Authors: Jillian Hart
“And what about the prejudice she would face as a woman doing a man's job?”
“With the right partner, she could overcome that. After working along with you and having people see her skill during your recent absence, the people of Bear Creek have begun to trust her.”
The doc went silent, staring out the small window and considering Maxwell's words.
“And what do I say to her mother, to convince her to allow her daughter this career?”
Maxwell didn't have an answer for that.
“And how do I let my little girl go? Am I to assume from your persistence in this discussion that you share that struggle?”
It was Maxwell's turn to look away; he couldn't answer. If Hattie had felt differently about him, he would've found a wayâany wayâto make things work between them. Whether that meant corresponding via letter or him following her until they both got their medical diplomas. But she hadn't. “Hattie's been a good friend, but that's all that is between us.”
No matter how much he wished the answer could be different.
* * *
Hattie scribbled a note as to her whereabouts and escaped from the clinic, nearly running all the way home, heedless of the greetings of others on the boardwalk. She kept her face down, hoping no one would notice the tears pooling in her eyes.
She didn't go inside but crept around to curl up in a small ball behind two of the rocking chairs on the back veranda. Hiding her face in her skirts, she finally let the tears fall.
She couldn't believe Maxwell had said all that he had to her father. Couldn't believe the depth of his faith in her. He'd obviously considered every angle of what it would take for her to attend medical school and be a part of a medical practiceânot surprising, as the man had a tendency to think things through. He'd laid out all of those arguments out so clearly that her father hadn't been able to argue with his logic.
She couldn't believe he'd done so on her behalf after how poorly she'd treated him, pushing him away without any real explanation. She didn't deserve a friend like himâhad selfishly considered only her own feelings. Feelings that had moved beyond friendship to something much more. She was in love with the cowboy.
“Hattie?” her mother's voice called out from near the back door, and Hattie quickly wiped her face with her apron.
“Hattie, are you there? Your father is looking for you.”
“I'm here, Mama.” Hattie rose from behind the chair, hoping she didn't look as disheveled and red-faced as she felt.
“What're you doing hiding behind there?”
Hattie was saved from answering as she followed Mama into the kitchen. Papa waited in the doorway leading to the dining room. “You'd better join us, too, Mama. I've sent Maxwell home and put up the closed sign at the clinic. This could take a while.”
Hattie was trembling as she sank onto the settee in Papa's study, Mama at her side. Would this discussion be fruitful or force her to break ties with her parents?
Her papa's first words were so completely unexpected that Hattie's eyes filled with tears again.
“Mama, it seems our little girl is meant to be a doctor.”
It took the rest of the afternoon for the both of them to overcome Mama's railing and crying, but finally Hattie's dreams were on the verge of coming true. She was headed to Omaha for her scholarship interview. Even better than that was that her papa had promised to help her in whatever way he couldâwhether it meant digging into the family savings account or writing her a letter of recommendation.
Her papa's support meant more than anything. He really thought she could do it. All it had taken was Maxwell's convincing.
In her room, she sat on the bed, flushed and breathless.
And still aching inside.
She was on the cusp of a new journey. Of getting everything she'd wanted for years.
So why did she feel so empty?
Chapter Fifteen
H
attie didn't catch a glimpse of Maxwell until Sunday morning worship. His family had all traipsed in and taken their seats well before the opening hymn. She was seated with her parents near the front of the sanctuary but craned her neck continuously, trying to catch sight of him.
She really needed to thank him.
But he didn't slip inside until after the opening hymn and was one of the first outside after services were over. Hattie excused herself from her parents, waved off her friends, including Emily, and went to try to find him. She had to try to set things right.
She was intercepted just outside the door by his mother.
“Hattie.” Somehow the woman still smiled at her, the baby bundled in her arms. “I wanted to make sure to greet you today. Everyone at home is still talking about your visit for lunch last weekâit was good to have you out with us. We'll have to do it again sometime, won't we?”
