Love Inspired May 2015 #1 (16 page)

“No, I really don't. But since you asked so nicely,” she said in her growly voice, “you need to remember that she is going through a lot. She's just thirty, and in the last eighteen months she's fought cancer, lost the ability to have more children and then decided to share her daughter with you. That's a lot of loss. And before you say it, gaining you doesn't make up for everything.”

“I wasn't going to say that.”

Ned smirked at him from across the workstation. “But your big old ego was thinking it, boss. Just take my word for it, women like romance.”

He popped an olive in his mouth. “I can do romance. Really, I can.”

“You don't have a clue.” Ned left the kitchen.

Duke let out a sigh, part relieved and part fed up. To himself he could admit, yeah, he was clueless. He could be charming when it suited his purposes.

But he obviously didn't know how to propose. He was starting to wonder if he really knew anything about women.

Chapter Sixteen

S
aturday evening Oregon drove her car through the gates of the rodeo grounds and found a parking space in the grass. Sissy had come along, after deciding to spend one more week getting acquainted. Joe had gone back to Dallas. It seemed strange to have him gone. She'd gotten used to his visits to her shop, to seeing him walking through town, helping at church. He'd assured her he'd be back from time to time. She knew it would change things. He would no longer be the mystery that no one could figure out. He would visit as her dad.

Joe was gone. And Lilly had gone to the rodeo with Duke.

Oregon took a deep breath and let it go. Tonight was about relaxing with her sister and forgetting that next week she would hear from the doctor's office concerning the biopsy.

“There's Duke and Lilly.” Sissy pointed to the row of trucks and horse trailers at the back of the property.

Oregon turned off her car and sat for a moment. Sometimes she wondered if she was making a mistake, turning down his proposal. She'd never considered marrying. She'd never wanted to take the chance of someone walking out on her. What she couldn't explain to Duke was that the biggest reason she had for turning him down was Lilly. She didn't want her daughter to be collateral damage in their relationship. She didn't want Lilly to know the pain when someone walked away. Duke was wonderful but there were no sure things in life.

No matter what, she would protect her daughter.

She wouldn't let Lilly be her, always wondering if something would last or if it would end like everything else had ended. Her baggage, not her daughter's. She closed her eyes against the wave of past hurts.

“He's a sweet guy.” Sissy's voice reached through the darker thoughts that had somehow taken hold.

Oregon smiled at her sister. “I know. A person wouldn't think that by looking at him, would they?”

“Maybe not. But he loves Lilly, and I think he'd do just about anything to make her happy.”

“Yes, I think he would, too.” Even marry her mother. She had to give him that. He was willing to give up his bachelor ways for Lilly's happiness.

He'd already done so much for them. He'd given them a home. He was in their lives, almost daily. He'd held Oregon when she needed to be held. His kisses made her feel as if she was still a whole woman.

She had to stop thinking that way. She was alive. She had a beautiful daughter. And her heart thought Duke Martin might be The One.

“Oregon, are you okay?”

Oregon nodded. “I'm good. Just need a moment.”

“I understand.”

They made their way to the trailer where Duke was saddling his big gray gelding. The horse stomped at the flies buzzing his legs and turned his head to nip at his side. Duke pushed his head back and gave the girth strap a pull. The horse stomped his back leg and turned that big head to nip at Duke's sleeve.

“Listen, Animal, I've had enough of your bad manners.” Duke pushed the horse's head back again. Lilly, sitting on a nearby lawn chair, laughed. Duke winked at his daughter, then he gave a slight nod to Oregon and Sissy.

Oregon watched her daughter and Duke as they joked and laughed while he finished up with his horse. Watching them, it was obvious they were becoming a father and daughter. And from the way he wasn't looking at her, it was obvious that maybe he'd taken her at her word and was giving her space.

Next to her Sissy whistled. Oregon looked at her, surprised by the uncharacteristic gesture from someone who normally seemed so composed.

“What was that?” Oregon asked.

Sissy turned a little pink. “I...well... There.” She pointed to a cowboy a few trailers down. His blond hair was a little longer than average, and his jeans were holey. He grinned their way, and Oregon was sure he winked.

“That's trouble, if you ask me,” Duke said as he reached to untie his horse. “His name is Dale Trueblood, and he's been in more trouble than I can list.”

Sissy didn't seem fazed.

Brody joined them a few minutes later, limping but happier than Oregon had seen him in the past six months or so. He grinned, tipping his hat in greeting.

“You're not riding bulls tonight, are you?” Oregon asked.

“Nope. My bull-riding days are over.” He patted Duke's horse on the rump. “I'm just here to help. I'm not even doing any roping.”

