Authors: Ruth Logan Herne
In his jaunty costume, with its plumed hat and rows of shiny gold buttons, he was a hybrid of toy soldier and swashbuckler. She congratulated herself on allowing him to wear his own black boots rather than dance shoes. After getting a fresh coat of polish, they topped off his outfit with jaunty style.
“Now, remember,” she whispered while they waited for his entrance. “Clara's made of glass. Spin her gently.”
“Okay,” he squeaked, clearly anxious about his big solo.
Whenever someone told her not to be nervous, it only intensified her fear, so Amy gave his shoulders an encouraging shake. “Go on out there and show them what you've got.”
Nodding, he entered the scene, tentatively at first, but growing more confident with each stride. By the time he reached the spotlight for his dance, his motions were fluid and right on the mark. She mentally took each step with him, willing him to remember them all. When he finished with a triumphant flourish, it looked more like a touchdown sign than ballet, but she couldn't possibly have cared less.
The audience broke into thunderous applause, and she motioned for the rest of the cast to hold their positions while Brad took a couple of impromptu bows. This was what it was all about, she thought as she traded thumbs-ups with Jason across the stage. As much as she loved performing, there was a unique satisfaction in teaching others those skills and watching them fly.
From that point on, the show flowed through the rest of Clara's dream, ending when she woke up back in the ballroom, asleep under the Christmas tree, clutching her beloved nutcracker. The curtains were still closing when the audience jumped to their feet, cheering and clapping, more than a few loudly whistling their appreciation.
Amy quickly assembled the cast behind the curtain, so overcome with joy, she had to steady her voice before speaking. “You guys are amazing,” she praised them with a huge smile. “Now it's curtain-call time, but forget about what we practiced. Just go out there and have fun.”
They all cheered at her suggestion, and she motioned for Jason to pull the curtains. To her surprise, though, the kids didn't run forward to ham it up in front of their adoring fans. Instead, they surrounded her in a group hug, moving her forward with them. Caught off guard, she had no choice but to follow along, fighting back a flood of tears that threatened to spill over.
She'd thought the crowd had been raucous enough before, but apparently they'd been holding back. People stood on their chairs, whooping and whistling, cheering for her along with the children. In all her years of performing, she'd never experienced anything like it. She chanced a look into the wings and saw Jason wearing a huge grin, clapping for all he was worth. When she motioned for him to come out, he shook his head and stayed put.
Despite all the work he'd done to make the show a success, he was refusing to share in the credit. He understood how much it meant to her, and he was willingly staying in the shadows to give her this moment in the spotlight. Jason was the first man she'd ever met who was secure enough to step back and allow someone else to shine.
Something told her it would be a long time before she met another one.
* * *
“Well, that about does it,” Jason announced when he returned from packing up his truck. “All I have to do is hide that arbor from Gram for a few more days.”
“What do you think she'll say when she finds out her Christmas present has been in full view of everyone in town all this time?” Amy asked.
“She'll laugh and tell me how clever I am, of course.”
“Of course,” Amy echoed, taking stock of their dismantling project. Without its holiday finery, Arabesque's facade had regained its classy, understated appearance. The effect should have pleased her, but for some reason it made her sad.
Jason must have noticed her expression, because he strolled over to stand beside her. “It looks nice.”
“I guess,” she allowed with a sigh. “I miss my nutcracker, though.”
“You could take him to New York with you, like a souvenir.”
Frowning, Amy shook her head. “Mom's apartment is pretty tiny, and I'll be staying with her for a while. He really belongs here, anyway.”
The words rattled around in her head after she'd spoken them, making her wonder if the same sentiment applied to her. As the days passed and she faced the reality of leaving Barrett's Millâand Jasonâthe temptation to stay grew stronger. Was it fear of the unknown? she wondered. Or was it something deeper than that?
“Hey, I've got an idea,” Jason said, breaking the silence. When she looked at him, he grinned. “You don't have any more classes to teach, right?”
“No, we're done until after New Year's.”
“Maybe now's a good time for that waltzing lesson we talked about.”
Clearly, he was trying to distract her, to make her feel better about her questionable future. While she would have loved to spend some more time with him, she hesitated to torture them both with it. “Are you sure? I mean, you must have things to do out at the mill.”