And suddenly Hattie knew Maxwell hadn't told his mother what had happened between them. He was sensitive enough, maybe he'd thought she was too busy with the baby to notice....
“Mmm, yes, sometime,” Hattie hedged. She allowed herself to be pulled from the main flow of people coming out of the church to a quieter spot between the parked wagons and the side of the building.
The other woman touched her arm. “I'm so glad that Maxwell has met you.”
Hattie shifted on her feet. Penny seemed oblivious to her discomfort, though, as she went on.
“When Jonas and I were courting, Maxwell was so starved for loveâbut he also held himself back so carefully...as if he was afraid to believe in it.”
Hattie slid her eyes over to the horses standing placidly in their harnesses, waiting for someone to come retrieve the wagon. Hattie wished someone would come retrieve her. She already had enough guilt about growing her relationship with Maxwell and then breaking things off.
“It wasn't until later that I found out exactly how hard a childhood he'd had. His mother did severe damage to his confidence. I don't think he's ever told his father and me everything, but I do know that she told him multiple times that he wouldn't amount to anything. That he'd never accomplish anything with his life.”
Hattie had seen a lot of things as she'd helped her papa in the clinic, but she had trouble imagining a parent so cruel. And she didn't know if Maxwell would welcome his mother telling her all of this, not now.
“Mrs. White, I really should be goingâ”
“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hold you up. I just wanted to say...” Gracious, the other woman now had tears standing in her eyes. “Well, his father and I were worried about Maxwell coming home for the summer. In his letters, he seemed so discouraged about not being able to complete his education. But then he started working in your father's practice and...well, I've never seen him so happy, so settled as he was last weekend, even with his brothers teasing him so badly. And I wanted to thank you for bringing joy to my son.”
She squeezed Hattie's arm and moved away before Hattie could say anything else or explain that things had ended between them.
Leaving Hattie's feeling more jumbled than ever. How could Maxwell have survived such a tough childhood and turned into the sensitive, caring man that he was?
How could she
not
be in love with a man like that?
But did it change anything? She still wanted the same goals.
Could she find a way to tell him that she believed in him, too, even though she just couldn't be with him?
* * *
The next morning, Maxwell braced himself to see Hattie, the same way he usually did.
She was in the examination room with her pa nowhere to be seen, and when she looked up and saw him, she smiled a warm smile that sent his heart swooping and soaring uncomfortably in his chest.
He glanced over his shoulder to see if someone else had come in behind him.
“Good morning, Maxwell.”
The warmth continued in her tone, and he grew even more puzzled. They'd barely spoken in the week and a half since he'd made a fool of himself at her parents' place. Hope flaredâhad she reconsidered? Was there a chance she still wanted to be with him?
She clasped her hands in front of her apron and he couldn't help but note how the dark green dress beneath complemented her hair. She moved toward him. “I can't thank you enough for what you said to my papa.”
And then humiliation flared and he realized what her reaction really meant. She was simply thanking him. “Your pa told you?”
“Actually, I overheard most of it.”
Heat scorched his neck. He hadn't meant for her to hear him push for her. Hated feeling pathetic. He half turned away, patting his Stetson against his thigh. “So you're going, then?”
“Yes, thanks to you. Papa agreed to the scholarship interview, and with him on my side, Mama was brought around. Eventually.”
He found himself responding to the humor in her voice with a small smile even as his heart crashed in his chest.
“I really think your words made a difference. I don't know that Papa would've listened to me without your influence.”
It wasn't right that she had to fight so hard because of her gender, but he loved her enough that he could be glad her pa had come around.
“I'm getting to follow my dream, thanks to you, and I just... Thank you.”
He didn't want her thanks...he wanted her love, but he couldn't have that.
“I think your pa would've come around regardless. You worked so hard during the outbreak, and you've got a proven record. But I'm glad for you,” he said. He turned to move into the back hall, deposit his Stetson in the storeroom and get his bearings.
“Wait! Maxwellâ”
He closed his eyes, still facing away where she couldn't see. It was too hard to be close to herâtoo hard to look into her face and see the joy there and want to be a part of it.
