Love Is Blind (3 page)

This was a sorry state of the whole matter. Without knowing
when, I had fallen for this maniac caller, who, even if he reaches
the spot, will never be able to recognize me. He will keep on
searching for his real Mita!

*****************************************

It is hard to lie, but lie I must, as I asked some help from
Suraj to drop me to cliff point. “What for?” some amusement could
be heard in his voice. “I am meeting a friend of mine,” I replied,
while praying he won’t detect the shakiness evident in my voice.
The greatest sin, I am going out at the evening prayer’s time!
Without questioning further, he made me seated inside the car. “Who
is he? Your boyfriend?” I heard him smiling. Heated to my neck, I
nodded, “Someone like that?” “Wow,” he whistled. Thus, our
discussion ended.

*****************************************

“
Sit here,” he led me to a sitting point, adding more to his
suggestion, “And don’t leave the place till I come back. I am in
the park only. I’ll be back in one hour, alright. All the best.”
Patting my shoulder, he left me. O Christ let the person come
quickly!

******************************************

Time passed! How much I have no idea because I was sitting on
the bench. Bobby must be thinking, I will come and search for him.
Certain tightness occurred in my throat because of those unshed
tears. How will I search for him? Should I tell him about my
reality? But what if, like every time, he didn’t trusted me on my
words? For the first time, I experienced such a rage inside me on
my helpless condition.

Suraj says he will be back in one hour. I hope Bobby comes
earlier. I was just thinking about him when, out of nowhere, my
ringtone rang again. Even for a minute thing like making a call or
attending it, I have to be dependent on others. Boiled to my core,
I thought. Enough, I am going to get my eyes operated, whether I
live or die in the process, I don’t care. Moreover, without eyes, I
am in a state of half-death already. Holding the phone near to my
ear, I asked, “Bobby, is this you?” “Of course, this is me, love”
he answered in a crispy voice. “I am in cliff point but, where are
you? I can’t find you anywhere. I told you, I will be with a
rose.”

My heart beat, out of its own accord, went one notch higher.
My heart cried and cool moisture trickled down my cheeks. I said,
“Bobby, I am in cliff point too. I am sitting on a bench. Please,
can you come here?” “I can but, which bench?” Like a total failure,
I sobbed as I said, “I don’t know which bench but, somewhere near a
rose bush.” “Don’t play these games of hide and seek with me, love.
His irritation went through the line as he asked me, “You are
telling the milestones like a blind person. We have met before
Mita. You can recognize my face, can’t you? Look around and I will
come to you.” “Please Bob,” I pleaded, “My legs are not well right
now. So, I want you to search me. Can you? Please,” disconnecting
the line, I sobbed with my face between my palms. O God, how can
you be so cruel to me?

**************************************

Inside Suraj’s car, taking on all the incidents which have
taken place today, my mind said, How? How did this thing happen? I
know that Bobby will never be able to search for me. I am not Mita,
even if he has passed by me, then too he must not have taken any
notice of me.

He must have taken me as some normal girl out for an outing. I
am destined to be alone. Is this how world runs over the weak ones?
Does every handicapped feels crushed at the end of the day? Of
course, I never met him today.

I know it is not even his fault, that this is simply karma
plotting against both of us. Surprisingly as it is, Suraj, who was
lively some hours ago is also very quiet right now. When asked he
replied that his head is aching. “Shall I sing a song for you?” I
asked, in order to cheer him up.

I heard him smiling as he said, “Let me sing a song for you. I
see you in a gloomy mood. I think, it will lighten it up, what
say?” I smirked slightly as I told him, “Go ahead,” And just like
that, a soft melodious song, which sang of a lover’s heart and his
beloved, broke out on his lips. My eyelids went heavy. Sighing, I
closed them so I can take his soulful voice in my head. It is so
relaxing, a healing balm on my lacerated heart. I have even
requested him to get me a new simcard if he can. I won’t be able to
talk to Bobby again. I mean what’s the use now, after so much has
happened? He will again decide some new place. I will be there but
he won’t recognise me, what then?

