Love Love (35 page)

My hands are quivering uncontrollably
and my head falls into my lap. Matt strokes my hair with his
fingers. He’s kind, just like his brother.

I just want to be near
Brad. Moving my chair next to the bed, I grab hold of his hand. It
feels heavy and limp. Laying my cheek against his arm, I silently
offer up more prayers.
Please, God, let
him wake up. Please let him wake up. He has to wake up.
Don’t do this to me again. Matt comes and sits by
my side, his arm draped around my shoulder. I have no words right
now, and don’t feel like talking, unless it’s to Brad.

After a few moments, Matt makes his
way down to the cafeteria so I can have some time with Brad. I
don’t know if he can hear me, but I talk to him anyway. I tell him
how worried I am, but mostly how much I miss hearing his laugh,
seeing his smile, feeling his touch. “I love you, Brad,” I say,
resting my head on his limp arm.

Matt taps me on the shoulder, as I
must have dozed off. I have no concept of time. He suggests I go
home and get some rest, but I’m not going anywhere. Not without
Brad. I’ve already let Robby know I need some time off. Work is the
least of my concerns right now.

I’m so thankful Matt’s
here. Being near someone that Brad is close to makes me feel nearer
to him. With his mom and sister gone, and his dad nonexistent, Matt
is all he really has. Wait, that’s not true anymore. Now he
has
me
. I just
need him to wake up so I can tell him. Tears are forcing their way
to the surface again. Why won’t he wake up?

I run my fingers gently across Brad’s
cheek. It’s so swollen. Tears I’d been holding in fall down my
cheeks.

Matt goes over to his bag and pulls
something out. “Gabby, this was with Brad’s things when they
brought him in. It has your name on it.”

I reach out with trembling hands and
take the note. Opening the folded paper, I attempt to read the
words through a blur of tears.

Dear Gabby,

From the moment I first
saw you, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You took my breath
away. Your beauty captivated me, yes, but it was something more.
Something about you grabbed hold of me and I didn’t want to let go.
When you looked up at me and your eyes met mine, it was as if they
spoke to me. They told me you needed me. They told me to look
inside and come find you, so I did.

As time went on, I found
myself wanting to make you smile, wanting to feel your warmth,
wanting to hold your hand, wanting to steal your heart. You
awakened me. I was unfulfilled. I was lost. But somehow, when you
walked into my shop that day, with your quiet confidence and your
beautiful smile, you found me. And I found the one person who makes
me feel alive. But mostly, I found the woman I’ve fallen in love
with. The woman who makes me feel more emotion than I ever thought
possible, so much that I sometimes feel as though my heart might
float away and carry me along with it. And I’m willing to go, as
long as it’s with you.

He’s in love with
me
. I lay my hand on his and stroke it
gently, whispering, “I love you too, Brad. I love you. I love
you.”

A nurse walks in the room. “I need to
make him a bit more comfortable so I’d like you to step out.” I’m
about to give her my best right hook when she says, “don’t worry,
you can come back in soon.” She smiles and I feel okay leaving Brad
with her, if only for a few minutes.

Walking out to the waiting room, I
find Fran and Kyle sitting together, holding hands. Kyle’s genuine
eyes reach me and he walks over and hugs me tightly. “I’m so sorry,
Gabby. Brad’s strong, though, and he’s gonna be okay.”

“
Thanks, Kyle. I appreciate
you being here, and Brad would, too.” We all find a place to sit
and Fran sits next to me and rubs my back with her gentle hands
while I sob quietly. It’s so soothing. She finally pushes away and
looks at my face. “Sweetie, you look like absolute
shit.”

I make a futile attempt at a
smile.

“
What are the doctors
saying?” She asks tenderly.

“
He’s got bleeding in his
brain. We just have to wait and see. They can’t make any promises.
He was struck on the head pretty hard, so they won’t know anything
until he wakes up” Then I take a deep breath. “If he wakes
up.”

She pats my hand and forces a smile.
“Gabby. You have to keep the faith. He’s going to wake up. He has
to.”

“
God, Fran, he can’t die.
He just can’t. It’s like Clark all over again.”

Fran’s face grows serious.
“NO it’s not, Gabby. He’s
not
Clark. Brad’s going to be okay.”

What would I ever do without
Fran?

She looks at me, anger consuming her
face. “Did they at least get the assholes who did this to
him?”

I hang my head. “No, they got away,
and there were no witnesses.”

“
Fuck,” she says, gritting
her teeth. Kyle keeps his hand in hers, steadying her.

I don’t care about anything else as
long as Brad wakes up. “I just want him to wake up,
Fran.”

Fran looks at me with hopeful eyes. “I
know, sweetie, I know.”

Taking the letter out of my bag, I
hand it to Fran.

“
What’s this?” she
asks.

I can’t bear to look at it again, it
hurts too much. “Just read it.”

Fran takes a minute to read the note.
Her eyes go wide and she puts her head on my shoulder. “Jesus,
Gabby, he’s so fucking poetic. And he’s head over heels in love
with you.”

A tear drips slowly down my cheek.
“And I with him.”

We sit quietly for a few minutes. Kyle
pipes up. “Gabby, you’re really pale. I’m going to run down to the
cafeteria to get you something to eat.”

“
I’m not hungry, Kyle,” I
protest.

“
You have to eat, Gabby,”
he says with forceful concern.

“
Kyle’s right. You have to
keep your strength up.” Fran puts her hand on his back.

