried moving on and that didn’t work. And we’ve been hanging out as friends, but we haven’t been friendly at all.”

“Meaning…?”

“We slept together a few times.”

I took a few seconds to process what he said. “I guess that doesn’t surprise me.”

“I just…gave in and wanted her. I can’t get hard for any other girl, and no matter how hard I try to stay away from Monnique, it never works. And, she’s changed so much. I see it in everything she does. Somehow, inexplicably, I’ve fallen in love with her all over again.”

“Cortland, if she’s what you want, then be with her.”

“You think I should?” he asked hesitantly.

“Only you can decide that yourself.”

“I guess I’m scared she’ll hurt me again…”

“It sounds like you’re willing to risk it.”

He was quiet for a long time, watching people pass on the street. “I love her.”

I knew Cortland felt something special for Monnique, something no one else could ever fill. I wasn’t surprised by the decision. “She’s made a lot of changes. We all see it, even Ryan. I think you should go for it if you feel this strongly about it.”

“I do.”

“Then I’m happy for you.”

He took a deep breath. “Now I just need to tell her.”

“I think she’ll be very excited. I can ask Sean to come get me so you don’t have to drive me back.”