Love Letters (4 page)

Nicole shrugged her shoulders, but it was clear that Chloe hadn’t heard the last of this subject.

“
Don’t you believe in true love?”

“
Of course I do, Chloe. Why would I stick it out with Matt if he weren’t my true love? The difference between you and me is that I’m realistic, and I don’t make a whole parade out of my love life. Matt and I love and honor each other. We have an understanding and believe that mutual respect is very important.”

“
Are you saying that I’m a drama queen?”

“
C’mon, Chloe, let’s face it,” she teased, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, “you act like a princess.”

“
That’s what my dad used to call me – Daddy’s little princess,” Chloe said, feeling a twinge of nostalgia.

“
Take your parents’ marriage for example. How was it?”

“
You know how their marriage was, Nicole. Mom called all the shots. She controlled everything.”

“
But did they love each other?” Nicole asked.

“
At some level they did. I mean she stayed with him until he died and she has never remarried,” Chloe said, frowning.

“
But were they happy?” Nicole asked. “I never saw your parents affectionate with each other.”

“
I suppose they were … before I was born,” Chloe said, making a U-turn. “They were together for fifteen years before they had me.

“
And after?”

“
They had their moments … but they were never really communicative with each other. It’s like they stopped talking and just went through the motions.”

Nicole tapped her fingers on the console. “Why do you think that is?”

Chloe bit her lip, recalling. “Mom always told me that you can’t just marry for love, security counts for a lot.”

“
Did she really tell you that?” Nicole asked.

“
Well…” Chloe stared blankly at the rearview mirror. “She did confess to me that she wouldn’t have married Dad if he wasn’t established. Her friend from high school, Nina Taylor, eloped with a man she was crazy about who couldn’t support her.
She ended up having to move back in with her parents when she had a baby. They eventually divorced and her parents wound up raising the baby.”

Nicole harrumphed. “But what does that have to do with you?”

“
Mom said if I ever did that to her she’d disown me. And after not speaking to me these last few years, I believe her. I think that’s why Dad never bucked her.”

Nicole patted her hand. “So what does that tell you?”

Chloe glanced at Nicole through blurry eyes. “Maybe she never loved Dad. It was more like a marriage of convenience, if that’s what you call it.”

“
It happens,” Nicole said, peering at the fog outside the window. “Look at my parents. They chose divorce since all they did was yell at each other. They’re bitter and angry with each other even now.”

“
Gee, I wouldn’t want that. I still believe if you marry your soul mate you’ll be happy,” Chloe said. Yet, instead of picturing Richard, she pictured kind and funny Josh, who was down-to-earth like her. He had
always loved to spend time with her – every waking moment, in fact – unlike Richard who was busy all the time.

“
How do you know Richard’s your soul mate?” Nicole asked, as Chloe parked her car outside the pastry shop.

Chloe turned off the engine. She hated to admit it, but she couldn’t answer Nicole’s question. And yet when she thought about Josh she could make a whole list. They had so much fun. They liked moonlit rides at night, where they counted the stars. They even looked like they belonged together. She and Richard … well, they were different in every way.

“
Chloe?”

“
Huh?” Chloe wiped her eyes.

“
I said… how do you know that Richard is your soul mate?”

Chloe looked outside the window then back at Nicole. “For a long time, my heart had Josh’s name engraved on it. I never thought I would fall in love again.”

“
I know.” Nicole squeezed her hand. “Josh was your first love. You must have cried for a whole year when he left.”

Chloe dried her eyes. “When Dad passed away, I felt the same pain as when Josh left. I guess Josh and Dad were the most important men in my life until Richard came along.” She had met Richard two months after her father died. Although he didn’t provide the same spark she felt when she met Josh, she felt safe with him. He offered the security her mom wanted for her, and she was certain, with time, he would ease up on work and realize what was most important.

“
But now Josh is back.” Nicole pursed her lips.

Before Chloe could answer, she saw a blue Ford Mustang pass by. She glanced over to see if it was Josh only to discover that it wasn’t. Did she want to see him again? She knew that she and Richard would do great … or at least she hoped so. But then again she didn’t want to wake up after thirty years and realize he wasn’t the one.

Oh no! I refuse to be like my parents or Nicole’s parents.
And yet she couldn’t imagine the pain she’d go through if Josh left her again.
Like Nina Taylor after her husband left her,
a little voice in her head reminded her, a voice that sounded just like her mother’s. She rubbed her arms at the sudden chill.

Occasionally, they would see Nina around town and Suzanne would point her out to Chloe. “See how awful she looks?” her mother would whisper. “That’s what happens when you let your emotions get the best of you.”

Nicole snapped her fingers to get Chloe’s attention. “I’m just worried about you, girl. And I have to admit I’ll miss you when you move.” Nicole looked out the window of the Jetta and bit her lip.

“
That’s so sweet of you,” Chloe said, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. “I’ll call you every day. And who knows, you and Matt can come visit us on the weekends.”

“
I’m going to miss our spur of the moment luncheons, especially the juicy gossip we have about Mrs. Hamilton.” Nicole loved to tell Chloe about her client who was having an extra-marital affair.

“
You’ll always be my best friend.” Chloe stuck out her pinky finger.

“
You’ll always be mine,” Nicole said, clutching her finger.

“
Now, can we look at some cake?”

“
Cake it is.” Nicole smiled.

***

Josh was sitting inside his office with his feet up while balancing the sales of the day when the phone rang. “Surfing Buddies, how can I help you?”

“
Josh … it’s me.”

