She didn’t want to sleep with him. How much plainer could she have been?
Sam and Becky postponed their wedding plans. They decided to wait until Rusty was feeling better. Luke began to wonder if that day would ever come.
He’d tried to be there for her, but she refused any gesture of comfort or support he offered. So he spent most of the summer staying out of her way. He’d even gone on several buying trips just for the excuse to distance himself from her. And to give her the space she seemed to crave.
He knew she spent most of her time in her room. But occasionally he’d find her relaxing on the big front porch, a book in her hands, Jack at her feet. She always smiled at him when he was near, but it was forced. He could tell.
She spoke very little, and when she talked to him it was mostly to ask about High Five or one of the other horses. Yet she’d refused his offer to drive her to the stables to see them for herself.
The person she talked to most was Becky. They’d gotten awfully close. So close, in fact, Luke felt jealous. He should be the one she shared her innermost thoughts with. He was still her husband, damnit. And would be until the day she told him to hit the road.
That was the day he dreaded most. But as long as she stayed at the farm, as long as she still wore the slim gold band he’d slipped on her finger the day of their wedding, he clung to the idea that there was still hope for them. No matter how slim that hope seemed.
Rusty sipped at her herbal tea and fingered the pages of the book she held. One day maybe she’d actually read a page or two. In the meantime, she carried it around so everyone would think she was healing. If they thought she could take her mind off the accident long enough to enjoy a book, then maybe they’d stop asking her if she was okay. Her family’s over concern for her well-being had been driving her nuts for weeks.
Especially Luke’s. He tip-toed around her and spoke to her as if she were some fragile child. As if he believed if his voice rose above a whisper she’d crash and break. That was when he was around, of course. Most of his time was spent avoiding her, and planning buying trips so he wouldn’t have to look at her.
She knew deep inside that he probably blamed her for the accident. Maybe he thought that if she’d been paying more attention that day, that she might have been able to swerve out of the way of the speeding car. And maybe he was right. God knew she’d beat herself up over it enough already. But it was time to move on.
And no one seemed to think she was able to do that. Well, they were wrong. She’d already convinced Becky not to postpone her and Sam’s wedding any longer because of her. Becky had promised to speak to Sam, and if he agreed they’d make arrangements to be married in a few weeks.
She’d assumed that Luke would have asked her back to his bed by now. It had been nearly ten weeks since the accident. When she’d told him she wanted to return to her old room, she hadn’t meant forever. She’d only wanted a few nights alone to rest and mourn the loss of their child.
But in ten weeks, Luke hadn’t so much as kissed her on the cheek, let alone anything more. Not one sexual look from him. Not one sexual connotation out of his mouth. This from the man who’d never been able to look at her sideways without hinting about his sexual thoughts.
But now he was no longer interested in her. Not as his sexual partner, and definitely not as his wife.
“I thought I’d find you out here,” Luke said, breaking into her thoughts. He opened the screen door and stepped out onto the porch. His hair was wet and slicked back from a fresh shower. Rusty uncurled her legs and made room for him on the swing.
But he ignored her subtle invitation to sit beside her, and stooped to pat Jack’s head instead. He studied the dust jacket on the book in her lap. “It must be pretty boring,” he said. He stood up and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “You’ve been working on it most of the summer.”
“Or I’m just a slow reader,” she said without conviction.
“I highly doubt that.” She thought he might question her further, but he didn’t. He leaned his hip against the porch rail. “I’m leaving early tomorrow morning for Houston, and I’ll be gone for almost a week. I’m going to check out some horses while I’m down there.”
“Okay.” She thought about asking if she could tag along, then thought better of it. If he wanted to spend time with her, he’d ask her to go with him. With her toe she sent the swing rocking. The squeak of the old rusty chains made Jack cover an ear with his paw and let out a painful sounding whimper. Rusty smiled at the dog and stopped the rocking motion. “Sorry, Jack.”
She looked up to see Luke staring at her, his eyes dark and intense. Clearing his throat, he said, “I guess I should oil that thing. So, is there anything you need before I go?”