Oregon looked from Brody to Duke. Duke just shrugged. “I'm going to warm this guy up.”

She watched him go and tried to tell herself that this distance between them was what she wanted. If that was true, then why did it hurt so much?

With a lot of effort, she managed to smile at her sister.

“We should go find seats. Lilly, are you going with us?”

She already knew the answer to that question. Lilly would stay with Duke and watch the rodeo from back here. Oregon knew it wouldn't be long before Lilly would be here on a horse of her own. But Lilly would have more than one summer of playing cowgirl. That thought lightened Oregon's mood.

“I'm staying. Is that okay? I mean, I could sit with you.”

“No, you stay here with your dad.” Oregon hugged her daughter tight and then let go. Because that's what a mom did. They learned to let go. Children grew up, and letting go was part of the process.

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Oregon walked away, fighting the tears that were also a part of letting go.

Sissy bumped a shoulder against Oregon's. “She's a great kid.”

“Yes, she is.”

“Duke isn't taking her. He's just filling in the place where a dad belongs.”

Oregon looked at her younger sister. “You are great to have around. Thank you.”

They found Breezy in the bleachers with the twins. Rosie and Violet waved and started to jabber as soon as they saw Oregon. Oregon sat next to Breezy, Violet on her lap, Sissy on her other side. Across the arena she could see the trailer where Lilly waited for Duke. She saw him ride up on the horse named Animal. He leaned down and a moment later, Lilly appeared in the saddle behind him.

She hugged Violet tight. This was her family. And it worked.

* * *

Duke pulled back on the reins and glanced over his shoulder at his daughter. “You good back there?”

“I'm good.” She grabbed the sides of his shirt when Animal side-hopped a little. “He's a big horse.”

“He is, but he's not going to do anything he shouldn't. He might act a little ornery, but he knows he has to obey.”

“I trust you.”

Those words went straight to his heart. His daughter trusted him.

“Is your mom in the stands?” He rode up to the arena.

She nodded against his shoulder but held on tight.

A young woman rode to the center and faced the crowds. She held the American flag high, and the crowds stood for the national anthem. Duke removed his hat and held it to his chest. It didn't matter how many times he heard it and took part in the ceremony, or how old he got—the song and what it meant moved him.

He'd seen that flag fly over lands where some people would just as soon blow it up as look at it. And yet the flag still flew, and brave men and women still fought for freedom. Freedom for other people, other lands. Yeah, that meant a lot.

When that song played, he didn't care who saw the tears in his eyes.

After the national anthem, there was a prayer. And then it was time for the rodeo. Duke put his hat back on his head, pushing it down a little. People in the stands cheered. Animal stomped his mammoth-sized hooves and swung his head, ready for some calf roping.

“Do you want me to let you off here so you can join your mom?” he asked Lilly before he turned the horse back toward the trailer.

“Yeah, sure.”

He took her arm and let her slide to the ground. True to form, Animal stood as still as a statue. The big horse might act up once in a while, but he knew when to be serious. Lilly rubbed the horse's head and smiled up at Duke.

“Someday I'm going to ride him,” she announced with a confident look. And he didn't doubt it.

“Someday. But not until you've been riding your own horse a little while.”

“Deal.” She waved, then headed for her mom in the stands. He scanned the crowd and spotted Oregon. He raised a hand to the brim of his hat and tipped his head. She waved, but then Breezy said something and she looked away.

He turned Animal and headed for Jake, Brody and a group of locals who were standing together looking at a horse. He rode up next to Brody. Duke tried to remember the last time he'd seen his brother on a horse.

“What's going on?” Duke asked.

“Jim Bailer is selling this mare. He said he doesn't need her now that his daughter is married.”

Duke looked the mare over and nodded. “Nice horse. You going to buy her?”

“Nope.”

“When was the last time you got on a horse?”

“Can't remember.” Brody started to walk away. Duke followed on Animal. “You can stop following me.”

Duke reined his horse in and swung to the ground. “I'm not following. I'm walking the same direction.”

“You have a kid. I'm not that kid. If you want to give me a break, that would be good.”

“Brody, she doesn't want to be found.” The words slipped out, not at all what he was planning to say.

Brody spun around and stared him down. “Just because your life is messed up, and you can't seem to make a woman give you the time of day, doesn't mean you have to stick your nose in my business.”

“This isn't your business, Brody, it's all of ours. Sylvia Martin isn't interested in being a mother. Finding her won't change that.”

“How do you know?” Brody took off his hat and swept a hand through his dark hair.