Josh put his feet down, turned his chair away from his desk and sighed. “Yes, Trish. What can I do for you?”

“
Oh, don’t you say that to me, you know why I’m calling,” Trish whined. “I miss you, babe.”

He tensed at her words. How many times did he have to tell her that it was over between them? He had tried to be as gentle as possible, yet she didn’t seem to get the message. Perhaps he should be more firm. “Trish, we’ve already discussed this before and I don’t want to —”

“
I know we have,” Trish interrupted. “But can’t you at least give me another chance? It’s not like we went out for a month. We were together for three years.”

Josh bit his pencil. “It was off and on again, Trish, and what difference does it make now?”

“
Because I love you, Josh, and I will never stop loving you. So please give me another chance.”

Josh took a deep breath. “Trish, I’m only going to repeat this once. You and I are very different from each other. You like living the fancy life working for your high-paying, glamorous job, while I’m just not that kind of guy. I can’t live your superficial lifestyle. I’m sorry, Trish.”

He could hear her sobbing over the phone. “Why can’t you change for me?”

“
You never accepted me for who I am, Trish, yet you say you love me,” Josh said. “When you love someone it has to be unconditionally.”

“
I know why you went back to Half Moon Bay,” Trish said, lowering her voice. “It’s because of Chloe isn’t it?”

Josh gripped the phone tighter. He regretted having told Trish about Chloe. Aside from Trish, Chloe had been his only other real girlfriend. He was a one-woman type of guy and he had to admit that seeing Chloe again yesterday had brought back wonderful memories. She had grown into a beautiful woman.

“
I knew it, Josh,” Trish said. “You still love her, admit it.”

“
Trish, this has nothing to do with Chloe. I’ve moved on with my life and so should you.”

Trish growled and banged down the phone.

Josh heard the dial tone and put down the phone. He turned his chair towards the table but couldn’t concentrate on his work. Trish was right. He still had feelings for Chloe.

Chapter Three

Chloe rose early for a change, eager to get a good start on the day.
In a few months I’ll be Chloe Foster.

As she opened the window to her bedroom and smelled the crisp air, she felt a rush of wind. She had spent the preceding weeks organizing her wedding. February had approached quickly and she had accomplished a lot, choosing her venue, flowers, the menu, her cake, and souvenirs, her famous scented candles. Yet if she was so excited about her wedding day, then why did Josh’s smile keep flashing through her mind?

She shoved all thoughts of him aside. She needed to be focused on her wedding. On
Richard
. Still dressed in her pajamas, she pulled out her folder from her nightstand to mark what she had accomplished. She had kept her guest list to eighty people, a combination of friends and family. As her wedding gift to Chloe, Millie had given her the Dior gown she chose, with matching strappy sandals and a white satin purse.

Chloe scribbled through her notes, impressed with all she had achieved, yet she still hadn’t called her mother. She picked up the cordless phone and attempted to punch in her mother’s number. Richard had nagged her constantly about it, and she had promised him she would call today. But as soon as the phone rang, she hung it up. She couldn’t think straight. And she hadn’t been able to think straight from the moment she’d learned Josh was back in town.

Too many changes were taking place too quickly. Richard had the house appraised, and was going to advertise it on the market soon, anticipating it would be sold by May. Then she would move in with Richard.
And I’ll never see Josh again.
The thought chilled her and she hurriedly closed the window. She couldn’t let that happen. She had to see him at least once before the wedding. To make sure the spark was gone.

She put on her slippers and went downstairs to look at the big house where she had grown up. Tears fell from her eyes as she remembered her dad announcing he was home from work, or the time he had brought home a telescope so that she could “reach for the stars.” They had spent many wonderful hours together looking at the night sky through her upstairs window.

She went inside the master bedroom and sat on the bed. The room still looked the same as when her father was alive. She entered the walk-in closet, now empty, but remembered how she would stay there for hours looking at her mom’s new clothes. She walked over to the dresser and picked up a picture frame. It was a family photo of the three of them in Disneyland, her favorite memory. She was just five at the time the photo was taken.

That was the last time they’d had real fun together. Her mother had always seemed so angry, so distant. Chloe had longed for that closeness again. In her heart, she knew that her parents had never really loved each other, but she’d never understood why. She put the frame close to her heart and wept.
Mom is right. There are too many memories in this house.

There were two other smaller rooms, one beside her room, the other beside her parents, which she used as a home office. After John died, Jill, Suzanne’s friend convinced Chloe’s mother to move to a smaller home in San Rafael, where she met many new retirees. At sixty, Suzanne exuded youthful energy that astonished Chloe.

Maybe it’s time I move and start a new life, build new memories with Richard.

After breakfast, Chloe spent the entire day cleaning her house, separating the garbage from the donations, and keeping the rest. Chloe smiled when she found a huge stash of her exams in a file drawer in the office.

Why would Mom keep all my test papers from first grade?
She had even kept old receipts and bank statements.
They’re ancient.
Next, Chloe found old photos, her yearbook and her tennis racket.

She felt filthy after cleaning the four rooms, but had yet to clean the attic. She knew the attic contained most of her parents’ belongings, so she took a break. While taking a bite of Hershey’s chocolate – one of her weaknesses – she turned on the TV to catch up on “Law and Order.” After her show was over, she climbed the stairs to the attic and scanned the dark interior before turning on the one bare bulb.

When she was younger, she’d always had the impression that the attic was so much bigger than it was now.
She often hid there when her mom was angry
.
She could still hear her yelling,
“Chloe, get down here this minute.”
If the walls of this house could talk, they would speak volumes.