Just you. “No, thank you. I’ll be fine.” She twisted her fingers and hands in her lap. Her eyes were drawn to the gold band on her left hand. She touched it with the index finger of her right hand, tracing the fine intricate diamond cut pattern.
When Luke had put the ring on her finger, she’d vowed never to take it off. Now, she wondered if the day would come when she’d have no choice but to return it. When she’d have to sacrifice her love for him and offer him his freedom. She could barely stand to think about it, but that day seemed like it was just around the corner.
She refused to cry in front of him. He didn’t need some pathetic excuse for a wife to beg him not to leave her. And if she sat there looking at him one more minute that’s exactly what she’d do. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to start dinner.” Giving Luke a look through watery eyes, she lifted the book from her lap and opened the front door.
“I can cook dinner,” he said. “Just tell me what you’re hungry for.”
“I don’t need you to keep pampering me. Please, let me do something around here. I’m not helpless.” She didn’t wait for his response before closing the door in his face.
“I know that, Princess,” Luke muttered to the closed door. “I know that. You don’t need anybody. Mostly me.”
“Rusty, everything was so perfect today.” Becky squeezed Rusty’s hands. “Sam and I owe it all to you. Isn’t she wonderful, Luke?”
Luke swallowed his drink. “Yes, she is.” She was perfect, in fact. Rusty met his gaze from across the table. She’d worked hard planning this wedding, he thought. Harder than he would have liked for her to after what she’d been through. But she’d been determined to take care of every last detail, so Becky would only have to worry about looking beautiful, she’d said.
And Becky did look beautiful. But, in his opinion, the bride was only a close second to Rusty in her ice blue gown. The dress was strapless with a low-cut, heart-shaped front, fitted at the waist and flared at the hips. She looked like a live Barbie doll.
He took another drink of bourbon and drained the glass. He scraped back his chair, intent on refreshing his drink at the bar, when Becky said, “You two haven’t danced together all evening. Get up and have some fun.” Then Becky was distracted by a couple he didn’t recognize, and she strolled across the room with them.
“What do you say, Princess? You want to shake your tail feathers?”
He noticed her shoulders tense. “I didn’t think you were interested in dancing. You seem more interested in getting drunk than having a good time tonight.”
He felt as if she’d just punched him in the gut. Looking around the room, he watched as guests laughed and talked, and hopped around the dance floor.
“Yeah, well,” he said. “Getting drunk sure beats sitting here feeling sorry for ourselves.”
Her mouth flew open, but she closed it quickly. Her gaze darted around the room, probably to see if anyone overheard him. Then, she looked up at him. “If you want to drink yourself silly, go right ahead. I don’t really care.”
“I know you don’t, Princess.” He lifted his glass in a mock salute and stomped off toward the bar.
When he finally returned to their table, he found a man nearly twice Rusty’s age ogling the tops of her breasts. “I swear you’re just about the prettiest little gal in this room.”
Rusty blushed and politely thanked the man. Luke didn’t recognize him. He was probably a guest of Becky’s.
“You have to dance with me, just once,” the man said. “Men my age don’t often get the chance to dance with such pretty young women like yourself.”
When he saw Rusty about to stand and accept the old fool’s offer, Luke deliberately thumped him on the back. “Excuse me,” he said when the man turned around. “I don’t believe we’ve met.” He set his drink on the table, offered his hand. “Luke Galloway. The lady’s husband. And I’m afraid she’s already promised this dance to me.” He met Rusty’s eyes, daring her to call his bluff.
“Oh, certainly, Mr. Galloway. Didn’t mean any harm. You take care of her, now,” the man said as he hurried off toward another prey.
“You didn’t have to do that. He was a nice man who probably thought my husband had abandoned me.”
“Yeah, well I think he’s an old fool trying to put the moves on my woman.”
“Your woman? Don’t be so archaic!” Lowering her voice, she said, “And you’re slurring your words.”
“And that bothers you because?”
“Because you’re embarrassing me.”
“Well, I certainly didn’t mean to do that, your highness.”
“Stop it!”
“Dance with me.”
“I will not. You’re drunk.”
