Love in Music (6 page)

I slipped off my shoes, watching as Arashi turned the covers back for me.

“I changed these yesterday so you have clean sheets.” He nodded toward me as I removed the sweater I had put on too. I crawled into his bed, placed my head on his pillow and fell asleep, but not before realizing that he had pulled the covers over me before he left me alone in his bed.

Chapter Five

I
watched her, after my parents left for their day out and my sister made a run to the spa for business, I watched Topaz sleep. I hadn’t meant to do it. I went to take my shower. I took it, got my clothes and then she was laying right there in my bed, smelling sweet and tempting, looking peaceful and beautiful and all I could do was stand there and look at her. I leaned against the wall and watched every breath. I remembered holding her while she slept in her own bed. I remembered how good she felt in my arms. And in that moment I could no longer deny I wanted her. I didn’t deserve her, but I wanted her.

I wasn’t sure how long I stood there and watched her, but it felt like forever. And even though I had business to conduct, music to mix, recordings to finalize, all I wanted to do was stand there and watch her breathe.

I heard my sister tinkering with the front door and that was the only thing that made me move away from where I was standing. That was the only thing that sent me to my music room swiftly and quietly. I looked busy when Hina came back to see me. I made sure I looked busy.

“How is she?”

“She’s still sleeping,” I said.

“She is going to be so angry with you when you give her the key back,” she chuckled as if she found humor in my predicament.

“I already put it on her keychain.”

She nodded. “Good, thanks for looking out for her. I’d hate to lose my best friend because she was too sleepy to avoid driving off the Golden Gate.”

Yeah, I would hate to lose her for that reason too. I would hate to lose her at all. I didn’t know when it had happened or how, but my feelings for her, for women, they changed. Until her I hadn’t cared much about the few women I dated and left behind. To me they were expendable just as Angela had made me expendable. But from the moment Hina started talking to me about Topaz I knew she wasn’t expendable. That thought had kept me from even thinking of having her. And then there was that night, that night when I went for her and she cried in my arms. My heart had broken for her—maybe because I knew exactly what it felt like to be broken too. Maybe that’s when it happened. Maybe being there for her, working with her, showed me that I wanted more than what I allowed myself and she was the perfect woman for me to have that something more with. If I deserved her, if I could only have a fraction of feeling worthy of her, I wouldn’t hesitate. My sister’s friend or not I wouldn’t hesitate to claim this woman. But I didn’t deserve her and I knew that.

I heard Topaz rustling around. I knew she was up and probably either about to yell at me or hit me, but when she walked into the studio she surprised me by not doing either. I guess she surprised Hina too judging from that puzzled expression on her face.

“Thanks for letting me use your bed, Arashi. I made it back up for you.”

I nodded because it was the only thing I could do.

“And thanks for putting my key back where you got it from.” She gave me a comical smirk that had me relaxing my shoulders. I hadn’t realized how tensed with anticipation they were until they fell to what some would call an at ease position.

“I have to go. I’m going to be late and I do want to go home, get showered and changed first. I’ll call you later about your site. I just have so much work to do on this logo design for the Intrepid Sports brand. Can you believe I snagged that contract?” She laughed with glee.

“They would have been crazy not to have you do it,” I said this because I meant it. Intrepid Sports was one of the largest sporting product makers and distributors in California, and they were stationed right here in San Francisco. Had I known she had a meeting with them I would have pulled her away from the computer before I fell asleep on the couch.

I saw her out to her car and watched her leave. I went back to work on my own projects until Hina came back in nearly an hour later and sat down beside me. She sighed heavily.

“What’s wrong, sis?” I stopped what I was doing and turned my attention toward her. “Is somebody messing with you? You know I can take care of that.”

“I know, but no.” She shook her head. “I just…she has a date.”

“Who has a date?”

“Topaz. That’s where she’s going—to Gilino’s for lunch with the new guy. I was kind of hoping you and she would end up together. Two of my best friends, my brother making Topaz my sister…I guess it was just wishful thinking. I’m a little sad that’s all.”

She was sad and I was angry. I watched Hina sulk out of my office while I sat there nearly steaming over the fact that my woman was off with another man. Wait, she wasn’t mine. I hadn’t made her mine. He couldn’t have her. Once I set my mind to that I knew what I had to do. I grabbed my keys, told my sister I was going out and I left for Gilino’s.

There was no way I was letting this guy claim her heart. By this point I knew Topaz was ready to move on. I had said I wanted her to be happy. I had wanted her to get past Jace. But seeing the look of worry in Hina’s eyes I knew she must have known something I didn’t know. If my sister worried there would be no chance that Topaz and I would get together because of this guy then I was worried too. Hina had a sense about these things. She knew Angela and I were going to fall apart before I even caught Angela sharing another man’s bed. No, I couldn’t have Topaz moving on with a possible marriage material type guy.