“Nothing that can't wait. Even my slave driver of a brother is letting up a little, now that all the holiday orders have gone out. Today, he and Chelsea are finishing up their Christmas shopping.”
“Two days before?” Amy asked. “Are they crazy?”
“Tell me about it,” he agreed with a laugh. “I wouldn't go near a mall right now.”
The lighthearted exchange eased some of her concern, and she smiled. “Then it sounds like the ideal time for a dance lesson. As long as you have some other shoes to wear,” she added with a glance down at the battered work boots on his feet.
“My church shoes are in my truck.”
Church shoes, she thought with a little grin. He was so adorable sometimes. Then she caught on and narrowed her eyes with suspicion. “You planned on doing this now, didn't you?”
“Um...yeah.”
He gave her a shameless grin, and she had to laugh. “Why on earth would you go to so much trouble? You've done so much for me, all you had to do was ask me for a lesson and I'd have gone along.”
The grin widened, joined by the twinkling eyes that had captivated her more times than she could count. “It's more fun this way.”
There was no point arguing with that, and she shook her head. “Okay, go get your shoes. I'll meet you inside.”
By the time he joined her, she'd cued up several waltz tracks on the stereo system. She'd already changed into dance shoes, so she took the opportunity to watch him do the same. For someone his size, he moved with an easy grace that had always impressed her. She'd seen those hands swing a hammer and tie a child's sneakers with equal skill, bringing a large measure of care to whatever task he chose.
He was such a remarkable man, she thought wistfully. Was she making a huge mistake walking away from him for some vague chance at normalcy?
When he stood to face her, his eager expression dimmed considerably. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing,” she hedged, forcing optimism into her voice. “Just thinking about the traffic in New York.”
“Busy, huh?” When she nodded, he said, “I'm sure you'll get used to it again in no time.”
It was the perfect thing for him to say, of course, upbeat and positive. That was his nature, she'd come to realize, the way God had wired him so he could have a good life despite his rocky start. For the first time, she envied someone else's temperament, because being more easygoing would make things so much easier for her.
But maybe that wasn't the point, she mused while she fiddled with the music. Maybe God was giving her what she needed, too, but she was missing the big picture. Hopefully, when she was back in the environment she was more accustomed to, it would all make sense.
For now, she had a lesson to give, and she turned to her eager student with a reassuring smile. “This won't hurt a bit.”
“Not me, anyway,” he commented with a chuckle. “I'll do my best not to squash those pretty little feet of yours.”
When the music came on the speakers, he said, “Hey, I know this. It's from my niece's favorite Disney movie.”
“
Sleeping Beauty
is another ballet by Tchaikovsky,” she told him. “It's one of my favorites, too.”
“Nice. Okay, what's first?”
She instructed him on how to stand, guiding his arm around her back while she put her hand in his. It looked like a child's hand nestled there, and the gentle way he held it made her heart sigh in contentment. Gazing up at him, she saw the same emotion playing over his face, lighting his eyes with the look she'd come to adore.
This was dangerous territory for two friends gamely trying to avoid getting entangled in something deeper that would end in a few days. The trouble was, being this close to him had fogged her mind so thoroughly, she was having a hard time remembering how the very simple dance began.
Once they got started, her training took over and she talked him through the rhythmic progression until he'd grasped it well enough to lead. “Don't count. Let the music flow through you and move your feet for you.”
“Is that how it feels when you dance?” he asked with a curious look. When she nodded, he said, “I never really understood until just now. What's it like to just let go and follow where the music goes?”
“Amazing,” she responded without even thinking. “It feels like you're part of something beautiful that takes you in and makes you special, too.”
“Now I see why you miss it so much, why you want to get back to what you love. For you, it's like going home.”
Astounded by his insight, she confided, “I'm happiest when I'm onstage. I always have been.”
“It's where you belong. I noticed that during the show, when you were in the spotlight with the kids. You looked right out there.”
“Is that why you stopped asking me to stay?” She'd resisted bringing up a sore subject, but since they were being so truthful with each other, it seemed like a good time.
“Yeah,” he admitted with a heavy sigh. “That night after everything was over, it hit me that if I managed to convince you to forget about the surgery, you'd always wonder how your life would've been if you'd gone ahead with it. Sooner or later, you would've resented me for standing in your way and you'd hate me.”
