When he walks through the door, he looks like shit. His normal pristine work shirt is creased, his hair is tousled and wild, his eyes are heavy and tired and his jaw is scattered in scruff that desperately needs shaving off.
He looks to me with his sad puppy dog moss green eyes. They scan me from my head down to my waist before they dip beneath the hospital white sheets. His chest heaves in a huge lungful of air and then the tears in his eyes pour. I have never seen a full grown man break down so badly. He collapses to the floor, his face in his hands and sobs tear from within him.
My own tears begin to drop onto my hospital blanket, soaking the material. These are tears for the loss of whatever I had gained. All of my self-control, pride, strength, independence and faith, gone, stolen, lost at the push of a simple button.
I am already preparing myself for the night terrors that will come, they always do whenever I face trauma.
Leighton hears my own heartbreak, and lifts his head from his hands, his blotchy scruffy face staring at me. “I’m so sorry angel. This is my entire fault. God I’m such a fucking idiot. I could have lost you, they could have killed you.” He stands and moves closer to the bed. Wrapping his arms around me as he pulls me into him, my chest to his. The pain at the pressure he is applying to my wound tears through me. I flinch at the pain.
“Shit sorry. God what they did to you, I’ll never forgive myself.” He traces the dressings there, scribbling something with his fingertips. I try to work out what he is writing.
“What did they write there?” I ask him, not a hundred percent sure I actually want to know but I need to.
“Abbi,” he says sympathetically, “they didn’t write anything sweetheart just cut you is all.”
“Leighton please tell me
everything
that happened to me?” I ask him, a tiny sob like hiccup still arising from within my chest. I need to know the extent of the damage done to my body, what those animals have done to me.
“Baby, it’s done, finished. We don’t even know who done this. All that is important is that you’re safe, alive and recovering,” I don’t know why in my head his reply sounds patronising but it does.
“I need to fucking know Leighton, me, for my fucking sanity. Tell me what they did to me.” I command him. He shies away like a scorned school child.
“Are you sure Abbi?” he asks me quietly.
“Of course I’m sure. But regardless of my emotional state I need to know.” I am trying to stop myself from breaking. I still feel so heartbroken and angry at his betrayal, but I need to get myself through my physical injuries before I even begin to approach the truth of the past night.
“Okay. Well I’m sure the doc told you about the graft to your chest, they cut pretty deep, they took a chunk out so the doctor had to use skin from your bottom and inner thighs to fill and replace the missing tissue.” I cringe at the very thought of any of it. “You also have about ten smaller inch long cuts on your legs and arms that have been stitched and dressed, the split in your eyebrow and cut on your lip, and then there’s that.” He points to my blanket covered lower half.
“There’s what Leighton?” I ask nastily, my anger and hate at not only him, but myself, manifesting inside of me and becoming bitter and toxic.
“Baby, what’s wrong, why are you taking this out on me?” he asks me sadly, and usually I would have melted for those green eyes but right now there isn’t anything in this world that could help me.
“Just tell me Leighton. What happened to me?” I beg hard this time. I need closure and I need it now.
“Well they used a knife and sliced you really deep down there.” he nods again to the same area.
I nod at his answer and then bring my knees up ignoring the agonising sting so I can bury my face in my hands and thighs. I can’t prevent the sobs that erupt from my chest; I just let them flow out, the tears drowning the cotton sheet.
“No baby, please don’t cry. God never cry. I’m here baby, Shhh I’m here.” He wraps me in his arms and as I take in his words I snap. Like an elastic band pulled too far, my spring releases.
“Get off of me, now.” I cry, pushing hard at him, shuffling myself across the bed and away from him.
“Abbi?” he questions me, confused and hurt.
“Where the fuck were you Leighton? You were with her weren’t you? You were fucking Kalina whilst I nearly lost our child. Get the fuck out of here now.” I scream, kicking and punching him violently.
I am restrained as he scoops me up in his arms and holds my legs and arms tight to me. He lets me cry and scream but stops me lashing out.
“Angel, I promise you with everything I am, I wasn’t with her, I would never want to be with her.” He whispers in my ear trying to calm me.
