Authors: Brenda Minton
At Jakey's age, Gray had been making eyes at Ruthie, working on homework for his college courses and thinking about a future that he anticipated would span another fifty years or more.
“The kid had never had a chance,” he continued. Shortly afterward he'd received another upbeat letter from Ruthie, saying all the things he could no longer believe. And he'd felt guilty that he would eventually be going home to her. “I felt guilty for notâ”
No. He refused to go there. Playing “what if” would only mess with his mind and rip further at his gut.
Ruthie watched him, her watery eyes full of compassion. She cared. There was no doubt about that. But she didn't get it. For her to truly understand, she would've had to be there. And he wouldn't wish that on anyone. But maybe he could help her understand why the God thing had hit him so hard.
“Maybe I could have dealt with it better,” he ventured, “if the kid hadn't been calling out to God for help. Even after he'd been hit, he was still praying. Mumbling incoherently most of the time, but he was definitely talking to God.”
If this had been five years agoâbefore Jakey diedâand he had poured his heart out like this, Ruthie would have offered some comforting Bible verses. He would have accepted them back then, and they would have eased his spirit. But not now. He was grateful she didn't attempt to go there.
She slid her arm around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder. “I'm so sorry, Gray,” she said, her voice catching in her throat. “It wasn't fair.”
“You're right. It wasn't fair.” He put his arm around her shoulders and experienced a moment of guilt at finding comfort in her warmth and caring. “It should have been me.”
* * *
It was late by the time they returned to Abundance, arriving just in time for Sunset Blessings.
Gray carried a couple of roasted chickens he had picked up from Ellwood Thompson's grocery on their way back. Although Paisley would donate leftover sandwiches and pastries from Milk & Honey, Gray had suggested complementing it with something more substantial for their homeless friends. And when she had commended his thoughtfulness, he had brushed away her praise and mumbled something about buying the chicken to satisfy his own hunger. But she knew better.
Gray hesitated on the sidewalk in front of the shop. “Are you sure you're ready to let people know?” he asked. “They might have some doubts about us, especially after...”
After the way he'd dumped her. “They won't have any doubts,” she assured him. “My friends have never said anything against you, and they won't start now.”
As for her, she wanted people to know. Now that Gray was back in her lifeânow that they were back in each other's hearts againâshe wanted the whole world to know. Wanted the whole enchilada. Every part of him. Even the part that used to love God but now wavered with doubt.
“Do you have doubts?” she asked in response to his question about announcing that they were back together.
He adjusted the grocery bag in his arm. “Not about you.”
Meaning he had doubts about the faith thing. Being honest with herself, she had to admit she was uncertain whether he'd ever come back to God. The possibility saddened her. But there was no doubt he loved her, even if he had trouble saying it at times.
“If you're uncomfortable mentioning we're back together again,” she said, “we can just let it slide for now.”
Save the announcement until after they'd had a chance to test their newly revived relationship. See if it would last.
He shook his head and set the bag at his feet. Then he pulled her to him and played with a tendril of hair that fell to her shoulder. “They're going to know, whether we tell them or not.”
Ruthie glanced over his shoulder at a movement in the store window and thought that if he continued to hold her this close in publicâa situation that certainly appealed to herâfriends wouldn't need a Sherlock Holmes hat to figure out that something was going on between them.
He seemed to be tiptoeing through land mines, not telling her exactly what he wanted. She supposed he was feeling vulnerable, but she wanted to make sure they were on the same page. And she wanted to know he was certain about what they were reigniting. If he was certain enough to tell her friends, then she would have every confidence there was no doubt in his mind about their picking up where they left off.
“Would you rather people not know?” she persisted. She held her breath. On the one hand, she could understand any reluctance he might have, but on the other, she'd be hurt and maybe a little angry if he wanted to keep their relationship hidden.
Gray dropped his hand from her shoulder and captured her hand. “It's a big step to take, and I want us to be aware that it's a step. Not just trip over it.” He paused a moment and looked down at his feet. After a moment, he met her gaze again. “I understand how much I hurt you with that letter. I don't want to hurt you again. If it would be better keeping this quiet rather than have people watch us under a microscope, then I should not attend today's Sunset Blessings with you.”
For a second it seemed as though he was backing away again, but the earnestness in his eyes told her his concern was only for her. She squeezed his hand. “I really want you with me, but only if you're ready. I won't push you.”
Although she didn't say it aloud, the implication was clear that she wouldn't push religion on him, either.
He smiled and stepped away to open the door. Inside, he looped his arm around her shoulder and walked with her back to the Sunset Blessings gathering.
