“Come inside and sleep properly.”
Nikolas resisted. “No, I want to stay outside. I don’t like to sleep in there. Too many—I prefer the sun.”
Ben relented and let him lie down on the grass in the shade of a tree. Nikolas put an arm over his face and prepared to endure the pain. Ben left him alone for a couple of hours while he did some more admin and checked supplies, and then he woke him with a light meal of the rest of the fresh food. Nikolas turned slightly to favour his bad leg and propped himself up on one elbow. Bay lay down alongside him, feeding pieces of sausage to Radulf. Nikolas was watching him, a curious expression on his face. “So…Benjamin…you’ve taken advantage of my weakened state to make me talk too much about things I wouldn’t wish you to know, but you haven’t told me anything.” He glanced away for a moment. “I didn’t expect to see you again.”
There wasn’t much Ben could say to that. It spoke of betrayals and a life lived and sacrificed for other people who didn’t return those favours of sacrifice and love. Nikolas’s idea of love might be twisted and dark to some people’s view, but Ben understood it. It was why he was here now.
Ben stopped feeding the dog and caught his gaze. “You don’t get it, do you? Why would I not be here? Nothing has changed, Nik. I didn’t know anything about you before and I don’t know anything about you now. This thing…” He was never a great talker, not clever with words as Nikolas was, and he found it very hard to express what he wanted now. “This thing between us isn’t about that. It’s…” He frowned deeply, sensing the dark eyes upon him, waiting. “It’s like this house, Nik, yeah? I don’t know why I feel like I do when I’m here, but I feel at home, at peace, safe. And that’s how I feel with you, at home.”
“Hardly peaceful and safe, I would have thought.” There was a hint of teasing in his voice.
Ben acknowledged it ruefully. “No, not safe, but, hey, not looking for safe in my life. Wouldn’t have joined the army or the Regiment if I wanted safe.”
“So, I’m like an old, empty house? I’m immensely flattered, Benjamin.” Then he cocked his eyebrow. “But I do have a big chimney…”
Ben gave him a look. “You can drop the wise fatherly act,
Aleksey
. Jesus, all this time I thought you were so above me with your university degrees and your Royal Family crap…You’re no better than me. You’re a soldier, down and dirty in the mud and shit. Hell, you’re not even a sir.”
Nikolas huffed and appeared slightly affronted. Then he laughed delightedly, the first genuine sound Ben had heard from him in too long. “Arrogant child! I’m still far above—You just hit me! I’m seriously injured, and you hit me!” Ben caught his arms, pinning them above his head then straddled his waist, very careful not to actually set his weight down. He leant forward instead. Nikolas was still laughing. “I surrender. You’ve taken unfair advantage.” Ben still didn’t let him up but caught at his face instead and grazed their lips together. He pulled away fractionally, came back and used his tongue to seek entry. Nikolas granted it and they kissed hungrily until Nikolas groaned. “Stop, you will need more, and I’m—”
Ben silenced him with more kissing until he mouthed into Nikolas’s lips, “I have all I need right here, right now.”
Nikolas put his hands up and held Ben’s face. “I once told you that I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever said I love you to—which is true—but I’ve been thinking while I’ve been lying here today that maybe I always said it to the wrong people. I should have said it to you a long time ago, Benjamin, because I do—I love you.”
Completely overwhelmed by the import of Nikolas finally saying those three words, Ben rolled off silently. He clicked to the dog and pretended to be rearranging Radulf’s bandana to keep his gaze averted from Nikolas. He felt a hand on his back, just a touch, but it was enough to pull himself together and be steady enough to ask, “What are we going to do? When you’ve recovered.”
“I’ve been thinking about that as well. I’ve had a very thoughtful afternoon.” Nikolas sat up, staring at his leg. “Another week, and I will be healed enough. Then we must decide. We could, it is possible, disappear.” He suddenly darted a quick glace at Ben. “Should I be saying we or I?”
Ben gave him such a derisive glare that Nikolas turned away, but he was smiling with more genuine pleasure than Ben had seen on that beautiful face since he’d appeared, a dark shadow in the bedroom, only two nights ago.
Ben tapped Nik’s uninjured thigh to bring him back to the moment. “They’ll have traced all the accounts by now.”
“Of course. Those in this name. I have had many other names, and I have many other accounts.” He saw Ben’s questioning look and shrugged. “My—our—grandfather was Godtfred Mikkelsen? You have never heard of…? He was an industrialist, and at one time was named as one of the top ten wealthiest Danes—he was a billionaire, Ben. When he died and with his only daughter dead, Nika and I were his only living relatives. When Nika died on that balcony—huh, I died, I suppose I should say—I inherited…my own money. Hmm…that is an interesting thought I had never considered before. Perhaps I am neither Nikolas nor Aleksey but both of them now. Anyway, my point being I have it all. All the…” He lay down and closed his eyes.
Ben waited patiently for him to continue and when he didn’t, glanced over to see Nikolas had drifted off to sleep mid sentence. Ben smiled and turned on his side, his head propped up on his elbow, watching Nikolas sleep. He had an interesting new game now, tracing the things he was discovering in this familiar yet now wholly unfamiliar face. He couldn’t think now why he’d seen this man as a cool, remote diplomat. He was usually a very good judge of character—his job had demanded that he be. But he’d shaken hands with Sir Nikolas Mikkelsen over a desk in an impressive office in Whitehall and he’d never really questioned the mask that Nikolas had worn. He had been literally swept off his feet, of course. He hadn’t really been thinking about Nikolas with his brain since he’d met him. Always so overwhelmed with his passion for the man’s body, he’d never really thought about the person inside.