“You were. They said you were.” I reply. I am feeling so exhausted both emotionally and physically.
“I was with Nate sweetheart; we were going through a business proposal like I said I would be. Kalina did not enter the restaurant once angel, she wouldn’t be welcome. Now tell me Abbi, who were these men?” he asks me. I feel a little reassured from his answer, but my now, once again fucked up head, needs clarification from Nate.
“They said they were the ones that hurt Maria and Ant.” I tell him, hiding my face away in shame.
“Okay, Thank you, I will deal with it Abbi.” He simply answers, sweeping my hair away from my face.
I sit curled in his lap for a good hour, my breathing eventually returning to normal, my eyes run out of tears and my body clammy. “So what happens now Leighton? What does this all mean?” I ask him.
“It means you aren’t leaving the house unsupervised, I will be hiring security detail and they will be with you everywhere you go. We’re getting you a gun that you will use if you have to, I know you don’t like carrying one, but you will, so no-one can ever hurt you again. It also means Abigail that they aren’t finished, they’re only just beginning. This is my fault. If I had only listened to you, listened to the warnings you had given me. I’m a selfish fucking bastard; I don’t deserve you or our child.” He take a deep breath after his little speech. He is rambling, which means he is uncertain of my mood, he is nervous as hell to see how I am going to react.
Every feeling has dissipated within me, all the hurt, rage, anger and betrayal gone, and the only emotion left is sadness. I don’t blame him, this is who Leighton is, I knew the dangers of our relationship before it properly started. I am just hurting because I still don’t know if he is telling the truth about who he was with. “Leighton,” he doesn’t respond just stares at me, the heartbreak evident, “Leighton!” I yell at him trying to snap him out of his trance. His head snaps up to look at me, his eyes wide and his hands stiffening slightly.
“Leighton, baby, this isn’t your fault. This is nobody’s fault, but those animals.” I take a breath in; I can feel the tears surfacing again, the panic reappearing. “They, they broke in, and they threatened me. I was so scared Leighton, I thought I was going to die, I thought I would never see you again.” I can feel a panic attack heading towards me, the reality of what has happened hitting me full force in my aching face. My breaths start to become short and sharp, like I am struggling for breath; I start to hyperventilate, trying to drag air into my lungs. My body starts to convulse and heave as I feel myself losing consciousness.
“Abigail, Baby, calm down,” I feel him trying to shake me and get me to respond, I can’t, I focus on breathing “shit. Let me get the nurse,” Leighton leaps from the bed, not knowing what to do. The nurse appears with him a few seconds later, she injects something into the intravenous drip in my hand. As the cool liquid seeps into my veins, I feel myself instantly relax.
“Let’s leave her to rest; she’s had a hard time the last twenty-four hours. You can stay but please don’t worry her.” The nurse’s soft voice tells Leighton, my body is relaxed, sleepy and over exhausted.
“Thank you.” He tells her, and then climbs onto the bed with me pulling me to him; my huge bump makes it hard for me to accommodate him. His arms wrap around me, my head nestles into his warm, hard chest. “Sleep now angel.” His lips touch against my forehead, leaving a tingling feeling to linger there. A reminder that I am here, I am safe and I am with my Leighton.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I am allowed home after three days, well after reassuring the surgeons and doctors that I am in fact going to stay indoors for the remainder of my pregnancy and rest.
I have had panic attack after panic attack and reoccurring nightmares every time I close my eyes. Not only do those three animals penetrate my dreams, but every shit thing that has ever happened to me returns. Even new nightmares of what I imagine David’s body to have been like. I have never even thought about it, but my whole structure and all my defenses are once again weak and defeated.
I have been given positive clarification that Leighton was in fact, as he had told me, with Nate, and that eases the ache in my heart completely, all that I feel now is paranoia, fright and to be honest not myself at all.
But now, three days later, here I am, walking through the doors of my home, my physical pain bearable but my emotional sanity not so much. I take a deep breath inwards, feeling surprisingly calm and content. I am home, I am safe. Leighton is here with me.