I feel myself getting worked up, and
I’m starting to bite my nails. I never bite my nails. “Fran,
where’s Matt? Maybe he’s trying to reach their dad. I haven’t seen
the doctors lately either. I wish someone would tell me what’s
going on.”

Fran takes my face in her hands.
“Gabby, you have to calm down. You’re exhausted, you haven’t eaten,
and you’re sick with worry. That’s not a good
combination.”

Kyle comes back with a cheeseburger, a
latte, and a bag of Swedish Fish. I almost smile; he’s so
well-trained, but I don’t feel like eating any of it. “Thanks,
Kyle.”

He gives me a kiss on the
cheek, sits down next to Fran, and laces his fingers through hers.
I need Brad to hold
my
hand right now.

Fran leans over to me and whispers,
“you need to keep your strength up. How else are you going to be
able to show your hot piece of ass how much you love him if you’re
withering away?”

“
I love you,
Fran.”

“
I know, sweetie. Oh, I
almost forgot, there was a message at home from someone named Edith
Hanley.”

“
Yeah, that’s the program
director from Parsons. I decided to enroll for next
year.”

“
Sweetie, that’s
fantastic!”

It should be, but right now I don’t
feel very excited. “Yeah, I guess.”

Fran and Kyle stay with me a bit
longer, but I finally kick them out when the nurse says I can go
back in to sit with Brad.

Fran stands up and pulls me into her
arms, enveloping me in one of her bear hugs. Tears start to trickle
down my cheeks. “Let me know if you need anything at all, okay,
sweetie?”

Kyle hugs me and gives me another kiss
on the cheek. “Keep us posted, okay?”

“
I will. Thanks,
Kyle.”

Fran takes my hand and kisses it. “You
need me, I’m here. It’s as simple as that. I love you.”

“
I love you,
too.”

We embrace each other one last time,
and then they’re gone. As I think about Fran, I’m reminded of how
important she is to me. She’s my family. The real family that loves
and accepts unconditionally. She does that for me. Now I have
someone else who does that for me, too. I just need the chance to
tell him.

***

It’s
been three days and no change. The doctors come in and speak with
Matt and I about Brad’s prognosis. “While he’s been unconscious for
a while, he hasn’t gotten any worse, and that’s actually a good
sign. And he’s still breathing on his own, which is great.” When
they say the word coma, though, I tune them out. He’s not slipping
away from me. I won’t let him. Not this time.

Matt hasn’t left his side. His clothes
are wrinkled, his face is sagging, and his eyes are lifeless, but
all I see is the love he has for his brother. Matt comes over to
sit next to me and holds my hand. “Brad’s told me so much about
you, Gabby. I feel like I already know you.” I just nod my head.
“He’s been in love with you for a long time.” God, I’m such an
idiot.

I brought a book with me today; I
thought I could read some of the passages to Brad. I’m still not
sure if he can hear me, but hold out hope that, somewhere deep
down, my voice is reaching him. As I read the words, I’m silently
praying he wakes up just like you see in the movies. After six
chapters, he hasn’t, and my brain clunks me over the head and
reminds me that this is real life.

Brad has had several visitors over the
past couple of days. Most of them I recognize from The Brew House.
I didn’t realize what a close knit group they all are, and how much
they care about him. It warms my heart.

As the days trickle by, I’m
starting to lose hope that I may ever look into Brad’s eyes again.
The eyes that love me. I have to stop myself, though. He just has
to come back to me. Taking his hand, I keep it pressed to the slow,
steady beat of my heart. Maybe he can feel my love. I hope
so.
I love you, Brad
.

I’m so tired and I’ve cried so much.
My face is tear-stained and blotchy and my eyes only allow in tiny
slivers of light. As I stare at the same grey spot on the dingy
hospital wall, the one I’ve been staring at for the past three
days, I’m reminded of our kiss, and so desperately want us to go
back to the kissing spot so we can do a lot more kissing. There are
so many things I want to do with Brad. So much I want to say. Now I
just pray I have a chance to do that.

A voice interrupts my thoughts.
“Gabby.”

I know that voice.

Looking over at Matt, I can see he
heard it, too, as he immediately spins his head to the sound. We
both move in closer and see Brad’s eyes flicker. Oh my God. Another
flicker. Then I see weary brown eyes and I hear singing, but
there’s no music. It must be my heart.

I stare into those loving eyes. I’ve
never been so happy in my life. He starts to speak, but I quiet
him. I don’t want him to speak. I just want him to listen. “I love
you, I love you, I love you,” I say as I gently stroke the side of
his cheek with my fingers. It comes out in the softest whisper, but
I know he hears me. I see a single tear slide down his cheek. I
lean forward and kiss it away.

Matt grabs his hand. “Hey, bro. You
have no idea how glad I am to see you.”

Brad squeezes his hand. “Hey, man,” he
barely whispers.

Matt runs out to get the doctors. I
don’t want Brad to talk yet, but he seems desperate. “I was trying
to get to you,” he says in a hoarse voice. “I tried to fight back,
but I couldn’t. Before I blacked out…the last thing I saw was
you.”

I’m crying again and I can’t stop.
“Shhhhh…babe, we can talk later. You need to rest now.”

Two doctors walk in with Matt
following close behind. One of the doctors addresses us. “We’d like
you both to step out for a few minutes so we can examine him and
take him down for a scan.”

I lean down and lightly kiss Brad’s
hand. “We’ll be right outside, babe.”

“
Okay, baby.”

I melt at his words. He’s alive and
he’s going to be okay. My whole world smiles.