Love Left Behind (34 page)

"Yes. They
actually both live in California now, but in San Francisco. Nathan's pretty big
in the art world over there and Mia concentrates on writing instead of acting.
They're actually a couple now although they claim they'll never get
married."

"I always thought
they would be great together," I said with a genuine smile. It made me
happy to think that Nathan and Mia had finally realized that they cared about
each other as more than just friends. It had always been apparent to everyone
except them. "I'm happy to hear that."

"What about you?
Are you with someone?" Jackson didn't look up from his plate as he asked
the question.

Jackson's question made
me uncomfortable and I decided I was done with pretending everything was okay
between us. "Jackson, I don't think it's a good idea to talk about our
dating life. We're fooling ourselves sitting here, making pleasantries. Please
just ask me your questions."

Jackson sighed and
leaned back, pushing his plate away from him. "Fine." He looked at me
intently, as if he didn't want to miss a single reaction. "The other night
at your apartment, you said you lied about leaving me because you wanted to be
with Sean."

I nodded, not
understanding why Jackson kept harping on this point. He should have been
grateful that I had given him an out so that he could be with Claire. She had
told me herself that they had realized they were in love once I was out of the
picture. I was desperately curious about what had happened between them because
it was obvious they weren't together now, but I would never give him the
satisfaction of asking.

"That's the part I
can't get over," Jackson said, looking pained, his hand on the table
curling into a fist. "Did you actually love me or was our relationship a
joke to you?"

"How can you even
ask me that?" I asked in a strained voice. "I was moving to L.A. for
you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But the guilt over Sean
and you giving up your big break was making me crazy. Maybe it was selfish of
me, but I couldn't carry the burden of that guilt."

Jackson rubbed his face
with his hand, looking bleary-eyed. "What a waste. What a fucking waste.
You just threw away everything we had because you were feeling guilty."

I felt anger start to
rise at his accusatory tone. If it hadn't been for my guilt, I would never have
found out about him and Claire. "Was there really much to throw
away?"

"How can you say
that?" Jackson hissed furiously. "We had everything and you just gave
up on us!"

"I thought you were
going to ask me new questions, not just rehash the old ones," I said
coldly, stone-faced. "There's no point to this meeting if this is what our
conversation is going to amount to."

"I want to know
who told you about Claire."

I wanted to start
laughing hysterically. "So we
are
just rehashing the same shit over and over again. I already told you who told
me. She did! Is your memory that bad that you don't remember? Or was it that
meaningless to you?" I would never forget the pain of hearing Jackson's
voice in the background, and his refusal to talk to me. I had never believed
him to be a coward, but he had proven to be one that day.

"When? When did
she tell you?"

"That's it. I'm
leaving." I moved to stand up, but Jackson grabbed my wrist, trapping me
at the table. I glared at his hand on me. "So is this how you do it now?
Are you so used to getting everything that you want, that you think it's
perfectly acceptable to manhandle me?"

Jackson let go of my
wrist but I didn't stand up. I noticed the curious glances of patrons near us
and I didn't want to draw any more attention towards us.

"Just one
night."

My head shot up to
stare at him, not wanting to believe what I thought he meant. His green eyes
glittered as his gaze bored into me, and I knew that I wasn't mistaken.

"You must be crazy
if you think I'd let you touch me again."

"Think about it,
Emma. Just one night to get each other out of our systems. I acted like a
Neanderthal at your apartment the other night, but I know you felt something.
We can just have one night to release us."

I shook my head, but I
couldn't deny my body's response to his words. I felt tingles and my lower body
clenched in anticipation. It was as if I was a drug addict salivating for my
first fix in years. I prayed that my will was stronger than my physical desire.

"I don't think
that's a good idea, Jackson. We'll just end up hurting each other again."

Jackson took my wrist
again, but this time gently, rubbing his thumb over my sensitive pulse point.
"Do you remember how good it was between us, sweetheart? I've never felt
so alive as when I was inside you. We can have that for one more night. Just
one night and we'll free ourselves from the ghosts of our past."