“
Suraj,” I said while my eyes were still closed, “Love hurts,
isn’t it?” “Yes, sometimes it does…” a hidden meaning behind his
statement but I could not guess. Not even going there, I continued,
“Kiran’s death must have devastated you to the core, isn’t it? I
understand. Totally.”

With a screeching sound, the car came to a screeching halt all
of a sudden. I realised my slip of the tongue. Shit! My eyes flew
open. My breath got hitched in my throat and I waited for his
violent reaction. “Kiran is not dead, Sonam. So what if she is out
of station? My dad is telling lies to everyone and I don’t
understand why people believe him? You listen to me. Kiran is not
dead.” He literally shouted the last sentence on me. “Ok,” I raised
my hand, in order to stop him, “Kiran is not dead. I accept it.” I
am so not in mood for another of his I-Love-Her tantrum. I am hurt
already without his making it any worse.

*************************************************

My new sim has arrived and Ruhi has promised me that she will
change the setting of the phone. Seems my mind is sprinting at
hundred degrees. Sister Catherine delivered the news to me that
letter from Shimla has arrived, hereby a call for me to change my
residence to convent present there.

I could just tell from the delighted note ringing in her tone
that she is happy for me. I smiled for her sake but internally, the
havoc this news is creating on my emotions was something which had
completely thrown me out of balance. In some days, who knows what
will happen to Bobby.

Will he ever meet real Mita? If yes, then what will happen
when he will come to know that she never took his calls in the
first place? Will he ever wonder on the person who acted Mita in
all these times? So many questions with no answers! I was still
lost in my gloomy thoughts, when my phone went on its usual
ringtone.

One last time, without fooling myself further I took the phone
up. “Hi,” I said huskily, “Hi love, how are you?” “I am fine and
wish the same for you. Once again, we could not meet, ha?” he
chuckled lightly. Helplessly, I could sense no answer to that
question. “Hey,” he spoke up, “It doesn’t matter, alright. Maybe
some other day? How about I sing a song for you? To cheer you up…”
I chuckled this time and said, “Ok,” but no sooner he started
singing the song, and my whole world came crashing around me. I
have heard this song previously and the singer… Suraj! Is this it?
Are Bobby and Suraj one and the same person? And Mita…is she Kiran?
I never heard the whole song completely as all the conversation
from the past, were dancing in my memory. All the talk’s of Suraj
regarding Kiran, all the time when he said that he still talked to
her and when I had assumed that he must be talking about his dreams
because Kiran is dead, isn’t she?

Then about our meeting thing…yesterday when Suraj was with me…
As if the puzzle dots in my mind joined to each other thus making
the picture clearer in my head. Bobby is, presumably, Suraj’s
nickname and Mita is Kiran! The day when that call came at night
was the time when he had tried to commit suicide second time. But
the question is how did he get my number? A large gaping hole had
been opened in my chest. I was doomed. Bobby will never meet his
Mita because she did not even exist in this world.

***************************************

The final damage occurred on the day when, accidentally, I
blurted out everything to Ruhi and she, instead of helping me, went
ahead with her intuitions and told everything to Suraj!

