Authors: Brenda Minton
“Tell me now.”
He sat down at the little table with her and waited, letting her lead. She didn't hesitate.
“Who was Theresa?”
“My girlfriend.”
“I see.” Robin thought for a moment and asked, “How old were you?”
“Seventeen. She was sixteen. We were just kids and sure we were in love the way only kids can be.”
He could tell Robin was disturbed, but she sat silently and finally asked, “How...how was she killed?”
Swallowing, he pushed the words past a hard knot in his throat. “We went to the same school, had the same friends pretty much, except her brother was in a gang, and I wasn't.”
“You weren't in a gang?” Robin asked, her gaze sharp.
“No.” She seemed to relax a bit. He hated to tell her the rest. Nevertheless, he went on. “But my best friend was.”
“The same gang as her brother?”
A rather astute question. “No, and that was the problem. I tried to stay neutral.”
“Sounds dangerous,” she commented, frowning.
“You know what they say about teenagers,” he responded gruffly, “especially teenage males. They think they're invincible. Bad stuff only happens to the other guy.”
“Except that isn't true,” Robin pointed out.
“No,” he agreed. “That isn't true. Oh, it worked for a while, but one night there was a fight, three against one. My buddy told me to stay out of it, but one of them had a knife. He went for my friend from behind. All I did was step up and lift my arms to block the attack, but that didn't matter to the other gang. It didn't even matter that I got cut.” He unbuttoned his cuff and rolled back his sleeve to show the long, jagged scar. “Or that my buddy was beat up real bad and put in the hospital. I had stood up to them, and that made me the enemy.”
“Oh, no,” Robin whispered, closing her eyes.
“After that, everything went crazy,” he recalled. “Theresa's brother forbade her to see me again and put out a hit on me. Meanwhile, my friend's guys were out looking for anybody connected with the beat down. The cops were talking about a gang war. I thought Theresa and I should just blow town and let them have at it. I actually thought I could take her to Ireland to my mom's folks or something equally stupid like that.”
“What happened?”
“I had her meet me in what was supposed to be neutral territory. And within a minute she was dead on the curb beside me. They were gunning for me, but they got her.”
“Oh, Ethan, I'm so sorry.”
“She wasn't the only one I got killed,” he gritted out. “Her brother and four other people died before the cops got a handle on the situation.”
“It wasn't your fault!” Robin exclaimed.
“Wasn't it? I thought I could walk the line, live in no man's land, break all the rules. I was Johnny Jack Johnson's boy, tough by association. A young fool!” he scoffed. “So six people died in a gang war.”
“All you did was love a girl and try to help a friend,” Robin argued.
“Yeah. Worked out really well for everybody, didn't it? Oh, I know gang life means dying young. That's why I tried to stay out of it. But if I'd stayed away from Theresa, she'd still be alive today.”
“You don't know that. You just said that gang life means dying young. It sounds to me as though her brother was the one who put her in danger, and you, too.”
“You sound like Pastor Rick,” he said softly, almost smiling again.
“Who's Pastor Rick?”
“Pastor Rick is the reason I'm here,” Ethan told her. “He got me off the streets and back into school. He's the reason I got into church and pulled it together. He helped me find God. Because of him, I know what real love is. Together we got my buddy out of that life.”
“That's wonderful!”
“Yeah, it is,” Ethan admitted.
After a moment, she asked, “Are you ever afraid that the gang will catch up with you?”
He shook his head. “No. There's hardly anyone left. Those gangs were small, and they don't exist anymore. Their members all left the life or died on the streets or in prison.”
She reached across the empty space between them and took his hand. “I'm glad you didn't get involved in gang life, but I'm sorry for all you've been through.”
“What I've been through has made me who I am,” Ethan said. “The former pastor here wasn't so sure how the congregation would react to the truth about my past, though, so he advised me to say nothing until I felt I was well established in Jasper Gulch. I've wanted to speak up, but with all this centennial craziness going on, it's hard to know just how folks will react.”
“I see what you mean,” she told him. “I've been wondering if I'm ever going to know Jasper Gulch at normal. But, Ethan, no one can blame you for Theresa's death.”
“Thank you for saying that,” he told her, beyond grateful for her reaction. “But I was as much to blame as anyone.”
“No. You were kids, little more than children.”
“Children playing grown-up games,” he pointed out.
“But look what you've done with your life since!”
