Love Like You've Never Been Hurt (34 page)

“But…”

“But what, Sweetie?”

“Oh, Holly. I don’t know, I just don’t know.”

“What’s to think about, really?”

“Whether I can survive the pain.”

“What pain? Do you mean the pain you imagine if he somehow
hurts you?”

Emma nodded.

“Then tell me this. What about the very real pain you will
put you both through if you give up on him now? Could you love him
any more than you already do?”

Emma shook her head.

“Then why on earth not live it, Em? Love him, let him love
you – do what we all have to do. Love like you’ve never
been hurt.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” was all Emma
could think to say.

“For goodness sake, Em, I am. I’m trying to stop you
from making the biggest mistake of your life!”

“The biggest mistake of my life was getting married!”
Emma blurted out.

Holly took her arm and led her further away, down to the water’s
edge. “Your biggest mistake, SO FAR, was not getting married,
but marrying the wrong man, and believe me, it would be an even
bigger mistake to not even give the right man a chance.”

Emma stared out at the lake. She needed time to think about
Holly’s words.

“Hey, Em!” She looked back, she wasn’t going to
get that time. Missy had arrived with Scott and Dan, and with them
was the woman from the beach. Emma’s head pounded again. How
she wished she could just run. Run away from it all, not have to deal
with any of it, with any of them. Jack had joined them as they all
trooped down to the dock where she and Holly were sitting.

“I’ve got a car load of goodies,” said Missy as
she hugged her. “Is everything OK?”

“I think so,” Emma replied as he hugged Scott.

Next came Dan, “Are you all right?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice. His shy concern touched her
heart. As he let her go she came face to face with the cousin.

“This is Laura,” said Jack. Emma was struck by her
resemblance to both Benson brothers as Laura clasped her hand in both
of her own.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so
much about you.”

Jack shrugged behind her. “Apparently I talk about you. A
lot.”

“An awful lot,” added Dan.

Emma attempted a smile that she hoped didn’t look as frozen
as it felt. “Welcome. I hope you enjoy the party. I have to....
Missy. Let me show you where to put everything.” She grabbed
Missy’s arm and marched her back to her car.

“Should be a great day for it, Mouse.”

“Oh my God! Not you too?”

“Me too what?”

“Acting like everything is all fine and dandy and normal.
Tell me this is some sort of conspiracy?”

Missy looked at her. “I heard you downed some whiskey last
night. Are you still sloshed?”

“No. I just don’t understand why you’re all
making out that everything is fine and normal.”

“Well, isn’t it?”

Emma was starting to wonder herself. She looked back at the
others, they were all talking and smiling. Once again she found
Jack’s eyes on her. He gave her that little smile and a
beseeching look, the puppy dog one. She looked away.

“Is it really no big deal that I came home and found him on
the beach with a woman?”

“With his cousin, you mean?” laughed Missy. “I
can see how it would have freaked you out, but you know who she is
now. And if you’d come to me last night, Dan or I could have
told you.”

Emma closed her eyes, “So I went to the only person who
didn’t know what was going on?”

“Looks that way. Anyway, it was a mix up and it’s all
cleared up now, right?”

“Oh, Miss. I’m so confused.”

“What about?”

Were they all blind or was she really creating a problem that only
existed in her mind Even if she was, did that make it any less real?

“Miss, I’m waiting and hoping that he’ll go
away, accept that it’s over. Yet all of you are making out that
everything is peachy, or at least it should be.”

“Over?” Missy looked genuinely stunned. “Em,
why?”

“Because last night made me realize how much he could hurt
me.”

“But he didn’t hurt you. You hurt yourself by
believing the worst, don’t you see that?”

“Yes, I do. But... but…”

She couldn’t even
remember her own ‘but’ at this point. And there he was
again, watching her. He let his eyes travel over her and she was
helpless. Even her body was on his side as she felt the familiar
flush creep over her under his gaze. She turned away without meeting
his eye.