“You going to be ok here angel?” he asks me as I place my handbag on the side by the door, his obvious concern for my emotional stability is warming.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. I mean, I’ll probably always see them here, in this hallway and in the lounge but I can’t let it get to me. I won’t let it get to me. We have precisely eight weeks till this little squishy is here, and I want to enjoy it.” I snuggle into his waiting embrace, inhaling his intoxicating scent. It feels good to once again enjoy his presence. When I had woken up from my operation, I had never wanted to see him again, completely disgusted to look at him, but now I am begging for the simplest touch from him.
“Well they won’t get in here again baby, I have six men who will be here and with you at all times. You go anywhere they go too. You will also take the gun I am getting you today, everywhere, and I mean everywhere Abigail, even to the fucking toilet. I’m not having them getting anywhere close to you ever again.” he squeezes his arms around me, cocooning me to him.
“I know Leighton, I get it. I need to sit down because my backs hurting baby.” I tell him releasing myself from his hold. I walk through the huge expanse of corridors towards the lounge. Taking a seat on the huge comfy corner unit, and relax back into the material. I rub my hands over my face; they are bruised and sore from the repeated prodding and poking of my drips. I can feel the pain and panic building already. Don’t ask me why, of all the dozens of rooms available in the building I choose to sit in the one room, that I was beaten, sliced apart and damaged inside and out. Am I some sort of emotional masochist or something?
I sniffle back the tears fighting to escape, not wanting Leighton to know how effected I really am. I am fucking petrified to be here. I nearly lost my child in this room, I nearly lost my life.
“Abigail, sweetheart, come here.” I feel the sofa dip beside me and Leighton pulls me into his side. “It’s going to be okay, I’m not going to let them get to you baby girl, no one will ever touch or hurt you again. I’m so sorry, this never would have happened if I’d just listened to you.” I can hear his own sniffles, I can feel his warm tears dripping from his cheeks and onto my head, I can hear his erratic heart beating beneath his ribcage.
I cry, loudly, fiercely and so gut wrenchingly the heavens are sure to have heard. I sob into his chest, drowning his shirt in my salty tears.
“What are we going to do Leighton; I’m so scared that they’ll get to you next.” And that is the problem I think. Yes I am scared that they’d come back, but mostly I am terrified, that when Leighton goes to work they’d get to him, that I’d get a knock at the front door saying he’d been sliced and diced the way they tried with me. I can’t do this without him; he is my support, my wall, my skeletal system in my life. He has built me up from the nothingness my life was and given me a reason to live, if he one day vanished everything I am would also dissipate with him. Yes I would have his child, but I would be empty, emotionless, just a mere vessel for another spirit that had since flown and left me.
“Not going to happen Abigail, no-one will or could remove me from your side. I’m with you forever and always baby.” His kisses my head gently, as more tears start leaking through his dark long lashes and onto me.
“I can’t do this without you, please don’t ever leave me.” I can feel the panic setting in again. I am starting to get really pissed at myself for letting those animals get to me this much.
“Abigail, I’m not going anywhere, I have my men, they will keep me safe, and you will have the security of six men to protect you. We will be fine until this all blows over or ends.”
“I think I need to lie down, I’m tired.” I get up from the sofa and walk the hallways and stairs to our room. I lie myself down into the soft waiting duvet and mountains of blankets and then close my aching eyes. They are so sore, sore from crying so bloody much.
*****
I awake several hours later, the sky outside is dark and cold, the odd bang of a firework overhead echoes through the acres of land at the back of the mansion and lights up the black sky in an array of rainbow technicolour beauty.
I climb from the bed, the aching in my pulled muscles evident, they are now stiff and sore from lying in bed for hours.
I use the toilet; put my soft slippers onto my swollen Hippo feet, tie the dressing gown haphazardly around myself and then slip from the bedroom to go downstairs.
In the lounge Leighton is seated with all of his men, Antonio, Thomas, Nate (who is seated rather close to Thomas), Scott, Brad and Luke.
Thomas stands from his seat, leaving his boyfriend Nate, and strides towards me. He grabs my waist and pulls me in to a huge hold. “Baby girl, I’m sorry this has happened.” he is like a brother to me, out of all the men; he is as special to me as Maria is. His body swallows mine as he holds on to me firmly and lovingly.