Love Is Overdue (55 page)

The funeral is the
following Friday. The culprit had been the bottle of bleach in the
cupboard under my kitchen sink. Her means of smuggling it out of my
apartment had been a sealed Tupperware container which she stashed
in her purse. She only drank the contents after she had settled in
for the night. They didn’t find her for hours.

My brother, his wife and
his two children are here. Teresa has been more than gracious. She
took care of almost all the arrangements. My cousins are dressed
awkwardly in some ill-fitting suits – maybe Uncle Fernando’s
hand-me-downs. Corinne and Michelle and Tasha are sitting quietly
talking in my auntie’s living room. Lena and Patrick are here too.
And Adam and his girlfriend, whose name I can’t remember. They all
look a little uncomfortable. I’ll have to talk to them later. Tony
and Matt are helping with the food. They’ve both been amazing
through all of this. I’ll need to remember to tell them how much I
appreciate everything they’ve done for me. That night on the street
had been a nightmare for them, I’m sure. There are some other
people here too but I don’t really know who they are. Tammy and
Jeannine popped their faces in to deliver some kind of weird
smelling tuna casserole…

I’m in Teresa’s bedroom,
just hovering on the edge of the bed, sipping on a strong cup of
coffee. I look up at Ben, who’s standing with his back up against
the closed door, just watching me. He hasn’t left my side. Not
since Tony made that frantic call to him on the street outside the
pub on Saturday night. But he also hasn’t said much, which has been
a surprising comfort. He holds me when I cry. He buys me cigarettes
even though he hates that I smoke. He sits with me and holds my
hand while I stare at mind-numbing television. He loves me. And I
love him.

I stand up slowly and make
my way towards the door. He asks me if I’m okay. I nod and tell him
I’m fine. I need to go back out there. He kisses my forehead softly
and steps aside to let me through the door. But at the top of the
stairs my legs give out. I lose my balance and fall against the
wall. I feel a tingling in my arm, in my hands, in my fingers…my
knees give out. Ben is beside me in a flash. But not before the cup
of coffee that I’m holding slips from my fingers and goes crashing
onto the linoleum, the shattering shards of the mug flying down the
stairs in front of me. All I can see are tea cups. And they’re all
around me...

It takes a long time for
the numbing to subside, as I sit collapsed on the top step, leaning
up against the wall. Ben is sitting next to me and he has already
slipped the pumps off my feet and I just stare down at my legs, and
the small run that has already ruined my brand-new panty hose.
These heels aren’t even that high, I think to myself.

My body and my mind are
not one. I know that in the back of my head. I can feel it. It’s
not just grief. There is something very, very wrong.

Ben is brushing the hair
from my face, holding my shoes and looking at me with more worry
and concern than I can even imagine possible. I suck the air back
into my lungs and recover…slowly but surely. No. I can fall in, but
there’s no way I’m staying under...

I grab his hand and let
him pull me back up onto to my feet.

Ω

The End