He wanted to hug her for that. Her opinion was not, however, terribly realistic. “I wonder if your parents would agree with you about this.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but then she closed it again, averting her gaze.
“I didn't think so,” he said softly, his heart aching.
“Maybe I don't care if they approve or not,” Robin suddenly cried, lurching up from the table and whirling away.
Ethan's heart turned over inside his chest, an oddly bittersweet happiness filling him. She wouldn't say that if she didn't care a great deal for him. Rising, he went to her and turned her into his arms.
“You must care what your parents think,” he told her gently. “God commands us to care. But He also promises to help us. Hear the Word of God from the book of IsaiahââFear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' We have nothing to fear from the truth now, sweet Robin, nothing. You have laid your truth before the Shaws, and I have laid mine before you. After Christmas, I will lay mine before the church. The outcome belongs entirely to the Lord, but you should know that from this moment forward, I will be asking Him for you. Do you understand what I'm telling you?”
“Yes, Ethan,” she said calmly, sliding her arms about his neck. “I understand.”
He kissed her ear. “Good. Now eat your breakfast.”
Keeping his arm around her, he walked her to the table and seated her.
They'd said no words of love, made no promises and they had no guarantees. No one knew yet what Jackson Shaw would do, and Ethan wouldn't, couldn't, go against her parents. The church could very well dismiss him when they heard about his past. Still, he and Robin had made a commitment of sorts. They had shown each other their hearts, and he would beg God day and night for his heart's desire in this matter until she was either his or the door was forever closed on the possibility.
Meanwhile, they had Christmas, Christmas in Montana. That in itself was something for which to be thankful.
* * *
He drove to Bozeman after breakfast, feeling that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Nadine had requested that Ethan wear white ecclesiastical robes for the wedding ceremony, robes he did not possess. He had to borrow them from a pastor in Bozeman. At least, he told himself, his secrets were now all exposed, and Robin had borne them with more love and equanimity than he'd had any right to expect. He could only hope that the church would feel the same and that her parents would somehow reconcile themselves to a prospective son-in-law from the wrong side of the tracks, for he suddenly could not see his life without Robin anymore.
On pure impulse, Ethan decided to visit the jeweler recommended by Dale Massey before heading back home. It was more than impulse really, more like a driving urge that Ethan felt compelled to obey. He told himself that it was the height of foolishness, that he was just going to look, that no good could come from even window-shopping. Then, of course, he found the perfect ring, a ring that might have been made for Robin's finger.
Ethan dithered for an hour, recounting for himself all the reasons why he would be reckless, indeed, to get his hopes up. Robin's parents were not likely ever to approve of him. Regardless of what Jackson Shaw did, Ethan could very well find himself without a pastorate or any other living, not to mention a place
to
live. Another thing weighed on his mind: Robin wanted family above all else, and he was the last man able to give her that, considering that what family he had wouldn't even speak to him. Still, that ring fairly shouted at him.
The jeweler was patient and helpful, though he admitted that praying over an engagement ring was a first for him. Nevertheless, he tolerated Ethan's indecision with equanimity. In the end, Ethan simply could not leave without that ring. He decided that the purchase was an expression of hope, and he silently vowed to carry it on his person until such time as he could use it or was forced to return it.
He spent the remainder of the day in prayer, rising from his knees in his church office only at the last moment to prepare for the wedding rehearsal.
* * *
The details seemed endless. Robin spent the day with Olivia, preparing exhibits, stocking the gift shop, which would be staffed by volunteers yet to be trained, and going over plans for the grand opening. How they would manage to get everything done Robin couldn't imagine, but she was grateful for the distraction. At least she didn't have time to dwell on her fears, which had taken on new significance at breakfast.
Ethan had as good as declared that he loved her, but he wouldn't marry her unless her parents approved, not that it mattered. She couldn't possibly marry him so long as Jackson was a threat to him, and this new information about Ethan's past would just give Jackson more ammunition with which to drive him away. Robin dared not let it come to that. Her only recourse now was to leave town before she got Ethan into trouble. She was prepared even to deny her great-grandmother's claims, if necessary, and she'd make sure that Jackson knew it. Before she left, however, she would give Ethan what Jackson Shaw would deny her: family.
More determined than ever, she drove home after work, fell on her knees and emptied her heart to God. She asked for nothing for herself. Compared to Ethan, she'd had a fairy-tale existence. Perhaps her parents wouldn't agree, but she knew Ethan, and he deserved every happiness that she could give him.