* * *
The next day, Cali met Gray at the door of his grandparents' home. Her tail wagged in greeting, and she opened her mouth in a goofy smile.
He rubbed her neck and slid a hand down her side, taking in how well the shoulder injury was healing. “Hey there, gal. You been entertaining Pop and Sobo?”
The dog danced happily and led him to Sobo's temporary bedroom, where numerous voices filtered out into the hall. As he approached, he could see there were more than a half dozen people standing around her bedâthe next-door neighbor and a couple of ladies from church chatting with Sobo, his parents and uncle talking to each other and Pastor John murmuring something to Ruthie and Popâand all their voices melded together in a pleasant din. It sounded like a party.
From his vantage point at the door, he saw Sobo propped up in the rented hospital bed. Even from this distance, her complexion was noticeably healthier than it had been a few days ago. Rosier than it had been when he saw her Monday evening after dropping Pop off at church. Now everyone claimed her abrupt turnaround to be a blessing from God as a reward for the earnestness of their prayers. But he knew better. Though he believed Sobo's sudden improvement to be mere coincidenceâprobably due to happen at that time with or without the addition of prayersâhe was sincerely relieved to see her looking so much better.
He and Pop had brought Sobo home from the hospital this morning, and Gray had promised to stop by this evening to check on her progress. Maybe stay the night to help Pop care for her. With plenty of TLC and a bit of luck, she should be back on her feet in a month or so.
Cali led the way into the room, her tail held high as she threaded her way among the visitors to put herself within reach of Sobo's small hand where it hung over the bed rail. At the touch of Cali's fur against her fingertips, his grandmother smiled and rumpled the dog's ears.
Sobo looked up from the brown dog, met his gaze and her smile widened. She lifted her hand from the dog and beckoned him in.
He wondered whether the small room could hold another person but eased his way in anyway and stood beside Ruthie. “Hey,” he said to Sobo in particular and to everyone else in general. “What's going on?”
Pop swept a hand toward his wife. “Your grandmother's friends rallied around her during the rough time. She thought it only right that they share her joy over her recovery.” Pop slanted a wink at him. “Besides, I think she was ready for some company.”
“That's great.” Gray found it encouraging that she wanted friends and family around her, but she needed her rest, too. “Let's just make sure she doesn't get overtired.”
Sharon, Sobo's friend from the Bible study group, turned and addressed his concern. “Everybody just got here a few minutes ago. We'll keep it short.”
Ruthie reached for him, and he took her small hand in his. He had missed this. Missed turning to her no matter what was happening in their lives and always finding her there. Missed her smiles during the good times and the little line of concern between her eyebrows when they shared their troubles. The Sunset Blessings gathering and Sobo's return home today were good ways to restart that.
“Yes, we need to let Naoko get her rest,” Pastor John said. “Before we go, let's all join hands and take a moment to offer our thanks for her return home and ask for continued healing.”
Around the room hands linked up. He and Ruthie were already holding hands, and now Pastor John reached toward him to complete the circle.
Gray looked down at the outstretched hand. Part of him wanted to join with the others and participate in giving thanks. All he had to do was simply take Pastor John's hand, just as he did with Ruthie. Left or right, it shouldn't make any difference. Unable to move either toward or away from the preacher, he stood in place as if paralyzed.
Involuntarily, he thought of Jakey. What did his buddy have to be thankful for? That God had ignored him despite his desperate pleas for help? And why did these people think God had anything to do with Sobo's healing? Though he was glad she felt well enough to come home, as far as he was concerned, her improvement had been a result of excellent medical care, rest and time. That she perked up so dramatically after their prayers was mere coincidence.
Ruthie clamped her fingers tightly around his hand and beseeched him with her eyes.
Stay. I'll cover you.
He had no doubt she would pipe up and pray aloud in his place if they should go around the room adding individual praises and requests. But he couldn't do that. Couldn't be a hypocrite and stand here while everyone assumed he still bought in to their beliefs.
“I'll start,” Pop said, perhaps to take attention away from the preacher and others staring at him as he stood there, mute and unmoving. “Dear heavenly Father, we thank You forâ”
While all their heads were bowed, Gray pulled away from Ruthie's grasp and left the room.
* * *
Ruthie found Gray in the kitchen, feeding Cali a deviled egg that had been brought by one of Sobo's friends.
Gray didn't move to acknowledge her presence. Just leaned back against the counter, popped one of the paprika-sprinkled treats into his mouth, then wiped his lips with the back of his hand.
“One thing about those church ladies,” he said, his gaze fixed on Cali, who eagerly awaited another bite of egg. “They sure know how to cook.”