Jackson's endearment
tore at me. I had hungered for the sound of his voice calling me sweetheart and
finally hearing it weakened my resolve. Maybe this was what I needed to
exorcise the demons. Being apart from him certainly hadn't lessened my desire
for him. Maybe one night would satiate my need and free me, just as Jackson suggested.
A part of me knew I was fooling myself. That I was making excuses and I was
putting my heart in danger. But my desire was too great and I decided to ignore
the warning voice inside my head.

"One night,"
I agreed softly, looking up at him. His grip on my wrist tightened and I saw
desire harden his face.

"Let's get out of
here." Jackson pulled out his wallet and threw some bills down on the
check the waitress had dropped off earlier with the food.

"But...it's still
daylight!" I protested, wanting the cover of night for our illicit
agreement.

"I've waited five
years," Jackson said, looking determined. "I'm not waiting a single
goddamned minute more."

I let Jackson guide me
out of the diner and into a cab, speechless as he told the cab driver to take
us to the nearby W hotel in Union Square. I wondered why we weren't going to
his apartment, or even mine, but I thought maybe Jackson was trying to keep
this separate from our real lives. He was smart. He was thinking ahead about
what would happen after today. It still stung a little to know that he didn't
want me to enter any part of his world, including his apartment.

I stood silently beside
Jackson as he asked for the biggest suite available and handed over his credit
card, embarrassed that it would be obvious to the hotel clerk why we only
wanted a room for one night with no luggage. The W hotel wasn't the type of
place where you paid by the hour for discreet assignations. It was a lush and
beautifully decorated hotel and I almost choked when I heard the clerk inform
Jackson that the room rate for one night was almost two thousand dollars but he
just nodded his approval. It made me realize the drastically different worlds
we were living in, but I would forget about that for one day.

We were silent as the
elevator quietly took us to the twentieth floor and I wordlessly watched
Jackson open the room with the keycard. I marveled at the size and elegant
design of the suite. You could fit my entire apartment in the suite three times
and still have room to spare. The large glass windows looked out onto Union
Square, the sun streaming in and making the space feel light and airy.

Jackson walked over to
a bar tucked away in the corner and took off his cap, throwing it on top of the
bar. He pulled out two glasses and filled them with vodka and tonic. He
approached me with an intent look on his face, but he simply handed me a glass.

"Cheers," he
said softly, gently clinking his glass against mine. I drank deeply, wanting
the alcohol to give me courage because I could feel my apprehension growing.
But I knew there was no way I was walking out the door now.

"Easy,"
Jackson soothed, pulling my glass down from my mouth before I drained it.
"I'd hate for you to pass out and miss it all."

His soft smile made me
forget everything except that I wanted him. Whether it was right or wrong,
whether I was demeaning myself by giving my body to someone who had deceived me
in the past, I was willing to forget all that for today.

Jackson set our glasses
down on a nearby table and grasped both my hands, drawing me towards him.

"Emma-" he
started, but I shook my head, silencing him.

"No words. Words
just get us into trouble. Let's just feel today. It's enough."

Jackson complied,
pulling me close and gently brushing my cheek with the back of his hand, but
tenderness was the last thing I wanted from him now. I wanted him to be
forceful like he had been before at my apartment. His gentleness would be my
undoing.

So I took the
initiative, grasping his neck with one hand and pulling his head down, not
hesitating as I drew his mouth over mine. Jackson seemed to understand what I
wanted as his tenderness dissolved into a ferocity as he devoured my mouth, our
tongues tangling together in a seductive dance. He gripped the back of my head
with one hand, trapping it for the onslaught of his mouth, and I shuddered,
kissing him back just as hard.