“Because I found her once about fourteen years ago. She laughed and told me I was wasting my time trying to drag her back to this one-horse town and a bunch of ungrateful...” He stopped but he should have quit talking a little sooner. Brody wasn't a kid, but he was still that little boy that Sylvia Martin had left when he still needed her to tuck him in at night.

“You should have told me.” Brody's voice was low, steady, controlled. “I deserved to know.”

“You were twelve, and Sam was nine. I wanted Sylvia back for your sakes. I wasn't about to tell you that she wouldn't come.”

“Where is she now?”

Duke shook his head. “Who really knows or cares?”

From the look on his face, he knew the answer to that question. Brody cared. At twenty-six, he still cared. He thought about his own daughter and how she might have grown up not knowing him, always wondering who he was and where he was.

Oregon had made sure their daughter didn't go through that.

“Brody, I'm sorry.” He reached for his brother's arm.

Brody shook him off and shot him an angry glare. “I don't need your apologies. I'm going to find her. She's going to explain to me how she could walk out on her kids.”

At that, Brody marched away. Duke swung himself back into the saddle and watched him go. He didn't know how to fix this, how to make things better for his brother.

Promise me she'll come back, Duke.

Brody had made him promise that over twenty years ago. And Duke had promised because he'd been a kid, too. He'd wanted to make his little brother feel better about being tucked in by him, letting him believe their mother would come back someday and resume her place in their lives.

Another promise he hadn't kept.

Why did promises make him think of Oregon Jeffries in the stands with his daughter? Maybe because he couldn't remember if he had made her promises thirteen years ago. Did this rodeo remind her of the night they first met?

Had he promised to look her up? Instead, he'd blacked out and forgotten everything, including her face, her name and the fact that he might have a baby on the way.

He had a lot of regrets, and at that moment, what he'd done to her was at the top of the list.

She deserved a man who wouldn't let her down. He was going to be that man. Or die trying.

Chapter Seventeen

M
onday and Tuesday passed without hearing from the doctor's office. By Wednesday Oregon was going insane. She had said goodbye to Sissy that morning, the two of them promising to visit each other often. After Sissy left, Lilly hurried across the street to Duke's.

That had become their routine. Oregon went to work each morning at her shop. Lilly went to Duke's and spent time with him. Usually around noon, she showed up at Oregon's shop with lunch for them both. Oregon needed to tell Duke that he didn't have to feed her. It had become his habit, to feed her lunch. Sometimes in the evenings she got home from work to find dinner in the oven or in the slow cooker.

Not that she complained much. Duke was a better cook than she was.

But she wasn't his responsibility. That's what she needed for him to understand. Before he attempted another proposal, she had to make him understand. To Duke Martin she was just another responsibility. She was a promise he thought he could keep. He could take care of them, make them feel safe, provide for them.

For some silly reason tears slid down her cheeks. Hormones. She brushed at the dampness and went back to work on the Christmas ornaments she needed to paint. Yes, Christmas was six months away. But people would start buying ornaments in October. She wanted to have a surplus.

The phone rang. She reached for it, her hand shaking, her heart painfully thumping in her chest. She answered, waited, listened to the nurse on the other end. And then she said a polite “thank you” and dropped the phone. Tears blurred her vision, and she couldn't think. She needed air. She needed to breathe. She stood and when she started for the back door, she saw Duke, a Styrofoam container in his hand. He didn't move.

“I need to go outside,” she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Where's Lilly?”

“She's at the diner with Ned's niece.” He put the container down on a table and reached for her. She couldn't let him touch her, not yet. “Oregon?”

She shook her head and kept walking. “Give me a minute.”

He followed her to the back room where she stopped at the screen door. Duke touched her shoulder, and she wanted to fall into his embrace and let him hold her. But she wouldn't fall apart. She didn't have to fall apart. She took a deep, shaky breath.

“I'm cancer-free.”

He pulled her close. She could hear his heart pounding, and she felt him sigh loudly.

“We're going to celebrate tonight.” He continued to hold her. “Steaks on the grill. My place.”

“You don't have to.”

“I want to.” He raised her hand to his lips and held it there. “I need to.”

Oregon looked up, unsure of what she saw in his eyes. Whatever it was, it scared her. Thrilled her. Made her want to stay and figure it out. But she knew she shouldn't. What connected them was Lilly. And that wasn't enough. Not for her. Not when she knew her heart wanted more from him. She wanted the whole package. She wanted love and forever with this man.

She didn't want promises to be there for her. She didn't want this to be about not letting them down. She wanted his heart, his love.

And she hadn't allowed herself to think about that before because fear had held her back, making her only think about keeping Lilly secure.