Ignoring the sour tone in his voice, she closed the distance between them and put her arms around him. He was hurting, and he clearly didn't know how to release it. She could turn her own cares over to God, but now that Gray had evicted God from his life, who did he have to turn to? His family? Their thoughts were currently focused on taking care of Sobo.
Her? She sighed. She didn't have the knowledge or training to help him through his pain. Knowing now what she did about the incident that had shaken his faith, she couldn't blame him for questioning why God hadn't saved the young man that Gray felt so responsible for.
“I know you only want what's best for Sobo,” she said, and the words muffled against his shirt. She accepted that he was giving what he could. He had come over here tonight to check on his grandmother and help in whatever way he knew how. The group prayer had been too much, too soon.
Gray rubbed circles on her back with the palm of his hand. Although his touch was lazy and light, his arms felt stiff around her.
“It's okay,” she continued. “Everyone knows you love her and want her to recover, too. You don't have to pray for me to know that about you.”
As if he'd been holding himself together by mere force of will, Gray suddenly relaxed. “Thank you for that. It means a lot.”
She stepped away and met his gaze. “Please tell me you didn't think I followed you in here to hit you over the head with a Bible.” She frowned. “Did you?”
He moved away from the counter and started to pull the plastic wrap back over the eggs. Cali's watchful brown eyes followed his every move.
“The thought crossed my mind,” he admitted with a sardonic laugh. “I'm sure my parents, uncle and the preacher gave it serious consideration.”
Cali sat on her haunches, begging for the treat he carried to the refrigerator.
“Sorry, gal. Don't want you to get high cholesterol.”
When the begging didn't work, Cali lowered her nose and covered her muzzle with her paws in the way she'd learned over the past week.
Gray stopped and held the refrigerator door open. His mouth slacked open, and he stared at the dog. “Don't tell me. You actually taught her toâ”
“Savannah did,” she admitted reluctantly. “She said if Cali could beg for food, she should also give thanks for it.”
On hearing her name, Cali woofed and repeated the doggy prayer.
Gray twisted his mouth and stared down at the cute little beggar. “Sorry, girl. Prayers don't work.”
Ruthie's heart tightened even as his expression softened a little. He reached under the plastic wrap to retrieve another half egg to give her. “Consider this a coincidence.”
The grateful dog accepted the treat, and Gray returned the rest of the eggs to the cold refrigerator.
This was going to be a long uphill battle.
Chapter Ten
O
ver the next couple of weeks, Gray's life seemed to fill with sunshine and roses. Okay, so he wasn't normally a gooey sentimentalist, but he sure liked the way his life was going right now. His life with Ruthie.
“After your grandmother is up and around again,” Savannah said, “you should bring her and Mr. Bristow to a Sunset Blessings event.”
Gray smiled and nodded his thanks. “I'm sure they'd like that.”
Although he and Ruthie hadn't been able to talk Amaya Kagawa into changing her mind and selling them the doll, Sobo hadn't yet noticed its absence. There were still a couple of days left until the aunt's birthday, which meant that even though it was unlikely they'd ever get the doll back, there was still a fraction of a chance Mrs. Kagawa might change her mind. For that reason, he had suggested to Ruthie that they hold off breaking the news to Sobo until after the aunt's party.
“She's getting stronger every day and has even started walking a few steps across the room with her walker.
“That's awesome.”
He accompanied her to Milk & Honey, where Paisley added sliced peaches to a pitcher of iced tea.
On a less-than-sunshine-and-roses note, Paisley gave him an update regarding the camouflage-wearing prowler that had been spotted again in their neighborhood. “Cali's been on edge,” she said. “Sometimes she goes to the back door or a window and whines.”
Gray had no doubt that only made the humans in the house more antsy. Ruthie and her roommates were understandably nervous, and he had taken to driving by their house to check on them every time he was in the area.
“You have my number,” he reminded the women. “Call me anytime anything seems unusual, even if you think you're overreacting.” He had already given the same instruction to Ruthie, but he suspected she might be reluctant to call on him. With her roommates on board with calling him, she might be less concerned about bothering him with what seemed like small worries.
He picked up the pitchers of peach iced tea Paisley had made for tonight's Sunset Blessings event and carried them to the yard behind the Abundance shops where Ruthie, friends, neighbors and a couple of customers had gathered.
Savannah set down some potato salad she'd made and playfully poked him with her elbow. “I knew you'd come in handy around here,” she teased. “With muscles like those, it would be a shame not to put them to work.”
Just for fun, he flexed his arm. Savannah touched the back of her hand to her forehead and pretended to swoon, then dashed back to Milk & Honey to help bring out the rest of the goodies.