Or was that the exact opposite of the truth? Was that the opposite of what had happened? Perhaps, he alone, of all the people Nikolas—
Aleksey
—was fooling, had seen the truth right there at that first handshake. He’d seen
Aleksey
lurking beneath the aloof exterior, and he’d fallen for Aleksey not diplomat Nikolas. It was an amusing thought and Ben smiled as he traced the prominent cheekbones with a blade of grass. He’d seen the soldier, the warrior, the liar, the cheat, the murderer, the assassin, the torturer—he’d seen the beautiful boy with a spark of life too bright for any child to contain.
“What was I saying?” Ben jumped as Nikolas’s eyes snapped open, and he continued as if he’d merely closed his eyes for a moment to think. “Accounts. Why are you laughing? So, you see, money will never be a problem for us. We could disappear, as I said. Why is my head hurting?” Ben began to rub Nikolas’s temple with his thumb. Nikolas closed his eyes to the pleasure. “So we run. Find some out-of-the-way place and live out a life of comfortable debauchery.”
“You’ve got my vote, and I haven’t even heard the other plans.”
“Well, to be honest, I hadn’t thought much further than that. I believe I became sidetracked thinking about you, or rather thinking about debauching you. Is debauching a real word? I must improve my English. We could fight them, of course. This is a purely personal vendetta rather than an institutional one. The men in the house worked for Gregory Malenkov. He was an old colleague. Friend, I suppose.”
“Yeah, the one I tortured and set alight was very friendly at the end. Gregory sends his regards, by the way.”
“I had already assumed these bullets were his way of saying hello. So, one down and―”
“Two down.”
He shrugged. “The world is full of Chechens for hire.” He spat.
Ben gave him a tiny eye roll, the internal politics of Zaslon going above his head. “I’m still voting for the debauching option.”
“Hmm, I agree. But then we would have to live our lives waiting, constantly expecting to be found. It’s not a good way to live, trust me, I know. My head still hurts.” He pulled Ben down to lie on his chest, as if that would help his headache, and added, “There is a third viable option. After all, they are only men, and men only want one thing.”
“Blowjobs?”
Nikolas chuckled. “Well, you could offer that. Gregory would certainly enjoy it. I meant money.”
“Buy your freedom?”
“Yes. Why not? Money is very powerful. I’ve bought freedom before.”
“You think they’d keep their agreement? Leave you alone?”
“That would be the great gamble.”
“There’s one more option.”
Nikolas pulled Ben’s head up with a questioning look.
“You become Aleksey again.”
Nikolas was silent for a long time then said to clarify, “I die again.”
“They believed you were dead for ten years, and you almost got away with it for good.”
“Another accidental death wouldn’t be believed. There are only so many balconies one can fall off.”
“I wasn’t talking about an accident. I was thinking along the lines of murder.”
“Let them think they’ve killed me?”
“Not exactly.” Ben faced him more squarely. “I was thinking of killing you myself.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
When Ben had fully outlined his plan, Nikolas had to agree it had merit. By now, Gregory and his thugs would know who Ben was and what he was capable of—the two dead men he’d left in the kitchen had been a small clue. They would know of his relationship with Aleksey, and that he was now looking for him, too. It was entirely possible that, given the way they viewed the world, they would find a spurned, lied to, bitter ex-boyfriend murder scenario entirely probable. After all, as Ben pointed out, Nikolas had kind of expected that, too. Nikolas agreed to think about it, and he appeared to be doing that for some time until with a sigh, he said, “So, you find me and…kill me, and then I live a lie again for the rest of my life. And this time I couldn’t even be Nikolas Mikkelsen.”
“Fuck.”
“Yes. A good English word: fuck.”
They sat in the sun, and Ben produced some beers he’d stashed in his pack. Nik argued that as he was on painkillers and antibiotics he might as well drink, too. Ben didn’t have the heart to say no to him, and this was a trait, he could see now, that hadn’t served him so well over the years; saying no more often to Nikolas might be a very good thing to practise.
After his second beer Nikolas came up with a solution that combined all the options. They invite Gregory to a meet on the promise of a payoff, kill him and then themselves in a vast, total-extinction-level event. He thought it was quite funny, so Ben cut him off the beer. But by this time, Nikolas had cheered up considerably and had decided to give Ben what Ben had pointed out men always want. Ben certainly did, and as he informed Nikolas, he’d been hard since waking to those first words
hello Benjamin
; and as Nik tried to inform
him
around his laughter and the cock in his mouth, he didn’t need his leg to give blowjobs. Apparently, this was too funny to cope with, and he passed out once more—still laughing, Ben’s cock abandoned.
§§§
When Nikolas woke, finding life slightly less funny, Ben made him eat a can of soup. Nikolas took it grumpily, rubbing his temples. “Why are you wet? You’re very wet.”
“Because I’ve been busy. Want to come see?”
Nikolas nodded, and Ben levered him to his feet, snorting faintly at the chain of imaginative swearing that accompanied the move. Nikolas gave him a sheepish look when he was finally moving. “It hurts. I’m too old to be shot.”
“Lean on me.” Nikolas was not too proud to do as Ben suggested, and he limped heavily alongside Ben to the back of the house.
§§§
Ben had dammed the stream at the small clapper bridge. He’d made use of the natural shape of the land to create a deep pool from which water now couldn’t escape, and it was filling slowly. He expected Nikolas to be derisive or laugh at him, but the other man was fascinated and wanted to help, but had to content himself with sitting on the bridge, feet in the almost black water, giving unneeded directions. Seeing him sitting there, brown now from his hours in the sun, hair scrunched and over his eyes in the front, Ben could see a boy running wild on a beach on Aeroe before real life caught up to him. He straightened from his dam building. “I wish I’d known you—Aleksey—you know, on Aeroe…before.”