Missy pulled the last of the boxes from her car. “Sounds
like you’re all out of buts, so why don’t you stop
looking for them and enjoy yourself? I don’t get it Mouse, why
don’t you just enjoy him and all that he’s offering you?”

More people had been arriving and now there was quite a crowd,
sitting at the long tables, down at the dock, or standing by the
stage where the band were doing a sound check. Gramps and Joe were
holding court on the front porch, telling stories to their gang of
buddies and an ever changing group of well-wishers. Emma smiled,
relaxing a little, glad they were having a good time. She saw Holly
and Pete walking down by the water’s edge, Holly animated as
she talked to him. Pete seemed intrigued, nodding and laughing,
perhaps her plan for them might work out. Missy was sitting with Dan
and Scott at one of the tables, the two of them seemingly explaining
something to her. They looked like a family sitting there like that.
Emma smiled at the thought; wouldn’t that be something? She
found Ben at the grill, working a dozen burgers.

“I’d say it’s a success so far, Mouse.”

“The old guys are certainly enjoying themselves.”

“So is everyone else and the band should be starting up
soon.”

She looked at the stage where Chase was going through his final
checks. He’d been so nice to her this morning. As she watched,
Jack approached him.

“Uh-oh.” Ben followed her gaze. “He wasn’t
happy to see you with Chase this morning.”

“It’s none of his business.”

Ben gave her a look, “Forgive me for putting it bluntly, Em,
but who have you been sleeping with these last few weeks?”

She felt her face color.

“And Chase was a bit hands-on with you when you got back
from the store. Any guy in Jack’s position would see it as his
business.”

“Chase was being nice and besides, Jack was...”

“Jack was what? Hanging out with his cousin?”

“Yes, but I thought he was...”

“Yeah, you thought, but you were wrong – as I did try
to tell you that you might be. And now you know better, so what’s
the problem?”

Emma watched Jack and Chase talk, the tension between them obvious
even from this distance. Chase was a handsome man, but next to Jack
he was just another guy. They exchanged a few heated words and she
tensed, watching them square off. Oh no! Then Jack said something
that seemed to diffuse it. Chase laughed and nodded. Jack held out
his hand and Chase shook it. They talked for a few moments and then
walked over to the electrical control box and Jack started working on
it.

“Why not talk to him?”

“You said that last night.”

“I did, and imagine all the trouble we could have saved if
you’d listened then!”

She certainly wasn’t going to talk to him while he was with
Chase. No, she needed some alone time to think about all this.
Perhaps now she could sneak upstairs for a few minutes.

“There’s my Mouse,” shouted Gramps as she tried
to slip into the house. “Give me a few minutes fellas.”
He followed her inside.

“You figured it out yet, Em?”

“Gramps, I haven’t had chance to even think,
everyone’s too busy making out it’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t have to be anything, like I told you. It’s
only a problem if you make it one.”

“Gramps I’m going upstairs. I need to think.”

“OK, Mousey. But don’t miss too much of my party will
you? It’s a good un. And when you’re done with your
thinking, will you ask Jack about my Texas chili? I been looking
forward to getting my gums around that.”

She exhaled and looked at him. “Really?”

“Really! It’ll ruin my day if I don’t get none.”

She headed up the stairs and closed herself in the bedroom. Gramps
knew which buttons to push. They were all on Jack’s side! Was
she really being so completely blind? And how the devil was she
supposed to figure anything out when she knew she’d have to go
and talk to him? She may as well get that over with first. She went
back downstairs and out into the throng. There were people milling
everywhere now. The band had started up, not too loud, thank
goodness.

Pete appeared out of the crowd. “You’ve done a great
job, Em. It’s going great.”

“Thanks.”

“What are you up to?”

She scanned the faces. “Looking for Jack.”

He grinned. “You finally come to your senses then?”

She scowled at him. “Don’t you start too. I need to
talk to him about chili. I bet he didn’t even make it though.”

“He did. Enough to feed the whole of Texas from what Laura
said.”

“Why didn’t he bring it then?”

“Err, perhaps because he was in a panic this morning trying
to hunt his lady down and explain to her that she hadn’t seen
what she thought she had?”