“If you don’t dance with me, I promise you that I’ll embarrass you even more. I’ll get so sloppy drunk that I might even toss my cookies on my new shoes.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” She stood up abruptly, looped her arm through his and led him out onto the dance floor.
“I knew that last remark would get you. You’d hate me if I did something like that to embarrass you. Huh, Princess?” He knew he was on his way to getting good and drunk. And he knew he’d be better off if he kept his mouth shut. But he figured, what the hell did he have to lose?
“In fact, you already hate me, don’t you?” he asked, trying to further antagonize her. He gripped her tightly around the waist and stared into her eyes.
“People are watching us, Luke.”
“So? We’re married and so much in love it hurts, right? Let’s give them a little show. Why let the bride and groom have all the fun?” He let his eyes drift to Becky and Sam for a moment, then hauled Rusty against him and turned her in a circle.
She kept her eyes on his as he moved with her around the floor. He thought about kissing her. Right there in front of everyone. But if he did he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop. And that wouldn’t be one of his smartest moves.
He wanted her so badly it hurt. And he wondered what she’d do if he told her. She stared up at him with wide eyed wonder, but she didn’t say a word. He couldn’t stand looking at her face without kissing her, touching her, whispering words of love in her ear.
He’d been about to end the dance when the music stopped. The band announced they were taking a break and the crowd thinned out. Luke left Rusty standing in the middle of the floor and went in search of another drink.
Rusty watched her husband walk away. His back was as straight as a pencil and he hadn’t swayed once. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he’d been slurring his words, and the number of drinks she’d seen him put away, she would never suspect he was drunk. She would have thought the old Luke was back. The one she’d dealt with before they were married.
His eyes had been all over her tonight. He hadn’t looked at her with lust in his eyes for months now. She had to admit, it made her skin feel warm and tingly. She’d even had the silly idea that maybe he was going to make love to her tonight. But at the rate he was drinking, she’d be lucky if he didn’t pass out before they got home. And so would he.
Sighing in frustration, she turned away and ran smack into Mrs. Smith and her nephew Steve.
“I’m so sorry,” Rusty apologized. “I should watch where I’m going.”
“Nonsense. If I was married to a man who looked like that, I’d be staring at him too,” Mrs. Smith teased. Steve cleared his throat, looking rather uncomfortable.
Rusty liked Mrs. Smith. She didn’t hold anything back. She smiled and played along. “Yes, well, he does clean up nicely.”
“If you ladies will excuse me,” Steve said, “I think I’ll join Luke at the bar for a quick one.”
“So, are you enjoying yourself?” Rusty asked the woman. They made idle conversation for several minutes.
Then the older woman said, “I’m glad Luke found you. After everything Christine and her family put him through, he deserved to find a good woman.”
That was the second time she’d mentioned that Christine person. Yet, Luke had never breathed a word of his relationship with her, or any other woman for that matter. Not that she’d ever asked. But she intended to. And soon. For all the good it would probably do her.
“Thank you for saying that.” She quickly excused herself and went in search of Jeremy. She’d hardly seen him tonight. He’d been entertaining three single females most of the evening. What a playboy! She didn’t want to pull him away from his friends, but she wanted to spend a little time with him. Sam and Becky were leaving tonight for their two- week honeymoon cruise, and while they were gone, Jeremy would be staying with his grandparents.
She and Luke would be alone in the house for two whole weeks. Unless he decided to take off to parts unknown to look at more horses.
She’d made up her mind earlier, that they couldn’t go on like this any longer. She intended to tell Luke just exactly how she felt. She loved him. She wanted to have his babies. She wanted to build a life with him at the farm.
But if he couldn’t forgive her, if he didn’t think he could ever love her, then she had no choice but to leave him.
And she’d waited long enough to talk to him. She couldn’t wait any longer.
SHE’D BEEN SURPRISED HE’D let her drive. But when Rusty refused to get into the car with him, Luke had tossed her the keys and slid into the passenger seat. Other than telling her to be careful once, he hadn’t said a word the whole way home.
She hoped he hadn’t passed out on her. If so, he’d be spending the night in the front seat of her car, because there was no way she’d be able to drag him into the house, let alone up the stairs and to his bedroom.