“I could never, ever hate you.” Shaking his arms, she made sure she had his full attention before going on. “You weren't trying to stop me out of selfishness, but out of concern for me. I know that, and I appreciate it more than I can ever say.”
“Yeah, I'm a real prince,” he muttered.
“To me, you are.” Part of her longed to ease his frown with a kiss, but she didn't want to muddy the friendship waters with such an intimate gesture. Instead, she reset her frame and smiled. “Would you like to try it one more time?”
He didn't respond at first, standing in front of her with his hands at his sides while he thought it over. She was keenly aware of how he must feel, wanting more time with her even though he knew it would only hurt more later when they had to say goodbye to each other. She felt the same way, and it was all she could do to put on a brave face while she waited for him to figure out what he wanted to do.
“Sure,” he finally agreed, stepping into the position she'd shown him. “It's not every day a guy like me gets a private dance lesson with such a pretty teacher.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Barrett,” she simpered, batting her eyelashes for effect. “But my hourly rate is still the same.”
Grinning, he retorted, “Seeing as I'm not paying you, does that mean I'm getting my money's worth?”
“I guess that's for you to decide.”
The tense moment had passed, and she was relieved that their usual camaraderie had kicked back in. Although she enjoyed the next hour with him very much, the entire time a voice in the back of her mind was whispering to her:
Can you really leave all this behind?
Chapter Eleven
“I
'm not sure about this,” Rachel fretted when she and Jason arrived at the Crossroads Church on Christmas Eve. Standing in the entryway, she peered anxiously into the sanctuary dressed in its holiday finery and filled with people. “I mean, look at me.”
She held out her arms, and Jason obliged by giving her a quick once-over. Since she'd been able to get more rest and eat properly, she looked much healthier than when she'd first arrived in town.
Plumper
was the description that came into his mind, but he figured that was the last thing a lady who was eight months pregnant wanted to hear. “I think you look nice. Is that dress new?”
Judging by her quick grin, she'd picked up on the fact that he'd sidestepped the obvious source of her concern. “When she was in town the other day, your sister-in-law Anne brought me a couple bags of maternity clothes. It was really generous of her to do that, considering.”
“No one in my family considers all that except you. You're here now, and you've got a little person on the way. That's what matters to those folks in there,” he chided her with a nod toward the open doors.
“I guess I'll have to take your word on that one.”
“I've never lied to you, and I never will.”
After a few more seconds, she let out a deep breath. “Okay. I'm ready.”
“No one's perfect, Rachel,” he reminded her gently. “What we do after our mistakes is what's most important.”
“You're such a good guy,” she said as they walked inside together. “I hope Amy knows that.”
She did, but it wasn't enough. He was a straightforward country boy, and apparently he didn't have what it took to compete with her lifelong love of dancing. Hopefully, before too long he'd come to terms with that and be able to think of her fondly. Right now, though, knowing he didn't measure up made him wish he had more to offer her. Since he didn't, he was going to have to swallow his objections and let her go.
He escorted Rachel to the section where his family was sitting in a group across two pews. Like the gentleman he'd raised them all to be, Dad stood and moved into the aisle. “Would you like to join us, Rachel? We've got a seat right here for you.”
Eyes wide with gratitude, she nodded in reply and slid in next to Jason's mother. Putting an arm around their guest the way she did with everyone she met, Mom said, “Merry Christmas Eve, honey. How are you and the baby doing these days?”
“Dr. Peterson says we're both fine,” Rachel answered politely. “Thank you for asking.”
“We always have a gathering back at the house after church,” Mom continued. “If you're not too tired, we'd love to have you come by for a while.”
Rachel cast a hesitant look at Jason, and he said, “No one should be alone at Christmas, Rachel. It's up to you, though.”
Clearly overwhelmed by the gesture, she looked from one of his parents to the other with a faint smile. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you again.”
Satisfied, Jason left Rachel chatting with his family, trusting them to make sure she wouldn't feel like an outsider in the congregation full of strangers. Then he yanked his nicely knotted tie off to the side and trotted up the risers. Moving carefully through the rapidly filling row, he landed at the opposite end of the tenor section from where he normally stood. That put him next to the sopranos. And Amy.
She gave him a curious look, and he grinned back. “Hey there.”
“Hey yourself.” The beautiful smile she gave him drove the last of his sadness away, at least for now. “Did you come over here for a reason?”