With that in mind, Robin dried her face and found the number that had the local exchange for Valinda. That was most likely the landline. Huffing out a breath, she dialed the number and waited. A no-nonsense voice came on the line after the first ring.
“This is Colleen.”
Filled with both euphoria and terror, Robin began to speak, the words tumbling out of her mouth with unaccustomed speed.
“Colleen, my name is Robin Frazier. You don't know me, but I'm a friend of your brother's, and I want to give you to him for Christmas. Please, just hear me out.”
It was tough going for a bit. Colleen did not seem receptive at first, but she didn't hang up. Soon, Colleen was asking for details about her brother's life. Before Robin knew it, an hour had passed, then two. By the time the call ended, Robin felt that God had answered at least one of her prayers that night, and she went to bed praising Him.
Chapter Fourteen
W
hen the Shaws arrived that evening, Ethan stood awaiting them, quite resplendent, he thought, in shiny black patent-leather shoes, black slacks, white collar and shirt, full-length white robe and knee-length dark red stole embroidered with white doves.
Nadine pronounced him “Wonderful!” and went on to worry about the reception at the Shaw ranch that would follow the wedding. “I pray it doesn't snow!”
“Everything will be fine, Mom,” Faith assured her. “If it snows, we'll get out the sleighs. The neighbors have already said we can borrow from them.”
“That's true, and what a pretty ride that would be from the house to the barn.”
As soon as everyone arrived, Ethan got them all into place and queued up the music. The Masseys were there en masse, including Dale's mother, Ronna, as well as numerous townsfolk. Ethan couldn't help noticing, however, that Jackson seemed unusually quiet, tense and haggard. So be it. Let the mayor stew in his own juices for a while. No one said a word about Robin, Lucy or Rusty Zidek, and Ethan was content to let the matter rest. This was Faith and Dale's time. The focus should be on them.
He walked the wedding party through their traditional roles, making adjustments as they requested, until all knew their parts. Then it was time to make the trek out to the Shaw ranch for the rehearsal dinner. This, too, would be good practice, as it would tell them how much time it would take for a group to begin gathering at the ranch after the wedding. He noted that the caterer from Bozeman was on hand to time the event right down to the second.
They had an excellent barbecue-chicken buffet waiting for them at the Shaw house. Ethan managed a chat with one of Dale's younger brothers, his best man. He watched Dale expertly referee a sarcastic duel between his divorced parents, and breathed a sigh of relief when Nadine swept Ronna off to the barn to look over the preparations for the reception.
A Shaw barn was undoubtedly nicer than the homes of many people, and situated as this picturesque red behemoth was beside the beautiful blue bowl of a small lake, Ethan felt it would do nicely as the site of the wedding reception. The whole county would likely be in attendance, and Ethan had heard that the Shaws had rented furniture for the lofts so people could relax and talk in comfort. Still, a barn was a barn to some folks, and he wondered how Ronna Massey, being a wealthy New Yorker, would view the event. She hadn't seemed to think much of their little country church.
Logs. How quaint.
She hadn't seemed impressed with the town, either.
Jasper Gulch seems less a place than a name with pretensions.
Dale had smiled at Faith in apology more than once throughout the evening. Faith, for her part, didn't seem to mind Ronna's snootiness. As crazy as it seemed, Ethan understood that. He knew that he'd welcome Sheila Templeton Frazier's snobbery, if only she and her husband would welcome him into their family.
His heart felt heavy inside his chest as he drove back to the parsonage later. The funny old house had always felt homey and cozy until he walked through the door that night. Suddenly, the place felt empty and hollow. He wanted to find Robin there waiting for him, wanted to see her curled up on the sofa in the living room, reading or watching TV, wanted her smile of welcome and acceptance.
He got himself ready for bed, carrying the little velvet-covered box everywhere he went. He sat down in the dark on the side of the bed, placed his cell phone and the ring in its box on the seat of the chair that served as bedside table and bowed his head. He began to pray, confessing his inadequacies as well as his dreams, begging for guidance, for surety, for signs. He asked God to bless Robin, to give her the joy and the family that she deserved. He prayed for her parents, that they would open their hearts fully to the man God chose for her, even if that was not him.
