Love in Bloom (22 page)

"But if his mind's made up--"

"I have a few things to tell him that might change his mind.  You need to hear them, too."

She studied Clay for a long moment.  "All right.  Let me make sure everything's turned off in the kitchen."

The determined purpose on Clay's face almost scared Paige.  His defensive stance warned her.  What was he going to tell Ben?  As Paige climbed in the SUV, she saw the carton on the backseat and wondered what was in it.  She caught a glimpse of shiny gold but couldn't tell what it was.

When Clay took the box from his SUV, she saw that it held trophies.  She glanced at Clay speculatively, but she didn't ask any questions.  He didn't explain.

Ben's mother looked relieved to see them when she answered the door.  She waved them to the living room.  "Maybe you can change his mind.  He won't listen to us.  He won't even send in the applications."

"Did something happen?" Paige asked.

"His last few physical therapy sessions haven't gone well and I think he's given up.  His father and I don't know what to do for him."  She gestured toward the sofa.  "Make yourselves comfortable.  He's in his room.  I'll get him."

Clay set the box on the coffee table.  Then Paige watched him pace the room like a caged lion.  Thunder boomed outside and the trees shook with sudden gusts of wind as night fell early.  The weather seemed to match the turbulence inside Clay.  He looked like a thundercloud ready to burst.

Paige crossed to a large aquarium along the side wall of the room.  Hoping to distract Clay, she said, "Come look at this."

Clay listened for footsteps on the stairs.  Not hearing any, he did as she bid him.

"Look at the anemones.  Aren't they beautiful?"  The pink and white sea creatures waved their tentacles with the flow of the water.  Set against dark rocks, they looked other-worldly.  There were a few fish, orange and bright blue, but other sea creatures fascinated Paige more.  She pointed to one in between two rocks.  "That looks like a feather duster.  And there's a blue starfish.  This must be a saltwater aquarium.  I wonder if Ben set it up.  This could be why he did so well on the survey in science, if this type of thing interests him."

Clay ran his hand distractedly through his hair, and Paige knew the last thing he was thinking about was aquariums.  How she wished she could read his mind.

Thunder cracked again outside and she jumped.  The storm was adding tension to an already tense situation.  What was Clay going to reveal?  Some of the past she knew nothing about?  What could be making him so agitated?

Finally, they heard footsteps.  But only Ben came into the living room.  He didn't look pleased to see them.

Paige tried for the lighter touch.  "I hope we didn't interrupt anything important."

"Nope.  I was just playing computer games."  Ben glanced uneasily at Clay.  "I wish you hadn't come.  Nothing you can say will make me change my mind."

Clay's anger was palpable as he went to the coffee table and picked up the carton.  Then he crossed to Ben and dumped the contents at the boy's feet.  "Look at these, Ben.  Each and every one."

Ben didn't dare refuse.  He hunched down and examined one after the other.  His eyes grew wide.  "They all have your name on them.  For track.  Most of them are for first place."  Ben gazed up at Clay.  "You won all these?"

"That's what my family tells me."

Ben balanced one in the palm of his hand.  "They tell you.  I don't get it."

Neither did Paige.  But she stood by silently, watching and waiting.  Her hands shook because she had the foreboding that whatever Clay was going to reveal was no small confidence.

Clay picked up another trophy then put it back on the pile.  "My father says I trained every day, that I worked hard, that I wanted to win as much as he wanted me to win.  But I don't remember."

Ben's face was incredulous.  "You can't remember winning these?  What were you, spaced out on steroids or something?"

Paige sucked in a breath.  Is that what Clay couldn't tell her?  That he'd been hooked on drugs?  But she was a doctor.  She could understand--

Clay shook his head.  "No drugs, Ben.  I don't remember the trophies, I don't remember the races, I don't remember my sixteenth birthday, or my fifteenth, or any before that.  I don't remember kissing a girl for the first time, learning to ride a two-wheeler, my mother taking me trick-or-treating, or my sister's dance recital when she was ten.  I don't remember anything before my accident and I never will."

After a stunned silence, Ben's exclamation came out as a slow whistle.

In shock, Paige could only stare at Clay and try to understand what he had gone through, what he was still going through.

Clay's feet were spread apart, as if he was bracing himself for their reaction.

Ben sank down into a wing chair.  "You didn't remember your mom or dad?"

Clay stood perfectly still, his arms straight and rigid at his sides.  "Or my sister, or my name, or my favorite foods.  Not the house I grew up in or the condo I rented."

"Jeez!"

"Ben, I'm not telling you this to impress you.  I want you to know how bad an accident can be.  Besides not remembering everyday things, I couldn't read or write or do math.  I had to learn everything all over."

"You didn't remember anything you learned in high school or college?"