“To tell you how incredible you look in that dress. Green's my favorite color, y'know.” She didn't respond, and he shook his head with a chuckle. “Let me guess. Chelsea filled you in.”
“Maybe, but I bought the dress. Was that all you needed?”
His strategy for getting a few moments with her had slipped his mind, but he quickly recovered. “Mom's busy, and my tie's gone all wonky. Think you can help me out?”
“You mean, the tie you yanked out of place on your way up here?” she teased as she went up a step so she could reach to pull it loose and start over.
“Busted,” he admitted with a laugh, pleased to hear her join in.
She quickly got serious, though. “I see Rachel's here.”
Here we go again,
he thought with a sigh. “I know you won't be crazy about this, but I invited her to come tonight, and Mom asked her over to the house afterward. She's got no one else to spend Christmas with.”
“So she's celebrating it with you,” Amy sniped in a tone that made it clear she liked the idea even less than he'd anticipated.
“Not really.”
“How do you figure that?”
“I'm spending mine with you,” he told her with a smile. “Rachel's just gonna be one of the hundred or so guests at my grandparents' party tonight.”
After taking a moment to absorb that, her expression softened and she continued in a less combative tone, “It was nice of you to seat her with your family. I mean, if anyone can understand what she's going through, it'll be your mom.”
Considering how she felt about Rachel, Amy's generosity amazed him. “I thought so, too. But I'm glad you get it.”
“Oh, I do,” she assured him with a quick laugh. “I'm still not wild about the whole thing, but I get it.”
In his mind, he heard Fred Morgan grousing about the women in his family being able to drive a man straight over the edge. Now that Jason had firsthand knowledge of it, he marveled at how the mechanic had remained his easygoing self all these years. With a grin, he said, “Guess I'll just have to take what I can get.”
“Hold it right there,” Brenda ordered, lining up a shot with her camera phone. Checking the result, she sighed. “You two are just too adorable.”
Ignoring her cousin, Amy finished shoring up his tie and tapped his nose with her finger. “All set.”
“Thanks.” They'd never been level with each other this way, and judging by the smirk on her face, she found it as amusing as he did. “You like being as tall as me, don't you?”
Glancing around the church, she said, “It's quite the view from up here, isn't it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
Those incredible eyes came back to him, glimmering with something he'd never seen in them until tonight. Not tears, he realized, but emotion. A mixture of joy and sorrow, the same as he was feeling. Fortunately, the pastor walked through the door behind the altar into the chapel, and Mrs. Griggs motioned for the choir to take their places.
Jason offered Amy a hand down, keeping her hand in his until she was standing beside him again. And then, reluctantly, he released her. The wistful look she gave him must have mirrored his own, and he dredged up a grin, hoping to make her feel better. She responded with a flicker of her usual smile, and then it was time for them to sing.
Normally, the Christmas Eve service was his favorite one of the entire year. Filled with warmth and hope for a better future, it encompassed all the things his family had taught him to value. But this time, even Pastor Griggs's touching sermon on God's never-ending love for His children wasn't enough to lift Jason's spirits.
All he could think of was Amy leaving. And how empty his life was going to feel without her in it.
* * *
Following the service, Amy and Jason began a leisurely stroll toward his grandparents' house. Diane had flown from the church with Rachel and everyone else in tow, hurrying back to make certain everything would be ready for the Christmas Eve party that was apparently an annual Barrett tradition.
“I wish they would've let me help,” Amy ventured to break the silence.
“Someone must've told them you can't cook.”
The sarcastic edge on his voice clued her in that he'd been the one to warn them off, but she really couldn't blame him. He didn't want her poisoning his family during the holidays. Totally understandable. “I could carry dishes in to stock the buffet or wrangle kids or something.”
Smiling down at her, he took her hand gently in his much larger one. “You're coming as my guest. Guests are supposed to relax and enjoy themselves.”
Returning that smile came so naturally to her now, she could barely recall feeling self-conscious around him. But she had, and he'd patiently drawn her out, encouraging her, cheering her on, until she'd learned to trust him without question. When they reached the square, she paused to admire the town's tree one last time.
“Do you remember the Starlight Festival?” she asked.
Chuckling, he wrapped an arm loosely around her shoulders. “Sure. It was the best one ever 'cause you were there.”