He went on to pray for the Shaws and the Masseys, for Faith and Dale in particular, and soon he was naming just about everyone in the townâthe McGuires, Mamie, the Middletons, the Franklins, the Harcourts, the Lakeys, Wilbur down at the bank and Myrtle at the diner, the Masons, Rusty, Coach Randolph and Deputy Sheriff Calloway, the Shoemakers and Coopers, Abigail, Chauncey, the women in the a cappella quartet, even Pete Daniels, wherever he'd gotten off toâand then the town itself.
He literally emptied his heart of every concern for his town, his church and the woman he loved. Then he began to pray for his family. He prayed for his father, that his faith would hold true through his incarceration and especially afterward. He prayed for his aunt, who had been like a mother to him in so many ways. He prayed for his little niece, who had never known her own father. He prayed for his sister's broken, unforgiving heart.
When he had wrung himself dry like an old rag, he slipped beneath the covers and blanked his mind for sleep, weary to the pit of his soul. As soon as he began to drift away, his phone rang.
He didn't think about not answering or even look at the caller ID. At this time of night, the call would be important, and it was a pastor's lot in life to share the bad news that often came to his congregants at a late hour. He swiped a thumb across the bottom of the screen even as he lifted it to his face.
“This is Pastor Ethan.”
“Well, now,” said one of the dearest voices on the planet, “then this would be Pastor Ethan's sister, calling to wish him a merry Christmas.”
* * *
Every time the phone rang the next day, Robin expected to hear Ethan's voice telling her he'd heard from his sister. She did not expect to hear Rusty Zidek's.
“Just thought you'd wanna know that the Shaw boys came to see me.”
“Oh? And did they believe you?”
“Hard to say,” Rusty admitted. “I think they wanted to, but it seems to all come down to the gold. Without proof that it exists, they can't quite swallow the rest.”
“And we have no proof that the gold exists,” Robin said around a sigh.
“To prove it exists, we'd have to prove Jackson took it,” Rusty told her.
That was it, then, Robin thought. They were beat.
It began to snow late in the afternoon. Ethan finally calledâto ask if Robin could come early for quartet practice. Assuming that the other ladies had expressed concern about being on the roads after dark with the snow coming down, she asked Olivia if she could take off early.
Olivia shrugged and laughed. “Go on. Your mind's been somewhere else all day anyway.”
Robin couldn't help feeling depressed. Between Rusty's news and wondering why Colleen hadn't called, she didn't feel terribly upbeat. It didn't help, either, that she and Olivia were working on a display of antique wedding dresses, including a beautifully beaded Arapaho garment on loan and Elaine Shaw's simple cotton tulle frock, now aged to the color of tea. Robin kept imagining her own wedding dress, one she doubted she'd ever get to wear.
A particular dress from the late fifties had especially caught Robin's eye. With a simple straight skirt and long sleeves, it seemed terribly elegant, especially as it was topped by a little hooded cape trimmed in feathers. Robin thought that style would be lovely for a winter wedding, especially if the feathers could be replaced with high-quality faux fur. She might even cut off the skirt at tea length and add fur to the hem, not that it mattered. She wasn't going to marry in winter, not in Montana anyway. She almost wished she didn't have to see Ethan again, and drove over to the church only reluctantly to find Ethan alone in the vestibule.
“Once again, I am in your debt,” he said, his eyes shining as he caught her hands with his.
Relief and joy suffused her. “Colleen called you.”
“We talked late into the night. It was so good to hear from her. I cannot thank you enough.”
“I'm just glad it worked out.” At least something had.
Ethan reached into the pocket of his jeans and drew out a tiny, velvet-covered box that made the breath seize in Robin's throat. “Glad enough to marry me?” he asked, placing the box in her upturned palm.
As she opened the hinged lid with trembling fingers, he explained that he'd phoned her father that morning.
“We had a long talk. He didn't say that he approved of our marriage, but he did say that he only wanted your happiness. I'm convinced that with a little time we can win his full blessing.”
“Oh, Ethan,” Robin gasped, her eyes swimming with tears. “It's so beautiful.” She blinked so she could keep the delicate ring with its sizable diamond in sight for a moment longer. Then she closed the lid on the little box and pressed it back into his hand, her heart breaking. “But I can't.
“Robin.” He made it half plea, half scold. “I can't believe I've misread you in this.”
“I spoke to Rusty earlier,” she told him tonelessly. “It's over, Ethan. We can't fight Jackson.”
“I don't accept that.”