Lightning flashed outside the picture window and the lights flickered.  Clay restlessly shifted on his sneakers.  "No.  That's why I didn't go back to engineering.  I spent three years relearning everything.  But the hardest part was that I changed.  I was not the Clay Reynolds everyone knew.  The outward appearance was the same, but not the person inside.  Many people couldn't accept that, Ben.  I didn't care about rock climbing anymore, I didn't want to sit in a office ten hours a day, monetary success wasn't a goal.  Each and every day became a discovery of something I didn't remember, something new and wonderful.  But not many people could share that joy."

The magnitude of what Clay was saying hit Paige and her knees wobbled.  She sank down on the edge of the sofa.

Clay glanced at her quickly, frowned, then turned back to Ben.  "You don't have to start over, Ben.  You can make up time and go on.  You've spent six months at physical therapy and you think you should be good as new.  I spent three years rehabilitating my shoulder and my mind and I still couldn't regain what I lost.  I still wake up some mornings, look around, and try to imagine or pray to God that someday I'll have a glimpse of what life used to be.  That I'll remember my mother holding me, or Trish fighting with me, or my dad telling me he was proud of me."

Paige was aware of the catch in Clay's voice.  She studied his profile, the protective set of his jaw, the serious lines on his brow, and she wanted to hug him more than she wanted to breathe.  But he wouldn't accept that here.

He usually only spoke of his sister, not his father or mother.  What had his accident done to the family?  Is this why he made short visits home?  Wanted no pictures sitting around?  Paige always heard the strain in Clay's voice as he spoke of his father.  What was their relationship now?

Ben asked Clay, "What about your friends?  Did they stick by you?"

"No.  At first they expected me to remember.  Just like my father, they waited for me to remember.  But they got tired of waiting.  We didn't have anything in common.  I had a girlfriend at the time of the accident.  But at the end of six months, she wanted out.  I couldn't remember her or what I used to feel.  We were strangers getting to know each other again.  She'd liked the idea of a future with an electrical engineer, but at that point, I still couldn't concentrate enough to read an entire magazine, let alone decipher the technical vocabulary of engineering."

"Women are fickle," Ben muttered.

"Women are no different from men.  My male friends didn't stick around, either."

Ben lifted his head.  "So you do understand."

"I more than understand.  I had to move away from my family because everybody looked at me like I was a freak.  Even tabloid reporters got wind of it.  They heard the word 'amnesia' and they came running."

"Were you in the tabloids?"

"Ben!" Paige protested.  She knew what this recital must be costing Clay, and for Ben to ask curious questions seemed almost cruel.

Clay's gaze found hers and seemed to search her.  He brushed her protest away with his hand.  "It's all right.  Yes, I was in the tabloids.  At least some made-up story was that the reporter got from one of my neighbors who didn't know the facts."

"Your picture, too?"

"Yes.  Somehow the reporter managed to get it.  At that point everything was still so new, so confusing.  The photo was lousy, but good enough for most of the people in the town to recognize me.  You talk about fingers pointing, Ben.  I couldn't go to the grocery store, the movies, without people whispering behind their hands and giving me stares like I was from another planet.  I moved here, I started over, because I'd had enough curiosity, gossip and rumors for three lifetimes."

Paige sucked in a breath, remembering what Clay had said about the grapevine in Langley.

"Did you know anybody when you moved here?"  Ben seemed to have one question after another and was asking them all.  She  hated to see Clay go through the inquisition but this was the purpose behind his visit--to give Ben insight.

Clay answered Ben without hesitating.  "No one.  And I thanked God for that."  He ran his hand over his face.  "Do you get what I'm telling you, Ben?  You lost the dream of football.  I lost my whole life.  Do you think I never wanted to quit?  Do you think I didn't want to hole up in my room, brooding about life's unfairness?  I can remember not wanting a future.  Not caring at times if I had one."

Ben looked puzzled.  "So what made you keep going?"

"My sister, my mother, the drive inside me that wouldn't let me give up."

Ben dropped his head to his chest.  "I don't know if I'm as strong as you are."

Clay took a few steps closer to Ben's chair.  "Look at me, Ben."

The teenager brought his eyes to Clay's.

"You're as strong as you want to be.  You've come this far, you have people who care about you, and you have no one peeking in the window to see how you're doing."

Along with lightning and thunder, rain spattered the windows at first lightly, then with steady force.  For the moment, it was the only sound in the room.

Paige could see that the last half hour had been rough on Clay.  His expression was strained, his hands tightly closed.  She hadn't had enough time to absorb it all yet, but one emotion pushed against all the others.  Hurt.

Why hadn't Clay trusted her enough to confide in her?  Had he been afraid she'd go spread his story across Langley?  He'd said as much once.  His lack of trust hurt, mostly because she'd had to find out like this, not when they were alone.  If it weren't for Ben, would Clay ever have told her about the amnesia?  Could love grow when there was no trust?

Ben looked at Paige, then back at Clay.  "So what you guys are saying is that I should get a life."

Paige tore her thoughts from Clay and concentrated on Ben.  "You can't isolate yourself from the world.  You have to envision what you want and go after it."