Emma tutted. “I don’t want to hear it Pete. I’ve
had enough. You’re all on his side so why don’t you find
him and ask him to get the chili for Gramps.”

She felt the tears coming yet again.

“C’mere, Em.” He put an arm around her
shoulders. “We’re all on your side, we all love you and
we want to see you happy. It’s just that you’re so scared
you can’t see straight and we can be objective ‘cos it’s
not our hearts that are on the line here. I’m not going to keep
on at you. You already know what I think. But I’m not going to
find him for you either. You need to talk to him yourself.” He
planted a kiss on the top of her head. “Be a brave little
Mouse, in fact be Super-Mouse and kick your fear in the ass! Grab
your chance at happiness, Em. We don’t get many chances in this
life and if you pass them up, you may never get them again. Look,
he’s over there.” He pointed up the driveway to where
Jack was standing, watching her yet again. He raised a hand and
smiled. “Go on, Em.”

Her heart pounded as she walked to him. Just the chili, that’s
all she needed to talk to him about.

“Hey, Baby.” Jack tried to sound much more confident
than he felt. She looked terrified. He just wanted to hold her,
reassure her, protect from everything she feared so much.

“I’ve only come to ask about the chili. Gramps was
looking forward to it.” She wouldn’t meet his eye.

“Sorry, I left in a bit of a rush this morning.”

She said nothing.

“It’s all ready, in the RV. Em, will you come with me
to get it?”

“I don’t think so.”

He hadn’t expected a yes. “Baby, I know you. I
understand how much what you thought you saw last night must have
hurt you. I even understand why you feel you need to run and hide
from me, but please, can we talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve said all
I’m going to say.”

“Perhaps, but what about what I still have to say?”

She finally met his eye. “What’s left to say, Jack?
It’s over.”

He watched the tears fill her eyes and wanted so badly to take her
in his arms and make her smile again. “I still have a lot left
to say and I think you owe it to me to hear me out. Please ride back
out there with me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because... because I need to be here.”

This was good. She was making excuses, not saying she didn’t
want to.

“What do you need to do?” He swept his arm out over
the party, “Everyone’s happy, everything’s covered,
there’s really nothing for you to do.”

“I can’t. I need to be by myself.”

“You’d really rather be alone than be with me?”

She looked away.

“I only want you to be happy, Em. I love you. If you’re
sure you’re happier by yourself, I’ll leave you alone.
I’ll fetch Gramps’ chili and then I’ll go and stay
out of your way. You don’t ever have to be around me again if
you don’t want to.” His heart was racing, this was a huge
gamble. “In case you do though, I’m going to wait at the
RV a while. If you have any doubts at all about being better off
without me, if you want to hear what I still have to say, then you
come up there, OK? If you’re not there by four I’ll know
you’re not coming.” He hooked his thumb under her chin
and tipped her face to meet his eyes. “Please come, Baby.”
He leaned in as if to kiss her, but stopped an inch from her lips.
“I’ll be waiting for you.” Then he was gone.

Emma watched as the old truck turned out of the driveway. The
tears were escaping now, flowing freely down her cheeks. She was
trembling. She’d thought he was going to kiss her and if he
had, she wouldn’t have stopped him. Feeling him so near, his
big reassuring presence surrounding her, she’d felt safe again.
Not scared. Safe. She longed to feel his arms around her. His lips on
hers. And now he’d gone. What had he said? “You don’t
ever have to be around me again.” Could she really stand to be
without him? What did he still have to say? She needed to think.
Maybe now she could get back to her old bedroom and attempt to make
sense of it all.

She managed to slip into the house unnoticed. In the quiet of her
old room she heaved a big sigh. Was she really being as silly as they
were all making out? Of all of them, Jack was the only one who seemed
to understand how much the whole thing had thrown her. Did she really
want to run from the one person in the world who understood her so
well? And if she felt so safe with him near, was he really the cause
of her fear or perhaps the only one who could help her conquer it?

There was a tap on the door then Gramps appeared. “You going
to see about my chili?”