“Nevertheless, I'll be leaving right after Christmas.”
The other ladies began arriving then. Even as she quietly dried her eyes, she was perversely glad. She couldn't resist the sanctuary of Ethan's arms, no matter how temporary, and that would only make leaving more difficult. At least she would take with her the knowledge that he and his sister had made peace. She would know that he'd loved her enough to ask her to marry him, and that she hadn't cost him his pastorate and his home.
She didn't know how she managed to sing after that. Her throat felt thick and clogged, and the backs of her eyes burned with unshed tears. Ethan seemed positively morose and lethargic to the point almost of paralysis. He didn't even go into the sanctuary to play the bells from there.
To Robin's surprise, Faith dropped by during the practice with last-minute questions for Ethan about her own wedding. Her first comments, however, were words of praise for the music.
“I've never heard anything so lovely! Could you possibly sing this song for my wedding Christmas night? I mean, since you're all invited to the wedding anyway.”
“But we're not all invited to the wedding,” Robin blurted.
“Of course you are,” Faith said, taking her hand. “I know it's short notice, but it would be a simple thing to slip out here just before we say our vows, sing and slip back inside again, and the song is perfect. Don't you think so, Ethan?”
“We might leave out the bells to make it less Christmassy,” he said, staring at Robin.
“I wouldn't want to upset your father,” Robin muttered to Faith, who waved that away.
“Oh, don't worry about him,” she said, leaning close. “He's got Dale's mother for that now. It's fine. Trust me.” She squeezed Robin's hand. “Please.”
Robin made a face. “You're very kind to ask after the way I insulted your family. I shouldn't have said those things. You and your brothers and sister have never been anything but polite to me.”
“You were provoked,” Faith said. “We all understand that. Now, will you do me the honor of singing at my wedding?”
“Of course,” Robin acquiesced. She hadn't meant to leave on Christmas Day anyway. Besides, it would give her a chance to speak to Jackson, to tell him that she was leaving and would deny her great-grandmother's claims, if necessary.
Faith hugged her. “Thank you! Oh, I'm so thrilled. I'll make sure the musicians know about the change. Now, if I could have just another moment of your time, Ethan...”
He walked off with her, and they conversed for several moments. He nodded, and Faith rushed out. The other ladies began to gush about being asked to sing at Faith Shaw's wedding. Robin only hoped Jackson wouldn't make a scene, but why would he? That would just make her claims public, and surely he wanted to avoid that.
Before she left for the evening, Ethan tried to convince her to talk to him, but she knew that would only make what she had to do that much more difficult.
“Robin Elaine Frazier,” he scolded her, “where is your faith?” Then he reminded her that he would see her the next afternoon.
For the first time, she regretted agreeing to help him with the Christmas program, but she'd given her word, and she only had two more days to get through.
Then it was just a matter of getting through the rest of her life without him.
* * *
Ethan had chosen the hour of five o'clock for the Christmas Eve service for several reasons. It allowed the congregation to enjoy the pageant and still get home in time to spend the evening with their families. Also, given the unpredictability of winter weather, it seemed wise to have everyone off the roads as early as possible. Finally, and most important personally, five o'clock came an hour before the regularly scheduled recorded carillon of the bells, which meant that his bells could not be confused with those. Ethan had decided to toll each bell every minute for ten minutes,
bong-bong,
then to ring them continuously for a full minute, hoping they would play themselves out for several moments afterward.
He promised the cast and crew of the pageant a surprise, then warned them not to abandon their posts before hurrying out to remove the shelves for the last time, Robin at his side, both dressed in period clothing.
“I can get someone else to help me if you want,” he offered morosely, but she shook her head.
Grudgingly relieved, Ethan prepared to ring the first bell at a quarter to five. It wouldn't have been the same without Robin. They'd been in this together from the beginning, and he wouldn't have wanted to do this without her. He didn't want to do anything without her, and he resented her refusal to marry him, even if she did it to protect him. Didn't she have any faith at all? Didn't she see that God had worked out every problem so far? Surely all they had to do was give Him time to work out the rest.
The first peal reverberated throughout the building and across the countryside just as the sun sank below the western peaks, followed quickly by the deeper bong of the larger bell. The effect was startling, lyrical. Through the open doors of the sanctuary, they could hear people asking what that was. When the second toll began a couple seconds later, they heard applause. With the third came shouts of praise.