But he couldn't be rude, either, not when she meant so much to him.
He schooled his expression and turned back. She was looking at him with that adorable crinkle just above her nose. He swallowed hard, waited for her to say whatever she needed to say so he could escape.
“I wanted to... I just...” Now she looked nervous, her eyes darting down and away. He had to quell the urge to reach out for her, to comfort her in some way.
“I know I handled things badly the other evening, and I wanted to try to explain.”
Mortification spread through him even worse and he turned his face away to stare at the paneling on the wall. “It's not that big a deal,” he muttered. Lied. His pride couldn't take any more.
“It's a big deal to me. You've been a good friend, and I could see...I could see us growing into something moreâ”
For the briefest moment, his heart stopped completely, then began flying in his chest.
“Except for the fact that our paths seem to be going in different directions.”
Hope crashed in his chest like galloping hooves. Different directions didn't mean the path couldn't be changed. Was she giving him a sign, trying to tell him that there was still a chance for their relationship?
She looked at him with those blue eyes, beseeching him for understanding. “You knowâyou're the only one who seems to understand how important it is for me to become a doctor. And courting...which leads to getting married...and
families
...” He didn't understand the soft emphasis she put on that word. “All of that would get in the way of what I really want.”
Her words sounded as if she were trying to convince herself. She stopped speaking abruptly, brows furrowing, and her gaze seemed to focus internally.
He didn't know what to do or what to say but found himself speaking. “Hattie, I would never ask you to give up your aspirations.”
“I know,” she said softly, looking at the floor.
“I think we could make a good partnership. We work together well, we like each other.” Though his feelings went so much deeper. “And it couldn't hurt to...to keep exploring things between us, could it?”
“Maxwell, I can'tâ”
He couldn't bear to hear another rejection from her, not with hope blooming. He was close enough to reach out and touch her arm, so he clasped her elbow and drew her in. Slanted his lips over hers as he'd wanted to do again ever since their first kiss in his pa's field, surrounded by sunshine and horses.
She responded with a lift of her chin, pressing her mouth more fully into his. He wanted to draw her closer but was afraid of scaring her off again. But the way she was kissing him back...he had the feeling she wasn't scared at all.
Then she pushed him away with a hand on his chest, her eyes wide and unfocused, lips reddened from his kiss. If this was what it took to convince her...
He reached for her again.
“Maxwell, no.” The finality in her voice and the turn of her shoulder, so that his hand reached only empty air, brought him back to reality. Jarred him, as if he'd been bucked off a horse and landed particularly hard.
The hope that had momentarily expanded in his chest fell flat. Blood rushed in his ears so loudly that he almost didn't hear her next, soft-spoken words.
“I care about you, but friendship is the most I can offer. I think you're a wonderful, amazing man who will someday find someone that you deserve. But it isn't me.”
Pride tattered around his feet, he wheeled around and ran out of the office.
* * *
Hattie stared after Maxwell as he retreated, pressing one shaking hand to her lips. Lips that had touched his only moments ago.
She shouldn't have kissed him back.
But his action had been so unexpected, and the feelings that reignited with his touch were so powerful that she hadn't been able to resist the pressure of his mouth. She loved him. So much. She was afraid of trusting it.
She felt overheated and shaky and went to the examination table to sit down.
That interaction hadn't gone over any better than the one at her parents' home when he'd come courting. The devastated look on his face, just before he'd turned away...
Her heart thrummed with a similar pain. She didn't want him to hurt, had been trying to
erase
his hurt, or at least ease things back to friendship between them, but she'd failed.
She felt like an awful person.
And the worst thing was, she loved him, too.
Even though her plans didn't include love or marriage or powerful kisses...
She loved him.
Dizzy, she pressed her other hand to her temple. She had to get herself under control before her papa came in and assumed she was having an attack of her nerves.
But even with every technique she could come up with to calm her breath, nothing stopped her racing heart.
She did want to be with Maxwell.
But she wanted medical school more. Didn't she?