“Oregon, please, come to dinner. Lilly and I will head home at five and get everything ready.”

For some reason she nodded. She had planned on telling him she couldn't, she had other things to do. Instead, she said she would be there.

“Your lunch is in there. Don't forget to eat.” He leaned, brushing a kiss across her lips. She closed her eyes, wishing. But what good did wishing do?

“Thank you. And you can tell Lilly for me, okay?”

“I will. She hasn't said anything, but I know she's been worried.”

Oregon nodded in agreement and watched him go. After he left she gave herself a good lecture for accepting his invitation. She should have said no. From now on she would say no. They would have to figure out how to parent together without letting the lines get smudged.

Father. Mother. Daughter. But not a family.

* * *

Duke heard the car door slam, and then Daisy barked a greeting, not a warning. It would be Oregon. He hadn't invited her here before. There hadn't been a reason not to; they had just always met at the cottage.

When he met her at the door she handed him a bottle of sparkling juice. He took the gift and leaned to kiss her cheek. He fought the urge to do more, to pull her close and kiss her. It wasn't time for that. Not yet.

“Where's Lilly?” Oregon stepped into the living room and looked around. “This is nice. I really wasn't expecting shabby chic in a bachelor home.”

He grinned as he looked around the living room with the painted wood floors and overstuffed furniture he'd gotten cheap secondhand. “I didn't know the style, just knew that it was comfortable.”

“And my daughter?”

“She's with Breezy and Jake.”

“But she was supposed to be here, too, wasn't she?”

“Oregon, I wanted tonight to be about us.”

“Us?” she whispered. “Duke, there is no us. We have a daughter together, but...”

If she kept going, he wouldn't have a chance. He took her by the hand and led her to the kitchen. White painted cabinets, dark countertops that were almost indestructible and French doors that led to the deck. He hadn't really thought about it when he'd been remodeling and finishing things up over the past month, but it had become a family home, a place where a couple could raise a kid or two and be happy.

Lately he'd been thinking a lot about them in this house together. He'd thought about Oregon when he knocked out a wall between two bedrooms to create a master suite with a sitting room.

He'd thought about her as he stocked the kitchen, as he finished the library. He'd been thinking about her a lot.

“Something smells good.”

He grinned. “Homemade cheesecake.”

“I love cheesecake. But why did you take up cooking? I mean, I see you outside with horses and cattle. But cooking?”

“You think a rancher can't make a mean cheesecake, or grill up an amazing steak?” He opened the oven door and pulled out the cheesecake.

“It fits you. The diner fits you. But why did you decide to come home and open a diner?”

He leaned against the counter and studied the woman at the table. Some things just didn't make sense. Like how, all of a sudden, he couldn't think of a day without her in it.

“When I got home from Afghanistan, I started drinking again. Marty, the housekeeper we've had for years, put a stop to that. She said she'd dragged me out of the bottle once, and I wasn't going back in. So she put me to work in the kitchen with her. Kneading bread. Great therapy.”

“She's a great lady. I think Joe has taken her out to dinner a few times.”

“I think he has. And I couldn't agree more that she's great. After I got sober, I moved into the cottage and started renovating this place. And I baked. I cooked. It helped me sort my thoughts and get my head on straight. It helped me stay sober. That's why I bought the old diner and opened Duke's.”

“I understand. I do what I do because when I was a teenager, art and sewing were things I could take with me wherever I went. No matter what kind of crazy existence my mom wanted, I had a refuge in art.”

Duke opened the door to the deck. Heat flowed in. “I'm going to turn the steaks. Baked potatoes and salad are ready. I have a loaf of French bread warmed up.”

“What can I do?”

He shrugged and smiled down at her. Her gray eyes locked with his, wary, unsure. “Keep me company.”

She followed him outside. Duke turned the steaks and glanced at his watch. “Six more minutes.”

Oregon moved to his side. Her gaze flicked to the field and then to him. “Duke, I need to know what's going on.”

Duke glanced at his watch again. Sometimes things didn't go the way a man planned. He could time it to perfection, have it all organized, then a string got pulled and everything unraveled.

A month ago he never would have pictured himself in this moment with her.

“Oregon, I want to marry you.” He tipped her chin so that she looked up at him. “I want to have a life with you and with my daughter.”

“I can't. Duke, I can't do this.”

He had expected that. He'd planned for it.

“I think you've convinced yourself you can't. I think you have ideas about being a woman, about being whole and about having more children. I understand all of those doubts you've bottled up and held on to. But I'm telling you, Oregon Jeffries, I want to marry you.”

She shook her head and walked away.

That was something he hadn't planned.