Blushing at the compliment, she nearly swallowed what she wanted to say next. But she forged ahead because there was something very important she wanted him to know. Turning, she met his eyes, saw the honest affection he felt for her twinkling warmly in them.
“That night, I told you things I haven't shared with anyone, not even my mother. You didn't even blink, just accepted everything about me the way it was. Your attitude made me believe other people could do the same, and I'll always be grateful to you for doing that.”
“Since we're hereâ” he reached into the pocket of his suit jacket “âI have something for you. I was planning to give it to you later, but this seems like the right place for it.”
Amy took the small box wrapped in shiny gold paper, then fished in her purse for the one she'd brought for him. They looked similar, and he laughed. “I hope they're not the same thing.”
“Me, too.”
They tore their gifts open at the same time, and Amy opened her box with a little creak. Inside, on a cushion of burgundy velvet, she found a pair of crystal earrings fashioned into multifaceted stars. They looked remarkably like the sterling-silver tie tack she'd gotten for him, and she couldn't help laughing. “We seem to have similar taste in jewelry.”
“Does that mean you like 'em?” In answer, she reached up and drew his face to hers for a grateful kiss. She felt his lips quirk into one of those grins, and he murmured, “I really like the way you say thank-you.”
Gathering her into his arms, he gave her a longer, deeper kiss. Savoring the warmth of being surrounded by him, she had a hunch the effect of those stolen kisses would linger far past Christmas Eve. Footsteps approached them, and she knew without looking who'd stopped to say hello.
“Nice tree, isn't it?” Uncle Fred asked in a casual tone that did little to mask his true purpose for pausing here at that exact moment.
Eyes still locked on her, Jason replied, “Very nice.”
“So we'll see you at the Barretts' party, then,” Aunt Helen chimed in.
“Oh, leave them be,” Mom scolded, shooing them away. To Amy, she whispered, “It's a beautiful night for stargazing. You two just take your time.”
She continued on with her brother and sister-in-law in tow, and Jason commented, “I guess they've got us pegged.”
“I'm so glad we got some time together before I have to go.” Resting her hand on his jaw, she frowned as the impact of her choice hit her full force. “I'm really going to miss you.”
“You could stay,” he suggested in a voice tinged with hope. He hadn't done that recently, and the temptation to say yes was so strong, she didn't trust herself to speak. When she didn't respond, he sighed. “But that would mean you'd have to give up on ever dancing again.”
“I pray someday you'll understand why I'm doing this.”
“I already do,” he muttered as he stepped away from her. “That's what makes it so hard for me. I want you here, but I want you to be happy even more. If that means you have to go somewhere else, I'll just have to learn to live with it.”
He took her hand again, and they walked the rest of the way in silence. Blinking back tears, Amy wished she was one of those people who could be satisfied with second best. She'd always considered her unrelenting drive to be an asset. Accompanied by years of hard work, it had propelled her to heights most people could only imagine, and she was tremendously proud of what she'd accomplished as a performer.
But tonight, seeing how much her ambition was hurting someone she cared about, she was beginning to have her doubts.
Even before they reached Will and Olivia's house, she could see it was lit up like one of Macy's famous holiday window displays. Cars lined both sides of the street, and the sounds of laughing conversation mixed with Christmas music floated out on the night air.
People were standing on the front porch with food and drinks, and through the open front door she saw dozens more in the dining room. “Half the town must be here!”
“It's Christmas Eve,” he said, as if that explained everything.
“Are you sure this isn't too much for your grandparents?”
“It's just what they need,” he assured her as they went up the front steps. “Too much quiet drives 'em bonkers, and besides, we always do the party here. After the kids open their gifts at home in the morning, everyone comes back here for lunch and presents.”
Since moving away, she and Mom had quietly celebrated the holidays together, so Amy wasn't used to large family gatherings like this one. What Jason described struck her as something out of a classic Christmas movie, and she smiled. “It sounds perfect.”
“Not really. Something goes wrong at one point or another, but we have a lotta fun.”
Bulldozing ahead of her, he made a path for her to follow to a buffet table loaded down with roast beef, all manner of veggies, three varieties of homemade rolls and three of the biggest hams she'd ever seen. It took a while for them to get through the line, but every morsel smelled as if it would be totally worth the wait. Once they had their food, Jason angled his way into the living room, where they found Will and Olivia in the place of honor near the tree.