He had dreaded the reactions of Ruthie's friends to the news that they were back together as a couple. But Ruthie had insisted that everybody had been pulling for them all along, and it couldn't have been more true.
She'd invited him to dinner at her house, where it had been planned they would announce to her friends that they were back on again, even if their engagement wasn't. That would take some time, but for now, she clearly wanted the blessings of the friends whose opinions mattered so much to her.
They had asked questions, sure. And he had answered them all carefully, giving a shortened version of the incident that had shaken his faith and assuring them that his intentions toward Ruthie were not only honorable but filled with love.
After that he and Ruthie were the golden couple. Pop and Sobo couldn't have been happier. Same with his parents and sister. Soon he and Ruthie were spending time together almost every day, which also meant spending more time with the people in her life. They were melding their lives and friends together. Melding everything but church. He actually found he enjoyed this newfound social life. And he was glad Ruthie was upholding her end of the bargain, offering no pressure whatever.
Officer Worth rode up right on schedule, and Gray lifted his chin in acknowledgment, but he wasn't the one in the crowd that the mounted policeman was looking for. He grinned and turned to go back inside and see if his muscles were still in demandâand maybe steal a kiss from Ruthie, who had gone inside with Savannah for the napkins and forksâonly to be stopped by a friendly but heavy-handed punch to his shoulder.
“Dude! The Classic Car Club is having a cruise-in at the Steak & Brake tomorrow night.” Matt Springer owned the shop across the street and sold classic-auto supplies and memorabilia. He was the one who'd provided the security tape of the parking lot and identified the make and model of Mrs. Kagawa's car. “You want to come?”
Although Gray had gone to Springer's shop to ask about the woman who'd bought Sobo's doll, they'd bonded over their mutual fascination with her classic Mazda Coupe. He thought about the self-defense class he had arranged to teach Ruthie and her friends after work. “I've got something going on tomorrow evening. I might show up for a little while afterward, though.”
“Cool. Maybe I'll see you there.”
Yep, he definitely liked this new turn his life had taken. He had not had much of a social life for so long that he hadn't realized what he'd been missing. Hadn't realized he'd been craving what others enjoyed as normal. Most of all, he hadn't recognized that a portion of the ache he'd attributed to Jakey's death had actually been the result of Ruthie's absence.
Because of what had happened overseas, he had thought he would never fit in here again. With that one stupid letter he'd written to Ruthie, he had given up everything. He had expected never to have this charmed life back. Now he had everything. He had Ruthie. He had hope.
The back door burst open, and Ruthie and Savannah joined the rest of the crowd at the picnic table. He reached out and pulled Ruthie to him for the sunset blessing before the eating began.
* * *
Ruthie snuggled under Gray's arm and bowed her head while Paisley said grace. She'd never realized she could love a person this much. The love they'd experienced before, though rich and real, paled in comparison to what they had now.
For one, they were older. More seasoned. Though she hadn't realized it while they were going through their time apart, they had needed that time to grow emotionally. To learn how to handle this more mature relationship. What they'd had before had been fresh and tender, vulnerable to the lashings life would give them. This was different. It was so much more.
She peeked over at Gray, aware that he merely stared down at his shoes, but at least he was here. At least he cared enough to go through the motions. The basics were there to build upon.
Most of the basics. The only cloud on the horizon was Gray's refusal to return to God. She wanted to know with a certainty that it would happen. That he would remember why he had believed in God in the first place.
But what if he didn't remember? Not that he'd asked again, but would she marry him even if he never went back to his faith? Such a disparity would certainly affect their day-to-day lives. In fact, it already had. Although they had taken the subject of faith off the table for now, they sure tiptoed around whenever talk turned to the church members who delivered meals to his grandparents. And it felt stifling not to be able to discuss with him the fascinating tidbits she learned at Wednesday-night Bible study. Could Ruthie be content in a relationship where every conversation was filtered until devoid of all godly topics? And on a more practical level, how long could she continue saving important but off-limits topics to discuss with Savannah or one of the others?
Deep down in her heart, she wanted Gray to believe again. If their relationship was to survive, it had to happen.
* * *
At the self-defense lesson the next evening, Ruthie noticed that Daisy seemed more comfortable in Gray's presence than she had that first night. A big reason for that change might have been the time she'd spent with him over the past couple of weekends, helping him with some backlogged filing and data entry that the regular receptionist hadn't been able to get to.
“Y'all have gotta hear this,” Daisy said.
The girl put her cell phone on speaker and queued up her voice mail. A man's voice introduced himself as the personnel manager at the local power company and said the department supervisor had been very impressed by her recent interview for the administrative assistant position at the company. He indicated he would like for her to start work the week after graduation and to please call him as soon as possible to discuss the salary, benefits and other details.