I pulled into a park. I could see Topaz and this guy sitting at a table for two near the window. This guy was wearing a fire department t-shirt, sporting blond hair from what I could tell, broad shoulders, broader than mine, and a smile on his face that seemed to be sparking up my woman’s eyes. I didn’t like it at all.

I didn’t stop at the door. I grabbed a chair from a table and carried it over to the table they sat at. I tucked it in the tight space so that my back was now facing the window and blocking their view. Topaz had a shocked look of confusion on her face and this guy, this fire guy, was now looking more like my enemy than before. Blue eyes, why did he have to have blue eyes?

“What are you doing here?” Topaz voice held an audible confused near shriek.

“Checking out the new guy. I’m making sure he’s good enough for you. I’m sure he’s not.” I pointed my words at this new guy. He wasn’t backing down. He wasn’t afraid of what I had to say. In fact, he looked as if he were ready to go to war with me just to prove in some caveman way that he was good enough. Thankfully, my father had trained me in the martial arts so if this guy wanted to go to war caveman style I could do it and win.

“Arashi,” she sighed. “I’m on a date. Go away.”

I leaned back in my chair and picked the menu that was in front of her up from the table. “So how many women have you slept with?” I looked at him to let him know I was talking to him. I hadn’t asked his name because I didn’t care.

“Arashi!” Her voice was low, but that didn’t stop the emphasis she placed on my name. That didn’t stop me from my questioning either.

“Are you a man whore? Because this woman deserves better than that.”

“Oh my God,” she mumbled and shook her head.

“It’s really none of your business.”

“I’m making it my business. If you’ll stick your dick in anything with two legs and a vagina you don’t deserve her.”

“Arashi!” She stood up and tossed the cloth napkin that was in her lap onto the table. “Outside,” she glared at me. “Now.”

I didn’t move. “So, how many women have you sunk your dick into?”

“Oh my God. I am so sorry.” She looked at this fire guy. “I am so, so sorry. I’ll be right back.” She took hold of my hand and tugged until I lifted my butt out the chair and then she dragged me, with much effort, outside.

“Go home.”

“I’m just looking out for you, Topaz.”

“Go home!” She stormed away from me and I watched her go. I was going to go back in there, but something made me carry my feet back to my car. Perhaps it was the knowledge that I had thrown a wrench in their afternoon date. Yes, I could see the tension rolling off both of them and I didn’t care. I didn’t want her with him. I wanted her with me.

I got home around the same time my parents arrived back at my place. I wasn’t even there for a full hour when the doorbell started firing off in rapid succession. Hina was the one to get the door and when I saw Topaz angrily stomp into the sitting area I knew all hell was about to break loose.

I stood up. I was ready to defend myself, my actions; but what could I say? Realistically speaking I had been the world’s biggest jerk. And I wasn’t ashamed of it; I wasn’t sorry for it; I wouldn’t apologize for it.

We argued, or more like she did. I remember her last words; “You had no right! Don’t you ever! Ever do that to me again!” And she had turned, left me standing there nearly mentally knocked out from the force of her anger. I was angry, angry at myself, angry for losing her, maybe more angry that my actions had no doubt just drove her into that man’s arms.

I heard her car leave.

“Go after her,” Hina had said. I couldn’t. She hated me and I was sure of that. I pounded my fist on the wall and struggled with my own pain. I had screwed things up. I grabbed my keys getting ready to hit the road and my father stopped me.

I needed to go hit the road and get out my frustration. Before I could even open the door my father had his hand on it holding it closed. I would never hit my father and he knew that. But even if I had lost my mind and tried it I knew he could kick my butt and kill me before I could even swallow spit. My father is that much of an expert martial artists and I will never be as great as he is.

“Live to fight for her,” he had told me. Yeah, maybe I needed to hear that because I probably would have gone out there and drove my car into something, lost control, killed myself or severely injured myself with my reckless mood.

My father wouldn’t remove his hand from the door until I gave him my keys. He handed the keys to my mother and then he told me to get changed. “We’re going to channel your anger. We’re going to train.”

Training was my father’s medicine for everything. No matter what was going wrong dedication and training could clear one’s head and make things seem clearer. I didn’t think anything would work for me, but I was so angry, so scared and so hurt that I trained with him. It was the only thing I could do to stop feeling my heart aching inside my chest. I had screwed up. I had lost her and that was entirely my fault. I didn’t know how to fix it.

That night I tried calling her and she wouldn’t answer. I tried the next day, several times, and she wouldn’t return my call. I tried to reach her for weeks and there was nothing. Hina had told me they were having lunch and she wouldn’t tell me where because she didn’t want me to show up. There was so much I wanted to say to Topaz and she wouldn’t talk to me. She wouldn’t even come by the house. My parents seemed to refuse to leave. Apparently my mood was so cantankerous that my father didn’t think it would be wise to leave me alone. I’m a grown man and yet my father still felt the need to police my actions. The sad part was that I needed him to do it.

When it became too much for me, when I needed to see her as much as I needed the air I breathe, I devised a plan—if it didn’t work then I didn’t know what would.