I whimpered in protest
when he broke the kiss but then moaned in pleasure when his lips trailed down
my neck, leaving a damp path where his mouth had been. When Jackson grasped my
buttocks and lifted me, I automatically wrapped my legs around him as he
carried me into the bedroom. He laid me gently onto the bed and straightened,
pulling his t-shirt over his head. I reached up, studying his sleek muscled
chest with my hands. He had gotten harder over the past five years, more
clearly defined. I reveled in the feeling of the smooth warmth of his skin
stretched over steel, wanting to taste it. I leaned up and flicked my tongue
over his flat nipple, satisfaction rippling through me when Jackson groaned.
When I continued working my mouth down to his stomach, Jackson gently pulled
away and I looked up at him, confused.

"Sweetheart, I'm
about to lose it in my jeans right now, so I suggest I take the lead, otherwise
this is going to be over really quick."

My chest squeezed at
his endearment and I pulled his head down, hungrily kissing him as I ran my
hands down his back. I wanted to silence his words. I didn't want to pretend
that we were something we weren't.

Jackson grasped the
bottom of my shirt, breaking the kiss as he pulled it over my head. His eyes
flared as he looked down at me and I flushed when he pulled one of the cups of
my bra down, exposing an aching hard nipple. He ran his thumb over the stiff
peak and I mewled at the arrow of pleasure that went through me. He gazed at
me, his eyes locking with mine.

"I'm not dreaming,
am I?"

I shook my head,
reaching my arms behind me to unhook my bra, freeing my breasts heavy with
arousal. Jackson's eyes glittered as he drank me in, the rosy tips of my
breasts hardening even more under his gaze.

"Please," I
said, pulling his head towards my nipples, crying out when he captured one in
his hot mouth, tugging hard, making wetness rush in between my legs. He suckled
my nipple, laving his tongue around the aching nub while he rolled my other
nipple between his fingers, making me lift my hips in a wordless plea. Jackson
took the invitation, moving his lips down my body and sliding my shorts and
panties down my legs, tossing them aside.

He languorously licked
the crease where my thigh met my hip and my wet core flexed convulsively,
anticipating the approach of his mouth. My legs came together of their own
accord, the promise of pleasure almost too painful to bear. Jackson gently
pulled them apart, pinning them against the bed so that I was laid fully bare
to him.

Jackson watched me as
he flicked the swollen center of my arousal with his tongue and I couldn't
contain my cry. He slowly inserted a finger into me, my wetness giving him easy
passage, as he continued suckling on my aroused bud. My hips shot off the bed
and I made sounds of desperation as I felt the tension mounting, taking me to
the brink. When Jackson inserted another finger inside me and started thrusting
in and out as he continued his assault with his mouth, I couldn't take any more
and keened in pleasure, almost sobbing from the sensations flowing through me.
Jackson gripped my hip with his free hand to keep me in place and continued to
thrust into me with his fingers, his mouth still latched onto my swollen bud
until the last waves of release passed through me.

I tried to catch my
breath, feeling as if I now wanted to sob with pain instead of pleasure. The
rightness of Jackson being between my legs, loving me with his mouth, was
almost too much to bear because I knew that love was fleeting.

Jackson saved me from
thinking, stretching up to kiss me gently. I kissed him back thoroughly, the
taste of myself on his mouth arousing me. I reached down, unbuttoning his jeans
and undoing the zipper, pulling his jeans down as much as I could along with
his underwear.

"Let me help you
with that," Jackson said with a grin, standing momentarily to peel off the
rest of his clothes. I caught my breath at the beautiful sight of Jackson naked
before me. His body was a study of masculine perfection, only surpassed by his
heartbreakingly beautiful face. His erection jutted out impressively and my
legs parted in response. Even though Jackson was smiling, I could tell he was
straining to take things slow.

"Jackson," I
breathed softly. "I need you inside of me."

Jackson jaw tightened
as he grabbed my hips, lifting them from the bed. "Sweetheart, I promised
myself I would go slow but I don't think I can."

I saw a muscle in his
cheek twitch and I could see the corded muscles in his arms straining against
his desire. I reached up, stroking his cheek with my hand and he leaned into my
caress, closing his eyes. "I don't want you to go slow. I need you so
badly."