The room burst into applause and cheers, and everyone celebrated as if the accomplishment was their own. For in a way, it was. Ruthie wished they could have done even more to help, but Daisy's father was a proud man, and he had a hard time accepting their generosity.
“You deserve it,” Gray said. “And the power company is fortunate to have such a hard worker coming on board.”
Savannah's enthusiasm bubbled almost as high as Daisy's. “Honey, I hope you called that man back right away and told him you want at least ten percent more than he offered.”
Daisy grinned. “I did, thanks to Gray's coaching. And I listed all the reasons why I was worth it.” She pushed her hair behind her shoulder in a playful show of haughty victory. “It was a no-go for the extra ten percent, but after he looked over my school accomplishments again, he agreed to meet me in the middle for the salary.”
After a few more minutes of congratulations and good wishes, the group's attention turned back to the reason for their gathering. Gray kept insisting that the best defense was a good escape. But just in case any of them found themselves in a position where they couldn't get away from someone intent on harming them, he demonstrated some moves that would allow a smaller person to take down a larger one.
Despite Paisley's initial reluctance to participate when they started more than two weeks ago, she had soon warmed up to the training and was actually becoming good at it. Nikki, being more athletic than the rest, proved the best at following through on the moves Gray showed them, and Savannah's giggles and jokes at her own missteps kept everyone else laughing. Daisy followed through on Gray's instructions with a hint of hero worship in her eyes.
Ruthie's performance was the worst. She kept getting distracted by the instructor. She certainly understood the appeal he held for her young friend. His confidence and positive encouragement compelled everyone to give him their full attention. Which she happily did.
Once again, Gray paired them up, and every so often he surprise attacked one of them in an attempt to drive home the point that they needed to stay aware of their surroundings and the people around them. On the occasions when someone attempted the takedown maneuver on their “attacker,” none was able to best him. But he merely used the failed incident to drive home his awareness message and the importance of avoiding a confrontation in the first place or escaping rather than fighting back.
“You never know when the pedestrian on the sidewalk near you may turn and do something unexpected,” he said. “Be prepared.”
The rest of them left in Savannah's car to return Daisy to her father, then head back to their own homes. Ruthie had no idea where the father and daughter would sleep tonight, which made her ever more grateful for the job that awaited her young friend. Although she and her roommates had done everything they could within their limited means to help, the father's circumstances and pride prevented him from accepting their generosity. And even though they had offered to let Daisy sleep on their couch, she refused to leave her father. Ruthie prayed the pair would soon have an apartment of their own and that Daisy would never need to use the self-defense skills Gray had been teaching them.
Ruthie could have ridden home with the others, but Gray had insisted on driving her despite the classic-car cruise-in he planned to attend later tonight. She appreciated that he wanted to draw out his time with her.
They were picking up their belongings to leave when Gray grabbed her purse from the end table and quickly turned toward her. Sensitized to his ongoing message to be constantly aware of the actions of others, she went into defense mode. A split second later, with the purse swinging toward her, she lunged to one side to escape.
Gray reacted with a speed she had never seen before. As if by reflex, he swept his leg toward hers. In the next fraction of a second, all she noticed was the intensity of his gaze. The fierce determination to stop her. If she had seen that expression on a stranger's face, she would have been frightened. But in that short flicker of time, the only emotion she could register was confusion. And in the next half flicker, his expression changed to one that matched her own puzzled reaction.
Her knees buckled under the unexpected action, and the momentum took her down like a sapling felled by Paul Bunyan. Unfortunately, she fell like a heavy oak, landing first on her thigh and hip, then feeling the jolt of the floor against her side and arm.
Winded, she stayed where she had fallen and totally forgot about the escape portion of the lesson. All she could think to do at the moment was to drag precious air into her lungs.
Gray rushed to her side, knelt down and pressed a big hand against her shoulder to keep her from trying to get up too soon. “Hold on a sec. Let's see if there are any injuries.”
His eyes, filled with such intensity only a second before, now revealed wide black pupils that took in her physical condition and mirrored back to her a large dose of fear. Fear of himself. Of what he'd done to her, apparently without realizing it.
“I'm so sorry.” He repeated the words over and over, as if they might somehow undo his reflexive action. “I went to hand you the purse, and when you jumped at me, Iâ”
He cut himself off and gently helped her up.
“It's okay,” she assured him, her voice strangely small after having the air knocked out of her. “I misunderstood. I thought you were continuing the âbe prepared for anything' lesson.”