I still remember those talks, that final meeting, which I
feared from so many days. Seated in a restaurant, using my identity
as Mita, Ruhi made a call to Suraj and asked him to reach the place
as soon as he can. I still remember her words, when she said,
“Suraj, Ruhi here, I am sitting right now with your Mita…Kiran.
Please come fast. It took me so long to finally convince her to
meet you today.” I myself got convinced of her words as she spoke
into the receiver. Then, Suraj came, sounding out of breath and
excited, as he asked, “Hi Ruhi, Hi Sonam so, where is she?” Ruhi
has done the very thing I have told her not to. There was a slight
smile in her voice when she said, “Can’t you see for yourself? She
is sitting right in front of you, fool. Sonam is your Mita, who has
been attending your calls at night, from such a long time, Bobby.”
Suraj’s reaction was not what we both had hoped. Laughing his guts
out, he said, “Come on you two, stop jesting and tell me where is
Kiran?” The hole in my chest spread far and wide at his words. I
knew this will happen. Suraj will never consider me what I have,
unconsciously taken him as. Of course, who will waste their life
with a blind girl? Tears pricked my eye corners but I controlled
somehow. Then, before I can think anymore on that gloomy line, a
crash sounded as a palm made a hard contact with a cheek! “Ruhi,” I
said, insinuating enough fear in my wobbly voice, “Did you just hit
him?” “The hell I did,” such rage reflected in her voice; it shook
me to my toes! “Suraj Verma, do you even realize in which hellhole
you have forced yourself into? No, you don’t. Kiran is long dead,
she is not alive. It is Sonam from such a long time, who has kept
you on the verge of sanity. Have it not been for her, you would had
gone ahead with you third suicide plans. She went crazy, scared to
her core when she listened to some strange person talking about
taking his own life. Bobby, one anonymous caller, who changed the
black and white world of this one blind girl, gave her some hope to
live again. She fell for you stupid. Can you just realise the
trauma she went through? You only see yourself and you’re so
called, Mita. Come out of your trance state and see the life as it
is. You have a long life ahead of you, why are you wasting it?
Sonam is your Ms. Right, Suraj. Can’t you see that? Who talks to a
stranger when they have no connection to him? Sonam is a gem of a
person, Bobby. Accept her or you will regret your actions whole
life long. Don’t throw away the chance to fall in love when life is
giving you one more reason to live for. Please,” she started crying
till the time she concluded. Silence was all I could hear, when
footsteps on the cemented path made me aware of Suraj’s departure.
As usual, he is hurt and there is no solution to both of our
problem. His rejection washed over me. His departure without saying
anything said everything. Drying my cheeks with the back of my
hand, I smiled and cleared my throat, “Ruhi, let’s go back, shall
we? Sister will be waiting for us. Soon, my train will leave for
Shimla. Forget all that has happened today.” “Why did you stop me
from telling him that little detail, Sonu? He has the right to
know, don’t you think? True, he is in shock for the moment but he
will recover soon, I am sure of it. Please, give him and yourself
another chance. Don’t do this. Don’t go”

“
No,” I smirked, “He is hurt, not shocked. Moreover, I forgot
myself when I started bonding with him. I am a blind person, Ruhi.
He will not want a blind wife for himself, will he? No, I clearly
got distracted from my path of social service when I fell for him.
Love makes you strong but, in some cases, it also makes you weak.
Let’s forget about the whole incident, Ru. After I will reach
Shimla, with time I will forget him and then, who knows, one day we
may meet each other and then laugh at this time. My life is hard
enough and I don’t want him to suffer along with me. Let’s
go”

******************************

Suraj

The car speed limit of eighty, I raced on the road. My pulse
rate went higher with adrenaline rush on top of it. After such a
long time,I felt alive. Ruhi’s call acted as the final awakening
call for my senses. It feels as if, somebody has splashed cold
freezing water on my entire self, leaving me alert and awake! Like
a flash strip going infront of the projector all the memories came
rushing back to me. Kiran…her brown eyes…her crispy laughter…The
way she tossed her head when she used to get annoyed and then the
dreadful day of her death…when I received the news and my half
system has gone into illusionary mode, in order to save myself from
the harsh reality. As if, on the cue came another face in my head.
Crystal clear black eyes…ringing laughter with long black hair
flowing backwards…the little dimples which use to appear in Sonam’s
cheek when she found something to laugh upon. After the final blow
given to me that Sonam is the mysterious caller, a sudden numbness
entered my entire system but, of happiness! As if, my heart
registered her long back before my other senses could take her in.
Knowledge overwhelmed me. Back to my residence, lying on my bed,
Ruhi’s call made me awake. Sonam is going to Shimla! No, my entire
system went into frenzy mode as soon as I spoke to her. No, my
heart shrieked, we won’t lose her. Not this time, not ever. She is
mine. It seems, not her, but I have been blind from such a long
time. True, from all this time I had been fooling myself. But, I
can’t lose her. I will make her stop, make her understand.
Apologise for my stupidities, if necessary. Please God, Help me
this time. Kiran’s death left me half dead but, Sonam’s departure
will kill me entirely!